Double-Decker Seafood Sandwich
by Cytisinth
Disclaimer: Monsters University belongs to Disney/Pixar. I gain nothing from this work of fan fiction, financially speaking.
This fic was also a kink meme fill, but this time, I've removed the explicit sexual contact. You will have rush out to the Disney Kink Meme on LiveJournal to read the uncensored version. It's on prompt post three, page 28.
The Perrys winced as the broad leather straps snapped against their naked chest. Or, rather, Terri winced. Terry smiled and then picked up the pink toolbox from their bedside table.
On the way into the bathroom, the one-horned twin pulled the skirt of his black leather minidress down. He pondered the irony of wearing an intentionally sexually arousing costume that covered more of his tentacles than his everyday clothing did. Then again, the sweaters he tended to wear usually covered his chest and back as well. They always consisted of more than two adjoined pairs of black leather straps crossed over each other and a short skirt at the bottom. Well, he wasn't about to wear a dorky sweater to a hot date, and neither was Terry.
They allowed themselves a final inspection in the bathroom mirror. While Terri examined his face for signs of untoward ugliness, Terry started heading for the door. Terri gripped the side of the sink.
"What's the matter now?" said Terry.
"We didn't put on any makeup!"
Terry rolled his eye. "For the last time, they won't care. Were you not paying any attention when we last talked to them? Or were you distracted by the thoughts of all those tentacles up our—"
"Okay, okay. I guess I can be pretty even without makeup."
"I'm sure you'll survive. Come on, we're wasting time."
They locomoted out of the room and down the stairs. They nearly reached the door when the soprano tones of Oozma Kappa's matriarch pierced their reverie.
"Boys! Are you really going out dressed like that?"
Terri reached for the doorknob, but Ms. Squibbles trotted up and placed her hand on his. Before they could break down and screech out a nervous confession, the house's sole female occupant giggled. She shoved at them a silver latex wrapper that stretched to the floor.
"Take this along with you! You'll need it."
Terry cleared his throat. "With all due respect, ma'am—"
"Oh, I know you're young, but you have to play it safe on dates! You don't want to swim in a public pool when you have an open cut."
As the twins grimaced at the matron's choice of phrase, her fiance emerged from the kitchen with his stepson-to-be in tow. Don nudged Sheri with his cup of coffee, occasioning another giggle from her.
"She's right, you know," he said, leaning in to face the twins. "Don't jump in a canyon without a parachute! Don't go hiking in the woods if you can't put out a forest fire! Don't stick your finger in an electric socket if your finger's wet!"
"You shouldn't stick your finger in an electric socket anyway," groaned Squishy. "So, what are you talking about?"
Ms. Squibbles said, "I was just telling your friends that they should take some precautions on their date. We wouldn't want anyone to get sick."
Squishy suddenly noticed the object lying limp in his mother's hand.
"Mom! You just keep those around the house? Why? Are you really thinking that much about our—"
"Now, now," she said. "Isn't this better than if I let you go out unprepared?"
Terri protested, "Come on! We want to get down and roll!"
"Ooh! Are we acting out cereal commercials again?" said Don.
"I can handle this," said Terry. He gave Terri a quick glance and then took the long, drooping wrapper in his free hand. With no further words, the Perrys pulled the door open and darted out into the night.
"Have a good time, boys!" said Ms. Squibbles, whom Terri saw wave at him and his brother through the corner of his eye.
Minutes later, after the Perrys had successfully braved the three-minute walk to the bus stop, they boarded the crosstown express, taking care not to meet whatever hostile stares they encountered from monsters who did not understand the importance of looking ready for sex while on a date. Eleven minutes after the bus started rolling, Terri pulled the bright orange cord to signal the bus to stop.
The red-and-green-striped bus screeched to a halt, and the Perrys bounded down the three metal stairs and onto the concrete below. They walked down the sidewalk, passing by the thrift stores playing music from the 1960s, the record stores with their cardboard bins of used vinyl albums outside, the used bookstores with their lavender cats in the windows, and all other manner of venues that could delight a college student's heart. Finally, they reached their destination: a little cafe with a sign hanging from the top of the archway. In ebony Gothic font, the peeling white sign proclaimed the establishment BLACK-HEARTED BETTY'S. Terri pulled the door open and savored the sound of the jingling bell as he and his twin entered the cafe.
The interior of the small restaurant contained a modest array of tables. The swiveling stools that stood in front of the food counter off to the side held a trio of monsters, all of whom had orange fur, horns, and bright pink backpacks. A six-armed scarlet reptile leaned over the bar, scribbling orders down on a notepad. Terri looked past all the other monsters until he saw a somewhat pudgy electric blue tentacle monster with a large pink-and-black-checkered shell. It sat across from another aquatic-looking creature, this one with bright green skin, a slender torso, tentacles for arms and hair, and a pair of boot-clad feet.
The twins exchanged toothy smiles and wiggled over to the two other Lemurians.
The bright green monster acknowledged their presence first. He rose from his chair and extended a tentacle to the Perrys for a shake, which they accepted.
"Hello, guys," he said.
"Hi, Siggy," said Terri, whose normal blush turned a darker shade of red. Terry snorted at him and grasped one of the nautilus monster's dextrous tentacles.
"Do you want to head out now, or would you like to stay here for dinner?" asked the shelled cephalopod creature.
"We've already eaten," said Terry, still gazing into his date's eye.
"Yeah! Let's get down to business!" Terri added, still blushing. His brother gave him a light slap on the face. Terri emitted a mock shriek of pain.
Several minutes later, Sigmund drove his date, his date's brother, and his date's brother's date away from the cafe. As his flame for the evening sped down the street and toward the forest, Terri pressed the button labeled FM on the console of Sigmund's convertible. Immediately, the synthesizer-heavy beats that burst from the car speakers inspired Terri to bob his head and snap his fingers.
"Cut it! Clip it! Clean it! And learn to live without hiiiim!" he sang along. "Blow him a kiss, and wave goodbyyyye!"
The Perrys' dates laughed, but Terry smote his face with his palm.
"Why are you singing a breakup song on a date?"
" 'Cause it's fun. Why else?"
Sigmund put one of his dexterous tentacles around Terri's shoulder. "Hell yes! Why does anyone do anything, in fact?"
"Keep your tentacles on the wheel, please," said Terry.
"Oh, you're no fun," Terri replied.
"Ex-cuse me!" said Quincy. "I think Terry's a joy to have around."
"Thank you, but let's save it for the Spooky Woods."
Far from a dire warning, the Spooky Woods were so named as a term of affection. Appropriately enough, affection tended to flow more freely than anything else from the young monsters who chose the permanently shade-stalked forest as their rendezvous point. All manner of hairy, scaly, fanged, horned, and/or demoniac creatures were said to haunt the thickets; naturally, no thrill-seeking student of Monsters University could resist the Spooky Woods's siren call. The psyches of college-aged monsters not differing too significantly from those of college-aged humans, however, the general consensus was that the best aspect of the Spooky Woods was the cliff that overlooked the town.
After a prolonged drive through the vaunted forest, the foursome found their parking space on the cliff. The moon had sliced itself away to a crescent over the bright city lights that obscured most of the stars.
Now Quincy wrapped one of his tentacles around Terry. "Look, darling, the moon is waning. And soon, it will be new, and the whole sky will be dark but for those artificial lights."
"If this is some kind of plea for us to join the astronomy club, it's not going to work," said Terri.
"Just think of it, though!" continued Quincy. "The darkness enveloping the city below, covering the helpless denizens of our beloved planet in a thick velvet blanket—"
Terri leaned over and kissed Quincy's mouth to shut him up. Again, his brother smacked him, but Terri's lips remained locked over Quincy's.
"Terri! That's my date!"
Quincy finally extracted himself from beneath Terri. He came up laughing.
"That was fun," said Quincy. "But seriously, darling, I haven't forgotten you." The electric blue monster grabbed Terry by the strap of his scant leather garment and kissed down his chest. Terry tried to conceal his sudden heavy breaths while Terri smirked at him, trying not to become aroused himself.
"Don't leave me out, guys!" said Sigmund. He grabbed Terri's head and slid his lengthy tongue down his date's throat. Terri's laughter came out muffled with Sigmund's proboscis sucking on his lips.
In fact, he remained squirming in Sigmund's embrace for what seemed like ten minutes. He opened his mouth slightly to receive the tiny bumps that spread like pebbles on Sigmund's skin. Terri thought that his date's flesh tasted like the sweetest, most rubbery raw seafood.
And with that comparison in his brain, Terri turned the radio back on. Before he could burst into song or groove to the funky synthesized beat, Quincy pushed Sigmund out of the way, bound Terri's arms with his own, and dug into his face, mouth to mouth.
"Hey! Who asked whom on a date here?" Terry protested.
But Quincy and Sigmund both engaged themselves too deeply in Terri's half of the body to answer. Quincy shoved his tongue down Terri's throat, while Sigmund sucked at the flesh beneath Terri's leather strap with his own lengthy licking utensil. The slick slurping sounds made Terry's tentacles twitch.
"Guys, I'm feeling left out." He grabbed his beloved electric blue nautilus monster and pulled him off of Terri.
Then each moonlit monster found his original partner. Terri's two right arms clutched Sigmund's back as they both leaned in for another, deeper, longer, sloppier kiss. Meanwhile, Terri heard a succession of small popping noises. He glanced out of the corner of his eye and saw Quincy laying brief kisses all along Terry's side of the body, starting with the space between his horns. The shelled cephalopod had worked his way down to the belly and continued south.
Terri felt the hectocotylus he shared with Terry beginning to slide out. Rather than alert either of the twins' dates about it, however, he closed his eye again and lay back to return Sigmund's kisses.
Eventually, both Quincy and Sigmund must have had the same idea at once, because they simultaneously reached for the undercarriage of the Perrys' tentacles. As their dexterous appendages wrapped around the hectocotylus, the other part-time denizens of the deep laughed.
"Called it," said Sigmund.
"Don't you dare," Quincy replied with a laugh. "We never had a bet going."
The Perrys blushed...but they let their dates continue what they had planned.
And thus, the night wore on as deliciously as any of the foursome anticipated. The only drawback was that Sigmund fell asleep before he could drive anyone home.