P.S.: I also need a title for this fic. PLEASE e-mail me at dark rose wakaba@aol.com if you have a suggestion. Thanks in advance! ^_^
Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon. But I *OWN* Jyou's allergies. I have dibs.
I coughed nervously as I walked down the crowded Saturday street towards Mimi Tachikawa's apartment building, wondering if the heaviness I felt in my chest was the anxiety I was feeling, or simply my spring allergies acting up again. I sneezed, quite loudly and powerful enough to knock my glasses clear off my face, my body reacting violently to the pollen in the bouquet of beautiful wildflowers I was planning on giving to Mimi.
So it's not my guilty conscience, I thought, as I picked up my glasses, trying to avoid the flowers in my hand as best as I could, and put them back in their place. It's only my allergies that's making me feel so weird...
I knew that wasn't true, really. I was just lying to myself, to make sure I stayed on this path to Mimi's house. The truth was, I didn't even know if I should be giving these flowers to her; I didn't know if I felt so serious about her to warrant the beautiful bouquet and the proposal that we date exclusively that I was also about to give her. Mimi wanted us to "go steady," and not see other people; that I knew already. The only question in my mind was if I felt the same way about her...
There was someone else in my thoughts that morning as I was walking; someone that I knew shouldn't be there, but seemed to set up camp deep within my heart and wouldn't budge. Sometimes I just think that all that Mimi and I have is useless; perhaps I should just call it off, stop taking the long walk to her house and turn around, into the path of another...
I try to shake the idea out of my head. No. That was sick. And wrong.
So then why did I want it to happen so badly?
No matter how hard I tried to get these thoughts out of my head, the image of a petite, copper-haired boy flashed back in my mind. They would haunt me until I couldn't stop thinking about him; about how strange and mysterious his dark eyes are, how innocent he looks when he licks his lips just so, the way he looks up and smiles at me when he thinks I'm daydreaming about Mimi, when in reality it's all about him.
I can't help thinking about Koushiro. Why can't I help thinking about Koushiro?
The boy was a friend. He was more than a friend; we were almost best friends, and we shared more life-altering experiences in the Digiworld than most best friends had in lifetimes. He knew every part of me, inside and out, and I knew his. The only thing he didn't know about me was how I really felt about him. How I wanted to touch his lips every time he laughed; how I wanted to hold him when he cried and tell him it would be all right, just as long as we were together; how I dreamed about him endlessly, until my nights ended with a vague sense of shame and a wetness in my sheets.
There are so many reasons, I thought to myself, humming quietly as I waited at a stop light, that I shouldn't fall for him. So many reasons...
First of all, it was wrong. Unbelievably, inconceivably wrong, to think this way about another boy, especially Koushiro Izumi. It went against everything I was taught, everything that I believed in for so many years. People were ridiculed for the emotions in my heart. People were ostracized for acting upon them. People were killed for loving boys like Koushiro.
I sighed. I didn't want to be killed.
Secondly, there was Mimi. I didn't want to hurt Mimi - God, I didn't want to hurt Mimi. Sure, I really can't say if I love the girl or not, but she still is a very close friend, and I knew her well enough to know that she felt more for me than I for her. If I was to actually go through with what I was thinking to do - just turn and run the other way, away from her waiting arms and into Koushiro's - I had no idea how she would take it, but I was guessing it wouldn't be good.
Mimi might actually love me. Who am I to disturb that love by loving someone else?
Then, of course, I had a feeling that my young friend would not feel the same about me as I did for him. Koushiro was never the most macho boy I had ever known, but he never showed that he liked other boys, let alone his tall, blue-haired companion. If I expressed in any way that I had a place in my heart for Koushiro as more than just a friend, it might scare him off, and then our fragile friendship could be lost forever.
Love might be one thing, but it's not worth losing a friend over.
I mulled these thoughts over in my head, as a gasoline-guzzling motorbike sped by me, leaving behind an allergy death trap of dust and heat. There were a hell of a lot of reasons why I should just keep on walking, get to Mimi's apartment, and hand her the bouquet of flowers, professing the love for her I only wished I had. In my mind, there wasn't a single reason I shouldn't be in love with Mimi.
Except for the one, big, obvious reason that flashed across my rain in neon lights. I DIDN'T LOVE HER.
I stopped short in the middle of an intersection, and despite the blaring horns and angry motorists trying to distract my mind, I just had an epiphany.
I turned around and walked - no, ran - in the other direction, over to another apartment building not far from here that I was also very familiar with.
I nodded, and thrust my hand out, displaying the beautiful array of colorful wildflowers. I gulped as they were taken from my hand, and the recipient inhaled their sweet scent deeply, their pollen having not nearly as an unpleasant effect as they had on me earlier.
"I...I want you to have them," I said, nervously fiddling with my glasses as my love looked at me with curious eyes. "They were meant for someone else but...I think you deserve them more."
My heart nearly sang as Koushiro Izumi looked up at me, his dark and luscious eyes filling with tears, and smiled. "They're beautiful," he whispered softly. A spring breeze blew through the open corridor of the building, and it passed through his unruly red hair. It made me want to hold it; hold him, until there was no more him, or me, but only us.
I smiled back, and took a step forward, closing the small space between us. "So are you," I whispered back. With one swift movement, I tilted my head down and caught his lips with mine in a blinding mix of sensuality and love, and I knew then that I wouldn't be going to that other apartment building for a very, very long time.