Loveboids
"As far back as I can remember, relationships were tough. Especially with a gal like mine."
It was just another day in New York. Everywhere you looked, the city was packed with hustle and bustle of day-to-day life. Except for one place.
The pigeon Squit was sat in a bird bar, wallowing in his own misery. He would have sat there all day, if his fellow Goodfeathers Bobby and Pesto hadn't arrived.
"There he is!" Noted Pesto.
"Whatsamatta wit'chu, kid?" Bobby asked. "Don't tell us you've been sittin' in this dump all day!"
"Hey!" Called the bartender, insulted.
Squit didn't reply; He only sighed.
"What's got you all down in the dumps, any way?" Pesto asked.
"Sasha and I... had a fight." Squit admitted.
"Fight?!" Pesto repeated, outraged. "If you hurt my sister, I'll.."
"Relax, Pesto." Squit said. "It was Sasha who did all the fightin', and I got the bruises to prove it."
"And what was your little fight about, anyway?" Bobby asked.
"Nothing much." Squit told them. "I just said this little thing, and she went totally ballistic. Pounded me somethin' fierce, then she pretty much told me we were through."
"Too bad." Bobby said bluntly.
"What am I gonna do?" Squit despaired. "I love her!"
"Ah, quit being such a whiny wuss!" Pesto growled.
"Look at it this way." Bobby offered. "Just gettin' with the chick was an achievement. I never got how you pulled that off without Pesto here pullin' your head off."
"Simple." Squit shrugged. "Cuz Sasha told him she'd clobber him if he ever thought about messin' with her love life."
Bobby burst out laughing.
"Ah-hah-hah-hah!" He guffawed. "That's a classic!"
Pesto grabbed Squit by the wing.
"Hey, don't think just cuz you're all mopey, that won't stop me from pounding ya!" He threatened.
"Anyway, my point is, there's plenty more birds in the sky." Bobby nodded. "Why get all pouty over losin' just one?"
Squit sighed deeply.
"Aw, forget it." Pesto waved his wing dismissively. "Come on, Bobbo, let's go something with a livlier atmosphere... like a funeral parlor!"
"Good luck with the heartbreak, kid." Bobby patted Squit's shoulder awkwardly.
The two birds took off, leaving Squit with only the bartender and his misery for company.
Meanwhile, across town, Bobby and Pesto's girlfriends, Lana and Kiki, were consoling their fellow Girlfeather, Sasha.
"The nerve a' that jerk!" Sasha fumed. "Talk to me like that, will he?"
"Easy, Sasha." Lana said calmly. "Don't get your feathers in a bunch."
"Don't tell me ta calm down!" Sasha roared. "Lousy, stinkin' waste of feathers, dumb little..."
"I'm just saying that you should take a few deep breaths, cool off a little." Lana offered.
"Fine." Sasha huffed. "Not that it'll help much. "That big-mouthed jerk..."
"Was it really as bad as all that?" Kiki asked. "I always thought Squit was so sweet."
"He is, usually." Sasha admitted. "When he's not trying to impress Bobby and my dumb brother by acting tough... No offense, Kiki."
"None taken." Kiki shrugged obliviously, blind to the slight on her boyfriend.
"And he is kinda cute." Lana admitted.
"Yeah." Sasha admitted. "Especially when he's flashin' that big, goofy smile a' his... but that don't excuse what he did! I will not be spoken to like that! Not by anybody! I don't ever wanna see or hear from that jerk ever again!"
Lana and Kiki shared a look of disappointment, their attempt to calm their friend a failure.
Back at the bar, Squit was drowning his sorrows.
"Another thimble of 69th street gutter water, bartender." He ordered.
"Ain't you had enough yet, pal?" The Bartender asked.
"I'll know when I've had enough." Squit shrugged.
"Suit yerself." The Bartender shrugged back.
Just then, the Godpigeon entered. His arrival was enough to shake Squit from his stupor.
"The Godpigeon!" He gasped, before going through the standard greeting of bowing and kissing the Godpigeon's foot.
"Hey shorty, what's going on?" The Godpigeon asked, in a dull, mumbling voice that was beyond Squit's ability to interperate correctly.
"It's bad, Godpigeon." Squit sighed, misunderstanding the portly old pigeon's speech completely. "My girl's left me."
"Too bad, kid." The Godpigeon mumbled. "What are the drinks like at this dump?"
"I don't know, sir." Squit sighed. "Maybe this is a sign that I never deserved her, that I wasn't worthy of her love."
"Who needs dames, anyway?" The Godpigeon mumbled. "Let's you and me get a few drinks in. Guy time, you hear?"
"You're right!" Squit leapt up, his sprit suddenly galvanised. "I can't give up. I've gotta find Sasha, and straighten things out! Thank you, Godpigeon!"
Pausing only to kiss the Godpigeon's feet again, Squit took off.
"Weird kid." The Godpigeon shrugged.
Les then an hour later, Squit had picked some of Sasha's favorite flowers, carrying them in one foot as his flew, the foot clinging to the ribbon of a box of gourmet sesame seeds. He had been looking through the Girlfeather's regular hangouts, searching for Sasha. He finally found her at the park fountain.
"Sasha!" Squit called as he landed.
"Oh, it's you." Sasha sniffed. "Get lost!"
"Sasha, I got you these." Squit placed his gifts before her.
"You think flowers and a box of seeds is all you need to make me forgive you?" Sasha snarled. "Nice try!"
"Sasha, I'm sorry for... whatever it is I said." Squit offered.
"You don't even know what you said wrong, don't ya?" Sasha seethed.
"Well..." Squit shrugged.
"It was another one of your cracks about my age!" Sasha hissed.
"Ohhh." Squit realised.
Being Pesto's older sister, Sister did have a few years on Squit.
"That was the straw that brought the camel's back!" Sasha declared. "I've had enough of your smart-aleck quips about me being "middle-aged", or callin' me "Mrs. Robinson".
"Sasha, please..." Squit protested.
"Please what?!" Sasha asked. "I did you a favor. Now you don't to be embarassed of dating an "older woman"!"
"I'm not embarassed about dating you, Sasha." Squit said.
"Oh, yeah?" Sasha said skeptically, turning her back on Squit.
"Yeah." Squit nodded. "Truth is, I think you're the most beautiful bird ever."
"Y-you do?" Sasha asked, surprised by Squit's sudden affection. He glanced back briefly "Then why all the cracks?"
"That's kinda my way of lettin' you know that the age difference doesn't really matter to me." Squit admitted. "I don't care how old you are, cuz I... I love you."
Sasha was shocked. Squit had said the three words all woman wanted to hear, and all men dreaded saying. Turning around, she saw Squit smiling his goofy smile, the smile that always got to her.
"Okay, fine." Sasha sighed, admitting defeat. "I forgive ya. Now, c'mere... Benjamin."
The two pigeon embraced each other, and kissed deeply.
"I missed you." Squit smiled.
"I missed you, too." Sasha admitted.
"So... you gonna try and seduce me now, Mrs. Robinson?" Squit teased his love.
"Don't push your luck." Sasha lightly cuffed Squit on the back of the head. "Or I might not give ya another one a' these..."
Sasha pulled Squit in for another kiss.
The End.
(Animaniacs and all associated characters are the property of Warner Bros. and Amblin International.)