half light
ch1ps0h0y
FACEBOOK AND COMPANY
Land of the Literate
Text copyright (C) 2009 by ch1ps0h0y
All rights reserved.
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Time Wasters Book Group
IP Land of the Literate, Earth (Sol 3)
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First edition: November 2009
The characters and events portrayed in this book are real.
Any similarity to fictitious persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Library of Landfill Cataloguing-in-Publication Data
ch1ps0h0y, 1989 --
Half Light: a spoof / by ch1ps0h0y -- 1st Ed.
P. cm.
Summary: When seventeen-year-old Bella leaves Phoenix to live with her father in Pitchforks, Washington, she meets an exquisitely handsome boy at school for whom she feels an overwhelming surge of hormones and who she comes to realise is a paedophile.
ISBN 2-223-78679-0
[1. Vampires -- Fiction, 2. High Schools -- Fiction, 3. Utter Crap -- Non-fiction,
4. Washington (State) -- Fiction] I. Title? What Title?
PZ7.M57188Tw2005
[Fic] —dc22 2004024730
For my friends at school,
Whose boycotting and loathing of the series led me to write this spoof.
But of this book of vampires, good and evil,
thou ist forbidden from reading:
for in the day that thou readest thereof,
thou shalt surely be scarred for life.
Book of Common Sense 1:01
PREFACE
I'd never given much thought to how I would die -- not even in the last few months -- but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this.
I stared without breathing across the long room. ...And after a half a minute I took a breath. Dying of voluntary suffocation was not the way I was going to die.
Surely this was a good way to die: in the place of someone who had only liked me for the deodorant I used.
I kept regretting that if I had not made the decision to come to Pitchforks, I would not be here now, at the mercy of this paedophile.
The hunter leered in a disturbing way as he sauntered forward towards me.