*Tuesday, 3:18 AM*
Lily was almost asleep. And then her phone dinged. Groaning into her pillow, she flung her arm out to feel for her phone on the nightstand. She brought it close to her face and instantly regretted it once her retinas were permanently damaged. 3:18 AM. Who in their right mind would text someone at 3:18 AM?
mate i just googled what chickens looked like w o feathers and now i am severely uncomfortable
What?
look
Lily grimaced.
I did not need to see that.
Thanks for scarring me for life.
aww dont chicken out now
That was terrible.
She thought for a second, then smiled. She typed a quick Google search and clicked on the first image: a peeled lemon.
wut is this
no
i dont like it
Well, you started it.
well now im finishing it
see this?
Is that a peeled watermelon?
yupp
isnt it apeeling?
I will never recover from this.
lol
Lilly grinned, then shook her head and frowned. She had no idea who this person was. For all she knew, he was a serial killer. A serial killer with a terrible sense of humor. Why was she continuing the conversation? She was too exhausted for this.
Btw, who is this, and why are you texting me at 3:30 in the morning?
wut?
shoot wrong number sorry
this is james potter from chem
u gave me ur number for the project yesterday
Right…. She had forgotten about that. Apparently, Potter was the one not in his right mind, texting people at 3:18 AM. Then again, Potter was never in his right mind. Lily wasn't even sure he had a right mind.
Oh, yeah, I remember.
Hang on. Had she been chatting with Potter of all people? Arrogant, toerag Potter? And… enjoying it? Not good.
Alright, well, good night.
Lily yawned and covered her mouth, despite no one being in the room.
wait
do u wanna see a pic of a goat in a wedding dress
Good night Potter.
here
I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS
*Thursday, 2:43 AM*
no but what if food was sentient
would we still eat it
or would scientists come up with something else
Lily almost threw her phone across the room. 2. Freaking. 45. AM. It's bad enough that she stayed awake past midnight doing homework, she didn't need another useless thing keeping her up every other night.
POTTER I WILL DESTROY YOU
sorry evans wrong number
She rolled her eyes and pulled the covers up over her head. Ding! She ignored it. Ding! Ding! Lily bit back a scream and aggressively switched the sound off and slammed her phone down. Buzz! Buzz! Buzz! Finally giving in, she looked at the texts.
but seriously
cause like
if food was sentient
it would ask us not to eat it
but we need to eat
so wed have to murder our food
We already murder our food you idiot.
What do you think meat is?
whoa
i didnt think of that
im a murderer
Yes, you are. Now GO TO BED
nah
Do you ever sleep? Like a normal person?
I sleep in late. I don't have any classes in the mornings.
Of course he did. And of course he has no consideration for others.
Well I do, so if you could kindly stop talking to me that'd be great.
ok ok gnight evans
Good night
but seriously
GOOD NIGHT
*Sunday, 3:37*
mate
listen
yknow plastic dinos right
plastic is made out of oil
oil comes from irl dinos
think about it
Lily started to type a scathing reply, then stopped. Holy crap. Potter actually had a point this time. She groaned and rolled over. It was way too late for this.
sirius?
no
oh
sorry evans
Sorry doesn't get me to sleep
u gotta admit its pretty cool
…
I guess
ha!
Shut up
never
Lily laid back. Ugh, she really needed a good night's rest.
How do you keep mixing up me and Sirius anyways? Our names are not even slightly close to each other.
all my contacts have nicknames
sirius is padfoot
remus is moony
peter is wormtail
mcgonagall is minnie mouse
Lily raised an eyebrow and shot back a response.
You have Prof. McGonagall saved as Minnie Mouse in your phone?
yupp
Why?
minerva = minnie = minnie mouse
plus she loves cats so its kinda ironic
When he put it that way, it was actually slightly clever. Maybe during daylight hours she could appreciate the humor.
What am I saved as?
….
Potter…
petal
thats why i keep mixing up u and sirius
Petal? Seriously?
What? can u think of something better
I dunno, maybe my name?
but thats boring
Excuse me?
i didnt mean that!
Sure
Why are you always texting Sirius this late? Aren't you guys flat mates?
i didnt i swear
yeah but were in dif rooms
Wow
I'm sure the vast gap between bedrooms in insurmountable
yes it is
Whatever. Melodramatic to the end. Lily shook her head as she pulled the covers up. Thankfully, her drift into slumber was not interrupted by the irritating ding of a notification.
*Monday, 4:06 AM*
what if there was a whole other secret society of ppl who could use magic
and we had no idea that it even exists
how messed up would that be
Potter for the love of God please check who you're texting after midnight
i did
Lily paused. Wait, what?
You mean you purposefully texted me
yes
At 4 in the morning?
...yes?
I hate you
well the first time i actually did mean to text sirius
but you took it really well
so i kept texting you
How would you interpret my reaction as anything in the positive realm?
you seem like the kind of person who appreciates humor
NOT JUST BEFORE DAWN
true
but i rlly wanted to talk to u…
I thought you hated me?
no!
the opposite
Oh
Are you telling me that your version of flirting is texting a girl at 3, 4 in the morning and making her question her existence?
….yes?
You bloody idiot.
does that mean youll go out with me?
Ask me later, when I'm actually awake.
Lily flopped onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. A smile pushed on the corners of her mouth, and she did an excited wiggle in her bed. The small smile grew until it could rival the Cheshire Cat, and she pulled up the web browser on her phone. Her fingers flew, spelling: parrots without feathers. Copy, paste, aaaaand send.
THIS IS EVEN WORSE THAN THE CHICKEN WTH
(Source for cover image: tumblr user bellemrdch) Hey, everyone! Hope you liked that, despite it being a piece of crap that I literally wrote at 3 AM and edited the next night. I can't find it now, but this gem originated from a dialogue prompt that was something like "I just googled a picture of a plucked chicken and now I am so uncomfortable" and I immediately felt it was something one of the Marauders would say to each other. And then this happened. Maybe it's cute? Idk. Also, it is my firm personal headcanon that James and Sirius give everyone in their contacts list nicknames and you cannot sway me from that. Anyways. Thanks for reading! If you could leave a review I would absolutely love that. I'm trying to seriously improve my writing skills, so hopefully you'll see more of me. Or maybe not hopefully. I guess it depends. See ya!