Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyers!
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The circular movement of the sponge rippling over every curve, scratch, chip and speckle of anything remaining from dinner was like auto pilot for me when it came to doing dishes. I didn't think too much of it, just that it was time consuming depending on the size of the dinners or how much went into them. I was hoping that before I was done tonight the traitor tears that were about to peak from my lower lids would disappear long enough for me to escape to my new room.
I had been accustomed to the almost every other day lecture my mother has acquired these days over the phone with my brain washed step dad by her side at all times to back her up on the ridiculous conundrums she seems to posses ever so willingly and think up in her spare time seeing as she has been out of work for countless weeks with lack of motivation for doing anything other than complaining about anything and everything in sight along with the ever growing lectures that came in contact with the dreadful silver slim phone. Today I was too exhausted and down right annoyed to pay much attention. On occasion I would come in on the wrong parts including how god was supposedly punishing her for taking my biological father away from the world and making her suffer by having to take care of me, or how she's manically depressed and cries over her families deaths but still has to stay strong and show the world along with god that she is capable of such a happy joyful life.
Either way she was speaking either of or slightly around the topic of my father which has always been an emotional rollercoaster for me since he had passed away. I still have incredible problems dealing with it, but never in my days of living would I admit to such a thing so that she could bestow it against me whenever she pleased. I would rather torture myself and take in the occasional and on a whim lash out about how it wasn't fair that he's dead and gone and she's here having her strength supposedly tested by having me live in such 'close' proximity to her and her picture perfect family.
I never knew why or how she wrapped her brain around the fact that I supposedly lived in such close proximity if her and her zombie family when she lived in Arizona while I now live in Forks, Washington with my aunt and cousin. But whatever makes her happy, I guess.
She had sent me up here and gave custody to my aunt Esme who was more than happy to take me in after I told her the whole and true story about what has been happening in my old home with my mother. Plus my cousin Alice was basically my only friend and my best friend. She's the only one who knows the most to almost all of what has happened in my life and she doesn't look at me any differently. Unlike the rest of the teenagers in Arizona. I just didn't fit in there.
Before when living between my mother and my father switching off every other weekend things seemed to be untarnished. Waking up to the smell of breakfast over the loud booming of country music blaring in my fathers living room with him already sitting at the kitchen table waiting for me with a side smile that is etched in my memory for keeps. But now that I think back to all those days I woke up undeniably happy and taking each whiff of the perpetually delicious scents of the breakfasts he maintained I regret not taking the chance to throw in another casual 'I love you' his way or throw my small arms around him to thank him more for the delicious foods he prepared ever so gracefully.
The more I think about it the less I can remember him.
I cant remember his scent, his voice, the crease in between his eye brows when he got frustrated me, the shoes he preferred over going bare foot, or the hats he decided to put on last minutes before going to the store for groceries.
I regret not cherishing the little things and wondering how I could possibly get my parents back together more. I miss my dad. I miss him every second of every day that passes. There is not a day that goes by that I wish that he was still here. Still here to be my father. Still here to love my mother the only way that she wants to be loved by a human being. Or still here to protect and save me.
Renee has been a bitter ball or anger and angst since the day my father Charlie passed away. She married a new man to fill the empty void where my father use to fit perfectly until she had to pick one too many fights about stupid unimportant stuff that she regrets more now than ever before. She always thought that no matter what he would come back. But this time he didn't. And it killed her. When he died she died. The person I knew before his death was tarnished and never to be found again. She let out everything on me. Everything.
I was the one who caused the accident in her mind. I was the one who wasn't magically there to help him and revive him. I was the one who more importantly took away her one true love, best friend, soul mate and other half. Its all my fault in her eyes. Everyone has to point a finger at someone. That someone was me. Her daughter.
I love him just as much to even more than she does. I forgive him for his imperfections, and mistakes. Nobody is perfect and that's part of the problem with my mom. He was the closest thing to perfect for her. And now he is gone and there is nothing either of us could do about it.
I let my mind wander off into my own little world. My own safe place. A place where everything seemed so perfect and fake that it just made you want to spend every second of everyday there sulking and soaking in all the amazing everything.
Day dreaming is a bad habit for me, especially while doing chores around my new home. By now I've moved on from finishing up the dishes to wiping the counters down from dinner and bundling up the trash bag to drag it outside. Once I put my shoes on I slipped out the side door as quietly as possible making my way slowly to the large garbage holder outside.
The air had a cold crisp feel in it that nipped at the tip of my nose and made me breath heavily. I could see the light gleaming over the side yard from the Cullen house.
I had met Carlisle Cullen when I was very little and visiting my aunt Esme one summer and he seemed like a complete gentlemen. I've talked to him twice since then, always when I was with Esme of course. She was quite the neighbor, always making plans with him to hold block parties and such and the neighborhood during the summers and occasionally inviting him and his boys over for holiday dinners.
Carlisle is single with 2 adopted boys. Emmett and Edward. I've met the boys once before not really taking mental notes to keep in handy incase I might move here and live next to them like I so happen to be doing now. I would have to make an effort in the future.
For now I dropped the dark black bag in the trash can spinning on my heel and walking back to my new safe haven with my back to the Cullen house for now. Alice and Esme have made their home my home. They have gone out of their way to totally change one of their spare rooms into a perfect place for me. It seemed like they were walking on eggshells around me though. Hoping that they don't say something that will send me spiraling off into a depressed ball of crying or trigger a bad memory.
But other than a few awkward encounters here and there they've been amazing. I took over duties of cleaning after dinner while actually making them dinner as well. I had to do much more when I lived with my mother. I did all the cooking, all the cleaning and all the dirty work. Esme didn't expect anything from me. What I do is just out of habit. It also gave me time to clear my mind.
Once I came back to the present from my recap of cleaning the kitchen I was in the kitchen turning off random lights and getting ready to retreat to my room for the night. Alice usually came in my room after she knew I had gotten ready for bed and was lying in my bed staring at my ceiling hoping that sleep would eventually come easier.
I left the kitchen and made my way to my room stopping by Alice's room where the door was wide open as usual and hum worthy music blared from her computer speakers. Every possible light in her room was on and making it feel like a daydream of heaven or something with all the white that surrounded almost every inch of her room besides random goods around her room and her walls. The bright pink door to her closet was wide open with slurred curse words dancing through the air from the back of her gigantic closet.
I decided it was best to just restrain to sitting on her bed to see what would happen next instead of making things worse by my presence in her closet with her.
Eventually I drifted reading heavily in one of her gossip magazines reading about a special lip gloss that I had no interest in but just liked the reading material. I faintly heard Alice stumble out of the deep closet. I looked up from the magazine hoping it was okay that I was sitting on her bed. Then looking up from the magazine to see nothing but her blowing her short hair from her face while holding a box. A small brown box.
She plopped down on the bed next to me almost as I weren't there next to her, which didn't hurt my feelings or anything. I was used to being treated as if I weren't alive when I lived with my mom in Phoenix.
Her eyes were mesmerized by this brown box almost as if it held her soul or some keep sake that Esme told her to store in her closet for special occasions. I didn't really mind that she basically gawking at the box but I was worried about whether or not she minded I was in her room without permission.
"Umm, Alice… is it okay that I'm in your room?" I spoke over the music that had just switched to a soothing acoustic melody.
She didn't nothing more than shook her head. It was okay. Thank god. Now it was time for her to open the box. "Alice… what's in the box?" I asked as politely as I could hoping she would at least tell me.
"Its, actually for you. I've been looking for it everywhere since we got the great news that you are coming to finally live with us. I just couldn't figure out where Esme had placed it until now," she spoke with her musical voice. She was the closest thing to perfect in my life. The perfect person in my eyes along with Esme. She handed me the box, which was very light. Deceiving almost. As if there was nothing inside.
I looked at Alice under my lashes hoping that I was allowed to open it and she nodded her head, giving me the go. She top slide off perfectly leaving an open rectangular box in my palm. I started digging through the faint pink tissue paper until I ran into something cold that slipped from my index finger on my first try of grabbing it. Then I gave up dumping the contents into my lap to find a necklace fall out. A silver heart locket with tiny diamonds incrusted on the cover. It hung on a silver chain.
I dug my nail into the side to open the locket. It was stuck but eventually with a little help from Alice we got it open. On the inside were two small picture on either side of the locket. On the left side was Esme, Alice and I years and years ago. Alice and I must have been only about 5 and so incredibly happy by the looks of the picture. On the right hand side was a picture of my father and I. He was holding me in his arms and he was kissing my forehead with a faint smile on his face by the looks of it.
Tears started to peek from my lower lids but I had to stay strong. Before I could even look up to thank Alice she was putting her arm around me and rubbing my shoulder. Comfort. Something so new to me.
Esme walked by in the hall and she quickly joined Alice but on the other side of me. Weeping there in between my new family, I felt hope. This was the beginning of my new life.