Zero-Zero-Fourteen: Okay. I know this is way overdo...
Yusuke: Tell me about it.
ZZF: Shut up!
Kuwabara: Tell me about it.
ZZF: sighs and roles eyes Anyway, but I finally made it. Yu Yu Hakusho and the Holy Grail. And I accidentally took off the list of the characters and who was who, so I'm just gonna do it the way I want. I'm sorry that I didn't rehold the elections, but I really want to make this before I loose the script again. The cast list is as follows for this scene:
Yusuke: KING ARTHUR
Kuwabara: PATSY (Arthur's trusty stead)
Kuwabara: Hey, isn't the person who does Patsy die twice?
ZZF: Yes.
Kuwabara: Then Why am I that person?
ZZF: Because you're the stupidest! That's why!
Kuwabara: goes mumbling off
ZZF: Let's continue with the listings.
Toyua: FIRST SOLIDER WITH A KEEN INTEREST IN BIRDS
Hiei: SECOND SOLIDER WITH A KEEN INTEREST IN BIRDS
ZZF: Okay! There you go! Let's get this show on the road!
Scene 1
Ext. Castle Walls Day
Mist. Several seconds that were filled with noise that was supposed to not be there. superimpose 'England AD 666'. After a few more seconds–
Yusuke: (from somewhere in the mist) That's supposed to be 787!
SHUT UP! It's supposed to be like that! Now, anyway, we start to hear hoofbeats in the distance... silence I SAID HOOFBEATS!!!
Kuwabara: Oh, oh, sorry!
hoofbeats sound they come slowly closer. Then out of the mist comes KING ARTHUR played by YUSUKE followed by a SERVANT–
Kuwabara: I'm not a servant! I'm Patsy!
I said... SHUT UP! Anyway, the SERVANT is banging two halves of coconuts together.
Yusuke: Why his he banging two halves of coconuts together? That's stupid.
ZZF: You know what's really stupid?
Yusuke: What?
ZZF: Your mom! Now shut up!
ARTHUR raises his hand
Yusuke: Whoa, there!
ZZF: You're Arthur! ARTHUR!!
Yusuke: Sorry!
Arthur: Whoa, there!
SERVANT makes noises of horses halting, with a flourish. ARTHUR peers through the mist. Cut to a shot from over his head. On the castle battlements a SOLIDER is dimly seen on a castle. He peers down.
Touya: Do I really have to do this?
Yusuke: If I have to, you do too.
Solider: Halt! Who dares passes the castle of the ice master?
sigh
Arthur: It is me, Arthur, son of Uther Pojonamous! I is from the Castle of Spamalot
CAMELOT!
Arthur: Oh, yeah, Camelot, King of all Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all the UK.
It's England!
Arthur: I mean, England!
Pause
Solider: Get away!
Arthur:I am... whatever I just said, and this is my trusty steed, Patsey! We have ridden the length of a football field, so that I can find Knights who will join the Cort at Spam... I mean, Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.
Solider: What? Ridden on a horse?
Arthur: Yes.
Solider: You're using coconuts.
Arthur: ... What? Sorry, I was looking at the coconuts.
Solider: You're using two empty parts of coconuts, and banging them together.
Arthur (scornfully): So? We've ridden since the snows of summer covered this land, through the Kingdom of Mecca.
Solider: So... where did you get the coconuts?
Arthur: Through... we found them.
Solider: Found them? In Mecca? That coconut that you're servant's holding is tropical.
Arthur: Sorry, I was staring at the coconuts again. What did you mean by whatever you just said?
Solider: Well, this is a temperate zone.
Arthur: The swallow may fly down with the sun, or the house martin or the plower seek heated roadways in winter, yet these are no strangers to this land that we stand on.
A moment's pause.
Solider: Are you trying to say that the coconuts migrate?
Arthur: Yeah. They hitch a ride with some animal.
Solider: What? A swallow carrying a freaking coconut?
Arthur: It could grip it by the husk, whatever that is...
Solider: It's not a question of where the damn bird grips it, it's a simple matter of weight–ratios...
Patsy: Is that math?
Solider: Yes, it is. Why?
Patsy: Cuz I'm not good at math.
Solider: Well, whenever you get the chance, come over here, and I'll teach you...
Arthur: Shut up, Patsy.
Solider: Well, anyway, a five-ounce bird can't carry a one-pound coconut.
Arthur: Well, it doesn't matter anymore. Go and tell your master that Arthur is here fro, Spam... Camelot.
A slight pause. Deathly silence. Swirling mist of death.
Solider: Look! To maintain velocity, a fucking swallow needs to beat its wings four hundred and fucking ninety-three fucking times every fucking second. Right?
Arthur (irritated): Please!
Solider: Am I right?
Arthur: Shut up now before I put a spirit gun to your head!
Hiei as SECOND SOLIDER (SS): It could be carried by an African swallow, you know.
First Solider (FS): Oh, fuck yes. An fucking African swallow maybe... but not by a fucking European swallow. That's my fucking point...
Arthur (losing patience): Would you fucking ask your fucking master if he wants to join the fucking Knights of fucking Camelot?
FS (to Arthur): SHUT UP! (to SS) But then of course African swallows are fucking non-migratory. They're pretty fucking tasty.
SS: Oh, yeah. I had them when I last went down to Africa.
ARTHUR raises his eyes heavenwards and nods to PATSY
They turn and go off into the mist.
FS: So they wouldn't be able to bring a coconut back anyway because they would get shot down and the person would eat that fucking tasty sparrow and the damn coconut.
The SOLIDERS' voices recede behind them.
SS: Wait, a bloody minute, what if two tasty swallows carried it together?
FS: No, they'd have to have it on a fucking line.
Stillness of death. Silence of death again...
ZZF: Hope you liked that! I'll have the next one up soon! And I'm sorry for not updating Yu Yu Yu Crazy lately. I'll try to get to it.