So, I guess I've sold my life into Ulquihime one-shots. That's all I ever write anymore. (Not complaining AT ALL.) I'm not usually one to write fanfiction in first person, but this little idea wouldn't leave me alone. This is raw and unedited, so excuse the errors. Enjoy!

Note: I know Nel is alive, but I'm pretty sure with all the chaos Orihime has no idea what happened to her.

Paper Flowers

I folded paper flowers for him. Uryuu taught me how- he knows all kinds of interesting things. I wonder if he'll fold flowers for Rukia-san; maybe not, because he's sort of shy about his feelings, and maybe if he makes her more than dresses she'll start to catch on. I don't think Kurosaki-kun would like that very much, because he makes her lunches when his little sister is too busy to make something for them both, and I'm sure that is his way of saying he loves her.

I sort of wish it was me that he made lunches for, but not so much as I used to. I'm starting to forget the way he smells, which should be sort of scary, but it's not. It's comforting to know that my life doesn't revolve around him anymore- even if I think now I feel sort of like a puppy with no owner to follow.

Maybe it's because I've fallen out of love with Kurosaki-kun that I'm so lonely. That would make sense, wouldn't it? Knowing that there is no place in my heart that's been filled with true love could make me a very sad person, but I… well, I know that's not really it. I still love Kurosaki, in some ways, and he is very handsome, and very nice, but there are things in him that I can't fall in love with. And maybe it's impossible to fall in love with all of someone, but there shouldn't be anything about them you fear. And I am very frightened of Ichigo- or rather- the things inside of him.

Rukia isn't. I think maybe Rukia loves all of Ichigo. I-I mean Kurosaki-kun. Well, maybe I don't. It's easier to just think Ichigo and Rukia without everything else. I'd never be so casual out loud, but here in my head it's okay.

Anyway…

Rukia isn't scared of Ichigo. And she always knows what to do for him, even if he does that thing were his face looks like an egg and he gets all moldy. Not moldy- whoops- I was thinking of eggs and I just thought that. Moody. Not even moody, just sad. And angry at himself. She can snap him right out of it- easy as cracking an egg.

It's too bad for Uryuu- because I don't think Rukia even knows all about him. She probably doesn't know what his favorite food or favorite color, and how can you be in love with someone if you don't know their favorite color?

Mine is yellow. Blue is the second favorite, and then… well, then it used to be purple, but somehow it's become green.

Yeah. I made him paper flowers.

It's sort of silly, isn't it? But I woke up crying and I just couldn't stop! It was an ocean right there, spilling out all over my pillow, and I don't know how to swim so well, so I had to make it stop. But I was just so sad, because I realized very suddenly that Ulquiorra-kun doesn't have a grave. And then I thought, oh no, how could his loved ones visit him if he didn't have a grave?

And then I realized that he has no loved ones, and so silly me- I cried harder.

So I decided I'd make him a grave. Or a memorial, a shrine- I could call it anything, but it doesn't change what it is. In my bedroom, by the window, you know, the one that faces the moon? I made a little place where I can visit him.

I don't have a picture of him. So I gathered things that reminded me of him. A scrap of my dress from Los Noches, that little bracelet he gave me to make me invisible, some ash and some sand, and then a blade of grass that was a bit greener than the rest. I put them all in a gray clay bowl that I made back in fourth grade.

It kind of looks like I'm starting to practice voodoo, actually.

(Wouldn't that be funny? Me, Orihime, stirring up frogs and chickens and making little dolls? Uryuu makes dolls, but I think that he gives them all to the kids at his father's hospital. He doesn't do voodoo. Though he'd look pretty cool in a voodoo-man hat.)

So I made him paper flowers. There are two white ones and two black ones, and they actually look really pretty- Chad says they're my best work yet. I gave him three pink ones yesterday, and he really liked them. I need to go more places with Chad- it's been such a long time since we went to the dog park together.

I wonder if Ulquiorra would like the dog park. Probably not, it's too loud, and I don't think he'd be very happy if he saw that some dogs don't listen to their owners. I bet if Ulquiorra had a puppy he would have it trained in one day. But I'd have to be there, too, to spoil the dog when Ulquiorra wasn't looking, and to play with it and give it a good name. I think he'd let me name it Ringo. I hope he'd let me name it Ringo, anyway.

When I got home from school I put the paper flowers in front of his bowl. Then, just like usual, I talked to him. Even if he can't hear me, I think that it's good to talk to him. He never did get talked to enough- it must have been lonely.

Maybe that's why I'm lonely.

It seems like I'm the only one who talks about things anymore. Nobody wants to talk about the war, and I don't really want to talk about what happened either, but I think it's important to talk about the people who died. But when I try to bring it up everyone gets a little out of hand. For some reason, they really hate those hollows. But they weren't all bad. He wasn't all bad, but because all they saw of him was the scary parts, they wouldn't believe me if they stopped to listen.

I don't mind- I just want everyone to be happy.

Anyway, I don't want Ulquiorra to be lonely if he can hear me, somehow. So I talk to him about a lot of things. I give him regular updates on my school work, and I think he would be proud that I put so much hard work into something that- as he says- actually matters. But then I also tell him how my bath went, and what was on TV that day, and lots of times I talk to him about my friends.

"Tatsuki makes me food all the time." I tell him, when I'm talking about how I know that Ichigo wants to marry Rukia. "I wonder if that means she liked me. Do you think we would have been a good couple? I don't know- I think I would be sad if we were together, because there is a lot I can't tell her. I go where she can't follow, and that's not so good for love."

He would know. After all, Ulquiorra went where I can't follow.

"Things are back to normal, Ulquiorra-kun." I say. "Everyone is having a good time. There were lots of butterflies on the way to school today, and I think that Rukia likes them, because she kept looking at them like she expected them to land on her finger or something. Ichigo kept laughing at her, and she said he was a fool, and then she said something about habit. Then they got into a fight and she kicked him so hard in the shin that he fell over, but he got back at her at lunch by swapping their meals. He had yellowtail in his, and she hates yellowtail, but she had to eat it because she was hungry. They both complained a lot about those things on the way home, but I think they secretly like it. Nel said she likes pain, so I guess it's not too weird. But then, Nel was pretty weird, in a good way. I wonder what happened to her…"

She's probably dead too.

That makes me sad. So I set out a bowl and I fill it with bubblegum and a big green leave that I found in the park, and then I make her an aqua paper flower, too.

"Do you like them?" I ask him, as I hold out his for flowers. "They're not much, I know, but it's the wrong season for real flowers and I don't have enough money… it's selfish, huh? But you always said I had to keep up my strength, had to eat my fill. Getting full isn't actually hard these days- a couple bites keeps me full! I'm lucky that I don't have to buy so much food anymore… right?"

I sleep with his bowl out by my bed. Nel's is tucked into a corner in the leaving room, not out because I'm afraid people will try to eat the little Nel-bubble-gums.

In the night I turn over, and I shift my fingers through the ash and sand, and I sort of feel like I'm holding his hand. I wish that would make me blush, but so much has happened now that I'm past blushing, which is sad, but one day I know I'll be able to do it again.

When I wake up for school the white flowers are gone.

I find the two long pieces of paper where I'd left them, but now they are unfolded, straightened, and there is something a little off about them.

So I flip them over.

On one, someone has drawn a very well done gothic number four.

On the other, there is a simple note.

I prefer the color orange.

I make him orange flowers on the weekend, now. When I talk, I feel as though he listens.

One day, I think holding that ash in my hand will make me blush.

But until then, I'll keep folding paper flowers, for Nel, him, and me.