Hi friends! Quick oneshot that I posted on tumblr so I figured I'd post here! This takes place post Quincy War so if you haven't kept up with the manga lately you'll probably be both lost and mega spoiled. Just keep that in mind. Hope you guys like it!
The cool Soul Society air blew against Ichigo's cheek, as his feet dragged him nowhere and his mind wandered everywhere. It had been an eventful past few weeks. In the span of that time, the young, now eighteen-year-old, boy-turned-man has fought in a war, lost many of his closest friends and acquaintances, won said war, reluctantly agreed to leave the human world behind and permanently live in the Soul Society, and accepted a position as captain of the eighth division, filling the head-captain's vacant slot.
His emotions still hadn't sorted themselves out during that time, too busy trying to prevent him from having a nervous breakdown from all the change. He didn't want to leave his life in Karakura behind, he didn't want to take over an entire division, and he certainly didn't want to have to deal with the fresh guilt and pain the hurricane of a war had left him with.
His father had tried to cheer him up, encouraging him as his only son realized the inevitability of his place in the realm of souls and shinigamis. "You can visit whenever you want," he'd said. "It's no different than if you had gone to college," he'd reasoned. It was a lie, and they both knew it.
But Head Captain Kyoraku's influence as well as the discombobulated state the Soul Society had been left in post-war made him make his decision to stay an obvious one. He didn't like it, but he was too invested in everyone in this entire military's lives to turn away from them now, even if he had already done enough by saving them multiple times.
Most of his shinigami friends had been supportive. Renji tried to tease him to hide his uneasiness with the situation, claiming it was bullshit he'd reach captain before he had. Ichigo appreciated the effort, at least, to maintain a sense of normalcy.
It had been more difficult with his real world friends. Chad had understood, though he was sad to part ways from his longtime friend. Tatsuki, Keigo, and Mizuiro had somehow already known and had long since prepared themselves for his departure. They knew months ago what he would decide to do. They knew him far too well.
Inoue was trickier. At first, she encouraged him, wanting to believe that his reasoning was sound and would be better for him in the long run. She had done a good job of maintaining her façade, until eventually she crumbled. Ichigo still remembered the tearful conversation they'd had. She had confessed that she didn't want him to leave, calling herself selfish as she did. Ichigo immediately disagreed. It wasn't selfish of her to care. She had been on the verge of confessing something else, but had stopped herself, instead telling him that she was wrestling with a lot of feelings after the war. She didn't want to tell him something as huge as it apparently was if she wasn't entirely sure she believed it anymore. Their goodbye had been strained, but Ichigo knew she was far too close of a friend for them to not maintain their relationship. It would just take time.
Ishida was the worst of them all. After the Quincy War, they had talked, telling each other a lot of things they hadn't told anyone else. Things about their fathers, their mothers. How the expectations placed on them carried through to their actions. Ichigo and Uryuu are very similar in a lot ways, yet still different. Ishida wanted to believe his friend would be better off in the Soul Society, joining forces with the shinigami officially, but he had his reservations. It had been a strained goodbye as well, but Ishida eventually relented, finally believing that Ichigo might actually know what he was doing for once. Ichigo himself wasn't so sure of that.
Ironically, the only person who still had doubts about the whole situation was Rukia, the one whose opinion he wouldn't admit mattered the most to him.
"You can't leave your world behind, Ichigo," she'd told him. "You're too young. You have a whole life ahead of you. Don't let the Soul Society pressure you into something you don't want to do." Ichigo had to wonder why she was so resistant. A small part of him felt a twinge of rejection when he wondered why she, of all people, wouldn't want him in the same world as her.
He eventually figured, as he knew her better than she knew herself at times, that it was probably because she was the cause of him getting involved in the Soul Society's business. She was the whole reason he had become a shinigami in the first place. If it weren't for Rukia, he wouldn't be fighting these wars and making these decisions. Blame, of course, could be passed down to Aizen, but Ichigo knew Rukia probably hated herself for putting him in this situation. He'd been trying to flag her down recently so that he could tell her he held no animosity toward her, and probably held the exact opposite, but she had been avoiding him ever since he officially decided.
Ichigo's white haori—that symbol of power and authority he felt as though he didn't possess—lightly flew around in the wind as he walked. Sakura trees were dropping their springtime petals, littering the streets of the Soul Society with flashes of pink. There was so much everywhere that Ichigo wondered if Byakuya was using his bankai nearby.
Then, as if the fates of the universe knew what had been most recently on his mind, he felt a flare of familiar spiritual pressure nearby. He continued to walk toward it, figuring if she wouldn't see him, maybe he could just go to her. The feel of her pressure signature grew stronger the closer he got to where she was, clearly not trying to be hidden. It was overtaking his senses now, but she was nowhere in sight. Ichigo looked around, only spotting the large trees lining this particular walkway.
Eventually he had the sense to look up, noticing first a stark black contrasting against the pink and brown of the tree. Then, he noticed her white gloves and her milky skin as it poked out from her uniform. She was sitting against the base of the tree, perched on a branch with her feet laid out before her. She wasn't looking at him and if he was a layman, he'd think she hadn't noticed his presence, but he knew his own spiritual pressure was too strong and too uncontained for her to ignore.
"What are you doing up there, Tarzan?" he called, breaking the silence encroaching upon the area.
"Who?" she said back, as she turned her violet eyes turned toward him. As was always the case when she turned to look upon him, he had to stop himself from gasping at the beauty and richness of the color of her eyes.
"Nevermind. Any particular reason you're sitting up in a sakura tree?" he yelled back, placing his hands on his hips.
"Just thinking," was her cryptic answer as she turned back away from him, continuing to stare at whatever she had been transfixed on ahead of her.
"Want to come down here and talk about it?" Ichigo offered, knowing this was as good a time as any for him to discuss things with her. They hadn't really had a chance to hash out all their emotions after the war and he knew she was feeling the weariness of that fact just as much as he was.
"Not really. You're the one who interrupted my quiet time. Why don't you come up here?" She was still being mysterious with her choice of words and not at all the feisty, outspoken woman he knew as one of his closest friends.
Ichigo sighed at his options. He could climb up to her and sit in a sakura tree so that they could have a long-needed conversation, or he could go on with his day, preventing at most a few splinters and further straining their friendship by ignoring the elephant in the room. This decision, for once, was an easy one.
Though he was happy to do it, he'd never let her know. Therefore, the grumbling and complaining never ceased as he slowly climbed up the tree that was a lot taller than it originally seemed. "I'd better not fall," he told her grumpily, as he knew she was watching his ascent in amusement. Bitch.
"You've fought in multiple wars and yet you're afraid of falling out of a sakura tree?" she asked, her tone filled with mirth.
"I just don't see why we can't talk closer to the ground," he grumbled as he finally reached her level and perched himself, semi-precariously, on the branch closest to the one she was sat upon.
"I like climbing trees."
"Why? Do you like being tall for once?"
Immediately Rukia's mirthful grin turned into a look of familiar annoyance. "Shut up, you orange-haired fool."
Ichigo smiled slightly at the affectionate insult. At least things were feeling more familiar for them, despite the gravity of their respective situations as of lately and their time apart. They both didn't do well when they were away from each other, if the seventeen months of separation were any indication. Ichigo didn't want to even think about the implications of that particular fact.
Instead of jumping straight in, they stayed silent, letting the soft breeze of the night caress their faces and chill their bones. Ichigo knew Rukia would tell him her true feelings eventually, but that she had to ease herself into it.
Eventually, as the moon rose further in the sky, illuminating their spot in the tree, Rukia took a shaky breath and began. "They want to make me a captain."
Ichigo didn't really know what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn't that. Instead of letting an exclamation of surprise burst from his mouth, which is what he wanted to do, he calmly asked, "Who's they?"
Rukia let out a breath, presumably content that Ichigo had reacted the way she'd wanted him to. He mentally patted himself on the back for reading her well. "Head-captain Kyoraku and a few others."
"Byakuya?"
"My brother isn't crazy about the idea, but he's told me I have his support with whatever I decide. This was mostly a decision between the other captains."
"This is the first I've heard of it." He was a new captain, sure, but that didn't mean he wasn't included in most of the Gotei 13's decision making.
"It wasn't formally decided. Captain Kyoraku apparently reached out to a few other captains to see whether or not they approved the selection and they did. Nothing has been done very formally since the war ended."
That much was true. Ichigo's own ascent to captaincy had been anything but formal. If Yamamoto were alive, he'd have probably protested the lack of structure, but the Gotei 13 needed captains to lead their scarred divisions badly. There was not much time to waste on formalities during a rebuilding period.
"What about Ukitake?" Ichigo asked, voicing the question that had been at the forefront of his mind since she had started the conversation.
Rukia sighed. "He's not doing well, Ichigo. Kyoraku wonders if he has much time left at all." Her voice grew quieter and more strained with that bit of information. Ichigo wasn't exactly sure why, but he had a strong urge to reach over and place his hand assuredly on hers. Of course, given their set up in the tree, he'd probably fall out if he did that. Or be punched out. You never know with Rukia.
"Has Ukitake said anything about what he wants?" Ever since the older captain had sacrificed himself during the war, he'd been pretty much immobile, certainly not capable of leading a division. He had remained alive, thankfully, but his sickness had increased exponentially and he was mostly confined to wheezing away in a bed.
"He wants me to be captain. He's apparently long since wanted me. He knew this day would come and had been planning on giving me the captaincy once it did as soon as I had been appointed to vice-captain."
It sounded as though all the pieces of the puzzle were in place for her to become the 13th's new leader. She had the head-captain's approval as well as a good majority of the rest of them—Ichigo certainly would approve—and with her new bankai, she was definitely qualified. There was just one thing that was missing.
"What do you want?" he asked her gently, knowing this was what was truly bothering her about everything.
She closed her eyes, trying to prevent the water already gathering from spilling over. "I don't want it. I don't deserve it. I'm not…I'm not who they should want for a captain. I'm not who anyone should want. I've done too many things. I've made too many mistakes. I-I…just…can't," she spoke, her voice slowly breaking the more she said.
It was silent for a while as Ichigo contemplated her words. Eventually, there was only one thing he could think to say to her in reply. "Bullshit." He spoke firmly and confidently.
Her head whipped up and around toward him while her eyes widened. Ichigo could see the remnants of well-contained tears at the rims and a deep, heavily-guarded part of his heart that he didn't like acknowledging ached at the sight.
Ichigo didn't let her try and form a reply before he continued. "You don't get to do that."
Her mouth opened to try and say something, but Ichigo wasn't done. Not by a long shot. "You don't get to battle alongside me, spouting off all this stuff about how brave I am, how strong I am, and how much you believe in me and then turn around and shit on yourself." Ichigo didn't even notice as he went how his voice grew louder and more impassioned.
Rukia managed to get one word in. "Ichigo," she said quietly, her face one of complete shock at what he was telling her.
"We've fought together, Rukia. I've seen you sacrifice everything, including your own life for your friends, for people you barely know. If you didn't, we wouldn't have even met."
"And now, you're here saying that you don't deserve to be a leader. That you don't deserve to do something good for yourself and good for the Soul Society. That's absolute bullshit, Rukia. Don't think you're not strong, because you are. Don't think you don't deserve a chance at doing something great because of your past. No one gives a damn about what you've done. If they did, Ukitake and Kyoraku, two of the wisest, most ingenious, men I've ever known, wouldn't waste a single second in offering you a position literally everyone in the goddamn Soul Society, expect for you, thinks you deserve."
Ichigo took a breath after he finished his little speech, shocked at how much he had told her. He didn't want to yell at her, but he just couldn't stand the thought of her taking that much blame and hatred upon herself. Rukia was the last person he'd ever think would deserve that much self-hate.
Rukia remained stock-still. Her mouth was slightly agape as she tried to form words to give some kind of reply. She was finding it nearly impossible to do so.
Since Rukia remained speechless, apparently never having been told any of that, Ichigo knew there was only one thing left he had to do. He swung his legs over the side of the branch and motioned toward the ground. "Come on," he said as he grabbed Rukia's hand before she could protest and shunpoed them down gently.
Rukia looked with wide eyes as Ichigo walked toward her, placed both of his hands on her shoulders, and gave her one of the most meaningful looks they had ever shared, which was saying something.
"Rukia," he said, speaking her name softly, but with meaning. "You are strong. You are capable. And you are not to blame for whatever has happened to you in the past. You don't even need to tell me what it was and I already know it's not your fault."
Their eyes never left one another's, as Rukia continued to grapple for something to say. No one had ever told her anything like that. She had given Ichigo countless speeches that had motivated and electrified him into doing something great, whether that be defeat an enemy or overcome his own guilt, and yet, she had never been returned the favor from anyone. Ichigo found that to be one of the biggest tragedies he'd ever heard of.
Ichigo could see the tears threatening to fall and realized he had to act fast. He knew Rukia didn't like letting her emotions out, even if he'd never, in a million years, judge her for it, but he still wanted to prevent it from happening. In a rare show of courage, he wrapped his arms around her petite and strong form and enveloped her in his embrace.
She was shocked at the show of affection at first, but eventually relaxed in Ichigo's arms as the weight of all her locked-up emotions and bad memories drifted away.
"If you don't want to be a captain because it's too much pressure, then fine, but don't make this decision based on some crazy idea that you don't deserve it. Everyone with a brain knows you do, and I personally think you would make one hell of a good captain."
For the first time since they had started their conversation, Rukia smiled. Ichigo could practically feel it against his chest. He couldn't help but smile himself.
They didn't get to the car-sized can of worms his own post-war emotions were, but he knew, eventually, they'd help each other deal with everything they had seen as a team. Life still wasn't easy, they still had a lot of built up pain and regret, but in each other's embrace, none of that mattered.
"Ichigo," Rukia eventually spoke, disentangling herself from his arms just enough so that she could look deep into his eyes.
"Yeah?" he responded breathlessly, blown away by the meaningfulness of her gaze.
"How do you think I'd look in a captain's haori?" she asked, her face taking on a familiar teasing look.
Ichigo couldn't help but laugh. "Like a badass," he spoke truthfully, imagining the sight. His best friend would make one tiny hellion of a captain.
"I think so too," she spoke with a confident smirk. "Let's get out of here. Byakuya probably thinks we're doing something inappropriate," she told him as she grabbed his arm to lead him down the street lined with sakura trees.
Ichigo blanched. "What!? Why the hell would he think that?" He could practically feel his cheeks heating up.
"Byakuya is an expert at reading spiritual pressures. I haven't been hiding mine so he knows I'm nearby and you certainly have no control over your own. He's probably suspecting something based on our pressures intermingling as we speak," she said in a suspiciously business-like tone.
Ichigo inwardly groaned as he imagined the street covered in sakura petals moving in unison to attack him for 'dare touching my noble sister'. It would be a long night.
Rukia only smiled and silently thanked him for saying the words she had unknowingly been waiting decades to hear. And all it took was a quick climb of a sakura tree.