A/N: Hi everyone. I am not out to offend anyone, and this is not
intentionally blasphemous. If you construe it as such, then it's all in
your mind. Get over it. This has been beta'd, but if you find any errors,
let me know. And, as always, review!
When I was younger, people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. The people asking were invariably grown ups themselves, thinking that it was cute for a child to have any notion of what she wanted. They were always shocked when I said, simply and succinctly, that I wanted to be God. They would always ask why, with a patronizingly curious expression, and I would answer, "Because God knows what's right and wrong, and doesn't have to worry about being bad." They would laugh and pat my head, and then wander off to talk to other adults, dismissing what I said entirely.
But now I realize that it must be hard indeed for any god not to be bad. They cannot be perfectly infallible, or else the world would not be such as it is. People use their gods to justify murder, greed, and many other evils, and expect mercy when they are judged. How hard it must be to have a sense of right and wrong so keen, so exact, as to know the exact point where someone falls over the edge of right. To watch it happen, and not be able to prevent it because that would violate the laws they put in place, would be horrible. And now I know first hand, watching people, hoping they can make the right choices, and feeling the utter disappointment and sadness that comes when they fail. It's as if I failed too. I didn't do everything I could for them, didn't shelter them when they needed, didn't give them a push in the right direction. They fell because of me. It's not their immortal soul that suffers, but my conscience. Because I could have stopped it, and saved them.
I watch the world I love go farther and farther down into evil, with fewer and fewer trying to save it, and I am plagued with guilt. I could help these people, and save this world. I could have done it before it was too late. I could have disregarded those divine laws. It is within my power. I could have saved just one life and it would have been worth it, for one life saved is equal to a whole world saved. It was my foolishness that prevented me from saving the world I love, the world I built, and my love of its people that made me respect their free will, and not step in. But I could have done so much more, could have saved so many more.
Because I am God.
When I was younger, people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. The people asking were invariably grown ups themselves, thinking that it was cute for a child to have any notion of what she wanted. They were always shocked when I said, simply and succinctly, that I wanted to be God. They would always ask why, with a patronizingly curious expression, and I would answer, "Because God knows what's right and wrong, and doesn't have to worry about being bad." They would laugh and pat my head, and then wander off to talk to other adults, dismissing what I said entirely.
But now I realize that it must be hard indeed for any god not to be bad. They cannot be perfectly infallible, or else the world would not be such as it is. People use their gods to justify murder, greed, and many other evils, and expect mercy when they are judged. How hard it must be to have a sense of right and wrong so keen, so exact, as to know the exact point where someone falls over the edge of right. To watch it happen, and not be able to prevent it because that would violate the laws they put in place, would be horrible. And now I know first hand, watching people, hoping they can make the right choices, and feeling the utter disappointment and sadness that comes when they fail. It's as if I failed too. I didn't do everything I could for them, didn't shelter them when they needed, didn't give them a push in the right direction. They fell because of me. It's not their immortal soul that suffers, but my conscience. Because I could have stopped it, and saved them.
I watch the world I love go farther and farther down into evil, with fewer and fewer trying to save it, and I am plagued with guilt. I could help these people, and save this world. I could have done it before it was too late. I could have disregarded those divine laws. It is within my power. I could have saved just one life and it would have been worth it, for one life saved is equal to a whole world saved. It was my foolishness that prevented me from saving the world I love, the world I built, and my love of its people that made me respect their free will, and not step in. But I could have done so much more, could have saved so many more.
Because I am God.