Clenched Fists
By S.J. Kohl

Pairing: Cloud/Reno
Rating: NC-17, overall
Summary: Cloud is having dreams he can't get rid of, and the only one who seems to be able to help him is Reno.

A/N: For Phoenix Dayze.
Disclaimer: FFVII is not mine, and we all know it.

A/N: A special thank you to BoxOFJuice for sending me this poem, and for allowing me to use it here. You definitely made my day brighter and my story more complete.

This poem was sent to me in a review, and it seems to encompass everything I want to say with and about this story. The author gave me permission to reprint it here. Please don't steal it. It doesn't even belong to ME, for Shiva's sake.

Clenched Fists: Prelude
Never Say Goodbye
By BoxOFJuice

Guilt.
It isn't beautiful,
Acid in your system,
Forever painful.

I meant no wrong.
I'm sorry,
I really am.

Venom of silence,
A silent scream,
In an empty box;
Echoing in nothingness.

Must it end like this?
Not a single word uttered;
None.

Can you not see?
The agony I'm in.
Set me free,
Forgive me.

Shivering in the brightness;
I love you.
I really do.

Was it just me?
Do you not love me?
A passing emotion,
Desperate illusions.

White pills,
With a whole new meaning.
Medicine;
It's for healing (not hurting)

Taunting death;
A deadly dance.
Your time will end,
Make no haste.

Please,
Don't hate me.
Have mercy I beg you,
Never say goodbye.

Cry. Call. Whisper.
Say my name.
I...
Will come.

Clenched Fists: Chaper One

Cloud panted, his eyes wide and haunted as his back stretched into a tight, painful arch. Gasping, he sank back onto the rough mattress of his cot, shudders racking the length of his body. He couldn't get there. He couldn't get there and it hurt. Too much, too much. Fighting the urge to scream, he unwrapped his fist from around his sex, hard and aching though it still was.

Every night it was like this. He had needs like anyone else. He had dreams. And he…he desired. Not women. Not Tifa. But he did desire. He couldn't help it. And he couldn't help the dreams. Red hair and dark laughter. A crooked, sardonic smile and eyes that gleamed as they swallowed him whole. And Cloud would wake up, hard and dying, his hand wrapped tightly around his cock, straining for a release he couldn't find. Two years of this, two years of dreaming Reno Sinclaire, and he still hadn't been able to satisfy his hunger, not even with his own hand. The need gnawed at his insides, licked at his skin with a raw, flickering flame. It didn't matter that Reno was a turk. It didn't matter that Reno worked for Shinra, or even that Reno had been one of the bastards assigned to take down Zack. None of that mattered. No, the only thing that mattered was that Cloud wanted Reno.

And couldn't have him, didn't deserve to have him. Cloud let out a long breath and rolled over onto his side, careful not to brush his too sensitive flesh against the thin blanket that covered him. He didn't deserve to feel loved or cherished, and he didn't deserve to know what it felt like to let go. Maybe that was why he could never get there, no matter how hard or fast or desperately he moved.

Still. Knowing that didn't make him want it any less.

And it didn't stop the dreams.

Stuffing his hands into the pockets of his oversized slacks, Reno whistled softly to himself as he climbed the stairs to the second floor of Seventh Heaven. He'd been hanging out around the bar a lot lately, trying to make amends between himself and Cloud Strife. It wasn't working though. Strife had barely spoken two sentences to Reno since that whole Remnants fiasco two years earlier.

Tifa'd gotten used to him though. So much so, in fact, that she now ordered him around like she did Strife. Case in point, he was now on a mission to bring Cloud down the stairs and in to dinner, even if he had to tie Cloud up and drag him down the stairs by force. How exactly Reno was supposed to hogtie a man ten times stronger than he was, Reno hadn't asked. He'd just smiled and said, "Sure thing."

What else could he have done? Even he was smart enought to know that Tifa could kick his ass from here to Wutai if she wanted to. No. It was easier to do whatever she asked him to do. Less painful too. Besides, at least he'd get to see Cloud this way. Shrugging in cheerful resignation, Reno lifted a fist to pound it a few times against Strife's office door.

No answer.

Reno sighed. He knew Cloud was in there. This was his room, and he hardly left it at all these days, unless he had a delivery to make. He even slept in there on a little cot. Reno cleared his throat. "Come on, Strife, I know you're in there!"

Still no answer.

"All right." Reno shook his head. "But don't get all pissy when I pick the lock. Tifa says you have to come down for dinner or she's gonna kick my ass."

Silence.

"Fine. Have it your way," Reno muttered, pulling a couple of tools from his left pocket. A Turk was always prepared against any foreseeable difficulties. It took him less than thirty seconds to pop the lock. Stuffing the tools back into his pocket, Reno tucked a stray lock of hair back behind his goggles and pushed the door open just wide enough to slip inside. He leaned back against it, resetting the lock. He cleared his throat again. "Cloud?"

It was dark in the room, darker than it should have been at 5 o'clock in the afternoon. Reno squinted, trying to get used to the dim lighting. Blinking, he scanned the room. It was almost bare. There was the desk over by the window, with a few pictures plastered on the wall behind it, and there was a blanket thrown over the window to block out the light. Well that explains the darkness, now doesn't it? I know you're depressed, Cloud, but this is a little melodramatic, even for you. Reno shook his head. The only other piece of furniture in the room was the cot, tucked into the darkest corner of the room, to the left of the door, and Cloud was lying on it, curled up on his side with a thin blanket hanging down around his hips.

He wasn't wearing a shirt.

Reno swallowed thickly. "Cloud?"

A choked gasp. "R-Reno?"

"Yeah, man. Tifa wants you downstairs for dinner."

Cloud shook his head. "Can't."

Reno took a few steps toward the bed, his eyes narrowed with worry and tension. Strife was usually acting pretty strange, but this…this was weird. He licked his lips. "Why not?"

"I just…" Cloud whimpered. He actually whimpered.

Reno knelt down beside the cot, staring at the taut, quivering muscles of Cloud's back. "You just what?"

"I just…I can't…" Cloud's body vibrated with tension, his muscles locked tight to his bones.

Reno took a deep breath. This really wasn't what he needed to deal with right now. I could go get Tifa... But no. This was a job, damn it, and Turks did not bail out on jobs. Reno stretched out his hand.

Cloud flinched at the icy heat of Reno's fingers as they brushed against his shoulder. "N-no!"

"No? Cloud…it's…not as if I can hurt you or anything." Reno didn't pull his hand away. Instead, he slid it up along the line of Cloud's shoulder blade, allowing his palm to come to rest where Cloud's shoulder joined his neck. "See?"

Cloud shivered. "Stop it. I can't…I'm not allowed…"

"Not allowed to what?" Reno growled in frustration and yanked roughly at Cloud's shoulder, twisting the smaller man onto his back until he met a pair of glazed blue eyes. Reno opened his mouth to speak. He closed it again, not sure what to say. Finally, he shook his head slightly and ran his fingers softly over Cloud's neck, frowning at the chilled, sweat-soaked skin. "Cloud…what's wrong?"

Cloud bit his lip, leaning into the soft touch of Reno's fingers almost against his will. Then those fingers moved upward slowly, gently tracing the line of his jaw. His eyes flying wide, Cloud shook his head frantically. "No..."

"No?" Reno glared at Cloud and leaned in closer, following the curve of Cloud's ear with his fingers. "What the fuck do you mean 'no'? I know something's wrong, you bastard. I'm not a total moron."

Cloud jerked his head to the side, staring resolutely at the wall. He swallowed hard. "Go away, Reno. This isn't your problem."

"The fuck it isn't!" Reno snarled, digging his nails slightly into the cold skin of Cloud's neck. "Tifa said--"

"I don't care what Tifa said!" Cloud seized Reno's hand and shoved the man back. Hard. Go away. Please just...go away.

Reno stumbled backward on his knees, catching his balance a bare moment before he would have tumbled to the floor. He shook the ache out of his hand from where Cloud had grabbed him and resolutely moved back to the cot. "I'm not leaving." He reached out again, fully expecting to be punched in the face as he settled his hand, resolutely, over Cloud's pounding heart.

But Cloud didn't punch him. He gasped, and he closed his hand around Reno's wrist in a hard grip, but he didn't push Reno away. Instead, he pulled Reno closer, closer and closer until their lips met in a clumsy, desperate kiss.

Reno almost choked, almost pulled away. This sort of thing wasn't his kink, and it definitely hadn't been on his top ten list of things Cloud Strife might want to do to him. But he didn't pull away. Cloud was just so…anxious. Sick and almost childlike. His entire body was drenched in sweat and he was shaking like a chocobo after a rainstorm. What kind of bastard would Reno be if he pulled away from Cloud right now? I mean...we're friends, right? Sort of anyway. And he doesn't seem exactly sane anyhow. So Reno opened his mouth, allowing Cloud to taste him with lips and teeth and tongue. His eyes widened as his hand was drawn down along the length of the younger man's body and shoved between a pair of slim, tightly muscled thighs. His heart pounding, Reno tried to pull away, tried to jerk his hand back, but Cloud was crying. Crying.

So Reno just shrugged and smiled. He wrapped his fingers around the length of Cloud's cock and pulled back slightly from the hot, messy kiss. He stared into Cloud's fevered eyes and ran a hand through sweat-drenched locks of pale gold hair. "It's okay, Cloud. I'll take care of you." Then he leaned in again, forgetting his anger, and he closed the distance between their lips even as he drew his closed fist up the length of Cloud's sex.

Cloud's sharp gasp echoed through the room, and Reno smiled through the kiss. He snaked his tongue out to meet Cloud's, coaxing and directing until he was the one leading their dance. If he was going to do this, he was at least going to do it right. And I'm damn well gonna do it right too. After all...this is the closest I'm ever likely to get to the cold bastard. His hand moved, fast but gentle, between Cloud's thighs, and he slipped his free arm around Cloud's shoulders, holding him against the shudders that racked his body.

It didn't take long. A few moments more, a few more pulls along the hot flesh and Cloud was arching up off the bed, moaning into Reno's mouth and digging his nails sharply into Reno's shoulder, probably tearing through the fabric of his shirt.

Reno didn't care. He held Cloud through his trembling, drawing his hand—sticky though it was—up the length of Cloud's naked body to cup his cheek. He pressed a kiss, tender and almost chaste, against Cloud's parted lips. "Cloud?"

Cloud's eyes—closed in orgasm—fluttered open. Tears streamed unchecked down his cheeks, and he…he smiled as he whispered hoarsely, "Thank you."

Shrugging, Reno laughed nervously and pulled away. He shoved his ponytail back over his shoulder with his clean hand and rose to his feet. "No problem, man. Just...come down to dinner, okay?"

Cloud sat up slowly, hunching his shoulders in an unconscious effort to keep his body hidden. He stared down at the bed, unable to meet Reno's eyes after what he'd just done. "All right." He clenched and unclenched his fists idly. "Tell Tifa I'll be there in a minute."