Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem.

Chapter 1

Hello, World

Ughh... why's it so bright...? Aww man...

I made an attempt to crack open my eyes, but upon figuring that the light was waaay too blinding to bother with I let it loll back against whatever it was resting on.

...Ehhh, something's not entirely right with that statement... What could it...

Uh... hmm...

Braving the harsh rays of daylight again, I blearily blinked back my eyelids and slowly focused on a point ahead. Some movement caught my attention, and I ended up blankly staring at a pretty azure butterfly as it fluttered across a field of vibrant, blooming flowers. Dazedly looking around, I noticed that I'm slouched against a tree on the edge of a pleasant little meadow of some sort. And around the meadow for as far as I could see are... trees?

Am I in a... a forest...? Huh, how... uh, nice.

...Wait a minute, how did I...?

Uhhh...

...

...It's sooo nice here...

I could just... stay here for a little while... relax... y'know, just for a few minutes...

...yeah.

Yeah, why not...?

I slumped further down the sturdy tree trunk, letting myself fall into a dazed stupor while sleepily marveling at the peaceful environment around me. It was a beautiful day. Small critters sang to each other from their perches above, insects buzzed from the blades of grass saturating the miniature clearing in the woods, and the occasional unmistakable beat of leathery wings sounded from somewhere far off, doubtlessly produced by the flight of a roaming colony of bats. Ethereal rays of light shone through the treetops, making the forest glow with a warm natural intensity that we... that we just don't get where I live. Through it all blew the wind in the background, rustling the leaves of the proud and mighty trees around me and gently flowing past the exposed parts of my skin.

...

...There it is again.

That feeling that something's... off. Hm.

...Yeah, right. Something's wrong with this wonderful place? As if that could...

...

But...

It was when I finally forced myself to look away from the scenery and instead at my own person that the alarms that had been going off in my head peaked. With a jolt, every nerve in my body which had been, like the rest of me, dozing off suddenly went haywire at the utter alienness of everything that I had seen.

"Waitwaitwait what the hell? Uh, gah, wha... Why am I wearing this? Huh? How-what even is this?!" I sputtered, clawing at the incomprehensibly foreign fabrics wrapped around my body in pure confusion. Suddenly, my hands brushed against two hard objects that did nothing but further plunge my mind off the deep end.

Is this-is this a freaking sword?! Holy shit! Oh my God. Ohmygod it's an actual freaking sword why in the hell do I have an actual freaking sword what the fu-

AH! MY EYE!

I jerked my head back just in time to narrowly avoid poking my own eye out in a fit of sheer stupidity, toppling sideways to the ground from the momentum of the reflexive maneuver and haphazardly dropping the actualfreakingsword in front of me. Staring at the incredibly shiny, wicked, and very most definitely sharp weapon inches from my face, I found my hand gripping the second of the two unfathomable objects.

After rolling away as far as I could from the stabby end of the weapon with my legs pressed up against the tree, I brought the second object, a curious thick, viridian, leather-bound book, above my head for inspection. Just after flipping through a few pages, however, I tossed it behind me in frustration. With my heart hammering out of my chest and my nerves still so frayed, I could not even make out a single word.

What in the hells is going on?! These clothes, the book, that sword! And... and this forest.

I did not fall asleep in a forest last night.

In fact, I have not seen a forest in years.

What? W-was I kidnapped? Wait, who the hell would give a kid that they kidnapped a sword? That doesn't make any sense at all.

So, then what? Is this all just a dream? Is that it?

...Can't be. I couldn't say why, but I have a feeling that this is not a dream. Everything's too, ah, vivid, I guess. Like, if I pull on this grass, it breaks off. If I kick this tree, my foot hurts. And if I breathe in this air deeply, I feel refreshed. It's all too real.

No, this is no dream.

Unless my dream is making me think it's not a dream...?

Argh, I don't get it. I really don't get it at all. What's the meaning of all this?

Okay, okay. Let's calm down and think it through. First off, these clothes. They're... quaint. Um, kinda medieval-y I guess. Nothing anyone would like to be caught dead in outside of Halloween or some sort of costume party.

Cosplay? Yeah, someone kidnapped me to practice their cosplay skills. Hah. Well if they were, this isn't actually half bad, I suppose. And this sword's definitely not some half-assed Party City crap either.

So that leaves the book. This is... real leather. And whatever language this is written in, that's some pretty ink handwriting. Like calligraphy. The cover art's real pretty too, some stylized wind insignia or something. It goes pretty well with the green background. Hold on, was this thing hand-made? Shit. Well, thank you mister cosplay fairy. This all must of cost a pretty penny. Times, like, a few million

But that doesn't really answer my question, does it? To the best of my knowledge now, some wack with a hard-on for costumes kidnapped me, changed me into a fantasy outfit, and dropped me in the middle of the woods. Wait, did they...? They did! Oh my god they even changed my freaking underwear!

Well that's embarrassing. So, how am I going to explain that?

And the answer is, I can't.

I can't explain any of this. This. Shouldn't. Be. Possible.

But it is, apparently.

Argghhhh, I don't understand! Why is this happening?! Is this some jackass' idea of a prank? Is there a camera hidden somewhere? Haha, guys. You're soo funny. Freaking hilarious. Okay now. You've had your fun. Joke's over, you can stop now. It isn't funny anymore, you can stop!

Please, just stop it now... please.

"This can't be happening," I whispered into the air, tears of confusion and frustration trailing down the side of my face. Sprawling over the forest floor, I pushed up my glasses and pinched the rim of my nose. "Somebody, please tell me what's going on..."

The bushes on the other side of the clearing rustled loudly, drawing my attention, and moments later a portly and somewhat indecent man stumbled out of it. Rather rotund in certain areas, the man was swathed in animal furs around his shoulders and marked with some kind of red dye across his face and naked stomach.

Eh? What now?

Abruptly lurching and swaying on his feet, he made his way through the clearing as I watched on with apprehension. He stopped about halfway through and brought a hand with a wooden mug clutched in his meaty grip to his face, seemingly completely unaware of me gawking at him from a not at all long distance away. After emptying it-and spilling a good amount of his drink over himself in the process-the apparently drunk man stared at the mug in confusion for a while with a half-lidded gaze before tossing it with a listless shrug and continuing on his merry way. Which he did, for two whole misplaced steps before he inevitably swayed and crumpled over. The tremor that resulted from his momentous crash must have disturbed the tiny residents of the meadow, because the previously peaceful and welcoming surroundings had suddenly grown very quiet.

Err, okay. So that happened. Yeah... um...

I said I wanted answers, not more questions.

...ah well, I should probably help him.

Wiping away the trails of wetness across my face and carefully stepping over to his prone body, I hesitantly grabbed one fur-covered shoulder and tried to shake him awake. "Uhh... H-hey wake up mister, we should, um, get you to..." Almost dying of embarrassment at my failure to speak properly, I nevertheless pressed on. "L-look, what I mean to say is that, um, we should probably get you to your house so that... um..."

I was suddenly acutely aware that all of my efforts weren't accomplishing anything, which prompted me stop and begin to think more about what I was trying to do.

So that what? Actually, what exactly am I supposed to even be doing in a situation like this? Damnit, think ya idiot.

Well... the only other time I've actually seen adults get drunk before, Dad ended up driving other people home, but other than that all I know about people getting drunk is that the alcohol makes them act strangely and that they apparently wake up with a really awful headache the next morning. Mom and Dad only drank sparingly, and the only thing they taught us at school about it is "Don't drink alcohol because it's bad for you". So basically, I know jack squat about this kind of a situation. Crap.

Wait a minute... Should I even be helping him in the first place? I mean, I know that's an awful thing to say, but this man... actually, this guy seems kinda shady. I personally haven't met any terribly suspicious-looking people before, but going off of the movies and TV and stuff, this guy would definitely fit the bill. In fact, funnily enough, he actually looks like someone took all of the stereotypical criteria for a "terribly suspicious-looking person" and stuck 'em on him. Looking at his face, he even somehow seems kinda familiar, probably because of how much he looks just like every stereotypical bad guy ever.

I was broken out of my reverie when what I recognized as the azure butterfly from before briefly crossed my vision. It seemed to be in some kind of panic, as the little insect beat its teeny wings almost madly as it swiftly fluttered into the gloom of the woods. I stared after it distractedly for a while, even after it had disappeared from my view.

...That was mean of me, I think.

I shouldn't go around judging people by the way they look, that's just not okay. There's things that you just shouldn't do, right?

However, there's nothing wrong with being cautious, no siree.

Slowly backpedaling away from the steadfastly unconscious man, I noticed that a recurring noise had grown a great deal louder now, especially in the eerie silence of the surrounding forest.

Is that... huh. Those bats sure have gotten a lot closer now. And louder. Come to think of it, isn't that a bit too loud for a couple of bats...?

I stared up at the tree line in confusion, trying to catch a glimpse of where that strangely loud flapping noise was coming from. It seemed to be getting much closer now, but I had yet to see anything through the thick, concealing canopy that stood in my way.

Wait... It sounds like... like there's only one pair of wings that's making that noise. But that's impossible. For a single creature to make this much noise just by flapping its wings, well, that's some bat. Oh it's getting pretty close, maybe I should-WOAH HOLY SHIT!

Through a gap between a pair of evergreens, I registered a flash of dark reptilian scales and huge leathery wings dart past. A heartbeat later, the majestic beast that they belonged to soared into full view, going along a straight path adjacent to my insignificant little clearing. Two powerful leather wings angled through the air, catching some wayward current, and a long, scale-coated tail trailed behind the beast as I watched in awe.

I don't believe it... That's a DRAGON! A DRAGON! OH MY GOD! IT'S SO FREAKING AWESOME!

The midmorning sun gleamed off all of the shiny bits of the mythical creature's body, the fangs, claws, and metal plating, giving me a reason for pause in my adoration of it. Although my heart was fluctuating wildly in excitement at seeing what was basically a living legend with my own eyes, tendrils of icy cold fear had begun to wrap around the vital organ as well. Other than the fact that, as I was beginning to get increasingly aware of, that beast in the sky isn't any sort of a friendly creature, this was yet another major notch in the ever-growing degree of utter crazy.

Say... Is that a guy riding on the dragon? Huh. Explains the metal-y parts, I guess. Cool.

...Did his head just... turn in this direction? He can't see me from all the way over there, can he? No way-

The mythical reptile suddenly dipped, and began to change its course from a straight line into a wide arc. An arc that, if I'm not mistaken, ends right around where I was standing.

Oh shit.

NOPE! It doesn't matter if it's awesome, I ain't going anywhere near it! It's one thing to look from afar, and totally another to see one up close. I have enough problems here without having a freaking dragon trying to eat me! I'm outta here!

I sprinted back towards the safety of my tree, praying that I wasn't just about to be eaten by a scaly, flying, and supposedly non-existent creature.

Now wouldn't that just be the dang cherry on top of this crazycake? I mean c'mon, waking up in the middle of some forest dressed like some kinda cosplayer, crying like a little baby about it, seeing some random, suspicious, half-naked drunk fat guy collapse out of nowhere, and then getting swallowed by a dragon? You can't make this kinda stuff up.

Oh I wish this were a dream. Then I could pinch myself and wake up. In fact-

I punched myself in the face.

Ack. I wish.

Well aren't I just having the best goddamn day of my life. Shit, man, please wake me up when the world starts making some freaking sense again.

The loud wingbeats had stopped over the clearing now, probably cutting me off from going into a full-blown panic attack. Huge gusts of wind buffeted the area, almost making me stumble even from behind my tree, and something large hit the ground, almost immediately followed by a smaller impact with a grunt and a dull screech of metal scraping against metal.

A gruff, thickly accented, and rather angry voice sounded out. "Oi ya damned oaf! I've been searching all over for your fat ass! Do you know how much trouble we would've been in if the fuckin' militia had found you first? If the boss finds out about this, it'll be both'a our heads!" The one I assumed to be the dragon rider cursed the unconscious big guy some more and then groaned. "Argh, and now I have to carry this damned bandit filth all the way back to base? Hey, hey, hey! Do ya hear me?! I said, WAKE THE FUCK UP!"

There was a heavy thud, and then a few more. Nothing else seemed to happen, though. "Gods above, does he not feel a thing through all of that blubber? ARGH! I went through all of that trouble, and this bastard's just merrily TAKING A NAP? That PISSES ME THE HELL OFF!" Well isn't he just a bottle of sunshine? "OI RAZORBACK! LET 'IM HAVE IT!"

Have what? And who's Razor-AAAGGH! MY EARS! AAAAAGHHH!

That's what a dragon sounds like? Oh mother of all that's good and holy! That was like some kinda horrendous cross between the sound of old lady nails on chalkboard and... and the sound of a drugged up, demonic ostrich having a seizure while being fricken stabbed to death with a rusty goddamn tricycle! I mean, I didn't expect any better, but still! Ouch!

...Okay, maybe not the tricycle. Oooh damnit, my ears are still ringing. I swear my eardrums just imploded. That asshole better apologize-oh wait I almost forgot; he has a dragon.

And I'm supposed to be hiding.

Which, judging by the pair of human and reptile eyes staring at me rolling around the forest floor like an idiot, I'm not doing so well.

Ah. Well. Erm. Shit.

"Hi...?" I tried, praying that this armored, well-muscled, and-to be quite frank-rather intimidating individual had some semblance of goodwill in his heart.

Unsurprisingly, he had little to offer. "Well, well, what do we have here?" he snarled. "A little four-eyed rat who thought it would be a good idea to spy on little ol' me. Here's some friendly advice, kid. When you're trying to spy on someone, don't leave your godsdamned sword out in the open!" Tilting his half-masked head back, he leered in condescension at me. "Fucking amateur. And here I thought today wasn't gonna get any better."

Shitshitshitshitshit. "Erm... Funny, that." Now that I've had a good look at these guys, well, I'm kinda wishing I hadn't.

The dragon-riding warrior was scary enough by himself, with his big steel chestplate, gauntlets, and strange fence-like pauldrons, coupled with a nasty hatchet in both leather-covered hands. Most intimidating, though, was the metal facemask that covered his mouth and chin and extended into fins near his ears. Belatedly, I realize that the mask's fashioned after his reptilian friend.

Speaking of, the scaly beast itself growled at me in an almost cruelly mocking manner, mimicking its master. Reared on its two legs with its broad wingspan outstretched and its barbed tail lashing about, everything about the mythical beast's stance screamed intimidation. It lightly swayed its layered neck from side to side low to the ground, a forked tongue slithering between gleaming fangs from a crevice in its rugged, horned mask, and two cunning, predatorial eyes hungrily transfixed upon my own terrified ones.

Just by looking at them, it's simple to tell what they thought of me. I was the little piggie, and they were the big bad wolves. Except there's three of them, counting the man staggering to his feet, and there's but just one tiny me. Oh, this is bad. Mother of god, this is beyond bad.

The masked rider leaned forwards and crossed his axes together, wicked lights dancing in his russet, bloodshot eyes, a stark contrast to his mane of unruly bright pink hair. "Now, since I'm such a generous man, I'm gonna make this real simple for ya, brat. You can either pick up that sword and die fightin' like a man, or I can gut you like a swine and feed your wretched carcass to my pal here." Said pal perked up at this, eyeing me even more like how a rabid hound dog eyes a pork chop.

H-hey I don't really like any of those options. He wants me to fight him? Either way, this is gonna end really poorly for me, isn't it? Ooh, he's staring at me real hard now. What do I do? What do I say? Ack!

...I don't know man, how the hell am I supposed to respond to that?

"'Ey, what's the hold up? You gonna fight, or what? C'mon lad, I don't got all day."

Argh, what's wrong with this guy? Isn't there some other way I can get myself out of this mess? Well, I've got a snowball's chance in hell of beating him in a fight. I can... I can try to weasel my way out with words. No matter what, he'll listen to reason, right? Alright, yeah, that's probably my best shot. "I think there's been some kind of misunderstanding." Here goes.

"Oh? Has there." Hoo boy, that's not a good tone. Whatever, no turning back now.

"Yeah, I w-wasn't spying on anyone, I just woke up here and your friend there just happened along and then I hid behind this tree is all. I didn't mean any harm, I swear," I blabbered, trying to explain my peculiar circumstance. "And anyways, I don't know how to fight. That sword isn't even mine, sir, whoever brought me out here left this on me."

"So what you're saying is..." he trailed off, glancing back at his woozy comrade, who had started retching all over the now-trampled meadow. He seemed to consider my words for a moment, scratching under his mask with one axe-laden hand. Whoa is he actually going to listen? Hooray for diplomacy!

His face pulled into a masked slasher smile. "That the gods have brought here you to fight me."

What. "N-no-"

The dragon-rider lifted both hatchets in the air with his arms spread apart, cutting me off. "Then it's decided! As fate has decreed, I will happily oblige and cut you apart here and now."

The gears desperately turning in my head in an effort to find a way to save my hide abruptly slowed to a screeching halt, like my brain had shot itself in hopeless despair, leaving my mind vacant. Diplomacy had spectacularly failed.

I froze, staring on in open-mouthed terror as the psycho bastard roared with laughter, twirling around his hatchets with almost impossible dexterity. "Well what are you waiting for, brat? Lift up your sword and fight! Hahahahaha!"

That was about as much as I could take. Too many thoughts, emotions, and urges suddenly flooded my vacant mind at once to process, overwhelming any rational thought in a tidal wave of unadulterated fear. Some critical mechanism in my mind broke, shattering into a million pieces.

The last things I heard before blacking out were the indignant screams of a man deprived of his fight and a whistling in the wind.

A/N: Welp, ten minutes before Fire Emblem Fates is released where I live, I ask myself: Hey, what's a good way to celebrate the new game release? And, well, as a result of a year of procrastination and daydreaming, I present to you this piece. Yay. I suppose if anyone ever bothers to read this instead of playing the new game and all of the things that come with it, I'll probably continue it. Oops, three minutes now. HYPE.

Anyways, if you decide that you, dear reader, somehow found some measure of enjoyment with my work, then feel free to tell me about it! If you didn't, feel free to tell me why, too!

And with that, I bid you adieu, and a happy many hours of playing the newly released Fire Emblem. See ya!