A/N: Honestly, I have no idea where this fic is going. This idea, or mess as I like to call it, came to me when I was challenged on Twitter. Corny, I know. But, I recently watched The Force Awakens and I was absolutely in love with the movie. I started writing this before I saw it and I changed some of the content. This is an AU so bare with me. I'm open-minded about ideas that you guys are willing to provide as well as answering any questions in future chapters. I will try to answer them as best as I can.
Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own Star Wars, blah blah. You all know this. If I did own Star Wars, I'd only tweak minor facts and events that occurred in the Force Awakens.
She had been constantly traveling to resolve an abundance of issues across the galaxy. Issues that ranged from supply shortages in order to rebuild fallen government buildings to food shortages, but this was only the beginning of it. She laid back in down in her bed and pinched the bridge of her nose attempting to alleviate the headache she felt coming on. She knew she wasn't going to sleep tonight, again. Leia knew what not sleeping meant; remembering everything that transpired within the last 28 years. It was always the same, starting at the beginning.
Shortly after the fall of the Empire, what remained of the Imperial officers, under Palpatine, dispersed to different planets making it difficult to track all of them and punish them for their crimes. When the Chancellor of the New Republic, Mon Mothma, was elected, she declared that all military personnel that served under Palpatine are to be turned over to the New Republic and put on trial for crimes that violated the Galactic Code.
Over the last 28 years, their progress on uniting the galaxy has been deemed unsuccessful. During this time, many planets have joined the New Republic and there were a few who still opposed the new government. One of these planets was the home of none other than Emperor Palpatine; Naboo. Which was understandable, the Emperor had brainwashed the Nabooine Council and their people into believing the Rebel Alliance was out to destroy everything they had once built. Shortly before the Emperor was killed, he had travelled back to his home planet and addressed them. It was a short and simple speech, but it still frightened the planet 28 years later. "Should the Nabooine government join the Rebel Alliance, the planet will suffer the same fate as Alderaan." The Emperor pointed to the sky, to a orb that gradually grew in size. The crowd that gathered in the square outside the Palace of Naboo soon erupted with screams. "SILENCE! Now, fear not. Your government is smart enough to not betray me. In thirty years time, a new Sith shall rise creating a weapon more powerful than any of my Death Stars, he will create a planet that has quadruple the fire power as the Death Stars once had. Keep that in mind." After the emperor's demise, the speech was soon posted on the holonet for the entire galaxy to see.
"Chancellor you need to see this" One frightened senator spoke up. Palpatine's message to Naboo played on the large screen. "Should the Nabooine government join the Rebel Alliance, the planet will suffer the same fate as Alderaan," Mon Mothma looked over at Leia, who went from a vibrant glow, to an almost ghostly color. She knew how the destruction of Alderaan hit her hard. Mon Mothma knew exactly what it was like having someone you loved stripped away from you, Leia wasn't the only one who lost Bail on that fateful day. Mon Mothma's thoughts were interrupted when Palpatine spoke again, "SILENCE! Now, fear not my fellow Nabooine's. Your government is smart enough not to betray me. In thirty years time, a new Sith shall rise creating a weapon more powerful than any of my Death Stars, he will create a planet that has quadruple the fire power as the Death Stars once had. Keep that in mind" The holo finished and the room went from constant chattering to instant silence. Even in the afterlife, Palpatine shook them to the core.
"We mustn't fear him, he is finally dead." One of the senators spoke up. The rest of the council nodded in agreement. Leia shook her head.
"What do we do?" General Solo spoke up.
"If only my mother were still alive" Leia muttered loud enough to where Han grabbed her hand and squeezed slightly in understanding.
"We'll meet in seven days time to discuss the Naboo situation." This echoed in Leia's head.
Seven days went by and they still didn't have a plan. Leia felt like a failure, she was letting everyone down. Han, Mon Mothma, the entire council and even her father, Bail. Leia let the tears flow. She missed him so much. She missed all the times when she'd come home from school and cried because of the older kids who bullied her and Bail would just let her scream and break things. She missed when she was teased for being an "insufferable know-it-all" one teacher had called her and when he told her that being intelligent wasn't terrible. "Intelligence gets you everywhere in life" he used to tell her. Then one day, she was elected into the Senate. But most of all, she missed bonding with him. She missed teaching him how to detangle her long mane, how to do a simple braid, watching holos together when he was home on the weekends and teaching her how to cook. Even though they were royalty, Bail had taught her the importance of independance. Cooking, washing clothes, the basic necessities. She laid in bed trying to hold back her sobs.
The images of Bail and the Council left her mind. Another painful memory surfaced. Her children. Her beautiful, force-sensitive, little children, Ben and Rey. Shortly after the birth of the New Republic and the Battle of Endor, Leia found out she was expecting twins.
One morning she woke up and was hit with a wave of nausea, she ran into the restroom and sat in front of the toilet. Her breathing was labored and she could feel the bile rising. Oh, force. She felt a cool rag being placed on her neck and felt a slight pull on her hair. Much to her surprise, Han braided her hair to keep it out of her face and the toilet. 'When did he learn how to braid?' He rubbed circles on her back until she leaned back and sat on the floor. Han scooped her up and gently laid her back in bed. Leia was too exhausted to say anything, but she used what little energy she had left to say two simple words, "Hold.. me"
He did just that. Han laid behind her and pressed himself against her back, "Jesus Leia, you're burning up" she just nodded, too exhausted to say anything, "I'm taking you the medical facility."
That memory faded into the day she gave birth to her children. She was six pounds even, nineteen inches and absolutely beautiful and he was five pounds, twelve ounces, and twenty-one inches. That was the first time she'd seen Han cry. "Leia they're beautiful. We never decided on names" He asked, "How about Jean and Michael?"
"Shmi and Obi? After our grandmother and Obi won?" Luke piped up.
Leia thought for a moment, "How about Rey Amidala Organa Solo and Benjamin Lucas Organa Solo?" Han looked at their children.
"Hello baby Rey" She looked over at Benjamin, "Hello baby Benjamin"
Leia choked out a few more sobs. 'What did she do in order to deserve this.. agony, this torture. She forced her eyes shut, she knew the next memory that was making it's way. The day she lost everything.
It was a luminous, pleasant day on Coruscant. The sun had broken through the clouds as the storm passed through the city. There was something calming about the storms that rolled through. It's almost an awakening to her. The storm passed midday, around two in the afternoon, the Organa Solo's had quite a late lunch and set the babies down for their afternoon nap shortly after.
"Goodnight my little whippersnappers, momma loves you" Leia bent over both of their cribs and kissed them gently on the forehead and shut off the light. She stood in the doorway and watched them for a moment. Leia closed the door quietly and tiptoed away from the door.
Two hours had passed since she set the babies down for a nap, she didn't think to check on them sooner because they hadn't made a noise. This alarmed her, the twins were old enough to sleep an hour during naps but not two. She had been too wrapped up in her work that she neglected to check on the kids.
Leia ran to the room and frantically opened the door. Something was wrong. She ran to the cribs. 'Okay Ben's here' She ran over to Rey's crib, it was empty. She could hear her heart beat in her ears, her knees felt weak.
The front door quickly opened and closed, "Sweetheart, I'm home."
Leia let out a blood curdling scream. Ben's cries followed shortly. Her daughter, her little hazel-eyed girl was gone. She felt Han squeeze her, this was the second time he cried since they've been together. Her world came crashing down and she couldn't handle it. Her daughter was missing. Missing she told herself. She's still alive. There wasn't a disturbance, she's alive.
"Leia what happened?" Han asked frantically.
"I put the twins down for a nap about two hours ago, I lost track of time and I went to check on them, Ben started stir and…" She paused for a moment, "R-RR-ey was g-gone."
"I'm going to go look for her, I'll be back shortly. Stay here and take care of Ben, I'm going to grab Luke and Chewie. Don't worry sweetheart, we'll get our daughter back. I promise. I love you so much Leia." He hugged her, kissed her head, tears streaming down his face and then he was gone.
For the first time in years, she cried harder than she ever cried. She didn't care. She wanted Han to hold her like he did all those years ago but he never came back from the search twenty eight years ago.
Leia needed to write, it was calming. She sprang out of bed and sat at her desk. There was a journal she had written in quite a few years back, she couldn't remember if it was in this desk or if she had stored it on the Falcon. She prayed it was here, and it was.
She looked at the last entry: June 26th, 1990, this was the two year anniversary of Rey's kidnapping and Han's disappearance. This was also the day that she was elected as the Chancellor of the New Republic, after the sudden death of Mon Mothma.
Dear Diary,
I made it through the day. I must have said, "I'm fine, thanks and I'm fine thank you" at least thirty-seven times. Look I'm fine. I'm okay, I promise and I didn't mean it once. The worst day of loving someone is that day that you lose them. I feel hopeless, depressed, angry but most of all, I'm scared. Part of me just wants to end it but then I think of Ben, I'm all that he has left. When we lose someone, when someone dies, or in this case goes missing/disappears, they're gone and there is nothing… There is nothing, nothing that we can do that's going to bring them back. I can't, I can't do this, I can't. I can't move on and I don't want to. If that makes me weak then fine, I'm weak but I can't handle you being gone. I can't handle feeling like this anymore. I miss them and I'm not alright, not at all. The worst feeling is the moment that you realize you've lost yourself. I can't live like this. I'm feeling things that I don't wanna feel and I'm becoming someone I don't wanna be. I don't think I'm going to survive this. In the end, when you lose somebody, every candle, every prayer, is not going to make up for the fact that the only thing you have left is a hole in your life where that somebody that you cared about used to be. One minute I think I'm fine, the next minute I feel like I'm dying. People ask, "are you okay? I've been worried about you" All I want to do is scream at them, "I'M OKAY. I'M OKAY!" I swear the next person who asks me if I'm okay, I'm gonna start throwing punches. How I feel inside me? I wish I couldn't feel anything. I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing. I am strong, I am beautiful, I am good. No, I'm not. I think I found a way to get out of bed this morning and that makes me feel like I am the strongest person in the world. Ben, I still have Ben."
But she didn't have him, she lost him too. She lost everyone. Han disappeared twenty-eight years ago along with their daughter, Ben turned to the dark side, and she took Mon Mothma's place on the council. She felt her heart breaking all over again, she felt as if the world crashed down on her again. She hated this. She didn't deserve this. All she wanted was her family; Han, Ben, Rey, Bail, Breha (even though she was only in Leia's life for a few short years), and Mon Mothma. The only family she has left is… herself.
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