Hello, everyone! Are you ready for something new? Something exciting? Something totally-out-of-the-ordinary-but-not-really? Doods, for the first time in forever, I'm going to make an entire stories about ranting and rambling about FanFiction. XD
Now, before you get going and read this, keep in mind that this is not meant to be taken seriously. This was just made to make people laugh and relate - and if I offend any of you people in any way, I am very, very sorry.
With that said...enjoy!
Rant One. Types of People on FanFiction
Ahsoka Tano found FanFiction as wonderful and interesting as much as the next person. Nothing said lovable and sweet like reading Doctor Who stories (which were mostly lovely, by the way,) or Harry Potter stories or even Star Trek stories, which Anakin thought was completely ridiculous. ("'Space – the final frontier'?" He scoffed. "Force, these guys don't know anything.")
However, after spending most of her hours on this particular site, she had found herself in the midst of a rant coming. And of course, Anakin Skywalker was supposed to listen to it.
And he was filming it. (Ahsoka made him do it – she had the odd feeling that she was going to be showing it to everyone else who might come across FanFiction because frankly, Ahsoka figured that everyone needed to know what they were going to be encountering if they were to join this site.)
"Hello, everyone! Ahsoka Tano here!" Ahsoka waved cheerfully at the camera. Anakin rolled his eyes from behind it. Ahsoka knew that he would rather be doing anything but this, but…
"I discovered something known as FanFiction. Yes, I came across it. And I've read some interesting stories. Very interesting stories – for one, I know what a lemon is now!" She smiled brightly, though she was inwardly cringing. (She will never look at Clara Oswald and the Eleventh Doctor the same way again, though she did consider them to be a rather adorable couple…)
"And while the site is absolutely amazing, there are some things that are just annoying. And by annoying, I mean some people can be annoying." Ahsoka paused. "Now, don't give me that face – I know that not all of you guys are annoying, and this isn't meant to generalize people, but let's just take a trip down this road for a second, shall we?"
Ahsoka beamed again at the camera. "Because let's be real – living beings – Togrutas, humans, droids – they all put things in little boxes without properly realizing it." She held up her hands sheepishly. "Besides, this is a guide to all of you folks who might be considering joining FanFiction – and hopefully, this'll help. Ready?"
Without waiting for an answer, (and Anakin certainly wasn't going to give any,) Ahsoka flashed a thumbs-up and shouted, "Let's go!"
Ahsoka shifted her position against the wall and stuck up a finger. "Number one," she started, "the Lister." Ahsoka threw up her hands in the air. "Now, I'm going to be real with you guys – the Lister is pretty cool. I mean, this person is just always tagging your stories and following your stories, even if it's an one-shot. These people will be the first ones to hit that favorite button."
Ahsoka's grin faded and she stuck out her tongue. "But the problem with these guys is that they never, ever, ever review! Seriously – these people are awesome, but the fact that they don't ever review is just…" She groaned. "I mean, why?! There's a review box for a reason, no?!"
She puffed out an exasperated breath and held up two fingers. "Number two – the Flamer. Possibly one of the meanest, jerkiest, annoying people on the entire site. I mean, these guys are just posting hate comments wherever they go. You're writing a fluffy, cute story between two people?" Ahsoka slapped her hands together. "Bam, these guys are writing stuff like, 'ew, you like that couple? Oh, my God, get a life. Your writing sucks!'" Ahsoka violently pointed at the camera. "I'm not even giving you the filtered version, 'cause you people write bad things."
She glared at the lens. "You – you right there – if you're a flamer, stop. It's so annoying and most of the time, your writing is even worse than the writer's." She shuddered and added, "Go to your creepy hole and…think about what you did! There!"
Ahsoka straightened herself and held up three fingers. "Next up – the Stalker." She grimaced. "Now, there's a difference between the Lister, who tags every single one of your stories and the Stalker. These people don't even care what you're writing – they just want to get your attention so the minute they get that email that you posted something, they're on top of you and reviewing within the next second – they didn't even read the thing!" Ahsoka pointed at the camera. "And most of the time, you guys are stalking the page just to say something – it doesn't matter what it is, but I'm going to tell it to your face right now – it is as annoying as heck. I mean, do you want me calling your home because I know you just woke up? No – that's rude!"
Crossing her arms, Ahsoka continued, "Number four – the Newbie." She smiled. "You newbies are adorable!" She paused and sighed. "I'm probably saying that because I'm the newbie."
Ahsoka shrugged and stuck her hands on her hips. "Newbies are one of the easiest people to spot on FanFiction – they usually post stuff like, 'first fanfic, so be nice' or 'I suck at summaries so please don't flame' in the summary. I mean, not all newbies do that, but I feel like most of them do." Ahsoka shrugged again. "Now, these people are sweet and shy – they have no idea what they got themselves into and they have no idea how much sleep they're going to lose over writing stories for the site. So…best thing to do is just give them some space, offer them an Internet cookie, all that jazz."
"But there's also some annoying things about these guys, and I'm gonna say it right now – I would probably do this, too." Ahsoka smiled sheepishly. "Newbies love to Private Message people and say stuff like, "Oh, hi, I know you like the same stuff that I like, so can you please check out my stories?"" Ahsoka cringed. "Wrong move, my friend – listen, we all know that you want to be successful – you want to be a good writer, and who can blame you? But listen up – it just puts the writer in a very uncomfortable spot and when you're more experienced, you're gonna look at yourself and just go 'gaah'." To demonstrate, Ahsoka did a full-body wince, causing Anakin to roll his eyes from behind the camera.
"Number five," Ahsoka continued, deciding to ignore Anakin, "the Nocturnal Animal." She sighed and pressed her hands to her face. "Where should I begin? These people are just up all night. Do they go to school? Probably. Do they have work? Probably. Do they have stuff to do tomorrow? Definitely. But these people don't care."
She ticked off each sentence with her fingers – "They're the ones spending twenty-four hours on FanFiction forums, writing stories, reading stories, looking through communities, finding different writers, all that good stuff." Ahsoka put her hand down. "And most of the time, these people are insane – sure they might seem cool to talk to once in a while, but one of these days, you're gonna check out one of their stories and it's gonna end up looking like this – askdfdfd and then the Doctor said to Rose, "I wanna marry yoooou and have your baaabies and stuff and" asdfhsdfj;sdfdfdfdf I NEED SLEEP HELP ME DALEKS ASYLUM FALLING OSWIN OSWALD MWAHAHAHA DON'T BLINK SHERLOCK FELL MERLIN IS STILL WAITING SEASON FINALES DEAN IS A DEMON NOW MATT SMITH OH LOOKIE AFTER ALL THIS TIME ALWAYS OKAY TRIS IS DEAD BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH AND COLIN MORGAN FELLOWSHIP OF THE CHEEKBONES HIDDLES AAAAAH!"
Ahsoka blinked. "I seriously have no idea where that all came from." She said, wide-eyed and giggled. "But trust me, I've seen it before and if you see that, shoot the writer a Private Message and be all like, "It's time to go to sleep.""
She threw up her hands cheerfully. "And that's it for today! Now, I've only barely scratched the surface of the people of FanFiction because let's face it – we fangirls and writers are crazy." She snorted. "And don't feel bad if you're in any of these categories – I'm in practically all of them and I'm totally sane."
"That's debatable." Anakin muttered under his breath, causing Ahsoka to shoot him a death glare.
"Aaand I'll be back with another rant soon!" Ahsoka grinned back at the camera. "I don't own FanFiction or any of that – goodbye!"
A/N - I feel like I'm a Nocturnal Animal right at this moment, though I'm not going to lie, I used to be a mix of a Newbie and a Stalker. XD So, what did you guys think of this rant? Should I go on and expose my true craziness? Which of these people do you think you're most like? (You don't have to answer that - I know that this stuff can be a touchy subject.)
FanFiction doesn't belong to me! [Obviously.]
I'm thinking of going on to have Ahsoka explain other things about FanFiction - you know, again, as a guide to anyone who wants to join FanFiction, or just to entertain readers. XD (Maybe I should have her talk about pairings...? Have her read about certain pairings? Have her talk about different fandoms? I don't know! XD)
Review, please! Give constructive criticism if you have any, (hopefully about any mistakes I made - not about the actual content, because again, I'm not trying to offend anyone! *curls into a little ball*) and no flames!