I don't own anything.
Steve
I follow Danny up the stairs to our room. He goes to take a shower and I change into my swim trunks. As I walk down the beach to the edge of the water, I feel Danny's gaze on my back.
I hope Danny can eventually understand. I need the ocean like I need air to breathe. Like I need him to feel like I'm really living. I can see the hurt in his eyes every time I swim instead of talking to him after a hard case. I don't really know how to explain why I always swim. It's not him, it's me. Cliche, I know but true. I trust him with my life but I can't talk to him about this. I don't know how.
I can still feel his eyes watching me as I dive under the waves. I don't think he knows that I know he watches me. I guess it makes him feel better so I don't bring it up. I can still tell the second he turns away. It must be hard to see me when I'm this far out in the middle of the night.
I turn around to head back to shore. I don't hear the water on inside so Danny must be done with his shower. I walk up the stairs, my steps completely silent. When I open our bedroom door Danny is laying on our bed, too tense to be sleeping. I don't want to disturb him so I let it go. I take a shower to wash off the salt and slip into bed. After arranging the blankets I wrap my arm around his waist and pull him close to me. "I'm sorry. I can't yet." I whisper in his ear. My only response is silence and Danny relaxing against me. It's enough.
Danny
Watching Steve walk away, I can't help but feel a pang of jealousy. I know it's irrational but it doesn't make me feel better. I want to understand, I really do, but it hurts to know he still can't talk to me after all of this time together.
He doesn't know how to talk about his feelings. You know that. I remind myself. I always end up watching Steve swim, and this time is no different. I walk to the doors and open them. He stands at the edge, where the sand meets the ocean for a few minutes, as if thinking through a thought. Then he walks forward and dives under the waves.
When it becomes too hard to follow his movements due to the night, I go take my shower and crawl into bed. I don't have to wait much longer before I feel Steve's eyes on me. I don't move and he goes to take his shower. He comes back and gets under the covers.
I feel his arm snaking around my waist, pulling my back to his chest. A soft "I'm sorry. I can't yet." is whispered right above my ear but I don't respond. Instead I let my body relax in his arms because I try to understand. I really do. Until either I can understand or he can talk to me, that will have to be enough.
My brain wouldn't let this idea go so I hope you liked it.
~Five-0Forever