This is my lame attempt at humor. Hope you enjoy it anyways.
Today was like any other day when it came to Eragon's training. Oromis would have him study scrolls vigorously, expand his mind to everything around him, and have his pupil work on new spells the young boy had never heard the likes of.
"Kverst malmr du huildrs edtha, mar frema ne thon eka threyja!" Eragon shouted at a piece of metal Oromis had wound around his wrist. The metal seemed to writhe under the force of the words, but otherwise didn't move.
Eragon twisted his wrist around and looked at it from every angle, his frustration growing with every twist. "What'd I do wrong?" Eragon groaned. Oromis smiled wryly at Eragon's increasing frustration. "Calm down, Eragon. You merely mispronounced 'huildrs'. It's nothing that can't be easily fixed."
Eragon cast his master a disdainful look and nodded. Eragon retried the spell, being careful not to mispronounce the same word again. This time, the metal started to unwind itself enough that the pressure lifted.
Eragon let the spell go and smiled at his success. Oromis congratulated Eragon accordingly and then said,"I think it is time now for Glaedr to take you and for me to take Saphira." Eragon nodded in agreement and called for Saphira with his mind.
The female dragon answered his call with a load roar heard in the distance. I'm on my way, Puny Human. Saphira yelled in her mind. Eragon frowned at this new name. Did she say what he think she just said?
Eragon brushed it off as he waited for his dragon to arrive. It took a little over a minute for the dragons to appear, but when they did, they sure made a show.
Saphira had her wings spread majestically behind her as she landed gracefully on the ground. Glaedr, on the other hand, just plopped down next to her with a loud thud. He then gazed down at her with one of his glittering, golden eyes.
You are such a show off. Glaedr said in his loud, booming inner voice. Saphira seemed to snicker. Glaedr, we are dragons. We are magnificent creatures. We should act the part. Glaedr snorted and a puff of smoke billowed from his nose. We were once given a reputation of being full of ourselves. I thought that gene died out when most of our race died. Looking at you, I realize it hasn't.
Now it was Saphira's turn to snort. Honestly, we are the best things to roam this land. We deserve to be treated like kings and queens. We should rule the earth! All humans should be our slaves! Saphira let out a mighty roar after her sentence.
You're drunk again aren't you? Glaedr asked amused. Saphira scoffed and turned her head away, the scales on her cheeks turning a slight shade of red. Maybe. Glaedr sighed. How much?
Saphira glanced away as she said Four barrels. Glaedr shook his head trying to display frustration, but he was betrayed a moment later by a low chuckle emanating from deep within his throat.
While this exchange of inner thoughts was going on, Eragon and Oromis just stared at their dragons. "What do you think they're talking about?" Eragon asked. Oromis sniffed at the air,"I smell mead. I think Saphira is drunk again."
Eragon looked from Saphira to Oromis and back. "I thought we hid all the barrels of mead." Saphira turned her massive head to look at her Rider. She made a hiccup sound before saying I am a dragon, Puny Human! I can find anything.
Glaedr nudged Saphira away and walked up to Eragon and Oromis. Excuse her insolence. As you can see, she's very drunk. Glaedr said trying to keep Saphira from getting in front of him. The blue dragon snuck around the other side, leaving Glaedr to twist around to see where she went.
Saphira appeared on the other side and started to talk again. Come, white haired puny elf person. Let us fly! Saphira sprang forward and grabbed the edge of Oromis's tunic in her teeth and took off before Glaedr could stop her.
"Should we go after them?" Eragon asked aloud. Glaedr shook his massive head. No. Let us begin our own lesson. Oromis should be fine. Glaedr glanced up at the sky to convince himself of what he said. He still wasn't quite sure. But he shook off the thought of a drunk dragon with his rider and began his lesson.
Today, I will teach you how to fight from Saphira's tail. It is a useful technique. One that wasn't even widely used when Riders were around. Only the most experienced Riders get to learn it and can actually achieve it, but you've learned as much as any of them. Glaedr explained. The gold dragon turned around so that his ginormous tail was in front of Eragon.
Climb on. You'll just have to learn on me. Eragon nodded and climbed onto the tail with slight effort. Once he was on, Glaedr launched back into his explanation. It is a technique that is mostly just used for fighting an enemy that is trailing behind you while in flight. A Rider must infuse a little energy into his feet to keep him from flying off, but there are spells that don't require much energy to do so. Try it.
Glaedr gave Eragon the spell and watched with patience as Eragon said the spell. Glaedr tried to flick his student off but Eragon stuck to him. The boy flailed slightly, feeling as if he was going to fall off, but in the end he never did.
Very good. Next we shall try it without any spell. It is difficult but not impossible. Eragon seemed to shrink at the dragon's words. Are you crazy? Do you want me to be flung off and get a broken bone or something? Remember, I am only a human. And if I get hurt, I doubt I could really heal myself very well and Oromis isn't here yet. Eragon started to rant.
Glaedr didn't seem to have the patience for that. Go ahead, boy, and we'll see. Let me make this easier on you: If you don't hold on, I will do something to you that you definitely won't like. Glaedr growled.
Eragon gulped and bit back any retort he may have had. Eragon readied himself for what would happen next. He tried to get a good foot holding, but before he could, Glaedr twitched his tail and Eragon tumbled off.
The old farm boy fell on his back and groaned in annoyance and pain. Glaedr chuckled with obvious glee. You did that on purpose. Eragon growled. Maybe so. Time for your punishment. Glaedr said. The huge dragon turned around and started backing up toward Eragon.
If the breathe hadn't been knocked out of him, Eragon would have sprinted away. Instead, all he could do was lay there and watched hopelessly as his master sat on him. He didn't sit all the way so that it would crush Eragon, but merely covered his face and chest somewhat.
Get off! Eragon yelled desperately through his mind. Glaedr didn't move an inch though. That is, until he felt a slight pressure in his groin. He had no idea what it was, but he tried to hold whatever it was in.
When he couldn't take it anymore, Glaedr lifted his rear just high enough that a monsterous burst of air escaped his behind and sprayed itself into Eragon's horrified face. The young man coughed and sputtered on the foul stench, the putrid smell bursting into his lungs and sent the smell receptors in his nose haywire.
Glaedr sat up straight then and looked down at his gasping pupil. Eragon shot up and clutched at his chest. He didn't know whether to suck in much needed air or to keep his nose shut so that he wouldn't have to smell Glaedr's horrendous fart.
Sorry. It just sort of, came out. Eragon decided to take in a deep breathe and looked up at the golden dragon in horror. "W-what did you eat?" Eragon all but screamed. Glaedr made a sound that sounded like a chuckle and bent low to look Eragon in the eye. Beans. Oromis wanted me close by today so I couldn't eat meat. Instead I ate beans.
Eragon waved a hand under his nose trying to dispell the foul odor away from his face. "Tell Oromis to go get you meat in advance then. That was just horrible." Eragon said scrunching his nose in disgust. Says the human that, only yesterday, stood in front of Arya like a blubbering imbecile as she talked. Honestly, your feelings are so out there that it makes others uncomfortable.
Eragon stared at the golden dragon with a dead-pan expression. Yeah. Just like your flatulence. Glaedr glared down at the sixteen year old boy, obviously contemplating on what to say to the adolescent boy.
The dragon thought about insulting the boy further but thought better of it. So instead, the massive creature turned around and without any hesitation, let another fart rip. A green gas followed the loud sound that emitted from Glaedr's behind and engulfed Eragon in a cloud of foul smells.
"Not again!" Eragon yelled trying to cover his nose. Don't insult me. Waft in it! The dragon boomed inside Eragon's head. Saphira's rider fell to the ground as he choked on the gut-wrenching stench. "You're horrible!" Eragon yelled from under his hands.
Glaedr chuckling deep in his chest and Eragon rolling on the ground screaming random profanity is what Oromis and Saphira came back to.
They both stared at the scene blankly, silently thinking about what could have possibly have happened while they were gone. Finally, Oromis said to Saphira,"I don't even want to know what happened."
Saphira looked down at her Rider thoughtfully. Neither do I. By the way, show me where the mead is, puny elf thing, or your future ruler will not be pleased.
And that is it. It was a bit OOC-ish at times, but whatever. I still enjoyed writing this. Tell me what you think.