Disclaimer: I own neither the characters or the concepts related to either the Beetlejuice or the Naruto Universes. I am merely borrowing them for my own amusement and insanity. Also author is not responsible for any physical or mental health issues that may or may not arise as a result of reading of this story. This story contains subject matters of an adult, insane, illogical and ridicules nature and anything even remotely resembling sanity and or reason has been beaten into a bloody and undefinable lump of goop and dropped into the deepest darkest hole that the author could find. No money is being made and several shinobi and civilian have been harmed and/or humiliated in the making of this work of pure fiction.
Opening A/N: This story came to me while I was reading 's: It's Showtime story. I enjoyed the story so much highly recommend the readers to check it out as well. I am using this story as a means to get my creative juices flowing again and to help me get back into my own writing after being away for so long. Far warning this story will be pure crack without either rhyme, reason and no actual plot planned. The gloves are off and the laws governing reality no longer apply... You have been warned.
Now on with our show... … ...
X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X
When Naruto arrives on the bridge he quickly realizes just how out matched his team really is. While Kakashi-sensei is holding his own against Zabuza it is apparent that unless something gives and soon both Jounin would end up dead at the others hand. And as for the two remaining Genin on his team... Safely removed from the fighting Sakura is currently guarding their client Tazuna although she appears as if she will either wet herself or faint from freight or both at any moment and as for Sasuke... Konoha's last remaining "Loyal Uchiha" is currently fighting for his life against the fake Hunter-nin they now know to be Zabuza's accomplice. As Naruto approaches the Dome of Ice Mirrors he can only think of one thing and that is playing the Hero and finally being recognized as the awesome Shinobi that he is. Sadly things do not always go as planned...
"Way to go Dobe," Sasuke tells him sarcastically, "Now we're both trapped in here."
"Well excuse me for trying to save your ungrateful ass," Naruto snaps back.
"I don't need a Dobe like you to save me," Sasuke nearly growls. "I'm an Uchiha," he reminds his teammate for the thousandth time since they met, "I can take care of a nobody like Zabuza's accomplice by myself."
"You're certainly doing a bang up job of it so far," the blonde Genin quips. With a heavy sigh their opponent reminds them both of their current predicament as "he" releases another barrage of Senbon needles aimed at incapacitating the bickering duo.
In a vain attempt to overwhelm their adversary Naruto floods the dome with what has become his signature Jutsu. Wave after wave of Shadow Clones intercept the seemingly endless supply of needles only to be dispelled just as quickly as they are created. Soon the entire Area is saturated with chakra laced smoke obscuring the view of all three Shinobi. Seeking to capitalize on their opponent's temporary blindness Naruto grabs Sasuke's arm in what proves to be a vain attempt at pulling the Uchiha with him outside the deadly Jutsu.
As soon as Naruto pulls on his arm Sasuke realizes what his teammate is attempting to accomplish and while logically he understands that it is the wisest course of action for them to take his Uchiha pride will not allow him to accept the Dobe's assistants. Yanking his arm free of the other teen's grasp he shoves the blonde away from himself in anger. "If you're so much of a coward then runaway but an Uchiha never backs down to anyone especially some weakling impostor," he yells.
The sudden noise is enough to give the "Hunter-nin" a good idea of their targets current location and with a quick flick of their wrist they release yet another volley of Senbon. The attack is rewarded with a sudden gasp of pain and a soft thud as at lease one of their opponents finally succumbs to their attacks.
"NARUTO," the proud Uchiha scream of shock and loss is heard across the bridge and in that instant all fighting comes to a sudden and surprised end.
X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X
"Looks like you're down by one student Kakashi," The Demon of the Bloody Mist taunts the Konoha Jounin. "Give him a few more minutes and Haku will finish your other student," he smirks under his bandages.
"That maybe true," Kakashi replies with a newly awakened sense of urgency in his voice, "But you won't be alive to see it." Launching into yet another with renewed vigor Konoha's Famous Copy-Nin knows that time is running out and that he needs to end this fight quickly if he is to have any hope of saving the rest of his Team and avenging his Sensei's son. 'Minato-Sensei please forgive me,' he thinks painfully to himself as he dodges another swing of Zabuza's giant Head Cleaver Sword, 'I could not protect your son but I will be damned if I allow another of my students to die on my watch.'
X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X
As the smoke begins to dissipate inside the Dome Sasuke's eyes gaze intently upon the fallen form of his blonde rival and teammate. His mind flashes back to that terrible night four years ago as loss and rage via for dominance within his heart. As hatred and rage begin to overwhelm all other emotions in his heart time seems to slow all around him as the vision of his fallen comrade comes into sharper clarity and greater focus. "Is this the first time you've seen a comrade fall," a gentle voice asks behind him.
"This is not my first experience with death," the lone survivor of his clan's massacre replies coldly. "But his shall be the last life you ever take," the raven haired avenger nearly snarls as he turns to face the one responsible. Blood Red Crimson eyes burn with the renewed hatred as a lone tomoe in each eye spins in anger. However before he can exact his revenge a sense of dread begins to permeate the air around them glancing at his fallen teammate Sasuke is shocked and more then a little frightened to see the dark purple miasma that begins seeping out of the blonde's body covering the believed corpse and slowly creeping its way across the ground towards him.
X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X
On the other side of the incomplete bridge the two Jounin once again break from their battle to the death as they each sense the malicious intent of the miasma slowly saturating the Dome their young charges currently occupy. "What the hell is that?" Zabuza asks as he begins to grow worried for Haku's safety, "I've never felt anything like this before."
For his part Kakashi's heart nearly ceases functioning as the evil malicious intent coming from the Dome takes his mind takes him back to that terrible night thirteen years ago. 'Dear Kami no,' his mind screams, 'Please for all that his holy don't let the seal break now.' Closing his eyes for a moment he reaches out with his senses and nearly chokes on the breath he did not even realize he had been holding. 'Not breaking... just slipping,' he thinks grateful that the seal still holds. 'But if the seal is still active then that means...' His heart momentarily soars at the realization that his hyperactive blonde Genin is still alive. "This ends now," the Elite Jounin tells the missin-nin as he removes a scroll from one of the pockets on the front of his flack jacket.
X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X
Haku's eyes widen behind her mask as she watches the miasma with a growing sense of foreboding. She can barely make out the shadowy silhouette of a figure now standing in the thick purple haze. Her feeling of doom only heightens as hollow evil laugh begins to echo within the Dome of Ice Mirrors sending a chill of terror down her spine.
Nar...Nar.. Naruto..." Sasuke asks in a shaky voice as he tries to swallow down his own fears at what is currently transpiring.
"Though I know I should be wary," comes the ominous reply from within the thickening miasma.
"Still I venture someplace scary," the detached hollowed voice echoes inside the Mirrors.
"Ghostly haunting I turn loose..." While logically they both know that the hauntingly eerie voice must be coming from inside the miasma the echo effect of the Dome causes it to seem as if it's coming from all around them filling both teens with even greater terror.
"Beetlejuice," that one simple word causes the thick purple fog to pulse with an unholy light.
"Beetlejuice," comes the second pulse of a seemingly other worldly heartbeat.
"BEETLEJUICE!" With one final ear piercing scream that would make the most vicious banshee proud the unholy miasma finally explodes outward in a sudden powerful gust of wind that forces Haku to return to her Ice Mirrors or be swept away like the unfortunate Uchiha who is blown past her and out of the Dome and sent hurling towards their respective Jounin Senseis.
"Ah that's much better," a new voice speaks from within the center of the Ice user's Jutsu drawing her attention to its owner. The sight that greets her is one that she would never have expected to encounter in a Shinobi battle. Standing before her is who she can only assume is the same blonde from before only now he looks rather different from before. Gone is that hideous "Kill Me Please" neon orange baggy jump suit and in its place is a tailored form fitting custom made crimson red pinstripe suit with a black dress shirt and a blood red tie with a golden tie clip engraved with a stylized leaf, the symbol worn by Konoha's Shinobi. A crimson gangster style hat and polished black dress shoes complete the whiskered Genin's new outfit.
The most startling difference is the fact that the Genin seems to have not only grown nearly a full head in height but also aged a few years. Now standing at around 5 foot 4 and a half inches the 112 pound apparently 16 year old looks at her with an appraising glint to his hauntingly foggy grayish blue eyes as an unseen breeze flows through his once sun kissed spiky blonde hair. Gone is his former tan leaving his skin a sickly pale gray of the recently deceased. His once vibrant hair now has a dull lackluster quality as if it hasn't been washed in quite some time.
"So You want to finish this little dance or what?" He asks in a bored tone of voice as he takes a casual stance and begins cleaning the dirt out from under his now blackish fingernails.
"What happened to you?" she asks him in a small shaky uncertain voice.
"This and that," he replies with a casual shrug. "So you wanna do this or not?" he asks her again. "Because to be honest with you I'd rather deal with the slime ball standing behind his army of losers at the other end of this fog then waste my time on a pointless fight."
"Gato," she asks him in disbelief, "Gato's here?"
"Yep," he answers, "He and his men just showed up." Looking over her shoulder and past the fog as if he can actually see through the Jutsu he grins an evil malicious grin that promises much inhumane pain to those it is directed at. "So we going to finish this or are you going to let me go and enjoy the show?" He asks with a malevolent twinkle in his dull eyes. "I promise you it will be well worth the price of admission."
"And what exactly is the price of admission?" She inquires curiously.
"Why Haku-chan," he says with a flirtatious half smirk shocking her into open mouth silence behind her porcelain mask at the revelation of his knowledge as to her true identity. "Tell you what I'll do," he begins flashing her a foxy smile complete with pale greyish blue lips framing dull white teeth, "How about you owe me one?"
"Oh...okay," she answers uncertain of exactly what he'll ask for in return but curious as to what he has in mind for dealing with Gato and his army of mercenaries.
X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X
As Kakashi begins to charge up his one and only original Jutsu as his nin-dogs hold Zabuza immobilized a figure come barreling straight at him. Instincts born of years of combat allow him to release the chakra he had been gathering and turn just in time to cushion the blow. Channeling chakra through his feet the former ANBU Captain turns what would have otherwise been a one way ticket over the bridge's edge into a simple slide of only a few feet. Looking down at what he know learns was the human projectile he is shocked to discover the passed out form of his raven haired Genin snoring in his arms.
"Damn he got better hang time then I thought," a voice chuckles.
Looking up Kakashi's eye nearly bug out of their sockets at the sight before him. "Nar...Naru... Naruto," the veteran Shinobi stutters.
"In the new and improved flesh," the whiskered marked blonde replies with a disturbingly satisfied smirk. "So you two going to finish this little squabble or do you want to watch me take care of Gato and his men?" he asks his Sensei as the man gently lowers the sleeping Uchiha to the cement floor.
"Gato's here?" Zabuza inquires not believing the strange young man before him.
"Yup," Naruto replies pointing just past the two older Shinobi to the very edge of the unfinished bridge. As he does so the mist begins to clear in a foul smelling breeze revealing the millionaire business mogul and his small army of hired thugs. "Ah man..." Naruto wines holding his nose, "Who farted?"
The gathered mercenaries look at each other with disgust and begin inching away from the man next to him.
"Naruto," Kakashi says getting the blonde's attention, "What happened to you?"
"Later Kakashi-Sensei," the Genin tells his Team's Teacher. "It's a lone story and I don't really want to tell it more than once so I'll explain everything once we get back to Konoha and I can tell Jiji as well." Turning his attention back to the thugs in front of them an evil smirk appears on his pale lips as he takes his hat off and reaches a hand inside. Fishing around inside the hat he pulls out a rubber chicken before throwing it away and reaching back into the hat. "Now where are they," he asks no one in particular as his arm disappears further into the hat.
"That's not it," he says as he reaches deeper inside the strange head wear, his entire arm now vanishing up to the shoulder in the seemingly bottomless garment. Pulling out a cane he tosses it to a mystified Haku. "Hold this for me," he asks her before reaching back into the hat now with both hands. The sides of the hat begin to bulged at odd locations a a bizarre spots as Naruto's entire upper body disappears inside the hat causing everyone watching to look on with morbid fascination. As the rustling and muffled mumbling of curses emanates from the seemingly magical garment the young Genin's butt wiggles in the air causing the hat to swish from side to side. "FOUND THEM," Naruto finally cries from within the hat before the rest of his body is sucked inside.
The hat lays perfectly still on before slowly lifting into the air of its own accord. As it travels up off the ground a pair of black laced boots with red trimming emerge from within soon followed by a pair of pale hairless legs and red trunks boxing trunks with black trim covered by a black padded crotch protector with a red stylized leaf insignia. Soon after a set of pale grayish blue washboard abs and well toned muscular chest and arms followed by red headgear and toned pale arms emerge from the odd hat. Last to be revealed is a pair of dull dark gray cast iron boxing gloves. Grinning like a maniac Naruto tosses the hat to wide eyed Haku, once again asking her to hold it for him.
Naruto taps the knuckles of the Gloves together with a nearly deafening clanking sound as he begins hopping around from foot to foot. Taking a few experimental jabs and swings he loosens himself up with some simple warm-ups before giving what can only be assumed is a toothy grin as a sickly yellow mouth piece cover his upper row of teeth. Pointing his right glove at Gato be reveals that raised initials NU that adorns the gloves. "I want you," he taunts the crime boss.
Without warning the Genin vanishes in a purple fog that came from seemingly out of nowhere. Kakashi, Zabuza and Haku look around frantically for the missing blonde before the sounds of cracking bones and cries for help draw their attention back towards Gato's army. All three Shinobi watch on with morbid fascination as a bellowing cloud of purple dust is kicked up in front of them completely consuming Gato and his men. As they watch the occasional limb, head or upper body manages to peek out from the cloud along with cries of mercy and maniacal laughter fill the air. From time to time the laughter is broken up with the words"Don't run," "Get back over here," "Take it like a man" or stop crying like a little baby."
"Should I be disturbed that I find this all strangely intriguing," Haku asks her mentor.
"If you are then that makes two of us," Kakashi answers instead.
"I don't know where you've been hiding this kid Kakashi," Zabuza says not taking his eyes off the carnage in front of them, "But I'm starting to like his style."
X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X
After what seems like an eternity but in reality could have only been a few minutes the sounds of fighting stop leaving only the soft painful whimpers of the broken and utterly defeated thugs. As the dust begins to settle Naruto stands over a whimpering Gato once again wearing his new suit minus his hat. "Tell me Gato," he begins casually cleaning the dirt out from beneath his fingernails with a slightly dull and rusty kunai. "Ever wondered what would happen if someone where to say shove an old rusty kunai up you ding-dong?"
"Please," the business tycoon grovels latching on to the teens leg, "Please I can give you anything you want just name it."
"Anything," Naruto asks as if considering the offered bribe.
"Anything," Gato nearly shouts hope shimmering in his eyes.
"Okay," Naruto replies shocking everyone as he puts the kunai away. "Buttfuck the duck ass and I'll let you go," he says pointing to the still passed out Uchiha heir.
Gato cringes in revolution at the idea of engaging in such a revolting act with another male but since his desire for survival is stronger then his revolution he moves towards the snoring teen as he begins to undo his pants.
It is at this point that Sakura chooses to show up with their client and seeing her beloved Sasuke about to be violated by a disgusting toad of a man she is suddenly blinded by rage as her inner self takes momentary control and delivers a jaw shattering punch to the side of the would be pedophiles head which sends him sailing over the heads of the others and crashing through the roof deck and hull of the small boat tethered to the base of the bridge.
Watching the boat sink into the icy cold water Naruto can only blink as his mind process what he just witnessed. "Damn," he whistles, "I always knew Sakura-chan had a killer right hook but I never expected it literally kill someone."
"NARUTO," his pink haired Teammate snarls as she stomps her way towards him, "I just know that was your idea of a sick joke."
"Guilty," he shrugs as she pulls back to deck him. Grabbing her wrist as her fist begins its trajectory towards his skull his free hand grabs the front of her red dress and pulls her entire body towards him. Cold dead lips press against warm living lips as a once restraining grip gives way to an indulgent groping of the young kunoichi's bottom.
Shock and revolution soon gives way to lust and desire before quickly being replaced with anger and rage. Shoving the blonde Shinobi away Sakura's eyes widen in utter horror as the air is filled with the sound of ripping cloth. "Damn Sakura-Chan I knew you were saving yourself for the Uchiha but that's just a little much isn't it?"
Looking at the now near naked female member of his team Naruto's eyes take in the dark blue fabric of her bra and thong panties. What sparked his comment is the fact the directly over the nipples and crotch of said garments is a red and white fan, the symbol for the once great Uchiha Clan.
Her mind exploding in sheer panic, Sakura grabs her torn dress from Naruto's hand and holds it tightly to her chest as she runs as fast as her young legs will carry her back towards their client's home.
As Naruto watches her leave he only has one comment to make about the view. "Now that is a white ass."
X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X
Closing A/N: AND... CUT... So what did you all think? Just to let you all know now that while Naruto may/probably will end up sleeping with most of the females in the Naruto series he will not be in any relationships... EVER. Boy's a player plain and simple and will not be settling down PERIOD... Now as for Naruto's new powers... well let's just say that Konoha's King of Pranks has a whole new bag of tricks and that Konoha will never be the same again.
Now while there will be some bashing of the Genin on Team Seven there will be no Kakashi bashing. Oh don't get me wrong he will get pranks/humiliated for his regular habit of being late to everything but he won't be out right bashed. I'm sorry but in my opinion he neglected everyone on the team equally and didn't play favorites like everyone in Fandome would have you believe. As far as the argument about ditching Naruto for Sasuke during the Chunin Exams... in my opinion he arranged for a proper tutor to assist Naruto in working on improving his greatest weakness which is chakra control and even fix the gaping holes left in his Academy Education. Honestly if Naruto's temper, jealousy and lust for flashy Jutsus hadn't have gotten in the way he could very well have been further ahead of the curve then he was during that month of training. Sorry but in my opinion if you can bring Naruto's chakra control up to even that of an average Genin with his Kage Level Reserves and you'd have someone who is easily on par power wise with a mid to high Chunin if not a low Special Jounin. But that's just my opinion.
Anyways as always please remember to review on your way out and let me know what you think. Also a reminder since it's been so long since my last posting on this site I only accept signed reviews. I've had issues with flamers in the past and I refuse to have them anymore. If you're too cowardly to sign your name to a flame so I can respond privately you're not worth my time to respond at all and I refuse to answer flames in my stories.
That's it for now so until next time...
~Later~
Raven