This is my fanfiction, 'Tale as Old as Time' and well, I don't know what else to say. Sorry if the characters seem a bit OOC and I don't own Phineas and Ferb, bu I do own Clara. Enjoy!

Perry's Girlfriend is out, Peace!

Tale as Old as Time

First Meeting

It was a rainy day as I walked from on the streets of Danville. The road was silent and there were hardly any pedestrians. The only sounds that could be heard was the thunder echoing in the distance and the rain splatting onto the ground. Both drowned out my sobs.

I was crying yes, loudly. I looked up at the sky. The storm would last a lot longer. Tears poured down from my face and fell onto the ground. I was homeless, technically family-less, and I had no money. Life was falling apart. I continued to sob and I heard someone driving. Who would drive in this weather? I couldn't care to look to see who it was. I was too heart-broken.

Less than a week ago, my brother graduated and bought a home. Sometime after he moved away, my grandfather and grandmother fell ill and both died. My aunt begged me to move out. When I told her that I didn't have enough money, she kicked me out.

I continued crying and heard some footsteps. I looked up and saw a young teenager, about 16, walking in my direction. I looked down and avoided eye contact with her as she walked right by. I didn't want charity from other people, but yet, I craved attention. I continued walking. I was going to the mayor, Roger Doofenshmirtz, hoping he would help me. I looked across the street and saw City Hall. I looked both ways. Nobody would see me if I jay-walked. I needed to. I walked across and jogged up the steps of City Hall, my backpack weighing me down. I was at the front door of City Hall. I looked around for a doorbell, but couldn't find one. I braced myself for the worst as I knocked on the doors. I heard nothing. I waited patiently, and the doors opened. It was by the mayor himself! He smiled at me and I mustered a small smile.

"How do you do?" The mayor asked me, his smile glistening in the little light that there was today.

"I need help." I told the mayor blankly. He gave me a confused look.

"In what way?" He finally asked me. I looked around.

"Can we talk...alone?" I asked him, nervously glancing my eyes around.

"Very well. Come on in." The mayor opened the door wider and invited me in. It was a very fancy place and I felt awkward to be in such a place. The mayor gestured to the stairs and we walked up the stairs, apparently up to his office.

"My brother is here, but we can ignore him. He's not a spy or anything, rest assured." Roger told me as we walked up the stairs. I was shocked to hear that.

"I never knew that you had a brother." I told the mayor quietly. He chuckled.

"Yes, well, we don't mention him a lot around here." He told me.

"Why?" I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.

"Oh, he's a bit...eccentric if you will." Roger told me. I cocked a brow.

"If I may ask, in what way?" I asked the mayor, getting more curious.

"Oh...well...He's a bit goofy and inventive. He means no harm." The mayor told me as we reached a door and the mayor opened it. It was a huge room, it could've fit two mobile homes. In one part of the office was a women at a desk. I imagined her to be in her early 30's. There was a giant door way, but no door, and there stood a desk, twice the width of the mayor.

"How are you Melanie?" The mayor asked his secretary, Melanie Adlon. I always heard rumors that the two were dating, Roger and Melanie, but no one seemed to know for sure. Melanie looked up from filing her nails and looked at the mayor.

"Just fine. Your brother was sooo quiet." Melanie replied, in the most sarcastic tone I have ever heard, and she rolled her eyes.

"Oh, cut him some slack Melanie. He wants to talk to me and just got bored." Roger gently chided Melanie as she glanced at me.

"Who's this? Your girlfriend?" Melanie asked, adding emphasis on 'girlfriend'. Either Melanie has a sick mind, is really protective, or really snotty, or all of the above!

"No, Melanie. Ms..." Roger looked at me, and in a sense, asked for my name. I cleared my throat.

"Miss Clara Parker." I told them.

"Miss Parker here claims she needs some help on something personal." Roger told Melanie who rolled her eyes.

"Just like how your brother needs help being quiet." Melanie muttered, but the mayor chose to ignore her.

"If you would like Miss Parker, please come in my office." Mr. Mayor invited me in. Once I stepped in I felt even more awkward to be in such a setting. It was a grand place. Semi-fancy furnishings, grand paintings of former mayors, and fancy oak desk and chairs. And of course, what I assumed to be the mayor's brother. I could hardly tell that they were related. He was very tall, hunchbacked, with a crooked, pointy nose, chestnut colored, spiked, hair, a noticeable chin, and gentle navy blue eyes. He wore a white lab-coat, which was spotless.

"Your brother's a pharmacist?" I asked the mayor as he sat behind his desk.

"I am right here, you know. You don't have to ask him when you could ask me. I'm not a pharmacist, I am an evil scientist." The mayor's brother rolled his eyes. I was surprised about how thick of a German/Drusselsteinian accent he had and how high pitched it was compared to the mayor himself.

"Sorry." I apologized to the man. "My name's Clara, yours?" I introduced myself to the man, offering my hand. He looked at it skeptically.

"Heinz Doofenshmirtz." He finally said as he shook my hand.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Doofenshmirtz." I smiled as I sat down on another chair right next to him. To my surprise and delight he gave a small smile.

"Please, just call me Heinz." Heinz insisted. My smile grew.

"Alright, Heinz." I nodded. I could've stared into his blue eyes forever. All my fears melted away. I didn't worry about finding a job or getting a house and some money. My daydream ended when the mayor cleared his throat. We both looked at him and the mayor still had that charming smile, though now, it looked feigned.

"Alright Miss Parker, please tell me your dilemma." The mayor insisted. I began to tell my story, however, instead of saying 'My aunt kicked me out' I said 'I moved away to ease the financial burden'. It sounded more sophisticated, much more realistic. At the end of my story. The mayor was biting on his lip.

"How old are you?" The mayor asked me. I found this to be an odd question, but I answered it anyway.

"21 years old." I replied. The mayor sucked his lips.

"I am very sorry Ms. Parker, but the government cannot help you in this situation." The mayor told me remorsefully. I tried to hold back the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes.

"Do you have any suggestions?" I asked the mayor. The mayor tilted back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling.

"Yes..." The mayor started to say after a couple of minutes.

"What are they?" I asked the mayor quickly, my breath shaky. He looked at me and stopped tilting his chair.

"You could find someone to live with until you got enough money to live on your own." The mayor suggested. I took the suggestion under consideration.

"I don't know anyone well enough to live with them. Everyone I know moved out of the state." I replied. The mayor looked around.

"Heinz..." The mayor looked at his brother and offered a charismatic smile.

"Hm?" Heinz looked up at his brother with an uninterested look.

"Would you?" The mayor asked his brother. Heinz looked at him, confused.

"Would I what?" Heinz asked, not getting what the mayor was saying. I had to admit, neither did I.

"Don't you have a big place? You could easily house Ms. Parker." The mayor told his brother. I blushed. It was more in embarrassment than anything else. Living with a man, even temporarily, and especially one I just met, would be, well, awkward, at least. I dared looked at Heinz, who was blushing too.

"You don't see anything wrong with that, Roger?!" Heinz yelled at his brother, standing up. I too would've yelled at the mayor if it wasn't for his authority. The mayor stood up too, however, it was gentler. Then, it hit me. The mayor didn't see anything wrong with his plan. I stood up too, gently.

"Mr. Mayor, if I may, I can find someone that's the same gender to live with." I told the mayor, grabbing my backpack, preparing to leave. I honestly highly doubted that I could find someone to live with.

"Oh no, Ms. Parker. I am sure that my brother would love to house you. Wouldn't you Heinz?" The mayor stopped me from leaving and I turned back to look at Heinz. Heinz glared at his brother. He moved so close to his brother that they were only inches apart.

"Are...you...crazy?" Heinz hissed at his brother. Roger, first of all, didn't seem to mind that he was only inches away from his brother, and second he smiled. It wasn't even a smirk. It was a sincere, charming smile. He literally thought that there was nothing wrong with his plan.

"Now, Heinz, I would make sure that it would be for less than a month." Roger assured Heinz as he gently pushed him out of the way.

"We barely know each other!" Heinz yelled at his brother. Roger didn't even flinch.

"So?" Roger asked, not getting the point. Heinz sighed and looked down at the ground.

"Fine. I'll house her, only with her permission." Heinz hissed at his brother. I gulped. Was he afraid that he would be arrested if he didn't house me? I felt their eyes fall on me.

"Why?" I asked Heinz after an awkward silence.

"Because, unlike Roger, I know what it's like to be homeless." Heinz spat. Roger rolled his eyes.

"Oh stop Heinz, you're exaggerating." Roger chided Heinz.

"Am not. Remember when I was raised by Ocelots?" Heinz turned back to face his brother.

"You were raised by Ocelots? I love Ocelots!" I squealed out in delight. I stopped when I realized the unimpressed look the mayor was giving me. I blushed madly.

"I-I mean...that's...that's...sad...really sad." I tried to cover up what I previously said. Roger cleared his throat after an awkward silence.

"So will you let my brother house you?" Roger asked me. I weighed the consequences with the advantages. On one hand, I barely knew the man. On the other hand, he was willing to house me. On the other hand, maybe I'll just be a nuisance. On the other hand, I'll have food, shelter, and clothing. The advantages outweighed the consequences.

"Alright. I'll let you house me." I looked at Heinz. Roger clapped his hands.

"Great! Heinz, it was nice talking to you, but I think you should take your new 'guest' home." Roger went around his desk and gave me a handshake. It was a very firm handshake and he had sturdy hands. Heinz muttered a good-bye and we were off. We stayed quiet until we got in his truck.

"So...how come you literally squealed with delight when I said that I was raised by Ocelots?" Heinz asked me after a couple of minutes of silence had gone by. I chuckled.

"I love animals, but I especially love the wild cats, like Leopards, Jaguars, and Ocelots." I told him as I smiled.

"So is it the print you love, or what?" Heinz asked me. I shrugged.

"I'll be honest, the print is a bonus that I love." I told him.

"So...you love animals huh?"

"Yep."

"What kind?"

"Most, though spiders creep me out."

"Yeah, that's understandable." Heinz chuckled. He parked in front of a giant purple building, shaped like an 'F'. I looked up.

"You live here?" I asked as I silently prayed he had a floor apartment, or at least just a couple stories high.

"Yeah. Isn't it nice?" He asked me as we got out of his truck. I nodded, more out of politeness than anything else.

"Which floor?" I asked, staring at the top of the building.

"The very top. I own the balcony." Heinz told me as I gulped. I tried to cover that up by coughing, but Heinz had quick ears. He looked at me, concerned.

"Are you afraid of heights?" Heinz asked me, worriedly. I glanced back at him and sighed.

"I'll be honest, it's a love-hate relationship." I told Heinz, hoping I wouldn't have to explain it. He nodded, in understanding.

"Yeah, I know what that's like." He chuckled. I perked up at what he said as we entered the building.

"Really?" I asked him as we entered an elevator.

"Yeah." He replied. I didn't know if he knew, but there was a platypus, in a fedora, next to him.

"You do realize that there's a platypus next to you?" I asked him as he looked down to the teal platypus next to him.

"Hello Perry the Platypus." He greeted the platypus casually. Then, before I could say anything he yelped.

"Perry the Platypus?! You shouldn't scare me like that!" Heinz yelled at the platypus and practically leapt in my arms. I struggled to carry him.

"How do you know this platypus?" I struggled to ask while carrying Heinz.

"He's...He's my nemesis!" Heinz cried out and grabbed my neck. I looked down at the platypus.

"Well, I do see a couple of ways he could hurt you, but they're all part of his body and I don't see how they could hurt you that bad...Well, except one way." I stumbled backwards and fell down. Heinz got up and pushed himself against the wall. I was well acquainted with the Platypus species. The males had poisonous venom spurs on their ankles and were attached to venom glands, they looked almost like kidneys.

"No, no! You should see him in action! He's fierce, cunning, and good with a grappling hook!" Heinz yelled. I was pretty sure that he lost his mind. I looked at the platypus and then back at Heinz. The platypus was standing up and wearing a fedora, though.

"Okay...You have a platypus nemesis and...You don't find that a bit, oh I don't know, crazy?" I asked Heinz as he frantically looked at the elevator door.

"Yeah, yeah. Call me crazy, but this platypus is my nemesis." Heinz confirmed as I gave him an unsure glance. The platypus sighed and took off his fedora and reached for something inside it. He pulled out a small piece of paper out and returned the hat to his head. He handed me the piece of paper. It read 'Perry the Platypus: Secret Agent of the O.W.C.A (Organization Without a Cool Acronym) Nemesis: Heinz Doofenshmirtz'.

"Okay. So you do have a platypus nemesis." I confirmed and put the paper in my pocket. Heinz rolled his eyes.

"Now you believe me?" Heinz sarcastically asked. I rolled my eyes and the moment the elevator door opened, Heinz shot out, the platypus hot on his trail. I chuckled and stepped out. Heinz was fumbling for the keys and the platypus was waiting, patiently.

"While I'm fumbling for the keys, Perry the Platypus meet Clara, Clara, Perry the Platypus." Heinz introduced us. To my surprise, Perry held up a paw and chattered. I smiled down and shook his paw. It was soft, but I could feel the tiny claws and the pads of his forefeet. Just like a big, fuzzy cat. Heinz managed to find the keys and opened the apartment. It was huge and spacious, unlike any other apartment I had ever been in.

"So, anyway Perry the Platypus, there's no evil plan to foil, I need to get Clara settled in. You see, I went down to see my goody two-shoes brother, Roger the mayor, to see if he would hand over the Tri-State Area, but he got interrupted and Clara came in and turns out she needed some housing. My brother asked me to house her and after some inner debating, I agreed. See Perry the Platypus, a person can't even go out of his own home and ends up getting stuck with someone they barely know for about a month. You may be wondering 'Why would you do such a crazy thing Heinz?' Well, I'll tell you. It's because, as you'll recall, Perry the Platypus, I was once disowned from my parents and forced to live with Ocelots. So, I didn't want the same fate to befall Clara, so I decided to house her." Heinz babbled. After he was done babbling, he reminded me so much of my little brother, the one that graduated recently. He loved to talk, talk, and talk. He was born to talk it seemed. Perry raised a non-existent brow at him. Heinz began to glare at the platypus.

"What's that look for Perry the Platypus? You don't think I can house her, do you?" Heinz questioned the platypus. It amazed me that this man could communicate with a creature that had to mainly use non-verbal communication. Perry nodded and Heinz hardened his glare.

"Well, I can. You just wait and see Perry the Platypus. I can house her, take care of Vanessa, deal with Norm, and be evil all at once!" Heinz yelled at the agent.

"Who's Vanessa and Norm?" I asked, confused. Heinz looked at me, for a moment.

"Vanessa's my daughter who comes once a week and Norm's a robot I built." Heinz told me. I was shocked to hear that Vanessa was his daughter.

"You're married?!" I cried aloud. What have I done?! I probably just about ruined a marriage! Heinz ran up to me and put his hands on my shoulders as I continued to sob.

"No, no, no! I'm divorced. I have been for twelve years now." Heinz calmed me down as I looked up at him.

"I'm not ruining your marriage then?" I asked slowly. Heinz nodded. I nodded and tried to calm myself down. Heinz looked around saw that Perry wasn't around.

"Just a second, I got to do something." Heinz told me right before he ran to the balcony and looked up to see Perry the Platypus.

"CURSE YOU PERRY THE PLATYPUS!" Heinz yelled after the escaping platypus. Then he returned to me.

"Why did you do that?" I asked, looking at him like he grew another head.

"It's a tradition." Heinz replied casually, shrugging. I continued to stare at him. Heinz began to look uncomfortable.

"Come on, let me show you to your room." Heinz began to walk down a narrow hall and I followed.

"Let me guess, you're going to lock me up like a princess and force a prince to sweep me off my feet?" I asked sarcastically. Heinz chuckled.

"Tempting, but no." Heinz opened a bedroom door. The windows faced the East which meant that I could wake up to each sunrise, just as I always wanted. There was a full-sized bed, with tan bedding, a black nightstand, and a small closet. To my delight, I had my own bathroom. I would've squealed in delight if I didn't have a reputation to keep intact.

"I'll just leave you to unpack and I'll turn on Norm." Heinz walked out before I could even utter a word. I opened my backpack and pulled out my clothes. All of them were the same and I only had two pairs. It was a lavender shirt with white trims, cropped sleeves and a straight, low neckline. It didn't show anything. My pants were a dull blue and went half-way down my calves and white sandals. I sighed as I hung up the clothes and pulled out some books. One was 'Dinosaur Mayhem', and the other was a 'Smithsonian' book of animals. I put the books on the nightstand. I flopped on the bed and sighed. I wanted to cry. I heard a soft knock on my door and got up to answer it, clearing my throat. I opened and Heinz was there. He had a pleasant smile on his face I began to smile.

"Hey, I was just wondering if you are hungry." Heinz told me his reason for seeing me as my smile grew.

"I'm a little hungry." I admitted as leaned against the doorframe.

"Would you like to go to a restaurant?" Heinz asked me. I froze. I never liked going to restaurants, they made me nervous. I swallowed quietly, so to not arouse suspicions.

"Sure..." I answered slowly. Heinz didn't see this however and his smile grew.

"Great! Come downstairs so you can meet Norm, and then we'll go." Heinz grabbed my hand and practically dragged me downstairs. I just noticed how huge the doorways were. Giant, clanky footsteps were heard and felt and a robot entered. He had light brown hair and a blue suit and red tie were painted on the robot. I lightly chuckled at the sight.

"HELLO. MY NAME'S NORM." The robot said as he held out a robotic hand for me to shake.

"Hi Norm. My name's Clara." I told the robot as I shook his hand. It was surprisingly gentle.

"ARE YOU DAD'S GIRLFRIEND?" The robot asked me. I blushed madly.

"Norm, Clara is not my girlfriend, I am merely housing her. And second of all, I'm not your dad." Heinz chided the robot. I think he was gentler on the robot than usual.

"WHATEVER YOU SAY." Norm replied as he walked off. Heinz ran after him.

"What do you mean by that?" Heinz yelled as he ran off. I chuckled at the sight.

Heinz's P.O.V

"What do you mean by that?!" I yelled as I chased my robot. Norm didn't turn around to even face me he kept walking until we were out on the balcony. I forced him to stop at the balcony and he turned to face me.

"I MEAN EXACTLY WHAT I SAID DAD." Norm replied. I glared at him, trying to cover up my red face. Let's get one thing straight, I wasn't mad at the robot, though I have to admit, I was slightly vexed with him, I was embarrassed. I was blushing because I was embarrassed.

"Explain." I hissed at the robot, trying to make myself sound threatening.

"IT IS INEVITABLE DAD." Norm told me. What on Earth was he talking about?

"What's inevitable?" I asked the robot impatiently as I tapped my foot and crossed my arms.

"YOU WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH CLARA." Norm prophesied as my blush grew stronger. I had to admit, Clara was attractive, but...on the other hand, she's half my age.

"Quiet Norm!" I chided the robot, but even I noticed, it was a lot softer than usual.

"I MOVED TO THE BALCONY SO SHE WOULDN'T HEAR US DAD." Norm told me as I rubbed my cheeks, hoping to physically rub off the blush, though I know it's impossible. But in my defense, it's really embarrassing blushing in front of something that I created.

"Well, as much as I appreciate that Norm, but listen," I dropped my voice down to a whisper, "She's half my age and we're exact opposites."

"OPPOSITES ATTRACT." Norm replied casually. I heard someone clear their throat and I whipped around. Clara was there, standing with her hands on her hips and a growing smirk. I felt my face pale. How much did she hear? Her smirk turned into a frown.

"Heinz, are you alright? You're pale." Clara jogged to me and put a hand on my shoulder. For the first time, I looked into her light purple eyes deeply. I cleared my throat and coughed.

"I, I'm fine." I told her. Her eyes still looked worried.

"Would something to eat make you feel better?" She asked me quietly. I smiled and nodded. I looked up at Norm.

"Norm if you don't mind, I'm going to take Clara out for lunch. Stay out of trouble if you can help yourself." I told the robot as I digged in my lab coat pocket for the car keys.

"OKAY DAD." Norm replied. I groaned as I rolled my eyes. I would probably never get it through the thick, robot head of Norm's that I wasn't his dad.

"Where are we going?" Clara asked me as we stepped out of the apartment.

"Oh...It's a surprise." I lied. I'll be honest, I had no idea where we were going.

"You have no idea, do you?" She asked as she smirked. I glared at her.

"No! I know exactly where we're going!" I retorted. She playfully rolled her yes.

"Okay...which street?" She asked. I sighed as I pushed a button for the elevator.

"Fine, I give up. I have no idea. Got any suggestions?" I asked her as we entered the elevator.

"Sure. How about 'Dairy King'?" She suggested. I smiled.

"Sure. Is it for the ice cream?" I asked her. She laughed. It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard in my life. My smile grew and I tried to not blush, but it was kind of impossible. I mean, you're in the elevator, alone with this woman and you make her laugh. It's really hard to not blush.

"Well now that you mention it..." She started to say, the words barely coming out and forming from her laugh.

"Let me guess, it's a bonus, right?" I asked her, making her laugh harder. I couldn't take it anymore. I started laughing. We managed to calm down before we made it to the lobby downstairs. We exited the building and I unlocked the truck. I opened her car door for her and instead of saying thanks, she kissed me on the cheek. The last person to kiss me on the cheek was Vanessa, but when you're talking about romantically, it was Roxanne, my true evil love, until she got hit with...I forgot what's it called, so I'll call it the 'thingumajig'. I can't believe that's a real word, thingumajig. Anyway, I blushed and gently closed the car door and went around the truck to the driver's side and got in the car. I buckled up and began to back out.