With the latest development between Sara and Grissom, I thought my return to the Fan Fiction world would have to be in the form of a little pick me up for the fellow Sandles supporters...the death of GSR.
"Listen Greg…" She demanded angrily. "You better tell me where you are taking me right now or I'll…" She trailed off not knowing herself what exactly he had planned for the night. She had agreed that a night without work perhaps was a good idea, but that moment, she had found herself in the passenger seat and, and as it looked, he was taking her into the middle of nowhere.
"It's a surprise. I can't tell you." Looking away from the road for a quick second, he said as if it was obvious to even the least educated man.
"Come on, you should know very well by now that I don't like surprises." It was at that point in their…friendship, as it was best called, that, yes, he did know a lot about her. He had after all spent most of his days at work for months with her at his side. People couldn't go along with that sort of situation and not form some kind of close bond. He had always had this sort of comfort around her; he could be his normal quirky self, but he could help but find a certain odd nervousness that he possessed only around her. Since the beginning, however, it seemed to continually fade away as time went on.
The same with Sara, as she had become more open to spending more time around Greg when his attention came from for of a friendly angle, opposed to the one who insisted upon inquiring for the ever so often date. She felt as if she could more openly relate and communicate with him once he changed his motive. And it seemed as if that was good enough for him, not the nearness he wished, but the emotional nearness in knowing that they could talk one on one about things for once not applying to work.
"We're almost there." He turned down a small path to a small circle of cactuses in the desert off the road then stopped the car.
"This is it?" She looked around to see nothing but desert. "This is the surprise. I know plenty of murder cases that started out just like this."
"It's me…Greggo, not one of our suspects." He laughs, and opens his door to step out. "Come on Sara, just get out."
She gave him a look through the passenger window before opening the door defeated. "Now what exactly do you do in the middle of no where?" She asked her arms folded leaning against his car.
"Well when I've had an awful night at work I just sit on the hood of my car...look up at the stars…and just say what ever is bothering me…as loud as I feel like, because no one can hear it." He had always visited this spot alone, never had he taken anyone else to visit it, but often times once he had arrived he had pondered the thought of inviting Sara.
"You do know we have department psychologists for that."
"No…no, this is much better and you of all people should try it." He said hopping up on the hood of his car. "They say every psychologist needs to unload everything by going to a psychologist themselves."
"So you're the psychologist?"
"Dr. Greg at your service." He patted the silver metal beside him for her to sit. "And be careful…you scratch her, you're dead." He smirked and lent a hand to her, but she got up by herself.
"But nothing is bothering me." She said looking up instead of towards him.
"There has to be something…this past case…or wanting to box up Hodges and FedEx him back to L.A….or Ecklie doing what he does best, being a royal pain in the…behind?" He couldn't help but add such, though perhaps those to 'problems' only occurred to him daily.
She released a sigh that for some reason said so much to Greg, though he doubted it was meant to be taken as so. "What ever made us want to pursue a job in law enforcement? I mean, look at as. We're raging workaholics; we have no friends outside of the department; we listen to police scanners and watch Court TV when we aren't working…"
"Um…Sara, that's usually just you." He laughed, but she still remained quite distant in her thoughts. She failed to even respond in her own defense. "Sara…" His tone escaped him more worried than he had wished. "Really, what's wrong?" He turned to look in her direction as opposed to the stars above him, hoping for an honest answer.
He could see her hesitation before she began to speak, but he didn't think much of the fact. "When I got the call about the attack…you have no idea how worried I was."
"You were worried about me…"
"Are you kidding me, of course…you could have died and I would have lost it."
"Yeah, just imagine…no special coffee. You'd have to resort to drinking that so called coffee they leave in the break room. You'd have to work with Cath more often…you'd hate that…"
She hit him on the shoulder following his sarcastic remark; of course there was very little force behind it, not because she couldn't, but it simply was not her intent to cause physical harm. "I'm serious, Greg."
"I just hate that someone else's life had to be lost for me to live. I saw his family; I saw the look in their eyes when they knew that I killed their son, their kid. I mean…I'm a murderer."
"It's called self defense. When you go about beating people up in alleys you've got have some thought in your mind that someone will fight back. He's taken other people's lives, this other person is well aware of that, and you decide to turn on him…well, things happen. And you shouldn't worry about that, Greg."
"Well I worry about you, you know…yes, really. I mean, this right here, it's not just a sad excuse to take you on a mock date, but I'm just afraid that if you don't let yourself take a break, mentally and physically, that you're just going to fall apart…and it's not just that, but the fact that I know if you ever get to that point you'll shut all of us out completely. You already do to a point. I can't speak for everyone else, but I will be here, right here, any time if you ever need someone to listen to you. Promise me that you won't push me away…because if you were to do that…it would just kill me."
"I promise…" She looked over in his direction to make some sort of eye contact, to show some hint of honesty in what she spoke. She was telling him the truth, but she knew him too well to know that he wouldn't be too likely to believe her the first time she promised. When she did, she could hint the formation of tears in the corners of his eyes; not something that she had seen in the longest time, if ever. "Are you crying Mr. Sanders?"
He attempted to blink the ones remaining away, out of her sight. He hesitated before admitting anything. "Hey, can't I have a sensitive side too?" He complained, though a smile spread across his face.
In her own, she took his hand that once lied by his side, occupying the small amount of space that had presented itself between them on the hood of his car. It surprised him slightly, as it was not so much like Sara to invade other people's personal space as though to show some kind of affection or sympathy, which ever was fitting to the given occasion. It was mostly because she herself was not too big on having others invade her personal space; so therefore, it was just a bit out of her comfort zone. It always had been that way; her family, despite their slight 'hippie' like ways, was not at all affectionate people. Sara's mother was much like herself, but she couldn't help but fear her father. She had never seen Greg shed a tear, or at least not in front of her. She could relate with him of so many levels anymore, and she considered the action something necessary regardless of what was expected from her. "Well, at least you have emotions…" She clearly wasn't thinking; preoccupied so some may call it. It managed to slip from her mouth, though she never meant to release such a comment to open air, but keep it within her own thoughts.
"I am I sensing Grissom problems as well…" He felt afraid to ask, but for some reason he did this time…and instantly regretted doing so.
"He didn't even tell you that he was leaving?" He had wondered how Sara was taking the whole sudden move. Their relationship was a rather recent development. It had been at least two months ago and then suddenly he decided, 'hey, let's leave Las Vegas for a month or so'. Frankly it made no sense to Greg.
"Well, a week prior, but after he had already took the job."
"You were going to tell him he couldn't go?" It was a viable question based upon what she said previously.
"No, what kind of control freak do you think I am?" She didn't intend to let him answer. "It would have been nice to be informed before hand, have more time to talk through things, get things settle out for while he's gone."
"Oh, one of those women things…"
"What is that supposed to mean?" It had not quite come out how he had meant it and Sara seemed quite offended by such. At this point, the way things had been going, it was best to just stop while he was…behind.
"No I mean...that's not what I mean…It's something that guys always forget. I know that if you are going to do something you've got to tell your girl about it before hand." He would never do such a thing to Sara, but as it seemed she would never know one way or another. "It's like a rule."
"I think there are quite a few rules of which Grissom isn't aware quite yet. Like only saying goodbye and I'll miss you before he walks out the door for a month. No I love you, nothing."
"Are those words even in his vocabulary?"
"Apparently not. And he said it from the doorway…the doorway!"
"You even give great aunt Fanny at least a hug before you leave!" Had he been in Grissom's position, it was hard telling what exactly would be on his mind as an appropriate fair well; certainly not just a friendly, at the very most, 'I'll miss you'.
"Yeah, tell me about it!"
"So…are you happy?" For some selfish reason he wished she would say 'no, but I know I would be if I was with you'. He wanted her to be happy above all things, even if that meant that he couldn't be. "I mean, this is what you've wanted for, for what, seven years?"
"More than that…" Or perhaps the number seven was the years that stood out so vividly in Greg's mind. "Yeah, I'm happy…" That's funny, because he was beginning to think she sounded not so content, less content that he was at the thought of continuing a conversation with her containing such subject matter. "It's just…not what I thought it would be." She was stating it quite lightly.
"What, being with a guy who is more of a workaholic than you are, so such so that he constantly makes work a higher priority than you…and he said you needed to work on prioritizing…" He wasn't sure about how honest he should get with her. It was different now, Sara and Gil were a thing, however much she despised it, and you couldn't just bad mouth someone's significant other in front of them and expect a nice reaction. But it was as if Sara was too close to see the whole picture. He was simply interpreting. "Not to mention he's emotionally tone deaf." It was a necessary evil. "I'm sorry, Sara…"
"It's as if over the last few years this job has changed him into someone that I don't even know anymore. He used be less serious. He used to take out time for a little fun; a little roller coaster time…torturing you for mere fun. Now it's all work…everything." She had attempted to over look all of these marks on his record. She gave him the benefit of the doubt. She had thought that it was just part of his character, but it was the point that he was a different person back when she first met him in San Francisco. He was more…more like Greg, strangely enough.
"Hey, I am perfectly fine without that man asking be for samples for the sake of science. Frankly, I'm quite happy about that fact."
"Yeah, well…It seems like the only reason he put some effort into 'figuring out what to do with this' was because in the past year he's nearly lost both Nick and then Brass. He saw just how quickly he could lose any chance. A life is too short, kind of thing. Like why Warrick ran out and got hitched all of a sudden…and look where that's going."
"It's really that bad? I mean, you and Grissom…I know how bad it is with Warrick and Tina." Perhaps it was his bad sentiments towards the whole ordeal from the very beginning that had jinxed everything.
"Well, there's hope we could work things out."
"What is it…absence makes the heart grow fonder?"
"I think I'm cursed when it comes to relationships…" Obviously she was way too cynical at the moment to take careful consideration of Greg's painful optimism.
"That can not be…because if it is, I am too. I think it's the job, not us."
"Interesting, what makes you think so?"
"Well, we work grave shift, right? So we only seem to meet people who are not asleep at three in the morning. So, they're either co-workers or 'the people of the night' so to speak, I mean, Vegas is awake twenty four hours a day, but the one's who are part of our world are not the best people…like the bottom of the barrel or scum of the earth kind on thing…not that Grissom is the scum of the earth." He never was very gifted at explaining himself. "Hank…Hank was most definitely the scum of the earth."
"You couldn't be anymore right…" It was like an instant 'hallelujah' response from Sara as she spoke up amidst his rant.
"So why would they be worth our time. I mean, just look at the ways in which we end up meeting them…and perhaps it's their fault for not realizing how great a girl they had until she was gone."
"Thanks Greg…" She said, though still unable to successfully take compliments, and he knew that. There was a little bit in him that liked the predictability of some of her responses. Some times he thought his outside observations of her, rather than his originally rare conversations with the woman, had allowed him to know some things about her that he doubted she even knew herself.
"Sara…I think that's your problem…" He spoke as if it had just popped into his thoughts then, like some kind of epiphany quality awakening. "You don't know just how…" The right word for what he meant failed to produce itself. "…wonderful you truly are." It wasn't the word he wanted, but was effective. "You are smart, yes, you know that already. But you're beautiful, and compassionate, and you make me laugh. Hasn't Gil ever told you anything like that?" For him, it was a bizarre thought as if he had the chance, he would tell her ten times over just what he loved so much about her, but he had a feeling that would be a bit over kill and perhaps a little to crazed stalker like for his taste. He didn't say it to impress her, as he knew from experience that she was quite difficult to impress. He was telling the truth and was sincerely concerned with the skewed view Sara had always held of herself.
"He used to…but lately…." She just faded off as the answer was obvious.
"I have never loved working here more than when I began spending everyday working with you. I mean, in the lab I've got what, Hodges? But out in field, I mean come on…you know everything…it's…it's incredible."
"That's what you really think about me?" She was hesitant to believe it at first, first of all because she had never heard any one speak to her, about her, in such a light. Sure, people had discussed her personality with her, but it had always been in the negative sense. She was over emotional, unprofessional, a train wreck, a loose cannon, and the list ran on and on.
"No, every word I've said is a complete and utter lie." She should have expected every word of his response would be dripping in sarcasm. "Come on Sara, you got to come to terms with the fact that you are absolutely amazing."
"So is the next subject going to mention anything of a 'diversion', is it?" She slightly hinted towards a much needed subject change, but then again, the idea of a diversion was a common topic in any conversation had with her lately.
"No…no, of course not, but if you want to…you've been doing pretty well. Look, you are not at work, not at home wishing you were at work, but here with me engaged in a semi-unrelated to work conversation. It's me…I saw my first episode of Forensic Files a month ago and now I'm so hooked it's not even funny."
He at least expected some kind of the response, when he heard silence he turned to look at ever once again. She was starring of across the desert to the point where the new morning sky met at the horizon line with the farthest bit of sandy land and suddenly burst with brilliant shades of gold and coral. The sunset, it was the original reason for traveling outside the limits of down town Las Vegas, but since then he had found himself side tracked into forgetting.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" It was strange how some things often became over looked until a day off came around. The same sight rolled around toward the end of shift everyday, but usually they were too preoccupied to notice such beauty.
She didn't respond with words but he could see her head nod before she moved it to rest closer to his shoulder. Anymore she was comfortable around Greg. She had been his mentor and now he was nearly her equal, her partner more often than not. This comfort, however, seemed to have been brought about by the fact he knew very well now that she was taken. Things now were more defined between them, simpler.
For awhile the two remained motionless, without a word uttered between the two, peaceful, until Sara spoke. "Thank you, Greg…" She lifted her head lazily to meet his eyes, and then soon returned.
"Anything at all, you've got it…" He playfully patted atop her head, slightly displacing a select few strands of hair from where they were once carefully placed behind her ears. He could feel Sara so close to him; sense her warmth from only inches away from him, smell her distinct shampoo; she wasn't one to wear perfume. She was close enough to reach out and touch, not that he would think of doing so, but it was the idea that he was here with her and her mind was with Grissom. She was unattainable.
"Greg…you haven't given up on me, have you?" She bit her bottom lip before speaking, a bit worried that she would be opening a can of worms with one wondering question.
"You are…impossible to forget." He should have known by now. He had tried time after time, but each attempt had failed miserably. When she was with Hank, when she became his mentor, his teacher, his superior, and now that she was with Grissom, he had tried to put her out of his head. It just had occurred to him each time that the reason she was always there was because maybe, just maybe, she was supposed to be there. The thought that always followed closely behind was that he was absolutely senseless and that there was no way that anything at anytime would happen, but he couldn't help but hold on to a small bit of hope that maybe things could happen.
Sara spoke nothing in response. She had nothing on her mind that she really wanted to let out, especially to Greg. She knew it would make him feel even worse, and she knew that at this point, it was the last thing he needed. She liked the idea that she always knew she had someone on her side. It wasn't as if she liked the idea that if things didn't work out with anyone else, she could fall back on him because she knew that he cared more than anyone she had met and he was guaranteed to be there. But it was the constant reminder that there is at least one person out there who does care about her, even when it seems as if it is nearly unfeasible to think such a thing. She liked the reminder of, yes, she was wanted.
"Now am I taking you back home or to Grissom's place?" He had to admit, it was a clever attempt to figure whether she had made the big jump to sharing an apartment without asking her directly. He, at one point, had to drive her home; it was need to know information.
"No, just the old apartment…same as before." That was the answer for which he was hoping. Dang, why was he being such a teenage girl about this Grissom-Sara thing? He was being so unrealistic. Dude, it's over, he couldn't get that part through his skull…which is strange because it never began in the first place. "But we aren't going home yet, are we?"
He had figured she had already found the night's events boring enough, so continuing longer than even he thought was necessary was quite surprising to him. "Well, I just thought…you do know it would be after shift now…I mean, if we had to go into work today…I thought…I was going to show you one more place."
She said sitting up quickly, almost as if something was wrong. Because of such, Greg followed suit. He looked at her carefully before he spoke. She looked as if everything was fine, but Sara, at times, was very capable of appearing as if nothing was troubling her when others knew very well that there obviously was something terribly wrong. "Oh, okay!" She actually sounded quite excited about the next stop of their day off journey. He thought he was quite lucky that she agreed to let him take her here, and now she was up for the whole outing to continue even longer.
Sara, careful not to scratch the precious Jetta, slid off the side of the car until her feet made contact with the sand below. She opened the door before she noticed that Greg hadn't moved. "Well…are we going, or not?"
"Hold on, jeeze!" He quickly and oh so ungracefully tried to do as Sara did. He nearly lost his footing in the sand upon his landing. He quickly buckled up and pulled out on to the road once again.
As they approached the building which was the end point of Greg's journey from the middle of nowhere back to the middle of Las Vegas Sara became increasingly curious to what Mr. Sanders had in mind. The last venture had been unusual, unlike the Greg she thought she knew, and actually appealing after the first minute; she figured this would be much the same. Though, once the Jetta was put in park and its engine came to a stop in front of a relatively small building upon which the front was adorned with mural like pictures of cats and dogs and a fenced in area with the living versions adjacent to the building, she still wasn't so certain she had figured him out.
"What are we doing here?" Sara questioned as she followed behind Greg whom was heading for the front door of the place.
"Surprise number two?" It was all he offered as an answer as he opened the glass door for her.
"Are you getting a new furry friend?" She responded in a teasing voice as he made a b-line for the row of cat cages closest to him.
"No, you are? I mean, if you want…" He was getting nervous again. "You said you had pondered the thought…"
"Yes…but I always felt guilty because I wouldn't be home. It would be like Catherine and Lindsey. It would become like my kid."
"Maybe, but cats work on the same schedule as we do. They're night people…" Sara had always been an animal person. She had been one who was a strict vegetarian, who volunteered to give a gorilla's remains a proper burial, so why had she no animals in her own life? He had two weeks ago adopted Charlie, a Garfield looking fellow who had become his companion. When he had introduced Charlie to Sara a week previously, she had wanted to keep him for herself. "I know that your apartment allows pets…and I just thought he could be like…a diversion." He had to keep talking to prevent her from doing so. "I know, I know…but I had to say it. It's worked wonders for me. I just thought, since Grissom is gone…you might be a little lonely. Furry companions work well…I mean, they don't complain when you talk to them about your problems…well, at least you don't know whether or not they're complaining."
She didn't respond right away because her attention was focused on a particular gray and white long haired kitten in front of her. Sara stuck her fingers through the cage and the little critter batted his paws playfully at them. She requested to have a chance to see the cat out of its cage.
When the furry little ball was handed over to Sara he saw her eyes light up in a way he hadn't seen them in the longest time. "Well…what do you think?"
"Come on…I've got to take him." As she answered the cat settled down in the crook of her arm and closed its green eyes, proving her point in one action.
The final stop was a quick one, only long enough to pick up the pet owner's essentials and return Sara to her home. Just because they had to day off, it didn't mean that they could revert to living life in too much of the day light hours. They had to be back to work in roughly eight hours.
"So what are you going to name him?" He questioned as he aided her and her things up to her second story apartment.
"Well…you have Charlie right?" As she looked a few steps down from where she stood she could faintly see him nod over top of the box he was carrying. "I was thinking… Darwin. Charlie and Darwin...Charles Darwin. Science geeks have to have their pets named like wise."
"Yes, but I picked Charlie because the cat just warranted being called Charlie; a personality thing." He spoke as they got to the top and reached her door.
"But maybe Darwin seems fitting to him?" While she fiddled with the key to get in, she couldn't help but argue.
Greg found himself at in her doorway. Any other time he would be debating in his head whether or not the girl would invite him in for awhile, but strangely enough it was not on his mind. Sara and he had not just returned from a date, but a friendly outing as he would describe it. Sara was taken. He was not happy about it, but he knew that one way or another he had to deal with it. There was no use in thinking anything could happen; it was a waste of time. This was what Sara wanted, and that was all that mattered anymore. "I thought I prompted you getting a pet as a diversion…something completely unrelated to work. And then you go and name him after a scientist and defeat the purpose…way to go." He said it not in a tone at all angry, but more humorous.
"I told you though; I don't need any diversions…and that I don't need a companion now that Grissom is out of town…" She leaned against the door frame as Greg set the box down inside the door frame.
"Well, I happen to think it would be a benefit…" He reached out to the cat that hadn't bothered to move and Sara hadn't set down since they left the shelter and then returned his eyes to Sara, but he failed to meet with them.
"Yes, but that's your job…" It was then when she spoke that her eyes greeted his gaze. "And frankly, I think you're a bit more effective…"
"What do you mean?" He furrowed his brow as he questioned her reply. And the confusion remained much the same when she reached out toward him as if she was to fix the collar of his jacket, but in a last minute decision pulled him closer to herself and met his nervous smile with a brush of her lips against his that left in the same quick manner in which they had arrived.
When his eyes opened again he still saw Sara with a slight gap-toothed grin upon her face, nullifying any idea that he had about this being an element of a dream. Just because it was reality, however, did not render it any less confusing.
He knew Sara wasn't completely happy with the entirety of her relationship with Gil, but as far as he knew, it had just begun. Sara was never known to be one to give up on things easily. Was she just messing with his head, was she serious, why?
"You know how you can get so comfortable with someone's company that after awhile you begin to take for granted just how great you have it…well, I'm sorry." Greg made a motion to return the same sentiment. He took a step closer and brushed a loose strand of hair out of her face, but when he attempted to close the distance between them it was met with a loud meow.
"Well…I think Darwin says it's about time I get going now." He said, but Sara knew very well if either of them had their way that would not be the end result of all of this. He just knew that perhaps this was a bit too soon for all of this. She had unfinished business to…make finished. But of course at this point he had learned that she does support relationships between co-workers. That was always an upside.
"See you tomorrow…" She appeared as if the smile upon her face had become permanent between now and a minute earlier. "Good morning…"
"Good morning then…" It was a common phase among fellow graveshifters, one which never failed to make Greg laugh slightly to himself. Why he found it funny, he didn't know. He descended the stairwell with a certain spring in his step that was caused by the fact he knew she was upstairs writing out in full just how she was going to break things off 'gently'. Childlike hope perhaps was not so unrealistic after all.
I hope you liked it...and remember, reviews are very welcome...