Step Brothers

Chapter One: The Pilot

(May or may not be loosely based on and/or inspired by the movie)

"…Dad!" Naruto whined, kicking the dashboard, the place where he had his feet previously propped in a comfortable position. "Why the hell are we moving into your new girlfriend's house? Isn't that, like, the wrong way or something? Bitches move into the man's house, not the other way around."

Moving his knee to the steering wheel, Minato Uzumaki, Naruto's father, reached over to his son and promptly smacked him over the back of the head. "Watch your language, you little bastard." Out of the corner of his eye he glared at the large footprint left on the dash.

Naruto hissed at the man, rubbing the back of his cranium with a pout. "You are so whipped, man. Don't let her push you around. This is the man's world."

"Damn it all, Naruto!" his father screamed. "I am not whipped! I just so happen to be moving the both of us into her much roomier home! Is that so wrong?" Thinking over his son's statements, he once again reached across the cup holders and smacked the back of his son's head. "Stop being sexist."

"I'm just preaching the truth. And what, I ask you, could be better than a nice, somewhat cramped, rockin' bachelor's pad with a beachfront view?"

Minato's statement did not even miss a beat. "The fact that there was only one room and there was no way in hell I was ever going to share a bed, let alone a room with you."

"God, Dad, thanks for loving me and putting your children first."

"Damn straight. Your little ungrateful ass is lucky I got custody of it."

Naruto frowned and inclined his head towards his father. "Don't mention that. I could go into an irreversible state of depression and end up committing suicide by jumping out of this vehicle right. Now."

Minato threw a somewhat annoyed look over to his son, eyes immediately flaring with mischief. "I am so proud of you, son! That year you flunked kindergarten has finally paid off, those were the longest words I've ever heard leave your mouth!"

Naruto growled, in turn, glaring daggers at his father. "I did not flunk kindergarten! That's a bullshit lie!"

"Uh-huh, you remember the birthday cut-off date is December, right?"

Naruto covered his ears with his hands, voice rising above the radio. "I'm not listening! That's a lie! False! FALSE!"

"Oh look!" Minato cut in. "We're here!"

Naruto's mouth fell open and he jumped to a sitting position (as opposed to the previous curled position he was knotted into in the front passenger seat). "Holy shit," he breathed, pressing his face to the closed window, "the bitch's house is fucking huge!"

With a growl, Minato smacked his son's head once again, smashing the blond's nose into the window and successfully causing it to bleed. Naruto squeaked and covered his nose, tilting his head back and immediately fishing through the glove box for napkins. When he finally procured a few from a previous trip to McDonald's, he immediately covered it to catch the flow. "I was making an observation!" Naruto yelled.

"Stop calling her a bitch!" Minato screamed back, parking behind a shiny black Hummer that made Naruto hiss enviously under his breath. "Makoto's nice!"

Naruto scoffed; crossing the arm he did not have holding the napkin to his nose over his chest. "We'll see."

Minato turned off the car, turning to his son with a serious expression on his face. "Don't judge her before you meet her. I know you know that no one will ever be as great as your mom, but give her a chance."

"Fine," Naruto growled, throwing open the door none too gently. He slammed it shut with an equal force, waiting impatiently for his father to exit the vehicle. Glancing to him with a somewhat pained expression, Minato motioned for him to follow him to the front door of the home that housed the small blond's could-be stepmother.

With a knock on the door, Naruto felt his heart drop, a frown forming behind the tissue he held to his nose. His cerulean eyes dulled with depression and immediately he knew that he was not prepared for whatever lay beyond the door.

With a nearly nonexistent sound, the door opened, revealing a smiling, black-haired woman. "Minato," she said, "you're finally here!"

"Sorry for the delay," he grinned, and immediately motioned to his son. "This is Naruto."

"Oh, wow!" she whispered, stepping forward to wrap the teen in a tight hug. "Minato's told me so much about you! Sorry we haven't met before; I know it may all seem sudden."

Naruto's eyes narrowed. Jesus Christ, he thought malevolently. Gag me with a fucking spoon. She's so fake.

"Come inside," she quickly said, ushering the two in after releasing Naruto from her grip. Behind his back she quickly pecked Minato on the lips, following the two in.

Before she could say anything further, a voice descending the staircase drawled, "Is that the pizza guy? That was more than thirty minutes. It's free, asshole!"

"Sasuke! Watch your language, and no, it isn't the pizza guy! I told you we would have guests!" Makoto chastised, sending Minato an apologetic look.

Naruto watched as a teen popped into existence from behind a wall that presumably covered the staircase, his eyes immediately narrowing at the sight.

Spiked raven hair with bangs that fell over his eyes, dark brown (nearly black) eyes lined with a thick eyeliner; pale complexion that seemed borderline anemic; nails painted a glistening shade of black; rubber bracelets and silly bands, as well as friendship bracelets covering his forearms; skinny jeans torn to complete shreds and barely being held together by a few strands; black Converse shoes; and to top it all off, a black v-neck shirt with a butterfly-like design emblazoned across the chest.

"Emo," he hissed beneath his breath, causing his father to promptly smack him across the back of his head the fourth time that day.

"Damn it all, Naruto! Be nice for once!"

"Oh," Sasuke drawled, stepping off the last step languidly and seemingly glided over to the small group, "might has well been." He passed Naruto, throwing him a small smirk as the short blond glared at him.

"I'm going to the store, I'll be back," he called, flashing the set of keys he had dangling off of one finger as he waved to his mother.

"Take Naruto with you," she immediately said, not missing a beat. "You two can bond and become friends."

The horrified look said blond gave her was only mirrored by the raven standing near the door. "What?" Naruto sputtered, resisting the urge to stamp his foot down in utter frustration. "I'm not riding in the same care as some emo f-"

He was promptly punched in the back by someone who was not his father. He whirled around, a groan held back by his teeth digging into his bottom lip as he came face-to-face with a less than happy Sasuke. "What did you call me?" he hissed, towering over the blond. Naruto, however, was not intimidated as he moved his face closer to the raven's.

"I was going to call you an emo fa-"

"God damn it, Naruto! Stop picking fights, or I swear to God, I'll-"

"Calm down, Sasuke! I'm sure he didn't mean it!"

"Like hell he didn't mean it!"

The four were already reduced to a screaming mass of confusion in a matter of ten minutes. It was then Naruto lunged at the taller teenager, tackling him to the floor, aiming punches that were easily deflected. "You son of a bi-!"

"Damn it, Naruto!" Minato yelled, arms restraining Naruto's, twisting them harshly behind his back as he pulled him off of the raven. His son's legs were flying wildly, attempting to kick Sasuke as he stood and glared daggers down at him.

"Sasuke!"

"Stop fighting Naruto!"

Grunts were heard and Sasuke resisted the urge to punch the blond in the stomach while his father had him restrained, just to show him that he was not fucking around. Makoto stood to the side, her eyes wide and her arms hanging limply at her sides as she could only watch. However, the entire situation was brought to a screeching halt when the doorbell rang, the chime resounding throughout the entire mansion.

"The pizza's here," she said shrilly, her hands wringing together as Naruto fell limply in his father's arms. "I'll go get it."

Minato dug his fingers further into his son's arms as he whispered, "Go sit your ass on that damn couch, and I swear to God, if you do so as talk to Sasuke, I will break your arms. Unless you apologize, I don't want to hear one word out of your mouth." Naruto could only nod obligingly as he attempted to detach himself from the pain shooting in both of his arms. The man turned to Sasuke and said, "Sorry, really, I've been trying to make him stop picking fights, but he just won't stop."

Sasuke could only glare at the short blond darkly. "Just make sure he doesn't do it again."

Naruto's stomach grumbled and he immediately covered it with his hand, staring at the pizza box before him longingly. No, he would not apologize to Sasuke, therefore he could not speak to Sasuke, therefore he could not ask Sasuke if he could have a piece of Sasuke's pizza, therefore, Naruto was starving, wasting away on Sasuke's couch as Sasuke made an effort to make him feel worse.

"Oh God," Sasuke moaned, the string of cheese stretching as he held the pizza away from his face. "Oh God, it's so good."

Naruto twitched.

Another bite. "Aahhhh…"

He clenched his fist over his stomach. He had just met this emo guy, and he was already pissing him off. Just. By. Eating.

"Oh God, it's better than sex!"

At this, Naruto was deeply disturbed.

"And it's all mine."

Naruto clenched his teeth, tensing on his seat as he opened his mouth to speak. However, Sasuke beat him to it, eyes not leaving his food as he drawled, "Unless you're apologizing, I suggest you shut it." Immediately the blond grudgingly obliged.

"Sasuke, stop moaning. I can hear you in the next room," Makoto said with a forced smile as she appeared in the doorway. "And it would be nice if you would share with Naruto."

The raven dropped his pizza into the box as he muttered, "He doesn't deserve it, Mom. He's an asshole."

Naruto bit back the retort that was on his tongue.

"I can see from here that he's hungry, just forget about it, dear. Remember the counseling?"

"Don't remind me."

"She said that you should block out all of the negative comments and just listen to the positive ones."

"Please leave," he grumbled, noticing the blond's ears perk at the information.

"Just share and be nice. Be the better person," she muttered, smile turning sad as she disappeared.

In turn, Sasuke crossed his arms and picked up his piece, pushing the box towards Naruto with his foot. "I expect an apology. Until then, you're dead to me." The blond only shrugged as he helped himself to the box.

Sasuke watched him carefully, his eyes narrowed as he finally said, "And just to make this clear: I hate you. You're an asshole and I hate you."

Naruto only frowned before taking a bite of his piece of pizza.

"I know it's all so sudden, Naruto," Makoto said as she led him up the staircase, "but I want you to know I have no intention of replacing your mother. I don't mind if you have no interest in this entire situation, but just know that Minato is not trying to make you feel bad or angry."

"So he told you." Naruto crossed his arms as they reached the top step.

"I understand if you're upset about that, but I was concerned. I could help you Naruto. Putting Sasuke into counseling-"

"I'm not going into counseling," the blond hissed. "So just drop it and show me where my room is."

"Alright…" Makoto's ever-present smile turned sad, but did not leave her lips, and her eyes flashed with an unknown emotion. "You're room is the one across from Sasuke. You have your own bathroom and you can decorate it however you want." She stopped before a door and pushed it open, revealing a room that was completely bare save for a neatly made bed and his suitcase and backpack. "You can paint it any color."

"I'm guessing his-" he emphasized the word, not daring to utter his name; "room is black, isn't it?"

"Light blue, actually. Anyway, make yourself at home and goodnight." She left Naruto in silence. Quickly he inhaled, exhaled slowly, and entered the room, shutting the door behind him. He sighed shakily, leaning against the wood as he allowed one tear to leak out of the corner of his eye.

He hated it.

A/n: Alright, that's just the first chapter. I only have a basic plot for this story, but I'd like some feedback on whether or not I should continue it. It's not going to be cliché, and there will be plot development and relationship development before I jump into anything remotely SasuNaru.

Sorry it's so short.

Like it? Hate it?