I've completely revamped this chapter. It is longer. It is stranger. It is better. And if you haven't read it yet, enjoy. There might be references in there, and if you spot them, I'll give you a cookie.
Deep within a cavern, hidden away and sealed from the rest of the world, a group of S-Rank criminals gather. They scheme and plan their eventual takeover of the entire planet. They find, defeat, and trap powerful tailed demons, one by one. And once in a while... They get drunk off their asses.
One such event has recently transpired. It was the 4th Annual Akatsuki Happy Party Fun Time Festival, established by the Leader to raise the morale of the rest of the group. Unfortunately, after every party, horrible things happened. VERY horrible things. Even worse, no one could remember how they happened. This story begins with the Leader trying to solve one such dilemma.
Leader: How the hell did a giant marshmallow get in here?!
The Leader glared at Tobi.
Tobi: Leader-san, why are you looking at me like that?
Leader: Because I know you had something to do with this. You're always the cause of the disasters that happen during our drunken festivities.
Tobi: That is so not true, and you know it! Remember the time Zetsu started hitting on the house plant?
Flashback
At the 3rd Annual Akatsuki Happy Party Fun Time Festival, Zetsu has become drunk as a skunk, and begins to hit on a houseplant, while arguing with himself.
Zetsu's Left Side: Heeeeey baby, you ish just soooo HAWT tonight. You wanna bunk with big daddy Zestu tonight, eh?
Zetsu's Right Side: Dood, what're yoo thinkin'? She's a ugly, whiney slut.
Left: Shut up, Zetsu, yoo dumbass.
Right: No, you shuddup.
Zetsu collapses onto a pile of soil on the floor.
End Flashback
Leader: Yes, that was pretty bad, but this is still much, much worse.
Zetsu walked into the room as Tobi finished talking. He ran over to him.
Zetsu: I thought we agreed never to speak of that incident again!
Tobi: Well, Tobi is a good liar.
Zetsu: I'm going to eat your parents.
Tobi: NOOOO!!! Not mommy and daddy! They said I'm a good boy!
At this point, the Leader became very frustrated.
Leader: Oh shut up Tobi, we already killed your parents!
Tobi: Wh-What?!
Leader: Now, you must tell me how you got this mallow-y glob of marsh into the hideout. It's in the way, we can't continue our meetings with it here.
Tobi: But my parents-
Leader: That's not important now. Please, explain how this happened.
Tobi: (Sighs) OK... But, it's a long story, so you'd better go get some snacks.
Leader: No, I'm cool.
Tobi: You sure? This is your last chance at delicious snack-filled delight.
Leader: Yes, I'm sure.
Tobi: Well, alrighty then! It all started two weeks ago...
Everything from this point happened two weeks previous to the events mentioned above. Interesting, yes?
Tobi awoke one morning, yawned loudly, and went to get breakfast. It's never been stated that they live in their base, but it's my story, I can do what I want. So shut up. Anyhoo, he grabbed a bowl and a box of Shinobi-Style Caramel Sugar Nummies. He wolfed down every piece, though he ate it without removing his mask is a mystery to us all. When he was done, he grabbed another box and toward the hall, where he ran into Kisame.
Tobi: Ahoy-hoy, and good morning, Kisame-san!"
Kisame: What the hell do you want? You're in my way."
Tobi: Gee, you seem grumpy this morning. I bet I can cheer you up with... (Shakes box) some Sugar Nummies!"
Kisame: (Gasps) Did you say Sugar Nummies? Are they the caramel kind?
Tobi: The caramel-iest!
Kisame: Oh goody! Gimme gimme gimme!
The two ate from the box and wandered the halls. They eventually got so high on sugar that they started dancing and singing the Macarena. The rest of the group members were still asleep, which pissed them off something fierce.
Tobi and Kisame: HEEEEY, MACARENA!
Deidara: (From his room) Shut the hell up, yeah! We're trying to sleep!
Tobi: But Deidara-sempai, it's nearly 11:30, you should be awake by now anyway.
The Leader suddenly appeared behind Kisame and Tobi without warning.
Leader: Good point!
The rest of the Akatsuki also appeared in front of the two, fully dressed and awake.
Leader: Alright everyone, we all know why we're here today, correct?
Hidan: Because these assholes wouldn't let us sleep?
Leader: NO! That is WRONG! You ignorant ninny! I slap your wrist!
The Leader did just that. When he turned around, Hidan stuck out his tongue at him.
Leader: Now, who really know why we're here?
Deidara: To plan the next Akatsuki Happy Party Fun Time Festival, yeah?
Leader: Correct-a-mundo, Dei-chan!
Deidara: What did you just call me?
Leader: Shut up, Leader commands it! Now... (He points at Kakuzu) Kakuzu, what will our goal be for the next Festival thingy?
Kakuzu: Uh-
Leader: No time for an answer! We are going to throw the biggest party EVER! There's gonna be food, and music, and more food, and David Hasslehoff's comin'!
Kisame: He won't be drunk, will he?
Leader: Of course he will, we'll ALL get PLASTERED! Now, there's much work and planning to be done, so I must leave you. Leader, away!
The Leader raised his hands in the air and flew through the ceiling.
Deidara: I never knew he could do that, yeah.
Tobi: Leader-san is very mysterious.
Hidan: No, he's just really high.
Kakuzu: How do you know that?"
Hidan: I saw him earlier.
Flashback
The Leader is in his room. The door is locked. Hidan comes and starts pounding on the door.
Hidan: Leader, open up! We need stuff, and it required you for some reason!
Leader: I'm busy, go away.
Hidan: I'm gonna break this door down if you don't open it!
Leader: No wait, don't open it, there's someone in here! I'm... I'm wrapping presents!
Hidan grabs his scythe and breaks a hole in the door. Smoke comes pouring out of the room, and the Leader's eyes are bloodshot.
Hidan: Were you smoking weed? How did you get that?
Leader: From...uh... The neighbors.
Hidan: We don't have any neighbors!
Leader: We don't? Oh...uh... See ya.
The Leader pushes Hidan out of the way and runs into a wall.
End Flashback
Kakuzu: ... I hate you, Hidan.