Witch's Poker

Disclaimers: xxxholic is the property of CLAMP.

Discworld is the property of Terry Pratchett.

Petshop of Horrors is the property of Matsuri Akino.

Howl's Moving Castle is the property of Diana Wynne Jones (the book in particular).

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Watanuki watched in disbelief as the group threw down cards in wild glee while calling out strange words such as multiples of onions, bagels, and flushes as he entered the room with a food tray. He realized that he should have been alerted by Yuuko-san's particularly gleeful yet secretive smile when she had told him that they were going to visit a colleague of hers.

First they had entered through an elaborate door half-hidden in the storeroom (he was quite sure he had never seen it there before) that led to what professed itself as a pet shop. There, Yuuko-san had been greeted by an elegantly dressed man whose gender had nearly been indeterminate. After being led through a staircase that Watanuki was absolutely certain would not fit into a normal building, they had entered into a room heavy with the scent of incense and contained a small group of people and while there was an absence of spirits, there was a lingering feel of them. Yuuko-san had then told him the price of his admission to be in their presence was to cook.

As he put down the trays, Watanuki felt a sudden weight dragging his pant leg down. Slowly turning his head to the floor, Watanuki fervently hoped this wasn't another moment far too reminiscent of a horror movie that his life was fond of throwing at him. What met his gaze was that of a one-eyed and heavily scarred monster of a cat. Watanuki instinctively reached towards the salt, finding it hard to believe the cat didn't have some supernatural nature.

The friendly old woman next to him, who had told him to call her Nanny, seemed to realize that he was frozen and looked over curiously. She laughed, patting Watanuki's arm reassuringly.

"Greebo's a big old softy dear. Give him some food and he'll shove off."

The blond-haired and flamboyantly dressed man to the left of Nanny Ogg distracted her with the request for her to cut the cards while Watanuki stared at her in disbelief at the way she had casually dismissed the monstrous cat's presence. As she cut the cards and cheerfully conversed with the Count D about the diet and exercise of her cat and an assurance of her satisfaction with Greebo, Watanuki decided to follow her advice, feeling the claws of the cat finally pricking through the cloth.

Throughout the night, he continued to serve food and top off drinks causing him to feel like an unpaid waiter. It did not help that Nanny Ogg had been wrong as Greebo seemed to have taken a liking to him and continued to follow him, meowing to demand food occasionally. Watanuki had been invited to play a game or two, but considering the gleams in everyone's eyes and the stakes he had heard, he decided it was very definitely in his best interest to stay out.

At the end, while walking back with Yuuko-san chirping happily about her wins and losses, a pant leg torn up, and cat hair everywhere, he swore to himself not to fall so easily to Yuuko-san's words next time.

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Author's note: I'm Shadow Coyote and I'm addicted to crack!fics XD.

The card game they played is Cripple Mister Onion a card game often mentioned in the Disworld books. There aren't official rules to this game but some people have reconstructed from the book Witches Abroad. If you're curious, the link is this http:// jump.to/ cmo (take the spaces out). You can also click the link in my profile.

Constructive criticisms would be appreciated.