Author's note: The Twilight series belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I hope everyone enjoys this story, but would appreciate reviews.
I stepped slowly into the light, surprised that being here again could feel so similar to the last time. There were major exceptions of course. Walking down the beach hadn't created rainbows that spread over the calm surface of the water. At least, not when I was walking alone. And I had never walked on this beach alone then, for there had only been the two of us, and we never went without the presence of the other. Not that much had changed about that over the years. But years of living and never sleeping had the side effect of making you grow used to the quiet, the time for retrospection. So, as Edward had been watching Reneesme sleep, I had walked out into the hot morning sun. Edward had always enjoyed watching Reneesme sleep, a habit he had once told her he picked up in a magical forest after he had scaled a castle in order to reach a sleeping princess. I had been listening, of course, to this particular exchange, which had occurred late one night when Reneesme awoke to find Edward watching her. I had tried to stifle my snort, but I couldn't help from rolling my eyes. If being a princess included thrashing in your sleep and muttering, then sure, I was a princess.
But a lot had changed since those days when Edward would climb in my window, careful not to wake me or Charlie. I sat down at the edge of the shore line, looking out to where the ocean became shallower as a sand bar rose up. I smiled, I had a good memory of that sand bar. While Edward had never tired of treading water--he actually enjoyed the exertion--I had stayed at the sand bar. I could be with him, calm and satisfied in his presence, as he worked out his never tiring muscles. Of course, now if we decided to take a swim, I would have no need of the sand bar. I doubt Edward would even think twice about that difference. I had so seamlessly joined the Cullen family, the vampire world, it was easy for everyone to forget about human Bella. This had suited me fine, because becoming a vampire meant getting everything I'd ever wanted. But lately, I tried more and more to think about Isabella Swan.
Perhaps it was watching Reseesme. She was getting older so quickly, already having the disposition of a 14 year old. Just old enough to have her first crush. And it was no surprise who she had chosen, the same man who was likely to be her last crush. I'd taken Jacob aside once I realized what was happening, and let him know that just because Reneesme was starting to have feelings for him it did not mean that she was ready for him to begin being romantic with her. By then he was used to receiving lots of warnings from myself and Edward, and did not act defensive as he quickly agreed. But Jacob continued to come over often, and as I watched Reneesme's breath quicken, her eyes go strangely blank, or her sudden inability to form words I was reminded of what it meant to be young, in love and at least partly human. Luckily for Nessie, she could cover her new-found awkwardness by relying on her gift. She had matured enough that she could filter out her romantic feelings, but still have an effective method of communicating with Jacob by putting pertinent images in his mind. But, like her mother, Reneesme's awkwardness made her blush. Jacob had come over after his evening patrol of the woods. We all usually met at the Cullen's house to be together, and in Jacob and Reneesme's case, to have dinner. Sometimes Charlie and Sue would join us, and the Cullens had enjoyed learning to cook for their guests. Esme was especially eager, and had bought an entire new kitchen to aid her in her new hobby. Esme had made Bouillabaisse, and Nessie was trying to thank her. However, something had startled her at the dinner table, causing her to knock over a glass of water into Emmett's pants. While Emmett had only laughed, Reseesme's face had lit up as blood pooled her cheeks. I don't know who else noticed it was Jacob's hand on her shoulder that had given her such a fright. Now, Reneesme had never been clumsy or easily embarrassed. She had always been sure of herself, even as a small child. She had excused herself in mortification, which I now believed was in large part due to Jacob joining in with Emmett's laughs.
I often thought Reneesme was more like her namesakes than me. She could float around, cheerful and breezy, carrying on easy conversation like Rene. But she could also exude such care and love, that those around her felt sworn to her, much like Esme. As I watched my daughter stumble helplessly through her first crush, I thought it was a little gratifying to see her act like me for a change. That thought had surprised me. I was no longer clumsy, I was one of the most grace filled beings on the planet. And I no longer had the ability to blush. But as I watched my daughter I has associated her surprisingly human actions with myself. The thoughts had been pushed from my mind as Reneesme had continued her rapid growth, looking more adult than made Edward comfortable. I suppose he wouldn't have cared if he couldn't read Jacob's thoughts. But as Jacob began to see Reneesme more as an adult (much to her delight) Edward had all but demanded we leave. Of course this had caused all kinds of problems--I even complained that Edward couldn't halt the inevitable. However, as Edward had explained to me the merits of leaving, I began to see things his way. While it was clear that Reneesme would soon be an adult and start her life with Jacob, this had not happened yet. Once it did, we would hold a different place in her life. She would quickly reach her adulthood due to her accelerated growth, and then we could no longer go on a "family vacation" without Jacob. Of course, we had gone on vacations with the family, but it had never been the three of us. And many of those vacations involved some sort of mortal peril. While Edward managed to get us to come under this umbrella of this reason, I knew it also made him uncomfortable to have no transition between Reneesme being a child and Reneesme being with a man. I suppose he was under more stress than most fathers, given how quickly she grew.
So here the three of us were, spending our last three months alone on the same island we had all first been brought together. While being away from Jacob had made Nessie a little down as of late, her blushing and clumsiness had all but cleared up. It was funny how the man who had once tried to tie me to the human world had also managed to bring out the human in my daughter. I think Reneesme was glad for the chance to say a permanent sort of good bye to us, but it pained her to be away from him. She was remarkably good natured about it, however, when I compared it with what my reaction would have been if Charlie had tried to pull a similar stunt before I married Edward. The memories of my human life were so vague and blurry that I didn't often think of them unless I had a purpose, a goal to fulfill. Lately, when all was quiet, I had spent more time trying to remember myself as a human. It wasn't that I wished to go back, I would never wish that. But seeing my daughter's young face alight with love had reminded me of the person I used to be. And that was who, blush, gracelessness and all, Edward had first fallen in love with. I stretched my arms over my head, popping my shoulder joints as I twisted from side to side. I stood, and bounded into the ocean in front me. I broke the surface and wrinkled my brow in distaste at the feel of wet swimsuit. Since we were now here with our daughter, Edward and I had opted against nude swimming. I treaded water easily as I tried to picture that other time, when as a human I had rejoiced in my nakedness so long as I was with Edward. The memories of swimming as a human weren't clear, but I thought I could recall a visceral sensation of the feel of wet limbs against each other. Of course, that was a line of thought I shouldn't continue down, given the present circumstances. The house was small, and Edward and I felt being too expressive about our romance would make it harder for Reneesme to be away from Jake. I swam breast strokes forward, thinking of the last time Edward and I had been together. You would think we could get away with anything while she was sleeping, but after years of not bothering to curtail your enthusiasm, it was difficult to be quiet enough for someone to sleep through what you were doing. And then, of course, when she woke up everything came to a halt.
I switched to back stroke in time to see a blur hurtling towards me. Edward crashed the surface next to me, bobbing up to grin at me. I was surprised at this, Edward had not been swimming as often as one would expect. Alice had packed for him and in lieu of traditional swim trunks there had been a speedo. He had called her in righteous anger, and over the phone she argued that speedos were what was hip at the moment. However, Edward was not exactly a "speedo-wearing" kind of guy. I looked down, my high acuity vision picking out the small red fabric under the water. Looking back up to his face I raised an eyebrow.
"She started dreaming about Jacob," he started uncomfortably as he shrugged his shoulders, " I couldn't stay there and listen to that." I put my hands on his shoulders, pressing down lightly as I stretched out on my stomach to allow my legs to float towards the surface. I smiled as I looked at his chagrin.
"Do you want me to shield her again?" Given the local density of minds Edward could read, only Reneesme, it was hard for him to tune her out. This became increasingly awkward as she missed Jacob more. To relieve the tension, I had taken to shielding Reneesme. Since she was sleeping I had stopped, enjoying the chance to relax with only my thoughts in the sun. "No, what's she's dreaming isn't so bad. It's more that I didn't want to hear her anymore." I looked at him in confusion. "She is talking in her sleep." I started a little at this, pushing Edward down and sloshing water over my shoulders. "She never talks in her sleep." Edward looked at me ruefully, good one for ms. state the obvious.
"I know"
"What is she saying." Though I had a suspicion I knew.
"'Jacob.'" We looked at each other. The last time either of us had a sleep talking problem I had been human. And it hadn't really been a problem for Edward, more of an opportunity to figure out my shielded mind. I pulled away from him and splashed water over my face. If felt hot on my cold skin, but it worked a little to clear my thoughts. "Does that bother you?" Edward asked, surprised. I looked at him and twisted my mouth wryly. I debated telling him about my musings. I would never want him to construe them to mean I regretted my decision in any way. But I had always been inept at hiding things from him.
"This whole thing just seems a little too...similar. When she finally starts acting like me it's like a part of me that no longer exists." Edward thought about this.
"You mean, how you were as a human?" I nodded, sighing as I flipped unto my back. I didn't know what I was thinking. Edward swam over to my head and looked at me speculatively. "I don't regret anything, you already should know that, I just can't help thinking about when I was like that." He leaned down to kiss the tip of my nose.
"I suppose I can't hold it against Jacob Black that he is falling so fast then. You were quite irresistible when you blushed." I smiled at him, coquettishly saying "But I can't do that anymore" with a pout. He rolled his eyes at me. He cupped my neck in his palm and leaned close to my mouth,
"I think I'd take a wife I can't break any day, if it's all the same to you." With that he leaned down to kiss me, pausing only momentarily to say, "She's dreaming deeply, she won't wake." We had not been out in the water like this since we had been on our honeymoon. I sighed, opening my mouth to him, and he reached under me, grasping the small of my back to pull me to his chest.
Normally I was aggressive as he was, but I suddenly felt the urge to submit. I wanted to be weak, to have Edward be the strong one. I let him support me in the water, doing nothing to stay afloat. He didn't seem to mind, and soon he was no longer bobbing along with the waves but standing upright. The change in equilibrium caused me to readjust to my surroundings. I steadied myself against Edward's chest and looked down, seeing we had reached the sand bar. I smiled at it, pushing my hand slightly against his chest as he made to kiss me again. "We reached the sand bar." He nodded, unable to follow where I was going. I frowned a little, sad that he apparently did not remember the last time we were here. I suppose it didn't really matter if he remembered or not, Edward loved the person he held in his arms more than life. However, he did notice my frown, and asked,
"Do you not like the sand bar?" I reached up to caress his face, "I love the sand bar." I stared meaningfully into his eyes. Their golden hue darkened to honey and he regarded me.
"Do you remember when we were here?" He sounded slightly surprised, but also full of emotion. I nodded. "I wasn't expecting you to. That was one of but many things we did on this island." I bit my lip, trying to hid my smile.
"I remember all the 'things' we did on this island." He was pleased, but still surprised. "I've been trying to remember more, from when I was human." He seemed to follow my thought processes.
"Because of Reneesme." I nodded. "Bella, for all that you had to give up, I will eternally be..." I smacked him slightly upside the head, shaking my head. Still, after so long, he could doubt what the change had meant for me. I supposed that was the way we were. I still could look at him and be amazed he loved me as much as I loved him. "Stop it. That's not it. I can't figure out what's making me fixate like this." He cocked his head in thought as he ran his fingers up the base of my scalp.
"Perhaps," he began, rubbing his thumb across my cheek, "perhaps it's because of the extraordinary way you became a vampire. You didn't blood lust, you were rational. You were surprisingly human. And you were a new born. Now, that you're growing to adult hood, maybe the humanity will just make itself more apparent. I suppose that could manifest itself in your current predilection for human memories." I thought about this. While I loved my current existence more than I had ever dreamed I could, I was still me. Especially as the traits of being a new born wore off, I remembered more of what it was to be me, to be Bella. Was it surprising that I wanted to remember more of who I was. All of my experiences as a human had become faint, but unlike other vampires they were still the experiences that made me who I was right now. I wanted to remember them. I smiled at Edward, he always had a way of complementing me, of helping me. He took the smile for what it was, acquiesce. Spending so much time with someone made you rely less on words. I wondered if in 100 years we would barely need to say anything.
"Being on this sandbar is one of my favorite memories of when we were here." Edward smiled as he heard this, and immediately lifted my legs to wrap around his waist, his hands sliding back from my thighs unto my hips. I laughed,
"I see you remember also"
"Bella," he began, now serious, "while it is hard for you to remember your life as a human, I remember it perfectly. It was the day the sun rose on my life of night. Suddenly, everything was bright and worth remembering." He raised a hand to grasp my chin and rub his thumb over my lip. "And I especially remember this island, and everything we did on this island. Especially on the sand bar." I laughed again at the last part and threw my arms around him. I turned my head to whisper in his ear,
"Well, if you do remember, and since I am feeling so nostalgic, how about we try to...recreate the last time we were here?" I had barely gotten the suggestion out when he kissed me.
As we made love the same way we had so many years ago, I tried to retain my position as the weaker one. However, that struggle was given up when passions arose in me, and I felt the need to be with Edward, against Edward, more. So I gave up, accepting the new memory of being here as a vampire. I was not human Bella anymore, but I wasn't exactly what most thought of as a vampire. Maybe not biologically human, but not a soulless demon. I was something different. I wasn't the scientist Carlisle was, it didn't particularly concern me if "what" I was had a name. I was Bella, and I was Edward's. That seemed enough categorizing for me. Plus, when Edward started doing what he had started doing to me, well, I forgot mostly everything.