Warnings: Bad puns, some cursing, a bit of angst, a bit of crack. Maybe a bit more than a bit.
Disclaimer: I'm not claiming that phan is real, nor will it ever be. I also obviously do not own danisnotonfire or amazingphil, as slavery is illegal.
It's been a year since the great toilet paper crisis of 2009. Society has collapsed, the bathroom is unsanitary, and people are unable to cope.
You see, the eco-extremists were fed up with the ever-depleting number of trees in the world. They took drastic measures that no one ever saw coming- they genetically engineered a sort of "tree virus". It would latch on to the wood, causing a chemical reaction that had a product similar to itching powder, but on a much more intense level. This product was named "Belli Scabium" (meaning War's Itch), or BS for short. If anyone were to touch wood infected with BS, they were unable to stop scratching the spot of contact for hours; some would even scratch their skin until it bled, causing quite a few bad cases of BS to hospitalize some, and kill others.
The toilet paper industry took the biggest hit, as their BS-infected products were the main cause of spread, making people quite literally itch their bums off. They eventually went out of business, one by one. The economy collapsed due to the sudden lack of any paper, and governments fell apart.
The worst part is that the BS won't stop spreading.
It moved on from just trees in the rainforest; it was classified as an official act of bioterrorism after it spread and infected its first human. That was when people really started to flip.
It went from being unable to touch trees to being unable to touch humans within a week after the first case. Contact with another person for any reason is now forbidden to help prevent the spread, but we all know that it doesn't help. More and more people are dying because of the virus, and all we can do is wait for it to be our turn.
You know, when I imagined the apocalypse, I'd pictured some Godzilla-like monster destroying city by city. Or maybe something more quick like a meteor flying to Earth from space and killing everyone. Possibly a nuclear war.
But no, the thing that brought about the end of the world… Was toilet paper.