Ffffff So, I'm deciding to cross-post this from my old dA account. I wrote this back, in like, June. Actually, it was originally split into two parts, but I decided to combine both of them on here. :3
Warnings: OOC!Germany, a tiny bit of SwissAus, and crack
Kesesesese~~
An Epic Love Story
Once upon a time, Germany was walking through the woods, and he noticed the most curious thing on the forest floor. It was a stick, but not just any ordinary stick. It was a beautiful stick, the most beautiful he had ever seen.
Germany was in love.
"Mein Gott," said Germany. "What a beautiful stick! I shall have dinner with you tonight!"
That night Germany went to one of the most expensive and luxurious restaurants in Berlin. The waiter gave him an odd look as he took their orders, and rolled his eyes when Germany asked for a chair for his stick. But Germany didn't care. All that matter was him and his stick.
Afterwards, Germany and his stick took a walk through the streets.
"You need a name," said Germany.
The stick said nothing.
"How about I call you Herr Stick?"
Germany swore that he saw parts of the wood form into a smile.
"Uhh, West, are you okay?" asked Prussia.
Germany walked out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist and Herr Stick in his arms.
"I'm fine, bruder. Why do you ask?" Germany asked.
"…Well, you been carrying that stick with you all week," said Prussia. "You even go to the bathroom with it."
Germany scowled. "You…you don't understand. Herr Stick understands me like no other person. He is my other half. I love him."
He filled a bowl with milk and cereal and set it down on the table, with Herr Stick in the chair.
Prussia's spoon fell into his cereal bowl with a plop. "Okay, now you're getting really weird."
"Hmf," said Germany. "You're just jealous that Herr Stick loves me. You know there are plenty more sticks in the trees. Maybe one is right for you."
Prussia looked as though he swallowed a whole bag of sour Skittles. He shook his head.
"You know what? I am going to hang out with Veneziano today…because you are just…Wow, West. Freaking, wow."
Germany went into his room.
However, he had forgotten Herr Stick.
"Kesesese," said Prussia. He grabbed Herr Stick and walked out the door.
"Oops," said Germany, walking back into the kitchen. "I forgot-" He stopped horrified.
And he threw a fit, like some kid who's Mom closed his War of Warcraft account. It was a fit full of rage and anger, yet sadness. It could be heard in all directions.
"Austria, what was that?" asked Switzerland, sitting up.
"What was what?" said Austria.
"That noise. I thought I heard something from Germany's house."
Austria shrugged. "I didn't hear anything." He held up his conductor's baton. "Lie back down, Switzerland. This won't hurt…much."
"Ve, Prussia, why're we here?" asked Italy, trying to pet all of the dogs jumping and slobbering on him. Prussia had taken him to a dog park, with over fifty dogs running over to glomp them.
"We're going to have a little fun with this stick," said Prussia, twirling Herr Stick in the air.
"Can I throw it?"
"Of course, Italy!
Italy launched Herr Stick across the park. "Fetch, doggies! Fetch!"
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
Italy and Prussia turned around. There stood Germany, as red as Spain's tomatoes, wanting to kill Italy and Prussia.
"Oh, hi, Germany!" said Italy. "You like dogs, right?"
Prussia smiled.
"YOU MONSTERS! YOU MURDERERS!" screamed Germany. "NOOO!"
The pack of dogs threw themselves onto Herr Stick and began fighting over him, tearing apart his gentle and delicate branches, ruining his soft bark. Eventually, both branches were snapped off and two dogs began playing tug-a-war…
It was all too much for Germany. Tears sprang into his eyes as he watched his lover be mutilated. He rushed towards the two dogs, and ferociously kicked one away. He grabbed onto Herr Stick and was now trying to yank it out of the other dog's jaw. It was all for his love. He didn't care if a dog was now tearing off his pants.
"You damn creature," he spat. "Give me back Herr Stick now!"
But the dog would not relent. Until…
SNAP!
His love was rent in two.
The other dog happily padded away with half of Herr Stick in his mouth.
Germany knelt to the ground, picking up what was left of Herr Stick. Tears freely ran down his cheeks as he hugged his late lover.
Italy and Prussia stared in awe.
Germany stood up. "I need to go home."
He shouldered between them, his pants forgotten in the dust.
Germany trudged back to his house and slammed the door to his bedroom. He collapsed onto the bed and cried his eyes out. His love, his one true, love, was broken into pieces. He clutched the broken half of Herr Stick and held him close to his chest. Oh, my sweet love… thought Germany, not caring that splinters were starting to form on his hands.
"West?" asked Prussia, knocking on the door.
"GO AWAY!" yelled Germany, throwing the pillow at the door.
"West, I want to talk…"
"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"
A few hours later, Germany walked out of the room, carrying a little box and wearing black. Inside the box were the remains of Herr Stick. He took the box out to the backyard and dug a hole for it. He carefully lowered the box inside the hole and said a few words about Herr Stick.
"Herr Stick…you were my best friend, the love of my life. From now on my days will never be as bright as when you were in my life. I loved you…I truly loved you…and now you are gone from me. Forever…"
"Germany seems really depressed," said Italy, who came over for dinner a few days later.
"Yeah, ever since we broke that stick of his, he's shut himself in his room," said Prussia.
"I-I feel so horrible now." Italy wrapped his arms around his knees, holding the other half of Herr Stick. "It's my fault that Herr Stick broke."
"Well, it's just a stick," said Prussia. "He could just find any old stick and it would look exactly the same."
"Prussia?"
"Yeah?"
"I have an idea. Ve."
A week later, Germany was still in his room. He had only gone out to take very quick bathroom breaks and to steal some food from the fridge. Since he had done absolutely nothing but cry, his room had become a little dusty.
Knock, knock!
"Germany! Germany!"
"What do you want, Italy?"
"Can you come out for a little bit? I'm lonely without you…"
"No!" yelled Germany. "You've ruined my life!"
"But, Germany! Please? Just this one time?"
Germany huffed. "Fine," he said, getting up and walking out the door.
At that time however, Prussia was outside, digging up the box.
"I can't believe I'm doing this," he muttered. "He dug a freakin' grave for a stick!"
He tore open the box and found the other half of Herr Stick inside of it. He took him out and ran away.
The next morning, Germany brought some flowers over to Herr Stick's grave. But…the grave was upturned with dirt everywhere and the box torn apart!
He gasped.
He ran back inside. "PRUSSIA!"
Prussia poked his head out of his room. "Yeah, West?"
Italy was also with him. "Ve?~"
"SOMEBODY HAS STOLEN HERR STICK!" Germany screamed. "He's been grave-robbed! Now I shall never see him again."
"Germany, what're you talking about?" said Italy. "Herr Stick's right here…"
Italy opened the door wider. There, sitting on a chair, covered in a giant Band-Aid, was Herr Stick! And he was whole again!
Germany's heart lifted with joy as he ran over and hugged his love. "Oh, Herr Stick! Oh!" he yelled. "I can't believe that you're alive again!"
Prussia opened his mouth to make a remark, but Italy gently elbowed him.
"Come now, Herr Stick! Do you want to have some wurst? Of course you do! You love my wurst…"
And they lived happily ever after.
THE END.