I don't own anything Marvel and yes I do realize this probably isn't how things happened to Steve but it sounded horrible so I went with it. Anyways enjoy and please review!
Water flooded into the plane washing over me, running over my face, stealing the air from my lungs. I was so tired and ready for what was to come. I was aware when I agreed to do this that I wouldn't live forever, and so what if I died a little earlier than I had planned? Bucky and Mom would be waiting for me. Maybe I could finally meet Dad too. As the pressure built I let my eyes drift closed and welcomed death.
Death never came. It had been days, I've watched the sun rise and set eight times through the ice that had frozen around my face. It hadn't quite frozen over my eyes leaving me unable to breath but forever seeing.
They would come, they had to come. Howard wouldn't just leave me like this, and Peggy. God, Peggy. She must be frantic, I've missed out date.
They aren't coming. God isn't going to save me. I'm never going to die. The plane crashed through the ice it was resting in, sending more water flooding in, flooding over me, blacking out the sky. Closing my eyes I prayed one last time to die, I didn't want to fight anymore.
My hands were clawing at my eyes and throat when I ripped myself out of the nightmare. It wasn't real, but it was. Running a hand through my hair, I sat in bed trying to get my breathing back under control before I hurt myself. Like that was possible. In the back of my mind I heard J.A.R.V.I.S. talking to me, trying to get me to respond. With a sigh I asked him to repeat whatever he had been saying.
"Sir? Do you require any assistance? Your breathing is quite irregular and your pulse is much higher than it should be. I would be lying if I said I wasn't concerned. This is becoming a regular occurrence, is it not?" So I wasn't doing as well as I had assumed in hiding these nightmares.
"No J.A.R.V.I.S. I'm okay, but thank you for asking. I'm just going to head to the gym."
Before getting out of bed I glanced at the clock I had sitting next to my bed and groaned. Three forty. It was three forty in the morning. Running a hand down my face I threw on some clothing, a pair of exercise shorts and a t-shirt, before heading down to the gym. Or starting to head to the gym. I had to get there first.
With shoes in hand I crept down the hallway. Tony and Bruce slept like the dead, well Tony did when he was sleeping, but Natasha and Clint were harder to sneak past. If someone sneezed they would wake up. Glad I had though to keep my shoes off I didn't lift my feet up off the floor and slowly crept to the elevator. Exhaling silently I reached out to hit the button that would signal the elevator to take me down but jumped back the doors swished open.
Tony was standing in the elevator, his clothing covered in grease, hair standing up at odd angles a coffee mug in one hand and a tablet in the other.
"J. remind me tomorrow to call Pep about that vacation to Tahiti." he didn't even realize I was there until he tried to leave and only then it was because he spilled his cold coffee down the front of his shirt.
"Sir, it is tomorrow. Should I remind you later this morning instead?" J.A.R.V.I.S., bless him, knew how to handle Tony. "Perhaps after you've slept for a bit?" Tony just stood there looking at me with his head cocked to the left slightly, a look of confusion on his face.
"Yeah let's do that." More awkward staring.
Fed up with Tony being weird and staring at me, I reached out and forcibly shifted him over so I could get into the elevator.
"Look, I'm heading to the gym and unless you have something to do down there I recommend getting out of the elevator and heading to bed. Miss Potts is returning today around five and I'm sure she would be happier if you weren't sleep deprived." I had hoped that Tony was still a little angry at me for what had happened in battle, or at the very least angry that I'd moved him.
No such luck. Instead of getting out he took a step back into the metal box and spun so he was facing me.
"I don't particularly have anything to do, but I'm sure I could find something." He hit the button and leaned back against the doors.
The ride down was silent, the only sound was Tony poking at his tablet occasionally and our mixed breathing. His even and controlled, mine still shaky from the nightmare. The doors opened with a muted swoosh revealing the gym, my favorite place in the Tower. Pushing past Tony I set up a punching bag and just went after it. If Tony wanted to stand there and tap at his tablet, well that's fine by me.
Three punching bags and a dislocated finger later I was still seeing ice freeze over my eyes. Still hearing the whoosh of water as it ran over my body. Still feeling absolutely and completely trapped. I was unbalanced, unsafe, and most definitely not fit for active duty. I'd tried to tell Director Fury, and yet here I was. Still leading the Avengers.
My hand was engulfed by sand, again. I drew my hand back and went to take down the bag; I felt kind of bad for destroying all these bags, but Tony could afford it and he never said anything thing. At least until now.
"I'm not an expert on coping mechanisms, but this isn't healthy Steve. I've been watching you." The surprise must have shown on my face because he continued, though he did put down the tablet and approached me before he continued. "We've all seen it. You're thinner now, and the bags under your eyes look like you've been punched by the Hulk. You're irritable and don't sleep for more than three hours a night.
"You think we don't know but it's painfully obvious." His hand was resting gently on my upper arm. Warm and sold, he was warm and solid just like the rest of them. So why couldn't I just let it go?
Everything that was haunting me had passed, it was done and over with so why didn't it just leave me alone?
Pulling away from Tony I glared at him and started talking, about the past, the plane, my fears. Everything that I'd kept bottled up inside me since I'd woken up.
"So what if it's not the way to cope? You think you can help erase the memories of having ice freeze over your boy? Of wishing, hoping, praying that I'd die! Is it really that simple for you?" Embarrassingly enough tears were running down my face, obscuring my view of Tony but I could still make out his look of horror and disbelief.
Turning I ran a hand down my face trying to call myself down a bit.
"It never did get put in the report then? I guess it wouldn't. When I told Fury I needed time off he laughed and pushed me into the Battle of New York. He knew. He knew that I wouldn't let my city get destroyed! Except this isn't my city anymore is it? It's fast and loud and not mine..."
I'd tried to calm down but the way Tony was looking at me set me back over the edge. He didn't want to know, he didn't need to know. But he kept looking at me like I was crazy. Well he did ask for it.
"I was awake and feeling and stuck for all those years. The first week I thought I could just die. After that I spent a month, maybe it was more, thinking about Howard and Peggy and how they couldn't just leave me there. They couldn't. They were my friends. Then I started begging for death. No not out loud but in my mind because all that was left out of the ice were my eyes.
"I hadn't had a breath in over two months and I was still alive and conscious. By the time I closed my eyes I had given hope on ever being found. And then guess what! I'm found and dragged, kicking and screaming, into a time where I can't even make the remote work!" I spun back to Tony, except he wasn't alone, everyone was there. It didn't stop me though, no it fueled me. If they wanted to hear, to know well then that's what they're going to get! "Do you have any idea how infuriating it is to not be able to make the remote work? No! You Don't! Because it's always worked!" I spun around, giving them my tense back to look at. I shouldn't have shared that. They didn't need to know.
Natasha had slipped up to me and placed one of her hands on my shoulder, she felt bad for me. They all pitied me!
"Oh Steve..." She sounded so much like Peggy when she spoke like that, and Tony was so much like Howard, and Clint was nearly a carbon copy of Bucky. Bruce was so similar to Dr. Erskine. Thor, well he was just so Thor.
Everything inside me shattered as I crumpled to the floor sobbing. This was humiliating, but I couldn't stop. Everything was gone, everyone I loved was dead or dieing. As I cried I felt hands on me. One ran through my hair, my hand was held, soothing circles rubbed on my back, awkward patting on my thigh. They were all so close but so far away.
"Sleep Steve, it'll look better after you've slept." Bruce
"Take a breather Rodgers. It's all good here. We got this." Clint
"Rest Captain. We will need you battle soon enough." Thor
"I'll teach you how to use all the electronics in the world, after you look less like a teenage girl. Sleep, we'll all be here when you wake up." Tony
"Отдых Стив, мы нуждаемся в вас целым и здоровым. Мне нужно, вся и здоровым" Natasha.
They cared. They all cared. About me, about the world, about each other. Natasha started singing a Russian lullaby, soothing my whirling mind and erasing the fear and pain. For now. As I drifted off to sleep I heard Clint's tenor start in with Natasha's alto and then gradually the rest of them started to hum along with them. I'd lost one of my families and gained another. This wasn't a fix for the long run, but for now it was enough.
And here ya go! Bruce is next up, hope you like these and keep reading. Don't forget to
review! Oh! And Natasha said "Rest Steve, we need you whole and healthy. I need you whole and healthy." Bye now...