As Big As The Eternity
By : M4R5ce
An : English is not my first language and I do not have some beta reader, so I apologize for some error grammars that I know a lot of there. Feel free to point it out.
Present time…
"Hallo, it is Ann. I can not answer it. If it is important, you can leave a message. And, if it is you, Marco, come to my house. You do not need to call first. Okay, bye!"
I hear your bright full tone but it is not for a long time. Because, the tone of train sing a loud, replace your voice, my favorite voice. That makes me feel a hurt tightness in my chest. So hurt. While I stare to the black screen of my hand phone.
'If it is you, Marco.'
I can not stop the smile when remembering your voice sing a song my name. That become my only reason to call this number, your number, again and again yet I know you will not answer it. No, you can not answer it.
Three years ago…
There, in the field, you stand, uncaring about the sun that make today so hot, alone. Well, the word of 'alone' is not quietly true. Because, there are a lot of people surrounding you. With a gaze that tells how much they hate you but you just grin uncaring what stare they giving. The big grin that make me sigh lazily.
"Hai, Marco!"
I see one of my foster siblings walking to me before standing beside me. Really I do not care about him or his business with me now. Because, you are more interesting than this one. That is why I am starting to stare at you again, enjoying your fight that starts to begin.
"What are you staring at?" ask this annoying one that I do not answer. Even I do not take a time to think about it. Because, I know he can have the answer without me speaking it. And I know when he have the answer he will start the activity of 'let's-start-teasing-our-big-brother-!'
"Well if it's not the little Ann. The only girl who can make my big brother becoming crazy in love. Always dreaming to hug her every day. Holding hands when walking side by side. Do not forget about the sweet peck of 'bye-bye!' And, some deep kiss for welcoming a night!"
I really do not want to respond him but my face still feel hot in his every single words. I do not know why. It is not the first time he tease me. Because he will absolutely tease me when he catch me staring at you. Admiring your beauty far away. Like now. Even my eyes forget to blink because you are too beautiful in your fight that seems to get the final stage.
"You are realize, are not you, Marco? You are not in the age for stalking anymore."
The other familiar voice coming closer to me. That makes me taking a glance to the one, a woman who is one of my other foster siblings, walking closer to me before standing next to me which makes me standing between my two siblings. This position makes me want to run away knowing that they will tease me. And, I know that I make it worse with my giggle, when I realize you just sit alone in that field with your opponents nowhere to be seen, which my sister absolutely hear it.
"Just make her yours!"
I just sigh hearing my sister's voice. It is not the first time for me hearing this sentence from her. And, I will just reply with the same sentence again. However, I just realize this two people really knowing when they shall become one.
"Use your smart brain, Mister Lecture! Do not just use that for giving a lot of sadistic tasks to your student! It is your time for getting married."
"Then, how about we have double date? Me and Ann, then you two together, Thatch, Izo," answer me taking a glance between this two who their faces becoming tomato together. After that, they are starting to mock the other which make me giggle a little. Really, they just obviously love each other. However their 'foresting sibling' status make them deny it. Although, it is just foresting sibling.
Two years ago…
"May I ask you a question?"
It is not the first time for me hearing your voice asking me. It is not the first time too for me hearing it when it is just the two of us. Let alone for me hearing your voice. However, it is the first time for me hearing your voice when our eyes meet. Let alone the distance between us that only separated with this table.
'Stay away. No. Come here. No. Stay away. No.'
I do not know what is wrong with me. Well, maybe it is not actually true. Maybe the fact is for me denying it.
"Well, maybe it is requesting not asking. May I?" You continue talking that easily for me to answer but I just nod my head. Because I can not find my voice.
"How about we play '20 questions game?' I really bored to study, I am too stress to revision this thesis," beg you that make me a little bit angry. Well not that I angry, it is just you a little annoy. Not that annoying. But still. Then, I respond it, acting like I am angry but look like that does not go well. Because, it just look like I give you advice.
"Please, talk less, solve more."
"Oh, please!" beg you again with your cute puppy eyes.
That puppy eyes is the starting for all of your cuteness. You do whatever childish think that never ever I think that you will do that in front of me. Let alone it is just us in this room. That absolutely I will not win this over because I can not say 'no' to your cuteness that you are not knowing it. That left me with my lazy sigh.
"Make it 10 questions."
I see your small smile when I declare my lose. That make me confuse, especially when I hear your next few words.
"It is okay to make it 1 question. But, please, answer it honestly," say you with your big grin that left me silent staring you confusedly.
"Then, I start first," say you again that just left me nodding.
"Am I attractive for you?"
'To the point and jackpot,' that is what my inner shouting when I hear your question. I feel hot in my face with whatever assumes which across my mind for your reason to question this. Because, until now I still think that you just recognize me to be your lecture who has responsible for making your grade up. But, whatever assumes that I think just despair when you give me your reason.
"Because, I always catch you staring at me from far away. I did not know when you started this. I started knowing it a year ago while I knocked out that annoying group and I caught you there. You stared at me from there, in the second floor, with your two siblings. Starting from there, I caught you staring at me frequently from far away. It is not like you annoying me, I just curious for whatever your reason."
I do not know what I shall do. Yes, I am shocked with you recognizing me staring at you from far away. I am happy too for you who do not think me annoying for my stalking which I shall not have, remembering my age now. I am a little blush too when I hear you last sentence which make lying is not my options. And, this ego I have make me thinking that I still have a little hope for you. Or maybe is it too big?
"I am not only interested with you. I love you. I really want to make you mine. But, I realize that I am too old for you. Let alone our status which sounds too negative, even for me. So, sorry for my stalking. I just want to see you from far away, just wanting to pleasure this missing feel of you. If you find it annoying, just tell me. I will try to stop it. If I can not, maybe I will find another job."
I surprise for my self which can talk fluently with seriousness about this feeling. And, I find that my word sounds like hoping too much of you too. But, is it alright for me becoming ego, it is not?
This ego become bigger when I catch you who blush a little with my explain. But, a second later, your face become serious one. And, I can not believe my self when I hear your mumble. Which make this ego become bigger than ever.
"Did not I say that you are not annoying me?"
I calm my self, especially this beat of heart. Because, I know this ego taking over my self. I am just hoping too much. And, I know that I just shall let it out. Because, it is now or never. Then, I say it, my question of this game which you asking earlier.
"So, this is my question. Will you be mine?"
A year ago…
I am standing here, in this altar, waiting for you who walking with your adoptive grandfather. I can not stop to smile, seeing you in white wedding dress which look a like a princess. But, I can not see your face. Because, you do not raise your head, hiding your face behind your long hair. I do not know you do that which looks like you do not have courage. And, it is not like yourself. But, I have a few idea of why you do not have a courage. Maybe you just shy because it is your first for wearing a dress, especially wedding dress. Or maybe your glass high heels make you walking uncomfortably. Or maybe you change your mind about my purposes which I hope this ide is wrong.
"Take care of Ann, Marco."
Your grandfather's voice wake me up from my daydream. And, I see you standing in front of me. Your grandfather giving your hands to me which I take gently while I say seriously.
"Yes."
Maybe I look like a serious person yet I feel nervous too about this married that hoping will be my first and last. Then, this ceremony begin with our swear for this endless love which I can describe. I do not want too because I want this becoming my secret which I will share with my future children. The secret about every second which tell your perfection of beauty in nervousness. And I will tell it proudly about this second until the sentence which ask us to kiss each other heard. I can not hold my smirk which understanding your reaction. There is no evil in my self. I am just understanding your self, especially your cute tomato face.
Then, slowly, I reach out your face which making me chuckle a little. 'Well, thi is our first kiss and I know you it special,' that is my inner's word, absolutely with chuckle in there.
That is why I just give you forehead a peck while my eyes stare a little to your small lip which teasing me to taste it. Then, I speak lowly which only you can hear it. A few of word that giving you a braveness for give me a peck in my cheek. A braveness that until now you do not have for doing this, especially in front of you overprotective family.
"If you are afraid, then it is okay. Me too. I want to make our first things to special. I do not want the others to know that. Because, after this second, there will be only ours."
A half year ago…
I do not know what happened. How it can be like this. In there, in front of me, you stand without looking at me. However I can see your pretty face having a wound. And, I believe absolutely you having that wound not just in your face. There are the others in your body behind that clothes. That is making me mad which I can not hold anymore.
"What is happening, Ann? Who did this to you? Answer me, Ann!"
I know it making worse, my questions and my tones, yet I can not hold it anymore. A day ago, I just thought it just your past habit to become troublemaker. And, I knew you could stand for your self. However it happened a lot. There was not a time for this not happened.
Now, it happen since a few weeks. For you coming home with a lot of wound, welcoming me from my stupid job with you looking away from me. I do not what happened because you do not give a little idea for me to know. You just shut your mouth which making me unaware to yell at you. The first yell from me to you.
"What is happening? What did you do when I do not here? Where did you go? Do not just shut your mouth, Ann! I am your husband, am I not? You believe me, do not you? Do not take whatever it is to your shoulder! Share it with me! Do not be ego, Ann! Do not be childish!"
"Shut up!"
You are yelling with the same amount of mad with me. You are staring at me too. And, I shock because it is your first yell to me too
"I am a human too, Marco. I want everyone to recognize me with whatever way. Just wanting them to know me for who I am. With my attitude, my background, my blood. I want it. I do not want to just sit in this circle. I want to be free, be known for who I am, be friend with a thousand people. However, their words, their…I can not hold it. I mad, I beat them whoever they are, not matter how many they are. I know you mad at me yet I am not apologizing because this. It is my live, Marco! It is me who I am!"
I do not know what I shall do for you explaining whatever I want to know. Especially, when you walk to me then hug me, placing your head on my chest. And, I think you unaware for doing this. Then, I feel wet on my chest which making me realize that you are crying in silent for whatever reasons you having. Maybe for your bad attitude or your big emotions which you can not hold anymore. I do not which one.
However, is it okay for me to translate your gesture my self, it is not? Which tell me a few sentences. 'Please, do not go! I want you to stay! I am begging you, please! Please, do not leave here!' Because, that is my plan. Because, you are mine. Because, I will revenge for everything you felt. And, that is what I do.
Present time…
"Marco, where are you? Why did not you come? Do not tell you are there! Come on, Marco! Do not be like that! There will not change anything for you standing in front of Ann's old apartment. Hello, Marco, do you…"
I do not care whatever Thatch saying. Do not care even it is important. Because, I know that words are unimportant which making me hang up. Then, staring to a head again. There, the door which used to open with you smiling widely before our wedding. It is true what Thatch saying that I am here, in front of your old apartment.
'She is in the worst condition. We do not when she will wake up. Even, we do not know if she will wake up or no. There is nothing for us helping her, except waiting.'
There are the doctor's words a few days ago which starting your family to show their overprotectiveness for you. With the words I do not want to hear yet here I am.
'Do not be around us again, especially Ann.' Just that sentence I remembering. And I realize it for my careless. However, I will not say sorry. Because, that is what I should do.
Because, it was my duty for beating that jerks who talked a lot about you. The bad words for your background, for your blood, which really stupid. Because, it was not a shame for having the worst criminal becoming your parents, even your adoptive grandfather tried to hide your blood. However, I still did not think that you would come to help me which almost finishing this fight. And, there was where my nightmare started. Where I did not realize that there was some one dragging you away from me when the others holding me up where I was. Then, he was pushing you to the window, making you fell which making me more mad because we were on the third floor. And, I really bit them, did not care if I became a murder, when I knew that I should help you first. However, for beating them was making you happy, was not it?
I do not cry, even just for a second, not again, when I remember our last moment. I can not feel sad again. There is not angry feeling too. There is just emptiness in my self with your lovely name which I still love.
Then, I reach out my hand phone, typing a number which I just the only one to know. Then, I smile, a little smile, when I hear your voice again with the others sentences full of love.
"Hallo, Marco. Sorry, I can not answer it. Please, do not be mad! I promise a day when I finish my business I will stay with you a whole day. So, please, do not be mad at me! Okay? I love your as big as the eternity means."
M4R5Ce