Title: Mirror
Author: mahaliem
Distribution: Please ask first
Rating: R
Summary: AU – Season 6 - Tara discovers that there really is something wrong with Buffy. The story begins at the end of "Dead Things".
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy
Authors Note: This is a strong R – both for the sex scenes and for the general dark tone of the work. Feedback is appreciated (flames are not). A big thank you for beta reading this story to Alena from Crumbling Walls forum and to Treacle-Antlers for all of her wonderful advice and support that I depend on.
MIRROR
Buffy's POV
CHAPTER 1
Tara sat across from me, her hands nervously twitching, her gaze fastened to the floor.
"Tell me," I begged. "Tell me about the spell."
Her eyes lifted, and I could see unshed tears in them. She reached forward and clasped my hands.
"I'm sorry, Buffy. It really wasn't Willow's fault. The demon bikers came…they broke the urn of Osiris."
"What exactly is wrong with me?"
My voice had hardened, turning from pleading to demanding. I had to know. Drawing it out wasn't going to make it any easier to hear. She was trembling a bit now, but I had little patience left.
"Tara – tell me!"
"I…I…I don't think your soul came back. At least, not all of it. Oh, Buffy, I'm so sorry."
Quickly rising to stand, I turned my back on her. This made sense, a whole lot of sense. I had suspected it for a while now. And tonight, as I beat Spike up, screaming that he was an evil, soulless thing, I'd been suspecting that the soulless thing I hated was actually myself.
"That's why I let Spike do those things to me. That's why I liked it."
"You mean, letting him hurt you?"
I sent Tara a withering look. She could be so innocent at times. She must have figured out the truth, though, because her face became beet red.
"Buffy, I'm sure we can help. Maybe we can call Giles, do research…or something."
Striding towards the door and grabbing my coat, I turned to Tara.
"You want to help me? Fine. Stay with Dawn."
She stood and walked over to me as I put on my jacket. She was worried, but I didn't care.
"Where are you going? It's late."
"Hey, just found out I'm evil. Where do you think I'm going? I'll give you a hint, though. It sure as hell isn't Disneyland."
With a final glance at Tara's stricken face, I opened the door and walked out into the night.
- - - - - - - - -
Spike was asleep when I got to the crypt; the bruising on his face was already beginning to heal. The fact that I had hurt him so badly should have repulsed me, made me sick; instead it kind of turned me on. I had marked him as mine.
Quickly stripping off my clothes, I approached the bed. Although his face was a mess, the rest of him was unmarred. That was good. For what we were about to do, I wanted him nice and healthy.
Carefully, without awakening him, I pulled the sheet back from his form and eased between his legs. Taking his flaccid cock in my mouth, I started to suck on it, urging it to grow with my tongue and my teeth. Within moments, it was fully awakened and I could tell that its owner was waking up too.
"Buffy?"
Replacing my mouth with my hand, I stroked him as I looked up into his startled blue eyes.
"That better be a 'Why are you here, Buffy?' and not a 'Who is going down on me…Buffy?' Because, I'm telling you, I'd better not ever catch you cheating on me."
He was confused, I could tell, and that fact made me smile.
"No, I wouldn't. Wouldn't cheat."
"Good," I replied. "Because if you did, I would so dust you."
I released him and started crawling up his body, my hands smoothing over his abdomen and chest, straying to his nipples for a moment, before finally coming to a rest on his bruised cheekbones.
"And it would be a shame to dust such a thing of beauty."
He took a sharp intake of air. I'd never complimented him before. The closest I'd come was admitting that sometimes I liked him. His eyes were wide now, staring at me. I licked my lips, and I could feel his erection pressing against me. Gently, I stroked his hurt face with my fingertips.
"If you were dust, then I couldn't touch you…and I love touching you."
He let out a quiet moan. Good reaction, I thought, but I wanted more, so I continued.
"If you were dust, then I couldn't kiss you…and I love kissing you."
Leaning over until my lips were within a hairsbreadth from his, I waited and watched him tremble beneath me. Softly, I pressed my mouth against his, chastely at first. Then, the kiss changed, and our tongues touched and twisted, thrusting, in an effort to explore each other thoroughly.
When I pulled back this time, he groaned loudly and closed his eyes. I raised my upper body away from his and tilted my hips downward, until his erection teased at my opening.
"And if you were dust, then I couldn't fuck you…and I love fucking you."
I hovered over him, letting the tip of him momentarily come in contact with my dampness before I twitched, mere fractions of an inch away. Again, I teased him, and his entire body shuddered in reaction. When I did it a third time, his eyes snapped open, staring at me, and I smirked at him.
"Is there something wrong, Spike? Maybe something you want?"
In a flash, he grabbed my hips and slammed me down on him, filling me completely. As I let out a thrilled gasp at the contact, I heard him shout.
"You. Damn it, I want you."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The next morning, as I was dressing, he awoke and looked at me. One of his eyes was still purple and swollen half-closed, but the rest of his face seemed better. I could tell he was a bit puzzled, but if he wanted to know something, he was going to have to ask. I wasn't about to volunteer any information.
"Pet…leaving a bit late, aren't you?"
"Nope. It's about nine o'clock. It's not that late at all."
"But what about the Bit and her school?"
With an exaggerated huff, I answered him.
"Quit worrying. She's fifteen. She can get herself off to school."
When he continued to stare, I added to my explanation.
"Besides, Willow and Tara are there. If there's a problem, I'm sure they can handle it. That is, as long as they don't try to do any spells and screw them up."
He stood then, and started reaching for his pants to put on. Playfully, I grabbed them from him and tossed them in a corner.
"Don't. I like you naked."
I let my eyes drift down over his white torso until I reached his feet, then lazily raised them again so that I could look upon that marvelous face of his. He could smell my arousal and was responding, rather obviously, to it. I moved forward, rubbing against him and placed a quick peck onto his lips, then darted back before he could grab me and deepen the kiss.
"Got to be going, now. Places to go, people to see."
I started to climb to the upper story, stopping halfway up to turn and look at him. He was running a hand through his bed-mussed hair, dejection apparent across his face.
"Spike," I called to him, and he glanced at me, masking the previous expression. "I thought I'd go to the Bronze tonight. Want to meet me there, about six o'clock, maybe?"
He smiled at me, a smile that glowed, illuminating his face. It warmed me to see it, to see how happy I could make him. But I was evil, and he was, too. We didn't deserve to be happy. Deliberately, I crushed him.
"But if Xander, Willow, and Dawn are there…I'll probably just ignore you."
tbc