Some people are born like that: seriously disturbed. Other less so. Some other not at all. And some people are just better at hiding it.
Hux is looking at Kylo Ren talking strategy with Captain Phasma from a distance. They're in war, Hux shouldn't make way for the feelings. And yet, he does.
Some people have real psychological issues that would be better to treat, for them just like for their entourage.
Hux almost never sees Kylo Ren smile. Even when he is relaxed, he keeps this coldness caused by his constant anger mixed with sadness. Hux always felt like Kylo Ren was like an angsty teenager. However, it may be true, the Sith apprentice is still young. And even if he isn't that much older, the behavior difference is quite stark. Hux doesn't want to be at war, he'd largely rather relax on a warm and welcoming planet than on this ship with its sanitized corridors.
There are people who, the more broken they are, the more interesting they get. There is so much to discover from a broken, unsure, doubtful man. You just never get tired of it. It's fascinating.
Hux follows Kylo Ren with his eyes without saying a word and their eyes catch. Adrenaline or thrilling anticipation rush crosses his whole body, making his hands itch and his heartbeat speed up. The Sith apprentice nods at him before leaving the bridge. The red-head waits a bit before leaving too.
There are people like that, sick people who have this kind of... Magnetism. You feel inexorably drawn to them, just like the fish attracted by the lamprey's light. Hux thinks it's a good metaphor.
And magnetism is the right word. There is something in broken people that sublimes beauty by pain, sorrow, hatred... Their own hell.
On the way, Hux yells at a clone who bumps into him. He is always on the edge with the war and Kylo Ren, the great Kylo Ren, isn't making it better.
Hux may have a superiority complex, certainly developed by growing up in his father's overwhelming shadow and abusive behavior, but Kylo is worse than that. His tantrums are fearsome and Hux has gotten some things broken more than once. This is not just a lack of self control, this is now a matter of pathology.
.
Hux arrives in front of the brunette's quarters' door and doesn't have the time to ring, the door opens itself to reveal Kylo who's waiting, already on his bed. Sitting cross-legged, face slightly lowered, his dark eyes glowing in the half-light, his large shoulders, only wearing his tunic, cape and coat removed, are relaxed. And he is still looking at him with this predatory glare in front of his prey. And fuck, Hux loves that.
"Come closer, Armitage." says Kylo with this voice that seems soft, the one that says ''come here, I don't harm you" but where you can feel the threat underneath that is whispering lower ''do it, or...".
This black, magnetic, dark, abyssal glare that keeps him in everytime and from where he doesn't get out, drowns himself in with pleasure and unreason, wishing to never escape from it.
"I said: 'Come closer', Armitage." repeats Kylo while lifting up Hux from the ground by using the Force.
Hux doesn't struggle, it's useless and he doesn't want to anyway. Kylo lands him in front of him and still glares with this pair of deep pitch-black marbles reflecting the pale lights of the room. Hux knows what he's got to do.
There are people that aren't that disturbed. We all have that twisted bit in ourselves, obviously. But seriously, some are doing okay with their sanity. And some others will deliberately destroy this sanity. Some people are drawn by people who won't do any good to them. Is that self destruction? Normally, a sane person avoids too disturbed people, naturally feeling the danger with their self-preservation instincts. Clearly, Hux has some self-preservation issues.
Lying on the dark grey-sheeted bed, Hux moans softly by the warm and wet tongue of Kylo leaving burning traces on his pale, bare chest. The teeth biting his nipples and the hoarse breathing are enough to make him shiver in pleasure... He strokes the Sith apprentice's back, feeling every asperity of the skin under his fingers, pressing himself against the young man's hot body constantly asking for more contact, always more contact. Hux lets his hands slide along the muscular arms to slide them between their bodies to undo Kylo's pants. Kylo he let's him do it, too busy leaving purple hickeys on his neck.
.
Despite his behavior, Kylo can be tender sometimes, just like now. That is not always the case. That guy is a real weather vane.
It's sick, these feelings, this relationship, Hux knows it, Hux keeps it quiet, Hux closes his heart to it, he doesn't want to know anything. He didn't choose to love Kylo Ren, it more hit him right in face. He could have fallen in love with Captain Phasma, for example, it would've been way easier and on the top of it all: safer. Plus, he hated the term, falling in love. It was ridiculous and pathetic. Especially in these times. Especially for him. Especially with him.
.
Hux feels like he is being torn apart. He screams, yells, struggles as he scratches Kylo's back who, annoyed, lifts the ginger's arms above his head using the Force. Hux tears up, begs, moans and even tries to order the future Sith to stop, the only answer he gets is a sudden feeling of choking, as if somebody was strangling him although the brune's hands were still on each side of his tilted back head.
Hux can't stand Kylo in him, not this way, not that violently, he feels like he is being ripped in half, stretched beyond the bearable limit. He would like it to stop but still... He also wants it to keep going.
The red-head can't breathe anymore and suffocates like a fish out of the water, shaken by Kylo's deep thrusts. His pale blue bulging eyes meet the ones that are desire-dark and then, he can finally breathe. Altogether, it lasted just a few seconds, one minute at most, but when the pressure eases on his throat, the one in his sex flows in one shot and he comes moaning with pleasure and pain, the orgasm washing him on the inside out and Kylo does the same. They both fall embraced on the bed, Kylo still in Hux, the Force's hold breaking.
.
Hux looks at Kylo. All the time. Especially his eyes. His eyes that betrays everything. Kylo Ren isn't an expressive person. Everything shows in the gaze. Hux always seems like he doesn't give a damn about the Sith apprentice. The truth is that he observes. Every waking minute, he observes this being of fascination, this magnetism so powerful that Hux felt physically sick when he found him in the snow, face covered with blood.
Everything in him is magnetic. From his determined walking; the way he swings his squared shoulders as if he was trying to give himself some will to go on, to keep walking, to his floating coat, to the way he holds his light saber; to his perpetually messy hair, to his face on which you can read the impassive and emotionless pain and his dark, deep, abyssal, attracting, magnetic eyes.
And Hux is just like a butterfly, kind of damaged as well, but who still believes, and who is inexorably drawn by that light on which he knows he will burn his wings.
.
Hux is looking at Kylo sleeping. Or at least at the closed eyelids from which come pitch-black eyelashes. He reaches out his hand with hesitation and lightly touches the arm facing him with his fingertips. The reaction is fast and Kylo opens his eyes widely. Hux stiffens, closing his eyes fiercly and waiting for some sort of aggression. Which doesn't come. The ginger opens his eyes to look at this deep gaze one more time. The visual connection lasts an undefined time, maybe five seconds, maybe five minutes, maybe more. Anyway, Hux doesn't think before asking the same question he asks on a regular basis:
''Do you even love me? This isn't just for sex, is it ? Are there any feelings behind all of it? I love you Kylo, I need to know if you feel the same. Do you feel the way as I do?"
And he knows that he will constantly get the exact same answer:
"No."
Kylo rolls onto the other side, turning his back to the general.
Hux sighs. At least he trusts him enough to show him his back. But he knows that he would be dead if he even tried to harm him.
God, sometimes he hates him so much. And loves him. That's so fucked up. He is so fucked up.
If only there was something to allow him to know what Kylo Ren truly thinks.
-
You can strangle me, throw me on the walls, destroy me inside, I am and always will be at your side, because I know how much you need to be loved.
The hardest people to love are the ones who need it the most.