Survivor: Final Fantasy Style Chapter One
This is my 2nd story I worked real hard on it folks so please don't Mst or flame it. And yes,I know my spelling and punctuation is bad.
Disclaimer: Again, I do not own final fantasy characters. I'm not that lucky.
Cast of Chacracter
Host: That would be me, Jade
The rest of these losers are playing themselves, duh.
Squall
Rinoa
Zell
Selphie
Quistis
Terra
Cloud
Tifa
Seifer
Sephiroth
Kefka
Ultimacia
Location: An island somewhere in the ocean. The contestents are all standing around waiting for the host.
Zell: So, this is what we do now that the game is over?
Terra: Looks that way, huh?
Seifer: How the hell did I end up here? Do I look like the survivor type?
Kefka: You? What about me? I hope they don't expect the Great Lord Kefka to sleep in a tent.
Tifa: (looks around) We don't even have tents. I guess they want us to sleep on the ground.
Kefka: WHAT?!?! Well thats just perfect!!
(They all fall silent as the host appears out of the woods)
Host: Hello all, and welcome to the island.
Kefka: Where the hell did you come from?
Host: I have a condo on this island.
Kefka: You have a what?!? And you expect us to sleep on the ground? That hardly seems fair.
Host: Today, you will be split up into two teams. Team,"We're all losers" will consist of, Squall, Rinoa, Zell, Selphie, Quistis, and Terra. Team, "We don't have real lives" will consist of the rest of you rejects.
Selphie: (excitiedly) Ooooooh, this is gonna be sooooo fun!!!
Kefka: Oh dear god!!! (tries to cast Light of Judgement on Selphie. Nothing happens) What the @*%#?
Host: Oh yeah, all magic powers are useless here. You're gonna hafta fend for yourselves.
Quistis: What exactly are we compeating for?
Host: A big box of chocolate bars.
Cloud: Ooooh boy!!!!
Sephiroth: Why can't we compeat for a chance to destroy the world?
Ultimacia: Or to achieve time kompression?
Sephiroth: Same thing.
Host: This is my show, damnit!! And you'll compeat for whatever I want you to.
Kefka: Again with the not being fair.
Host: Okay teams, time to split up. Squall, your team will have the east side of the island and everyone else will have the west side.
Cloud: YEAH!!! Give it up for the west side!!!!
Sephiroth: Oh will you shut up!
(The two teams split and go to their designated areas)
Team "We don't have real lives"
Kefka: Well, now what are we supposed to do?
Tifa: I guess we look for stuff to build a shelter with.
Kefka: How 'bout we find that condo and kick Jade out. All in favor?
Seifer: Aye
Cloud: Come on guys. This is our chance to rough it.
Kefka: The Great Lord Kefka does not rough it, you twit!!
Sehpiroth: Will you please stop refering to yourself in 3rd person.
Ultimacia: So what are we going to build a shelter with?
Cloud: Hey look, I found some sticks and such.
(Kefka and Sephiroth both jump Cloud and proceed to beat him senseless)
Team "We're all losers"
Zell: I'm hella sick of this show!
Rinoa: Zell we've only been here 15 minutes.
Selphie: Yeah. Besides, this is soooo fun.
Zell: If you say, this is soooo fun, one more time I'm gonna pound ya.
Squall: Okay guys, thats enough. Lets get to work and build a shelter.
Terra: And what exactly are we gonna build one with?
Squall: Tree branches I guess.
Quistis: Alright then, lets get started.
(Both teams set up their shelters and return to the beach to await their first challenge)
Host: (once again appearing out of nowhere) Okay guys, before we get to the challenge, you're gonna need team leaders. So I'll give ya some time to decide who its gonna be.
(The two teams split and talk amongst themselves.)
Squall: Our team has decided to make me leader. Although I don't know why.
Host: Very well. (turns to the other team) And what about you guys?
Kefka: I'm the leader!
Seifer: Hey, we never decided that!!
Kefka: No, I decided it, so there!!
Host: (rolls her eyes) Fine, fine…whatever floats yer boat, Keffy.
Kefka: (eyes glowing with demonic rage) What the hell did you call me?!?!?!
Host: Sorry, Lord Kefka.
Kefka: That's better.
Tifa: So whats the challenge.
Host: (evily) Ah, I'm sooo glad you asked. For your first challenge, both team leaders must read FF Slash Fics.
Kefka: What the bloody hell is Slash Fic?
Host: You'll see….Uweee, heee, heee!!!!
Kefka: Hey, that's my laugh!!!! You stole it, you @*%#$%@%#^%^&%^&#%^@$%#$%%^!!!!!!!!!!!
Host: Please watch your language Kefka. This is a family show.
Kefka: Like hell it is. And its Lord and Master Kefka to you.
Squall: Can we get on with this please?
Host: Very well. (leads the two team leaders to two computers) Have a seat gentlemen.
(The two guys sit down )
Host: The first person to get sick or scream in terror loses, and the other team gets the first point.
(They begin to read)
Squall: So far this isn't so… Oh my God!!!! They put me with Zell?!? What the @#$% where they thinking?!?!
Host: Sorry Squall, you lost. First point goes to Kefkas team.
Kefka: (snickers) And I hadn't even gotten through the first paragraph. (Continues to read) I can't believe Squall cracked so easily, I mean rea….. What the bloody hell is this @#$%?!?! Me and Edgar?!? Who the @#$% wrote this piece of crap?! Never in all my life have I ever seen such distaste!!
Host: Um, Kefka, you can stop reading now, the challenge is over, you won.
Kefka: (in a hypnotic like trance) Must…stop…reading….Can't….look…away….Jade..help…Do….something!!!
(The host runs over and turns the computer off)
Kefka: (sighs in relief) Thank you sooo much Jade. That was terrifying. But I just couldn't stop reading.
Host: Its understandable. Slash fics will do that to ya. But hey, ya held out longer than Squall.
Kefka: True, very true.
Selphie: Well now what?
Host: Now you go back to camp and get ready for the interviews.
Sephiroth: What, we gotta do interviews too?
Host: Afraid so, Seph. It just wouldn't be Survivor without 'em.
All: Grrrrrrr……..
(Everyone heads back to their camps and wait)
Interviews
Team "We're all losers"
Rinoa: I can't believe Squall couldn't sit through one Slash fic. Do you have any idea how many Slash fics I've read where people put my and Selphie together. You don't see me goin' nutso.
Zell: What the hell happened back there? I've never seen Squall flip out like that. That fic must've been relly bad.
Squall: I'm not sure what came over me back then. I just couldn't take it, I mean, me and Zell. (Shudders)
Terra: I think we should kick Squall out and pick a new leader. He obviously doesn't have what it takes. Ever seen him in FF8? He's no leader.
Selphie: This is sooooo fun, Booyaka!!!!
Zell: That's it!!!! (jumps on Selphie and procceds to pound her)
Quistis: Someone please get me outta here!
Team "We don't have real lives"
Seifer: Hey, so far we're doin' pretty damn good. Seein' puberty boy crack like that was priceless. I always thought him and chickenwuss would make a cute couple hee hee.
Kefka: Well of course I won. I am the all powerfull Lord Kefka Palazzo. Fear me!!!! Uwee, haa, haa!!!!!
Cloud: Normally I wouldn't want a villain to be our leader, but Kefka seems like he can do a pretty good job. Although I'm not sure what his major malfunction is. What the hell is that guys problem anyway?
Tifa: Can I switch teams? We haven't even been here 30 minutes and that creepy little clown guy has already made several comments about my breast. I mean, come on people, they're not that big in real life!!!
Ultimacia: Did you see that pathetic little SeeD krack? I will get even with him for destroying my plans for time kompression!!!
Sephiroth: Where the hell did all these misquitos come from? And why am I stuck on a team with Strife? I wanna go home!
Host: Well, it seems both our teams have some problems to work out. One team leader seriously needs to seek professional help. I won't say who…coughKefkaCough….
Kefka: I heard that you pinhead! (attempts to fry the host with the Light of Judgement. Again nothing happenes) Damn, forgot about that.
Host: O…kay. Well, that's our show. Join us next time when someone from each team will be voted off.
Kefka: Did you say something about getting off? (seems to forget he's pissed at her and moves closer to the host)
Host: No, I said, VOTED OFF!!! Now get the hell away from me you insane little mime. Sheesh, what IS your major malfunction anyway?
Kefka: (looks hurt) But Jade, I thought you liked me and had a big crush on me.
Host: I do, I do. But for fanfic purpose I decided to hate you because everyone else does.
Kefka: Ah….So, can I come stay in your condo with you now that the show is over?
Host: Um…I don't think that would be fair to the others.
Kefka: (thinks for a minute) Okay, I'll tell ya what, if ya let me stay I'll make it worth your while. I promise. (leans over and whispers something in the hosts ear)
Host: (eyes widen in excitement) Okay, you can stay with me. (stands up and practically drags Kefka towards her condo) Catch you losers later! Oh gee, I hope I still have that can of whipped cream in the fridge.
~Finis~
Still to come, the next exciting chapter of Survivor Final Fantasy style.
This is my 2nd story I worked real hard on it folks so please don't Mst or flame it. And yes,I know my spelling and punctuation is bad.
Disclaimer: Again, I do not own final fantasy characters. I'm not that lucky.
Cast of Chacracter
Host: That would be me, Jade
The rest of these losers are playing themselves, duh.
Squall
Rinoa
Zell
Selphie
Quistis
Terra
Cloud
Tifa
Seifer
Sephiroth
Kefka
Ultimacia
Location: An island somewhere in the ocean. The contestents are all standing around waiting for the host.
Zell: So, this is what we do now that the game is over?
Terra: Looks that way, huh?
Seifer: How the hell did I end up here? Do I look like the survivor type?
Kefka: You? What about me? I hope they don't expect the Great Lord Kefka to sleep in a tent.
Tifa: (looks around) We don't even have tents. I guess they want us to sleep on the ground.
Kefka: WHAT?!?! Well thats just perfect!!
(They all fall silent as the host appears out of the woods)
Host: Hello all, and welcome to the island.
Kefka: Where the hell did you come from?
Host: I have a condo on this island.
Kefka: You have a what?!? And you expect us to sleep on the ground? That hardly seems fair.
Host: Today, you will be split up into two teams. Team,"We're all losers" will consist of, Squall, Rinoa, Zell, Selphie, Quistis, and Terra. Team, "We don't have real lives" will consist of the rest of you rejects.
Selphie: (excitiedly) Ooooooh, this is gonna be sooooo fun!!!
Kefka: Oh dear god!!! (tries to cast Light of Judgement on Selphie. Nothing happens) What the @*%#?
Host: Oh yeah, all magic powers are useless here. You're gonna hafta fend for yourselves.
Quistis: What exactly are we compeating for?
Host: A big box of chocolate bars.
Cloud: Ooooh boy!!!!
Sephiroth: Why can't we compeat for a chance to destroy the world?
Ultimacia: Or to achieve time kompression?
Sephiroth: Same thing.
Host: This is my show, damnit!! And you'll compeat for whatever I want you to.
Kefka: Again with the not being fair.
Host: Okay teams, time to split up. Squall, your team will have the east side of the island and everyone else will have the west side.
Cloud: YEAH!!! Give it up for the west side!!!!
Sephiroth: Oh will you shut up!
(The two teams split and go to their designated areas)
Team "We don't have real lives"
Kefka: Well, now what are we supposed to do?
Tifa: I guess we look for stuff to build a shelter with.
Kefka: How 'bout we find that condo and kick Jade out. All in favor?
Seifer: Aye
Cloud: Come on guys. This is our chance to rough it.
Kefka: The Great Lord Kefka does not rough it, you twit!!
Sehpiroth: Will you please stop refering to yourself in 3rd person.
Ultimacia: So what are we going to build a shelter with?
Cloud: Hey look, I found some sticks and such.
(Kefka and Sephiroth both jump Cloud and proceed to beat him senseless)
Team "We're all losers"
Zell: I'm hella sick of this show!
Rinoa: Zell we've only been here 15 minutes.
Selphie: Yeah. Besides, this is soooo fun.
Zell: If you say, this is soooo fun, one more time I'm gonna pound ya.
Squall: Okay guys, thats enough. Lets get to work and build a shelter.
Terra: And what exactly are we gonna build one with?
Squall: Tree branches I guess.
Quistis: Alright then, lets get started.
(Both teams set up their shelters and return to the beach to await their first challenge)
Host: (once again appearing out of nowhere) Okay guys, before we get to the challenge, you're gonna need team leaders. So I'll give ya some time to decide who its gonna be.
(The two teams split and talk amongst themselves.)
Squall: Our team has decided to make me leader. Although I don't know why.
Host: Very well. (turns to the other team) And what about you guys?
Kefka: I'm the leader!
Seifer: Hey, we never decided that!!
Kefka: No, I decided it, so there!!
Host: (rolls her eyes) Fine, fine…whatever floats yer boat, Keffy.
Kefka: (eyes glowing with demonic rage) What the hell did you call me?!?!?!
Host: Sorry, Lord Kefka.
Kefka: That's better.
Tifa: So whats the challenge.
Host: (evily) Ah, I'm sooo glad you asked. For your first challenge, both team leaders must read FF Slash Fics.
Kefka: What the bloody hell is Slash Fic?
Host: You'll see….Uweee, heee, heee!!!!
Kefka: Hey, that's my laugh!!!! You stole it, you @*%#$%@%#^%^&%^&#%^@$%#$%%^!!!!!!!!!!!
Host: Please watch your language Kefka. This is a family show.
Kefka: Like hell it is. And its Lord and Master Kefka to you.
Squall: Can we get on with this please?
Host: Very well. (leads the two team leaders to two computers) Have a seat gentlemen.
(The two guys sit down )
Host: The first person to get sick or scream in terror loses, and the other team gets the first point.
(They begin to read)
Squall: So far this isn't so… Oh my God!!!! They put me with Zell?!? What the @#$% where they thinking?!?!
Host: Sorry Squall, you lost. First point goes to Kefkas team.
Kefka: (snickers) And I hadn't even gotten through the first paragraph. (Continues to read) I can't believe Squall cracked so easily, I mean rea….. What the bloody hell is this @#$%?!?! Me and Edgar?!? Who the @#$% wrote this piece of crap?! Never in all my life have I ever seen such distaste!!
Host: Um, Kefka, you can stop reading now, the challenge is over, you won.
Kefka: (in a hypnotic like trance) Must…stop…reading….Can't….look…away….Jade..help…Do….something!!!
(The host runs over and turns the computer off)
Kefka: (sighs in relief) Thank you sooo much Jade. That was terrifying. But I just couldn't stop reading.
Host: Its understandable. Slash fics will do that to ya. But hey, ya held out longer than Squall.
Kefka: True, very true.
Selphie: Well now what?
Host: Now you go back to camp and get ready for the interviews.
Sephiroth: What, we gotta do interviews too?
Host: Afraid so, Seph. It just wouldn't be Survivor without 'em.
All: Grrrrrrr……..
(Everyone heads back to their camps and wait)
Interviews
Team "We're all losers"
Rinoa: I can't believe Squall couldn't sit through one Slash fic. Do you have any idea how many Slash fics I've read where people put my and Selphie together. You don't see me goin' nutso.
Zell: What the hell happened back there? I've never seen Squall flip out like that. That fic must've been relly bad.
Squall: I'm not sure what came over me back then. I just couldn't take it, I mean, me and Zell. (Shudders)
Terra: I think we should kick Squall out and pick a new leader. He obviously doesn't have what it takes. Ever seen him in FF8? He's no leader.
Selphie: This is sooooo fun, Booyaka!!!!
Zell: That's it!!!! (jumps on Selphie and procceds to pound her)
Quistis: Someone please get me outta here!
Team "We don't have real lives"
Seifer: Hey, so far we're doin' pretty damn good. Seein' puberty boy crack like that was priceless. I always thought him and chickenwuss would make a cute couple hee hee.
Kefka: Well of course I won. I am the all powerfull Lord Kefka Palazzo. Fear me!!!! Uwee, haa, haa!!!!!
Cloud: Normally I wouldn't want a villain to be our leader, but Kefka seems like he can do a pretty good job. Although I'm not sure what his major malfunction is. What the hell is that guys problem anyway?
Tifa: Can I switch teams? We haven't even been here 30 minutes and that creepy little clown guy has already made several comments about my breast. I mean, come on people, they're not that big in real life!!!
Ultimacia: Did you see that pathetic little SeeD krack? I will get even with him for destroying my plans for time kompression!!!
Sephiroth: Where the hell did all these misquitos come from? And why am I stuck on a team with Strife? I wanna go home!
Host: Well, it seems both our teams have some problems to work out. One team leader seriously needs to seek professional help. I won't say who…coughKefkaCough….
Kefka: I heard that you pinhead! (attempts to fry the host with the Light of Judgement. Again nothing happenes) Damn, forgot about that.
Host: O…kay. Well, that's our show. Join us next time when someone from each team will be voted off.
Kefka: Did you say something about getting off? (seems to forget he's pissed at her and moves closer to the host)
Host: No, I said, VOTED OFF!!! Now get the hell away from me you insane little mime. Sheesh, what IS your major malfunction anyway?
Kefka: (looks hurt) But Jade, I thought you liked me and had a big crush on me.
Host: I do, I do. But for fanfic purpose I decided to hate you because everyone else does.
Kefka: Ah….So, can I come stay in your condo with you now that the show is over?
Host: Um…I don't think that would be fair to the others.
Kefka: (thinks for a minute) Okay, I'll tell ya what, if ya let me stay I'll make it worth your while. I promise. (leans over and whispers something in the hosts ear)
Host: (eyes widen in excitement) Okay, you can stay with me. (stands up and practically drags Kefka towards her condo) Catch you losers later! Oh gee, I hope I still have that can of whipped cream in the fridge.
~Finis~
Still to come, the next exciting chapter of Survivor Final Fantasy style.