Just Axel
Have ya ever taken the time to wonder what I'm all about? I mean, in the minds of all the authors out there I'm always just a bit different, depending on who's masterminding the story. But I've noticed that it boils down to death, sugar highs, tragic pasts and sex. Most of which is with Roxas.
So here's a little something about me. Just me. I'm not gonna go into your everyday events story; sure there'll be a sequence of events, but not just your run of the mill tale.
So, I'm Axel. Yeah, I know what my usual line is: "A-X-E-L; got it memorized?" But seeing as most authors seem to have no problem knowing who I am and what my usual dialogue is, I think I can skip that step.
Now, so you don't feel like this is just a blank letter, which is how I'm feeling now, I'll give your imagination a bit of a spike. I'm floating in the realm all creations eventually get to go when they're not being brought to mind by a creative mind or otherwise. It's calm here; everything is dark hues of purple, blue and black with little windows to different imaginations. I ignore these as best I can when I want to chill out. It's nice every now and then, ya know?
Now that's out of the way I'll begin my story.
I was created originally for a Disney/Square Enix game for PS2. My personality was astute, humorous, and laid back. Personally, I suspect my design was inspired by Reno from a Final Fantasy game. It's too close a resemblance to be a coincidence. Well, you all know this, so let's move on to more interesting matters.
Face it, I'm good looking. I seem to get the "rock star rebel" label a lot. And hey, it's fun to be one when I'm employed in a fic that requires the get-up. Sometimes I'm a drug addict, an assassin, a victim of death or pain, the pin cushion, the uke, the seme. Sometimes my personality is so flat that it's boring, and sometimes it's not even me. I mean hell! I remember being portrayed as the stupidest queer more times than I can count. I've been the prankster, the pyromaniac, the fatherly type, the idiot, the this and the that. I've been everything, and my borderline existence into reality consists of that everything. But in the end, I'm me.
I'm Axel; just Axel. I'm tall, thin, have green eyes, tattooed tear-drops under each eye, I have a long and narrow face and I'm usually wearing black unless specified otherwise. I like people to remember who I am, and I like to leave big impressions; hence my exotic appearance. For a secondary character, I'm like Matt from Death Note. My aesthetic and very little dialogue throughout the game made me just as popular as Sora, if not more so at times. I'd give that a few thumbs up, thanks.
So sometimes I'm queer, sometime's I'm bisexual and on the rare occasion I'm straight. I'm usually the seducer who always get what they want one way or another, or I'm the rebellious hater who wants
people to leave me the hell alone, and then I'm the player or the weak link who's over emotional over petty subjects.
Yeah sure, I'm Axel, but who am I really? I'm so many people all at once that it's freakin' confusing. So am I real because I'm a creation of someone's imagination? Or am I just a bunch of words written out to leave an impression of a person that could have been real, but existence was somehow denied.
Man! I wish that there was a straighter way to put it. If only it wasn't so out of order. I'm real, but I'm not. I exist, but technically I don't. In existence, I'm supposed to be a Nobody which means I don't exist even in my original creation. No heart means the laws of biology just don't support me which completely turns away my actual existence in a remote reality. Of course there're always the stories where I'm your average living, breathing human being with heart and pumping blood included. It's odd jumping from one thing to the next all the time. Do I have a set personality? Hell no! I go up and down and up and down. It feels like I'm in an episode of Lain.
Man, I need a cigarette.
Wait, I don't smoke.
I want Roxas to be here. I miss his cute ass.
Huh? Whoa there! I'm in love with Namine.
I wanna fuckin fight with someone. For fuck's sake, where's a fucking Dusk when you need one?!
Dusk? What the the hell is a Dusk?
Kairi is a cutie... I wonder if I should ask her out?
Haha! I lit Xemnas' hair on fire!
Demyx likes me? Wow, who knew? This is great! I've always wondered why I got flustered around him.
Damn, every time I'm around Roxas I get a hard-on.
Ohmigosh! Ohmigosh! It's Halloween! I'm gonna dress like a drag-queen! Black nettings and all!
Holy shit! I'm a woman! How the hell did this happen?
Hey! It's my tenth birthday! Thanks for the cake mum!
I need to see Sora. I can't wait much longer. I NEED him.
If I'm not careful I'll get caught trafficking drugs. I'm caught on crack myself. It's relief from all the shit that goes on around me. Damn it, I need something strong; liquor straight up.
I'm a little shy... I'm not good at confessions. How should I tell her?
I... I love you Roxas.
Riku! Wait! It's not what you think! I don't like Sora at all!
This life holds nothing for me to live for anymore. 'Smirks to self' it's time I left it for good. How should I go about it? Slit my wrists? Hang myself? Jump in front of a car? Shoot myself in the head? I don't give a damn as long as I can leave this life.
See what I'm saying? I'm so many people all at once that it makes me wonder who Axel really is. Who the hell am I? Am I? I mean really, am I me? Do I have a right to say "I am"? It's not valid though, because technically it's not really me saying it. It's either being written by someone or voiced by someone. So that's really all I am... A form of entertainment for a year, a month, a day, and hour, a minute. I'm a passing thought that doesn't last in one place for too long, and it's that momentary attention of mind that commands my existence. That's the only reason I can exist at all.
So no matter who I am, what I am, what ever I may be in the next imagination, that's what it boils down to. I'm only real when I'm being thought of. Well, what ever. Even if I'm just a figment of many people's imagination, at least I can experience everything even if it's not all of me. I'll never be able to pull all the pieces together because it would be inhuman. My many sides would be too much to cope with in what's expected to be biologically and chemically the biodegradable robot that is a human being. I'd be locked up in an asylum before you could say Jack.
To hell with all the pondering; I'll be back again and again and again in the many narratives about me and who ever else. That's who I'll be then, and this is who I am now. So heck, I'll play the part, be who I gotta be, do what I gotta do, say what I have to say and not realize it until later when I'm brought here again where someone decided to make me reflect on all these things that otherwise I would have been ignorant about during the extent of my existence.
In the end, the only thing I can ground myself on is my name. I'm Axel; just Axel.