Just had an idea for it, not sure if a oneshot or not, do say if you want more…
They'd gone never to return it was his fault. He told me not to go back; if I had I could've saved them. Now they were somewhere I didn't know. I bet they had some kind of brilliant release, never to be sad again. But I had to live with the pain. I broke down, he had argued my case to stay and he'd go but he failed but if I was there we could've saved them. I'd lost the guy I'd loved and been given a soldier with no emotion instead. I should have gone even though he told me to stay. I felt helpless and sad and guilt-ridden. I'd often thought about self-harming and why people did it, I now understood why. I reached out and grabbed the kitchen knife from the side and started cutting into my wrist horizontally. I was surprised that I couldn't feel anything. Blood started to appear, I breathed out a breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding. I did feel better for it. I dug the knife in deeper and twisted making the crimson liquid flow freely out, I couldn't feel a thing, not pain, not guilt, not love, not life, not death, nothing. I hoped this would solve things and as I watched the trickle increasing to a flooded stream, I felt… satisfied. I imagined all my problems drifting away with every drop. I raised the knife and dug it into a different spot twisting it and digging in deeper, I began to feel woozy. I smiled, feeling ecstasy run all over me and my sadness and guilt flowing away to join the pool of blood lying on the floor. My tears of joy and sadness mixed with it. I dipped a finger in it and licked it. Pure poison. He rushed into the room obviously only just realising I'd gone missing. I laughed when he saw me on the floor surrounded by my own blood. The look of guilt, shock, pain and anger on his face.
'You made me do this,' I whispered shaking.
'No, Max, oh, no, no, no,' he repeated grabbing kitchen towels and pushing them on to my arm, I pushed him away.
'I like the feel of it flowing freely; we always wanted to be free, didn't we? Now the blood gets a chance too!' I giggled, I was getting light-headed.
'Let me make it stop, you don't want to die, I don't want you to die,' he sounded scared; it made me realise the amount of blood there was. There wasn't enough. I screamed with laughter as I brought down the knife again. Not enough, I repeated to myself, not enough. I was shaking uncontrollably. I knew it but oh well. He had driven me over the edge but caught me just in time, but I was slipping through his fingers. If I died it was his fault! I didn't even care, I'd lost so much and blood was a symbol of that. I'd lost my family, my flock, my life and my love, and now I was losing control. Fang pushed the towels on my arm and held me by the waist so hard, that I couldn't escape. I struggled against him but he was too strong and I was weak with emotion and loss.
'Get off of me,' I shouted beating him with my other hand. Fang did nothing but try to stop the blood. Black edges started to appear in my vision, the darkness was engulfing me.
'Max stay with me!' he said urgently
'No,' I muttered, drifting away.
'Oh, stop being so stubborn, come back and stay with me, come on, Max, you've got to live!' he sounded so desperate that I tried I did try but it didn't work. The darkness was too strong and soon I was covered with the dark.
Do you want more or not?
Please review…
Beth
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