Disclaimer: Not mine, belongs to Fox. Honest. And the song is called "Tiger Lily" and that belongs to Matchbox Romance.
A/N: First fanfic on this category, please don't hate me if I don't get the characters just right.
Dedication: For Irene, if she'll take it… because she needs a good prose in between our busy exam lives.
We drive tonight, and you are by my side.
We're talking about our lives, like we've known each other forever.
I guess somewhere we went wrong, call it too much loving, call it the act of announcing our love one too many times, call it whatever you want but we screwed up somewhere. I guess neither of us saw it, we were too busy being the kids we could be, kissing everywhere, exploring… loving.
Yet when the dean called me into the office and told me what you did… my heart stopped. I know you hate Oliver, I know you always have but even to do what you did is absurd.
"Melissa… I'm frightened for you. Ryan isn't, how should I say this, trustworthy. He's an extremely jealous boy and up until now I wouldn't believe I could be saying this but after last night…"
The time flies by, with the sound of your voice.
It's close to paradise, with the end surely near.
I didn't listen to her you know, I thought that I had to hear it from you. I thought that it would be ok, that she was just telling me lies and they didn't matter anyway because you would never betray me like that.
You told me that you were helping Kristen with her new model house, moving furniture. You want to know something dumb, when you told me that, I thought that you were the sweetest boy on Earth. And then I took a step back and thought how I could have gotten someone like you.
If I could only stop the car and hold onto you,
And never let go... I'll never let go.
She told me everything. She told me about the late night brake in, about finding his file and about his confession afterwards. How could you say those things? To her no less, you let her in to places of our relationship no one should be- no one but us. I had to listen as she feigned compassion for me. She knew nothing of our friendship, our relationship, our love.
I couldn't help but get angry. You must know this. You went behind my back. You left me in a position I couldn't handle, didn't want to handle. I feel deceived. All those things you said about how you would try to be friends with Oliver… try to understand him like I did. You didn't want to, or you didn't try hard enough, whichever way- how could you?
As we round the corner to your house, you turned to me and said,
"I'll be going through withdraw of you for this one night we have spent."
She spoke to me about her concerns. I didn't listen. I was daydreaming, thinking back on every moment we spent together. I thought of everything, the time I first saw you, your hands on my back as you zipped up my cotillion dress… you attempting to save me when I gave up the one thing that mattered the most to the one guy who didn't… And the one thought that kept surfacing no matter how hard I tried to keep it down, the Ferris wheel incident, our first kiss.
I surprised you, leaned in and just laid it on you. You should've seen your face. I remember it so clearly… like you had just touched fire and burned your hand in the process. It was so adorable. Even still I can remember what you were wearing, the way you smelled, what you said. And I didn't want to throw those memories up.
And, I want to speak these words but I guess I'll just bite my tongue,
And accept "someday, somehow" as the words that we'll hang from.
She waved her properly manicured hand in my face. I heard her ramble on about how you've had a dark past and she can't blame you for wanting someone to love you. I wanted to slap her, I'm not just someone to you am I? I mean, how can she say something like that when she doesn't know what we have?
After what we've said, do you really think we're just some fling? I don't know what it was, whether we were destined… we just fit. We're like puzzle pieces, impossible to break apart unless the dog chews on it. Even still, she continued to talk. She continued to tell me about the safe measures to go about handling this. She wanted me to talk to you, tell you of my intentions. I blocked her out.
You're Ryan, the sweet, kind and loving Ryan. I didn't need to "tell you of my intentions". I love you. I admit I was angry, infuriated, hurt and most of all betrayed. Yet still, I hoped that in some way you had a perfectly good and innocent reason for lying to me, for going behind my back. So I went to the detention hall. I waited to see you.
Why does tonight, have to end? Why don't we hit restart,
And pause it at our favorite parts? We'll skip the goodbyes.
I had tears in my eyes when I was waiting against the lockers. The full scale magnitude of your stupidity finally had reached me. I guess it was what you did more than anything. I dug deeper and realized why you did it, I didn't even have to ask. You didn't trust me.
I saw you file out of that detention hall. Your usual swagger was defeated and I didn't know why but I hated you then. All the stupid emotions one can get when they see a lover who has done something wrong. It's enough to kill you. I wanted to explode in your face, tell you how stupid you were. Didn't you love me? What had I done to deserve this but instead I mumbled something in which you again told me a lie.
Don't lie to me Ryan Atwood, not again. Not after everything you told me already had become lies. I don't want to hear anything but the truth.
If I had it my way, I'd turn the car around and runaway,
Just you and I.
I thought we were fine, I still managed to force myself to believe that we were still in love and still the power couple we were before. But that in itself was a lie. You mumbled about how you got the detention, lying, I called you on it. You died inside then, you knew and I knew. And God what a feeling that was to know nothing would be the same.
Then you presented me with the letter. The knife you had already plunged into my heart twisted deep enough to rip my bleeding heart in two. How could you? I was quite sure I was crying though no tears flowed out. I acted angry but I really wasn't. I was only faking something so I wouldn't have to admit to myself that I was going to do what I had to do.
I took the letter from you and stared into your eyes. They gave away everything. You didn't have to explain. I opened my mouth and sputtered. I felt the tears, and I cried. The dog had chewed up our pieces of the puzzle, we were never ever going to be fit together again.
"I can't do this anymore… because now- I don't trust you."
And I... don't want to speak these words.
Cause I don't want to make things any worse.