Another one-shot while trying to figure out what to do for The Hardest Part…while at school…

Listening to You're Not Here, I just started writing. No lie, I just started typing away, humming along because I had no idea what the words are. I know that the beat and tune to it don't necessarily match an 'angst' story, but I couldn't help myself. Remember, I am the crazy author who comes up with some weird stuff…

The reviews for The Hardest Part will be responded to in the fifth chapter. I have NOT started on it yet, but I will once I ask my 'muse' what I need to do… She's a life saver, people.

Warnings, of course, a bit of spoiler, character death… small things like that. Angst… yeah… under detailed angst, but nonetheless…

Henry, Eileen, and anything else pertaining to the lovely psychologically-thrilling game Silent Hill belongs to Konami. You're Not Hereis owned by Akira Yamaoka. (He IS doing the music for the movie; YAY!)

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You're Not Here

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Blue sky to forever

The green grass blows in the wind, dancing

It would be a much better sight

With you, with me

"You're not here…"

A lone brunette watched the rain pour gently against the concrete tombstone in front of her coldly, feeling the light breeze twitch up her back with a hardened swirl of its invisible hand. The words and memories pendulously hung above her head, creating a tempest in her saddened mind that blew all of her problems away into the past. She clutched her handbag tightly as the freshest of memories despicably popped into her beaten thoughts and she flinched when the pain struck her acridly across her heart. A clash of thunder rang throughout the dreary scene and she found herself immersed in the rainstorm that wasn't reported on the news. Though she showed curiosity about it, it quickly passed away into the gray sky, ceasing all together as far as she was concerned. Sighing with a melancholy drawl of air, she glanced up at the carved name in the stone just as she felt the heavy chill pass.

… Oh, those eyes…

A sob broke through her soft, pink lips, her tear-reddened eyes blinking the through the light downpour. How could she have not seen it? How could she have been so stupid? He was in front of her… how could she not have stopped him from… from…

Himself…

"How could you…?"

"I kept you safe…"

"I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough…"

"… Eileen…"

If you hadn't met me

I'd be fine on my own, baby

Never felt so lonely

Then you came along

Eileen shivered softly, wrapping her arms around her to try to circulate the little warmth she had. It didn't help much, but it did bring somewhat of a lifeline for her to hang on to while she stood there in the rain. An ice-pricked gust blew against her and she held fast so that she wouldn't lose her balance. It was suicidal out here… and with nothing but a thin layer of clothes to protect herself with from the harsh forces of nature, her will began to falter. She wanted to leave… She wanted to go to the safety and comfort of her new home and never worry about anything else for the rest of her life or at least the hotel room she rented for her stay in his hometown during the burial… but that would mean abandoning him…

Another zephyr grazed against the sad scene and Eileen felt her wet, half-frozen hair slightly shift with it. It revived her lost mind, but she still found herself gazing into an image where he was still alive… he was real… not just some person her love-starved mind had made up just for its pleasure. This man… those shaded eyes… that comforting smile… she had experienced them all, yet under the worse circumstances imaginable. Trembling from both the emotional and natural forces beating against her, she dug her nails into her skin to feel some kind to reaction to reinsure that she was still there… and that he was still gone.

Memories of the hideous worlds she had to travel through with him came back, showing her all the sweet little things he did for her. He held her hand, walked her through, cleared out the way for her so she wouldn't get hurt… killed a man so that she would live another day… He had done so much for her, and yet she had never reviewed it as she did now. One incident that almost brought her to full-fledged crying was the smile on his handsome countenance when he came to check on her at the hospital. She had smiled back, never wavering with gratefulness and adoration for him. The possibility of him… it had seemed so far away. He was her hero; a man that could brave anything to cling to life and yet still managed to show his kindness to others as he did so. He left a mark on everyone he came in touch with and it seemed strange that of all the people he knew, Eileen was affected the most.

At the funeral she had spoken to his mother, listening to his somewhat less-than-perfect childhood. She told Eileen about the confliction between Henry and his father who died about three years ago and how he always seemed to be her little baby all throughout his life. Eileen heard about how they would curl up with a warm cup of hot chocolate when it was cold and rainy outside and how one time Henry drew strange pictures all over the wall with a red crayon. She had told him to stop, but when she noticed that he wasn't paying attention to her scolding, she picked him up and placed him on the couch to see if he was all right. He started crying then, being only six-years-old at the time and she held him close to her. She remembered glancing quickly over to the pictures and seeing an odd circle with an eye at the top of it with other unknown markings… It had been right after their trip to Silent Hill…

Eileen shuddered at remembering the strange, cultish circles on the walls and around the holes in the nightmare world she experienced with Henry… It was true… both of them had been part of the 'Twenty-one Sacraments' ever since they were children… and now only one had survived. Eileen felt as if she didn't have the strength to go on anymore… But, then again, strength had failed her once before when she tried to expel Walter's attempts to control her. She had tried so hard, but in the end, she was seeing herself walking to her death yet she couldn't do anything about it. The brunette had mentally screamed at herself to stop, to fall down, to yield, to do anything that prohibited her from stepping closer… closer… and closer to her demise… But Henry had been there… he had helped her… and because of her, he could no longer walk with her in this life…

So now what

Should I do?

I'm strung out

Addicted to you

My body aches

Now that you're gone

My supply falls through

Eileen wondered vaguely what time it was and she solemnly decided that she needed to go on to hotel before she made herself sicker than she already was. Letting out a long, sad sigh, she turned from the grave site and began to walk towards the entrance of the cemetery. As she neared the black, metal gate, she placed a hand over the latch when she started to tremble with tears and chills. She bent slightly forward, wrapping an arm around her midsection as she cried for a few more minutes. She could see him now… just watching her… torn between the natural kindness that flowed from him time to time and the fact that he couldn't help out in anyway… Laughing slightly at this eccentric form of comfort, she whispered to the wind that she was losing her mind.

After the sobbing fit had passed, she stood straight and undid the latch of the gate while walking through and sniffing timidly. Before starting down the sidewalk, she stared sadly into the dark shadows of the soaked necropolis before warily closing her eyes to stop the wave of sadness bashing against her exhausted heart. … He wouldn't be there beside her to say a friendly 'hello' to anymore… he wouldn't be there when she awoke in a decrepit hospital mutilated to the liking of an orphaned madman…

He wouldn't be there when she needed a shoulder to lay her head on when the going got rough… and he certainly wouldn't be there when she wanted to hold him close to her all because she… wanted to…

I'm glad you gave me everything you had and more

(You craved my happiness)

When you made me feel joy, it made you smile

(But now, I feel your stress)

Turning down the corner of the sidewalk, she held herself, wanting to be safe inside and be warm, but for some odd reason, she wanted to be sick and in pain. It was as if she still owed him something, even with him six-feet-under. She had never really thought about it too much, but now she didn't realize the importance of those white candles. He had mentioned something about them being able to 'purify' his room, but she paid no attention to it as he lit it up and let the cleansing affects work on her curses. Eileen recalled that the holy aura of the candle felt as though a cool, wet cloth was being brushed gently across her heated skin, refreshing her only temporarily, but refreshing none the less. As she saw that she was approaching the hotel, the brunette sighed as she thought of the many things she would do if she had one…

… But then she felt selfish…

When she had found him lying on his back in his room, he was mumbling something about 'picking up all the candles' and 'needing to have paid more attention to the evil.' Eileen quivered as she heard the soft, desperate groan that emitted from his chapped lips as coppery crimson dripped from his mouth. Henry had seemed so weak… so fragile that if she just lightly touched him, he would shatter and break like that of a delicate glasswork and thus she didn't dare brush a kind hand across his cheek to comfort him or hold his hand in hers as he passed along.

"I'm sorry…"

"I kept you safe…"

"I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough…"

"… Eileen…"

"I should have been stronger…"

… And yet, he wasn't…

The brunette whispered her response into the easing wind, the memory burning before her as it flamed among the others brightly. She choked, unable to hold the tears again as she reached for the medallion linked around her neck. … He had been wearing it then… when she felt around for any wounds but found none. All she saw was a sweaty, heaving chest and shaded eyes that held so much emotion for her but were hidden behind his brunet bangs. Eileen felt his hair tickle across her fingers as she brushed it aside to gaze at him fully as the last whispers of life were drained from him and for a few short moments, he was not the lonely photographer she had befriended in the nightmare… he was someone in need of attention. He was someone who, by all means, deserved love and adoration since she could tell that he had somewhat of a hard life… But, now, she couldn't fulfill what he needed since he could not even be seen any more…

When she finally reached the hotel, she looked over back in the direction she came from before turning her attention back to the street she needed to cross. The traffic, though small, rushed past her in a whirl of speed and different colored metals that blurred in the gray sky. Sighing, she watched the pedestrian cross-walk sign to signal that it was safe for her to walk across the soaked asphalt. The pungent smell of car exhaust reached her as another car rushed towards the stoplight before it began to slow down. It stopped at the red light and Eileen saw the stop signal turn to the walking one. As she started, several more cars stopped for her and when she got halfway, she began to wonder what would happen if she just let one of those cars take her to Henry… just one mistake could cost her her life… but at that point…

She didn't care too much when a speeding car came closer to her position…

Love was never meant to be a crazy affair, no

(And who has time for tears?)

Never thought I'd sit and around and cry for your love

…Till now…

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End

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… I'm not even going to say anything…