The man facing Grissom had a distant face. He looked at Griss as if he were a specimen, nothing more, something to be analysed and explored and explained. It wasn't an insult. He looked at everyone like that.
"We're are alike." Grissom asserted. "Scientists. Only interested in certainties. We're not interested in the emotions because they are nebulous, mutable, unable to be experimented upon, or fixed in a slide and studied, so they are outside our purview."
The other man met his gaze impassively.
"But lately, I've learned something. Science itself is not the immutable art we thought it was, when we were young, and chose our life. I have discovered that nothing is certain. Life, like science, is made up only of theories, to be proved or disproved. What we believe to be certain one day, can be totally changed the next."
Grissom watched the other man, waiting for a sign of understanding, recognition. None came. Nevertheless, Grissom continued.
"The mountain gorilla was, up until 1903, believed to be a myth endemic to the region. Then the first white man saw one, and we had to reassess our evaluation of myths. Maybe what we believe to be illogical or impossible is everyday life for someone else."
Grissom's gaze faltered, and he looked away from the man opposite him, anxious to hide the sudden emotion in his face.
"Sara had a case with a gorilla once. Just an animal. But she couldn't let go until it was at peace. She always has this need to bring peace to the dead."
He looked up again, back at the other man's unflinching gaze.
"There. You see? I wasn't going to mention her name, but suddenly she was there, in my mind. I can be doing anything, walking down the street, collating evidence, watching an autopsy....." his voice drifted away, and the other man blinked, as if he were uncomfortable with the emotion flickering through Grissom's eyes. "And she'll be there, in my mind, obliterating everything else." Grissom finished.
"You see, it was the autopsy." He said, facing the man on the other side of the glass again. The other man seemed still, but his eyes flickered, full of pain. "They were so alike. And all I could see was Sara, lying there, on that slab. I don't know if Doc Robbins saw it too, but I did. And while, intellectually, I knew that Sara was back in the lab, or wherever I sent her..you see my memory is fuzzy on that point, which shows how much control I'd lost...emotionally, my soul was screaming."
The other man grimaced in pain, but Grissom continued to watch him, talking, in a steady still voice, as if presenting a lecture. "I was screaming inside, 'Sara, I've killed Sara."
The man behind the glass looked away, shaking, but the voice still came.
"Why would I think that? I can understand being confused, the physical similarities were astounding, but why would I think I'd killed her? And why, after that initial moment, would I continue to think that?"
The man watched Grissom, fascinated.
"Because I did." Grissom whispered, and the other man's face lit up, a revelation in Griss's voice.
***********************************
"We're are alike." Grissom asserted. "Scientists. Only interested in certainties. We're not interested in the emotions because they are nebulous, mutable, unable to be experimented upon, or fixed in a slide and studied, so they are outside our purview."
The other man met his gaze impassively.
"But lately, I've learned something. Science itself is not the immutable art we thought it was, when we were young, and chose our life. I have discovered that nothing is certain. Life, like science, is made up only of theories, to be proved or disproved. What we believe to be certain one day, can be totally changed the next."
Grissom watched the other man, waiting for a sign of understanding, recognition. None came. Nevertheless, Grissom continued.
"The mountain gorilla was, up until 1903, believed to be a myth endemic to the region. Then the first white man saw one, and we had to reassess our evaluation of myths. Maybe what we believe to be illogical or impossible is everyday life for someone else."
Grissom's gaze faltered, and he looked away from the man opposite him, anxious to hide the sudden emotion in his face.
"Sara had a case with a gorilla once. Just an animal. But she couldn't let go until it was at peace. She always has this need to bring peace to the dead."
He looked up again, back at the other man's unflinching gaze.
"There. You see? I wasn't going to mention her name, but suddenly she was there, in my mind. I can be doing anything, walking down the street, collating evidence, watching an autopsy....." his voice drifted away, and the other man blinked, as if he were uncomfortable with the emotion flickering through Grissom's eyes. "And she'll be there, in my mind, obliterating everything else." Grissom finished.
"You see, it was the autopsy." He said, facing the man on the other side of the glass again. The other man seemed still, but his eyes flickered, full of pain. "They were so alike. And all I could see was Sara, lying there, on that slab. I don't know if Doc Robbins saw it too, but I did. And while, intellectually, I knew that Sara was back in the lab, or wherever I sent her..you see my memory is fuzzy on that point, which shows how much control I'd lost...emotionally, my soul was screaming."
The other man grimaced in pain, but Grissom continued to watch him, talking, in a steady still voice, as if presenting a lecture. "I was screaming inside, 'Sara, I've killed Sara."
The man behind the glass looked away, shaking, but the voice still came.
"Why would I think that? I can understand being confused, the physical similarities were astounding, but why would I think I'd killed her? And why, after that initial moment, would I continue to think that?"
The man watched Grissom, fascinated.
"Because I did." Grissom whispered, and the other man's face lit up, a revelation in Griss's voice.
***********************************