It was the middle of July and it feels like the rebellion has ended months ago. Peeta has helped me through so much that I feel like I owe him my entire life. We have become so close, closer even then Gale and I were before the reaping. I start thinking about before the reaping and think how different my life was then. Here I am now four years later and I still hear Effie Trinket calling my sisters name out like it was yesterday. When I sleep I hear my sister screaming my name but I can never get to her, I can never help her. I always wake up the same way, screaming her name and reaching out for her that is until Peeta pulls me closer to him. It's a reoccurring thing, me waking up screaming and Peeta pulling me close, comforting me, and making me feel like I have hope of a semi-normal life.
The capitol didn't know what to do with us. Peeta and I had way too many things to ever be normal. What was normal anyway? I asked this question many times and still I have no answer for myself. But I'm not normal, at seventeen years old I led a whole rebellion, I killed more than one person, and I changed a nation, which is by no means a normal life. All the other seventeen year old girls are all looking for suitable husbands to have families with, not me though; life had a different plan for me.
"Katniss," I hear Peeta call my name but am too lost in my thoughts to respond. "Katniss, you okay?" Finally I am snapped back to reality when Peeta waves his hand in front of my face.
"I'm sorry what were you saying?" I said since I knew he was talking to me when I started to zone out.
"I was asking if you were going hunting tomorrow, or if you wanted to come help out at the bakery, I could use the help,"
"Well I was going to go hunting in the morning and then I will come to the bakery early afternoon and help you with whatever you need help with" I smiled at him. Though we were not a couple sometimes I felt as though we were, I love Peeta but I don't think that I am IN love with him.
"Sounds good, you can come and help the customers for me so I don't have to do a thousand things at once."
"You know Peeta there are teenagers around the district just dying to have a job and earn a little money; maybe I can hire someone to help you?" Peeta nodded at me and I smiled back "That will give you a little more time at home." He looked at me and smiled.
"That might just give me a little more time with you," he said as he moved closer to me. Peeta had a way of making me feel comfortable but sometimes I felt like me and Peeta had nothing in common. Though he has been my biggest support since the games and for that I am ever in his debt. "Hey Katniss, want to help me bake a cake for Haymitch? I think that maybe if he has a little something at least it will soak up the alcohol in his system." I nod my head excited to bake with Peeta. It's something we like to do together. He taught me how to make some of the most wonderful things. Cupcakes, cake, brownies, and the best chocolate chip cookies District 12 has ever tasted. It relaxes us to work together.
Peeta and I go into the kitchen and start to bake. I hand him the ingredients while he puts everything together. Peeta handed me the mixer which he does every time we bake together I guess so he can let me feel like I am doing something. I put the mixer in the bowl and turn it on; while the batter is mixing Peeta comes over and asks me a question so I look up. As I looked up the mixer must have came with them and dry flour flies all over him. He looks astonished as I stare blankly at him. All of a sudden I crack up out of nowhere.
"Oh you think that's funny do you?" Peeta puts his hand in the bowl, when I realize what he's about to do I run screaming.
"Peeta please don't, I'm sorry!' I say through my giggles. This must make him think that I am challenging him so he picks up his pace and rubs the batter all over my face. He starts smiling and at this point we go into a full blown food fight.
As I'm laughing as hard as I possibly could Peeta catches me and grabs me in his strong arms. When I look up, we both get really serious and I stare into his eyes, for the first time since the games I looked at the boy with the bread with such intensity. There was so much between us, we shared so much. All of a sudden Peeta leaned in to me I closed my eyes and your lips touched. The fire between us intensified as we deepened the kiss. He brushed his tongue across my lips and I opened my mouth slightly to let him in. I played with his tongue with my own. All of a sudden he pulled away.
"I'm sorry" he said shyly. I looked at him and had no words, I could only imagine the look on my face, and just how do I tell him that I didn't mind. I have never been opened to love or anything like, except when it came to Prim and I did so well with that one didn't I.
I looked away, "Peeta you know we could try it again." He looked at me and I just kind of smiled. He kissed me again this time lifting me up so that my legs were wrapped around his waist. I smiled against his lips and gave a little chuckle. I felt him grin in return. He walked up the stairs never breaking the kiss. He laid me down on his bed and broke away. I just looked into his eyes and just knew everything was going to be okay. He lay down next to me and I turned to face him, he put his hand on my waist and started playing with my shirt. I gave a slight nod and he pulled it up over my head, I reciprocated and took off his shirt. I rubbed my hand up and down his chest; his skin was soft and would dip at every indentation of his abdomen, which from lifting heavy bags of flour was quite defined. I kissed at his neck and a slight moan escaped his lips, it made me wonder whether or not he had ever been touched or kiss like this before, but I quickly shook that thought out of my head.
He pushed me on to my back and lay on top of me kissing my neck, kissing my breasts, kissing my stomach and naval, until he reached my pants. He unbuttoned them and pulled them down kissing at my hips. He moved off me and undid his pants and pulled them down leaving on his boxers. He looked into my eyes once more "I love you Katniss."
Knowing exactly what to say I looked back up into his eyes "I think I love you too Peeta." He smiled and I knew that was enough for him and I to have a silent agreement to proceed. He then kissed me one more time as he circled his fingers over my sex. I moved my hand down and took hold of him and gently stroked up and down on his cock. He must of liked it because a slight moan escaped his lips. I was trying not to second guess myself, but I just couldn't help myself, I was a nervous wreck, I was trying to find fear on Peeta at all and just couldn't seem to find it. That didn't comfort me much; however, this was what I wanted. He knew what he was doing, and if he didn't he made it seem like he did. All these thoughts were racing through my head. I barely heard him when he spoke.
"Katniss are you sure you want to do this? We can do something else." I shook my head at him.
"Yes Peeta this is what I want." Slowly he rolled on top of me lightly putting weight down on me, our lips never parting. When he stopped kissing me for a minute and played finally I felt him enter me. It was a new feeling for me; I winced in pain at first as he slowly pushed into me. "Are you okay?" he asked, I just nodded, not able to collect my thoughts enough to speak. Then slowly he started thrusting, and the feeling became familiar and I started meeting him thrust for thrust. An amazing feeling began to arise in my lower belly and the more we went the more pleasant it began. I started moaning, and little noises escaped his mouth as well.
"Fuck… Katniss"
"Shit Peeta, faster… ughhh"
Finally I couldn't hold back anymore, I reached my release, while screaming Peeta; as did he. "I love you Peeta" I said giving him a kiss on the lips.
"I love you too" a few moments went by and he held me close to him. "I should go clean up from dinner, plus I think I'm a little hungry." He went to get up but I held his arm, I was so tired and didn't want him to leave.
"The dishes can wait till the morning," I closed my eyes and started drifting off to sleep, "stay with me," I asked as I fell asleep.
"Always," he replied, that was the last thing I heard him say when I fell asleep quickly in his arms.
The next morning I woke up to an empty bed. I rolled over wondering where Peeta had run off to early this morning. There was a note on the pillow next to me with flowers and breakfast on the night stand.
Good morning sleepy head,
You were sleeping so soundly I didn't want to wake you, ran to the bakery for a bit but ill be home soon.
I love you!
Peeta
A huge smile planted itself on my face as I thought about the night before. I love the boy with the bread, who would have thought. I stayed in my happy thoughts for once, and then rolled over to eat a cheese bun that he had left so meticulously, knowing that I love them. I heard a knock at the door and my smile became wider, now showing teeth. I wrapped the sheet around my still naked body, knowing Peeta was probably home. Well yeah, this is Peeta's home, our home, and I am going to ask him to move in with me over dinner. I couldn't help but think that this was where our future was as I walked down the stairs. I opened the door and to my surprise Peeta was not standing there, it was a taller boy with dark hair and eyes like mine.
"Gale?" I was taken aback, "what are you doing here? " I smiled and went to hug him when I realized I only had a sheet on.
"Hey Catnip, maybe you should put on clothes, come on lets go hunting and catch up a little bit," Gale looked at me with one of his smiles that used to make the girls of district 12 melt. I ran up stairs to put on my hunting gear. When I was done braiding my hair I went downstairs to see Gale waiting for me on the couch, basically flung him off of it and rant out of my house, bow at hand. As we were passing the bakery I asked him if we could go in. Of course he obliged my wishes.
"Hey Peeta, look who came for a visit!" I yelled to the back room Peeta came out with a smile on his face, while drying his hand with a towel, but when he saw Gale his cheerful smile turned into an empty smile.
"Hey Katniss, Gale what are you doing back in district 12?" he apprehended for a minute then proceeded to talk, "I thought you were living in district 2."
"I am, I just needed to pick up a few things and visit my mom, I haven't seen her in a while, then I thought maybe I could go hunting with Catnip over here so I went to her house at the victor's village and here we are." Gale smiled at me and I smiled back.
"So Peeta, I'll be back in a few hours, I'll meet you at the house in a bit?" Peeta smiled and nodded.
"Okay have fun guys," Peeta said.
We started for the fence that and walked into the woods, with our hunting gear and game bags.
"So Catnip, what's new? I haven't seen you in a while, and after the last time I saw you, you definitely weren't happy, but right now you almost seem like yourself, from before the games." He smiled a shy smile and I could understand why the girls used to like him so much.
"Nothing just trying to live life, and get over what has happened, build up new, you know a fresh start," I replied to him "what about you Gale, how is it over in district 2?"
"Same stuff different day, you know just trying to get everything back in order," he looked down and I knew there was something he wanted to tell me, but I wasn't one to push a subject. Finally he started to talk again, "I was nervous about coming to see you today, I didn't know what to expect"
"Why would you be nervous, we've been friends for the longest time, plus I missed hunting with you?"
"Well you know, I felt horrible for what had happened, and I just felt like you were never going to forgive me, " He looked away, "For Prim." Pain spread through my heart at the sound of my sister's name, memories of that day when we were invading the capitol together over took a place in my head.
"Gale, my anger was misplaced, I'm sure that if you knew what Coin had in mind you never would have done what you did," I paused for a moment trying to collect my thoughts. "It took time for me to realize that and I pushed many people out of my life, but then I realized I needed to see that even though Prim is gone she's still with me, if that makes sense, and it wasn't your fault, Coin put her there for a reason, and that was to hurt me, as much as she claimed she wanted a better Panem, I knew if she stayed President that it would just be the same, if not worse than Snow." I hadn't dwelled on this in a while, I tried to keep myself busy and not think about it.
"Thanks Kat, for understanding, I would never want to lose you as a friend," Gale and I continued to walk until we got to the lake where my dad and I would come. It was familiar to Gale and I here, and a bit relaxing. Everything was still the same as before the Games, the little house where the runaways were staying, the lake, and the flowers. When I was here it was like nothing had changed, it was my relaxing place and I enjoyed it so much.
Gale and I talked for a while longer then went swimming, we hunted a bit, I even almost caught a deer but Gale lost his balance and scared it away when he fell. Everything was normal, and I couldn't get enough. We headed back towards the fence passing the lake one more time on the way back.
"Kat, do you think that if none of this would have happened we'd be together right now?"
"Gale, you know we probably would it is just nothing is the same, we're completely different people then we were 3 years ago, and I know that's hard to hear but its true."
"I never stopped caring for you Catnip, not a day went by that I didn't think about your beautiful face, or that devious smile you get when you know you're about to catch something, or how I wish I could take everything back that I have ever done to you."
"I already told you, I for…" I was cut off by Gale's lips crashing into mine, but this wasn't not like the kisses I shared with Peeta, this was pure lust. I returned the kiss with the same lust, it was this passion that Gale and I share, he pushed me back and I hit the key, he then proceeded to start to lift my shirt and I stopped him. "We shouldn't do this, I'm with Peeta."
"Peeta," Gale scoffed, "Come on cat you even said it yourself we would be together so why fight it." He started kissing me once again, I heard a branch break and slapped him across his face so hard my hand hurt.
"I think you should go home, I guess it wasn't the greatest idea for you to come back to see me" I couldn't look into his eyes when I said this I just looked away.
"Really, come on now, let's at least finish hunting"
"No Gale, then I'll go home and you finish hunting." I turned on my heal and stomped away, Don't look back Katniss, don't look back, just keep walking, I kept thinking because I knew that if I looked back I might do something I regret. I walked a few more feet before turning around and seeing his bemused face. I needed to know what it would be like with him, I needed to make sure I was with the one I couldn't be without. Technically it wouldn't be fair to Peeta if I chose him just because Gale wasn't around like he was all that was left for me to choose. I started running towards Gale, and he towards me and our lips crashed into each other, as his back hit a tree. I quickly undid his pants and pulled them down. I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist impatiently. He walked backwards bumping into things as he went until finally we were at the little house by the lake. He walked up the few steps with his pants at his ankles, very skilled if you ask me and brought me inside. There was an old tattered bed that he threw me down on and rapidly we started taking off clothes. I know me and Peeta did this last night, but it was nothing like it. This was intense and hot, made me feel as though this is definitely not the first time Gale has done this. Oh no my thoughts, who has de done this with before? This made me wonder until he found a spot on my neck that made me quiver. Quickly he entered me, not like last night with Peeta taking his time, and we started moving quickly intensely until we hit our climax.
"Fuck…" Gale said out loud. "I thought you wanted me to go home."
"I know but I had to know…" I looked down to gather my thoughts.
"Know what Kat" we both sit there panting as I gather my thoughts and then it dawned on me. I wasn't with Peeta because he was the only one around I was with him because I loved him and I that was who I wanted to be with, but now what do I do. I have to tell them both the truth I can't do this to these two guys for my selfishness and because I'm fucked up in the head.
"Look, what we just did was great, amazing, and you were great, but I shouldn't have done this" I quickly started to get my clothes back on.
"What do you mean, I figured we could be together, you know you could come to district 2 with me, get away from all the bad memories, and we can start a life, a family, we don't have to worry about the games anymore."
"Gale, I love you but as a friend, and the truth is, having this experience with you made me realize that I didn't choose Peeta just because he is here, or as you put because I can't "survive" without him, I am choosing him because I love him and it was wrong of me to do this. When I needed someone there, he was there, keeping me safe from all the nightmares. He didn't run away from our problems just because he could, he stuck with me, and it may have taken this for me to realize that he is who I want to be with… I got to go."
"Oh yeah and what are you going to tell him, you slept with me, you know damn well he won't take you back, he'll think bad of it, and then what happens I'll be here to catch you, not this time Katniss, if he doesn't want you, I'm not going to stick around, you made your choice, now just leave whatever we had is now over and done with. "
I looked at him now angry and finished putting on my shirt, I ran out of the little house barefoot and ran home, tears now welling in my eyes, not because I hurt Gale, but because I don't know how Peeta is going react when I tell him what happened, but I can't lie to him. Finally I walked into my house, I looked at Peeta's house across from me and he wasn't home, I sighed with relief. I went over to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and just cried some more. I heard Peeta walk in the front door, and called my name. He must have heard me sobbing because he came right in and asked me what was wrong. I looked into his eyes and the tears started flowing even more.
He stared at me for a few seconds then I looked back into the mirror. Peeta stepped behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist and leaned his head on my shoulder.
"What's wrong sweet heart, please talk to me."
I took a deep breath and finally answered him. "Can we talk in the living room I have to tell you something?" Peeta's drooped into a frown and I could see worry in his eyes but he followed me to the couch. I sat down and he stood by the mantle of the fireplace. "What I'm about to tell you, you'll probably hate me, but it's only right to tell you, just promise me you'll let me explain before you leave."
He looked at me worry in those blue eyes of his but he nodded anyway.
"When I went out with Gale today something happened between us. He kissed me and I slapped him but as I went to walk away I had to get my feelings in order, I wanted to make sure I was being fair to you and not wanting you only because you were here and he wasn't. I… I… I kind of…," tears started flowing now and but all I could see one Peeta's face was fear, but fear of what, fear of what I did or fear that I might not choose him.
"What Katniss you what?" he pushed his hands through his hair nervously.
"I had sex with him…" I looked down and started talking really fast, "but you have to understand like I didn't want to hurt you I wanted to be fair to you, but it made me realize your who I want to be with, you have to understand…" he put his hand up and cut me off then walked to the door and walked out. I sunk down in my seat and cried feeling horrible about what I did. I looked out the window and Peeta was nowhere to be seen. I walked up to my bedroom and drew the shades closed; I went under my covers and didn't move.
Who knows how long it's been since the last time I got up. I haven't eaten or slept for what feels like an eternity but it was probably only a few days. I heard my door open downstairs but didn't even bother to check who it was. There was a knock on my bedroom door; I didn't answer whoever it was just waltzed in.
"Come on sweetheart, I'm sick of you hiding under your bed it's time to come back to reality." Haymitch's voice echoed in my ear. When I didn't answer him he opened the blinds and I could see light through my blanket. He then threw my covers off of me and my eyes squinted from not seeing the sun in about three days. I made an annoyed moan and sat up.
"Hey what did you do that for Haymitch."
"I know that Peeta and you always help me and its finally time for me to return the favor…" he looked out the window, "I'm sick of seeing the two of you depressed. It has only been three days not an eternity, yet apparently you guys feel the same way."
"I feel horrible for…" he cut me off.
"I don't want to hear it, I know the story and I know your intentions were well. No matter how stupid they were now come one I brought you some food. First here drink this it will give you some energy."
"I don't want any of your liquor, I just want to stay in bed." He handed me the flask anyway.
"First of all just drink it; it isn't liquor I am cutting down. Second of all as your mentor I get to whip you into shape… NOW GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED!"
"Ugh Fine," I whipped the flask out of his hand and took a swig then spit it out, "blech, you lied to me its whiskey, that's disgusting."
"Not liquor, whiskey is my energy drink." He chuckled I made a face at him and finally got out of bed and went over to the mirror. I looked at myself. I lost all my curves, I looked like I lost about five to seven pounds, and my eyes were red and puffy from crying. I didn't recognize this person in the mirror. I looked dreadful Haymitch made me go to the bathroom and clean up, so I quickly took a shower, once again I looked in the mirror, I already started looking better. I put on a black t-shirt with blue skinny ankle jeans and a pair of tennis shoes. I braided my wet hair down the side and walked downstairs. Haymitch made me eggs and bacon and when I smelled it I realized how hungry I really was.
I ate half my plate then Haymitch and I went for a walk through town. "Feeling any better sweetheart?"
"Yeah," I sighed, "thanks for making me get out of bed."
"Anytime kiddo," I hated when he said that. All of a sudden I bumped into someone and without looking up, said sorry.
"Hey Katniss," I knew that voice, I loved that voice, I looked up and saw two beautiful blue eyes staring at me.
"Hey" was all I could get out; I looked down unable to look him in the eye. Then I looked at Haymitch and he gave me an apologetic smile. Yeah he should be sorry for making me get out of bed.
"Do you think we can talk later, you know when I get out of the bakery tonight."
I looked up at him, was Peeta really asking me to talk, I figured he never wanted to talk to me again. "Sure, I'll see you around six I guess." I gave him a pathetic smile that didn't reach my eyes, he shook his head. Oh how I missed lying with him at night.
"OK, I'll see you then." He said and I couldn't tell if he was still mad at me but of course he would still be mad at me, I'm still mad at me.
Haymitch and I walked back in silence, not awkward silence but just happy to have his company.
"Look sweetheart, I'm right next door if you need anything from me. Whatever happens though please don't go back into hiding, I'm the only one that is supposed to go into hiding."
I laughed at Haymitch and appreciated all he had done for me today, I guess he was the closest I have to a father figure and that made me smile to know that he cares. I hugged him and he was surprised by the embrace and it took him a few seconds to wrap his arms around me in return.
I ran into my house and freshened up a bit, washing my face and fixing my hair. I went down to the kitchen and cooked chicken, I cleaned up my house not sure what to expect then sat down and waited, well fell asleep and waited. A few hours later I was nudged by someone saying my name soothingly, "Katniss, wake up… Kat" I woke up a little startled and realized Peeta was waking me up.
"Oh sorry I must have fallen asleep."
"It's ok I just got here. How are you?" he asked politely.
"To be honest, I've been better."
"Me too, I miss you and I've been thinking a lot lately." Oh great, he's been thinking he probably never wants to see me again, but he said he missed me, but then again Peeta is always nice, and knows just what to say. "About us, and what you said and I understand now…" he looked down, "why you did it I mean."
I went to speak but Peeta cut me off, "Let me say what I have to say…" he said sternly "I see how you could feel like you were just with me to be with me, and I get that you needed to explore, but after the other night I really felt like there was no hint of questioning in you. It just hurt me because I thought it was enough."
"Peeta, I'm sorry if I could take it back I would, it's just I had to make sure, and that's not an excuse, there's no excuse for what I did."
Peeta walked over to me and put his hand on my cheek and looked me deep in the eyes and kissed me passionately, strongly. I felt the love that we shared, what Gale and I didn't have when we kissed. When I kissed Peeta all I saw were fireworks. He pulled away and look me in the eyes I again, I looked back at him, "Your right there is no excuse, but that's why I love you Katniss Everdeen,"
I looked down and blushed but all I could respond was "why because I'm so fucked up in the head."
"No, because even though you did what you did, you still came back, and even though we were both hurt your still that strong passionate girl that shot her hand up to sing the first day of school to sing. You're not afraid to do what you need to do to figure things out, and I even though maybe it was something that wasn't right, I think now that you're reassured you're going to put your all into us." I looked away shyly and went to speak but he continued, "I would rather have you in my life and be with you knowing that I am who you want to be with, and I know I said it before but right now I think thist is right, I love you Katniss."
Tears started to come down my cheeks I smiled at him. "I love you too Peeta Mallark, and I mean it with all my heart." He smiled and once again kissed me and I smiled against his lips. At that moment I realized I would never be happier then I am now, with the boy with the bread.
The End