Pillars Prompts Weekly #0025: Small Souls
Note: I do not actually advocate taking home injured wolf pups found in the forest. But rangers gotta ranger somehow.
She didn't cry as she buried Gideon. Lillian Veres blew a stray piece of red hair out of her face as she dumped another shovel of dirt off into the hole on top of the wrapped body of her dog. What was once her dog. The red dirt clung beneath her fingernails and the handle of the shovel was splintering into her skin. Red hair, red dirt, dead dog.
Emy hung back behind her. Probably chewing on her lip. A bad habit when she didn't know what to do. Lillian still appreciated her friend being there. The best of her childhood memories included running around in the fields with Emy and Gideon. After the sun went down they would sit in rapt attention as her brother, Bram, told stories of the wider world of Eora. Not that Bram had ever been out of their small town, either, but he was five years older so he had authority.
"There are places," he would say, "where the mountains are so tall they touch the sky and the snow never melts."
"Even in the summer?" asked young Emy.
"Even in the summer." Bram leaned back. "And I'm going to see them some day."
Young Lillian still didn't quite buy the concept of year round snow and especially not why it was so important. "And leave me here?"
"Gideon will take care of you." The hound dog licked Bram's hand at the sound of his name.
Lillian hugged Gideon close, "Of course. Gideon's not mean and won't leave me like mean, old Bram." She laughed as the hound dog licked her face.
That had been before the war, of course. Bram had left, but not to see the mountains that touched the sky. Instead he was caught up in the religious fervor that followed Waidwen and followed him into the Dyrwood.
She heaved another shovelful of dirt.
She had sobbed at Bram's funeral. Sobbed for the loss of her brother, for the war with the Dyrwood Readceras didn't even win, and for herself. That night she cried herself to sleep hugging Gideon. The normally wiggly dog lay perfectly still, allowing her to bury her face into his wiry fur.
Gideon was the one who had gotten her through the past three years. Her constant companion and support. Her parents had never recovered from the loss of their son. Pa had turned to drink and Ma had just… stopped caring. So it was Gideon and Lillian who did the dishes, brought in the laundry, ran out into the brush when Pa got mean drunk. Except this last time they hadn't been fast enough.
She had talked back and that was enough for Pa to smack her across the face. Gideon, who had been at her heels, lunged for his leg. He bit hard enough to draw blood. Pa raged. She begged and pleaded, but a fifteen year old girl was no match for a grown man with an ax.
Lillian shoveled the last bit of dirt and took a long breath in and out through her nose. She turned around to look at Emy, who was chewing on her lip. "So I guess we should say something, yeah?"
"Yeah." Emy stepped forward to stand next to Lillian. A slight breeze rustled the leaves of a nearby bush. "To Gideon, the best of dogs."
"To Gideon." Lillian knelt down. "We had a good run, boy. Guan willing, maybe we'll run again some day."
"I don't know if Guan does dogs, Lillian," said Emy.
"Dogs have souls, too, don't they? Every living thing has souls. He's gone to run on the wheel with the rest of them."
Emy opened her mouth as if to say something, but closed it again and stood silently. Leaves rustled and flies buzzed. "So what now?"
"Now?" Lillian stood up and brushed off her knees. "I'm gonna wash up and then go inside and get a sandwich. And then I'm going to come up with a plan to get out of this town."
"You're leaving? Now?"
"Well, maybe not now. I need a solid exit strategy first." The girls started walking back toward the house. "But Gideon's dead, Emy. Bram's dead. I got better things to do than get smacked around. Like see those mountains where the snow never melts. Go up North to the Living Lands where it changes every day. I can travel. I can hunt."
Emy bit her lip again. "I hope you know what you're doing, Lillian."
Five Years Later
Emy's words echoed through Lillian's head as she went to check the traps in the woods. I hope you know what you're doing, Lillian. Lillian also wished she knew what she was doing, though improvisation had gotten her pretty far, hadn't it? All the way up to the Living Lands where she was out hunting game. Hopefully. If her traps had caught anything. Else she would have to return to the ramshackle camp empty handed as she hadn't had much luck with her bow.
She prowled softly through the underbrush, at this point second nature. At her first trap she found a couple rabbits. Good. Slinging them over her shoulder, she continued. No luck with the second. At the third, she paused, listening, before it came into view. There was a soft whimpering coming from that direction. She drew her bow. Whatever she had caught wasn't dead yet and she would need to put it out of its misery.
Picking her footing around a tree, she trained her bow on the spot. She had been wrong. The occupant of the trap, a badger, was quite dead. The whimpering noise was coming from a wolf pup that had apparently gone after the dead badger and gotten tangled up in the snare. She drew back her bow. It wasn't a full wolf pelt, but it was a pelt.
The pup looked at her and cocked its head to the side in a questioning manner. It whined again. She lowered her bow and sighed. Those big eyes. "Where's your mom, kid?"
At the sound of her voice, the wolf pup whined more insistently and struggled against the snare.
"Calm down, kid, you're going to hurt yourself more." She advanced slowly, attempting to appear as non-threatening as possible. It was still a wolf after all. "Guess you need some help getting out of there." From closer she was able to see that one of its paws displayed a trickle of red blood. If she cut it loose and left it here, would it be able to find its way home? It wasn't her problem. "Alright, buddy, stay still." She pulled out her knife and cut through the snare as far as possible from the wolf.
It was able to wiggle free after that. She expected it to run off, but instead it approached her. She stood stock still. The pup limped forward, sniffed her boot, then sat down and looked up at her, tongue hanging out.
This was not what she expected when she came out today. She sighed again. Maybe if she ignored it, it would go away. She bent down, scooped the badger over her shoulder, then turned to walk back through the woods. After a bit of walking, she glanced behind her. The wolf pup was struggling along, following her. "I'm not your mom, buddy."
It yipped and raised its tail.
She shifted her weight, trying to balance the badger and the rabbits. "You come with me, you're not going back to your mom."
It yipped again and limped forward to come sit at her feet again.
"You're going to follow me home whether I like it or not?"
It looked up at her, eyes wide, softly panting. The way it tilted its head reminded Lillian of…
She closed her eyes and exhaled slowly. This was probably a dumb idea. But she had missed having a dog.
"Okay, there." After re-balancing the weight of her cargo, she bent down and scooped up the wolf pup. It– he, wiggled in midair but she held him snugly in one arm. If you name it, you'll start to get attached. Too late. She looked down at the wolf pup and he looked back at her expectantly.
"I had a good dog named Gideon once. Think you can be a good dog?"
He licked her hand.
Seven Years Later
She thought she was going insane as she stumbled from the ruins of Cilant Lîs to the town of Gilded Vale. A man on a rack that she walked right through. Someone burning at the stake. A woman running towards a stream. Gideon stayed right by her side, guiding her onward, but in the darkness she kept confusing whether it was the wolf, Gideon, or her old, dead hound dog. She reached down to pat the top of his head. Definitely wolf. Why, then, out of the corner of her eye would she see the hound dog inside the wolf?
She knew she was going insane when she actually got to Gilded Vale. People wouldn't stay… themselves. Some were more solidly themselves, but others she would look at and feel a draw, and then suddenly see them living other lives. Sometimes dying horrible deaths. Lillian looked down at her hands. She was solid. Well, she was the one that was going insane. Gideon whined and nudged her leg. Gideon and Gideon. Gideon in Gideon. She looked away and he whined again. Reaching down, she scratched his ears and closed her eyes. Closing her eyes wasn't helping. She could reach out into Gideon the wolf and see Gideon the dog. See from the dog's perspective herself and Emy running through the fields. She tried to draw back, but that meant she just went out. She could feel the people moving around her without looking at them. Even the corpses on the tree.
Sleep. She needed sleep. And was she still poisoned? No wonder she was losing her mind. That man had said she needed an animancer but the only one was dead. Giving a quick of a glance up at the tree as she was willing to give, she spun on her heels and headed off toward the inn.
Some Days Later
"So," Edér said seriously. "I need to ask you something."
The small group sat huddled around the campfire this night. Aloth was curled up in his cloak watching the other two, twitching at sounds from the darkness like a nervous cat. Lillian stoked the fire with Gideon curled up beside her while Edér sat across, smoking his pipe.
Lillian didn't look up. "Yeah?"
Edér took a long puff of his pipe and exhaled slowly, looking at Gideon. "Does your wolf bite?"
"You've seen him rip out throats already." She shifted a log and the fire crackled. "If you're asking whether he'll attack you in your sleep, no, not unless you do something to deserve it."
Aloth gave a small snort.
"I was more asking if I could, well, pet him."
"Pet him?" Lillian paused on the fire and looked over at Edér. "You've looked at my giant, man-eating wolf and thought, 'gee, what he needs is a hug?'"
He shrugged and grinned. "He lets you pet him." He looked at her pleadingly. "He looks so fluffy."
"I raised him." Lillian laid down the stick she was using fire poker. "I don't think anyone else has ever tried."
"Well, there's a first time for everything." Edér knocked out his pipe then slowly moved around the campfire. Gideon's ears flattened back but he didn't growl.
Lillian slapped her hands on her knees and leaned back. "Don't come crying to me if you lose your head."
"That would be hard, now wouldn't it." Edér extended out a hand to Gideon. The wolf sniffed his hand, then turned and looked at Lillian.
"He's alright, boy." Gideon turned back to Edér and perked up his ears.
Edér slowly reached out and scratched Gideon's ears. Gideon lay still, allowing the physical contact, then turned back to look at Lillian. "Ah, well, I'm not your mom. But we'll work on you," said Edér.
"He acts more like a dog than a wolf with you," Aloth nodded to Lillian.
"He always has. I don't know why." She scratched Gideon behind the ear herself.
"Old friends from a previous life?" joked Edér, who refused to give up on head scratches.
"Is that even possible?"
"You're the Watcher." Aloth shrugged. "You tell us."
"Sure, why not. We'll give it a try. This isn't any weirder than anything else that's happened the past few days." She placed her hand on Gideon's back, closed her eyes, and reached out. She saw fields full of barley, felt the wind in her fur as she ran alongside two laughing young girls. She felt teardrops on her neck as a young girl with red hair curled up into her, sobbing. She saw a man coming at her with an ax–
Lillian pulled back, coughing.
"Hey, you alright there?" asked Edér. He had stopped petting Gideon and was looking at her intently.
"Stuff I'd seen before, but I thought I was hallucinating." She stared down at Gideon. He stared back, tongue hanging out. "Ten points for being psychic go to Edér."
Aloth raised his eyebrows. "There is a connection from a previous life?"
"My childhood dog." She continued to stare at Gideon. "Crazy coincidence."
"If it makes you feel better," said Edér, "this doesn't top the list of the weirdest things about you."
"I'm touched." Kneeling down, she looked into Gideon's eyes. He licked her nose. She laughed. "So I didn't find you, boy," she whispered. "You found me."