Title: It Will Be OK.
Pairings: Santana/Brittany
Rating: PG for some swearing.
Summary: Brittany tells Santana how she feels in front of the entire Glee Club.
Disclaimer: I don't own them and will return them when I have finished.
Author's Note: It's a little angsty, so if this isn't your thing please feel free to avoid.
I found myself speechless as I watched Brittany tell Santana that she loved her.
I knew that Santana should get up and follow her, but she didn't. I watched on as she tried but couldn't make herself move. It was like someone had glued her ass to the chair and her feet to the floor. I watched as tears flowed from Brittany's eyes as she flew from the choir room, only to be quickly followed by Mr Schue, Rachel, and Quinn.
I watched as she still couldn't bring herself to move when the rest of the Glee Club started to leave. She just sat there looking towards the door Brittany had fled through. I was shocked when she just took and even accepted the glares from Tina, Lauren, and Puck. I was equally horrified when she wholly embraced the looks of disappointment from Kurt, Finn, and Sam. I felt my eyebrows almost leap from my forehead when she even failed to react to the twin looks of anger from both Artie and Mike.
"Santana?" I called out gently.
Her body refused to move as my hand landed lightly on her arm.
"Are you OK?" I asked when she didn't immediately respond.
She just looked blank and managed to turn her head from the door. My chair made a stuttering screeching sound, as I swivelled and pushed it back to better look at her. I watched on as she set her jaw and pointedly ignored my question. She was probably waiting for me to leave her like everyone else had just done, but I was going nowhere.
"What the hell are you still doing here, why haven't you run off like the rest of the losers?" Santana asked gruffly.
It was a good question; Kurt had even asked it with his eyes as he stood expecting me to follow. There was a simple answer to that question.
Everyone else had just left to do other things or comfort Brittany. No one even thought that Santana might need comforting. Yeah she was a bitch, but as Brittany had spoken I had looked towards Santana for a reaction, and while her mouth said one thing her eyes said another.
I have known Santana for years, since we were in Kindergarten. She had been different then, a little gruff but she had been nice and kind. Even then she had always been ready with some little put down for anyone who messed with her. However at some point her bark had gotten a hell of a lot worse.
I had always wondered at the transformation. I could remember her sharing a Twinkie with me when I cried that my mom had forgot to pack me one. I could even remember her sticking up for Rachel once, when Max Shaper had pushed her to the ground and kicked dirt all over her yellow sundress. The change that had taken place in Santana hadn't been sudden. She didn't just go from moody little girl to angry teenager in the blink of an eye. No it was a gentle progression, so gentle that hardly anyone could remember what the old Santana was like. All they saw was the angry bitch who could cut your throat with her words.
However Brittany's words had just allowed me to see exactly what made Santana who she was today, and what had made her react the way she had. It was fear, and that was the answer to her question. I hadn't run off because I could see the fear in her eyes, and I could see that she returned Brittany's feelings.
I could still see it now as she pursued her lips and I could see the tears burning behind her eyes. I could see that those tears desperately wanted to fall, but never would because there was no way in hell that Santana Lopez was going to cry over something like this. Sure she did have a tendency to be overly dramatic and cry when drunk, but there was no way she was going to show her true devastation to the world. I mean it was an accepted fact amongst the entire population of McKinley, hell even Lima, that Santana Lopez was a bitch, a badass, and heartless.
I sighed and squeezed her arm in an attempt of offer her some comfort. "Girl, you certainly messed things up."
"I've messed things up? I haven't done anything wrong!" Santana denied as she shook her head violently.
"If you say so." I shook my head; I should have known that Santana would react by deflecting the conversation. It was typical, she either made witty and hurtful comments, or she played dumb.
"It's not my fault, I didn't tell her to come in here and tell the entire world her private feelings for... me."
"Hmm." I hummed with a tilt of my head.
The sarcasm in my tone was clear and I recognised the anger filling Santana's eyes almost immediately. Everyone knew what to expect when her eyes widened a little and her jaw clenched. It didn't take but a second for the inevitably explosion to happen in my face.
"What the hell would you know about it?" Santana screamed as she pulled her arm away from my comforting hand.
"I know that she just told everyone she loved you and you just blew her off."I rolled my eyes, I could see right through her.
Everyone knew that she and Brittany had a thing. I had seen them together as they leaned on their lockers and smiled at each other. No other girls I knew held hands as they strolled down the corridors of school, or played with each other's hair so much. They left and arrived at school together almost every single day. Then there was the whole 'sex isn't dating' thing. No one said anything about that, partly from fear of Santana's reaction, but mainly because it wasn't our business, but after what I had just witnesses I couldn't just sit and say nothing.
"It wasn't like that OK? She doesn't know what she is talking about." She mumbled through gritted teeth.
"It was exactly like that, and we both know she knew exactly what she was talking about Santana." I spat with an exasperated shake of my head.
I couldn't help the eye roll that followed. It was true, we both did know that Brittany knew exactly what she was talking about. Another thing we both knew was that Santana Lopez had a reputation she had worked hard for. For years she had belittled, seduced, and humiliated everyone around her (myself included) to create a staircase of bodies to climb to the top of the high school ladder. Now that staircase was looking a little unstable. Three little words could ruin everything she had worked so hard for.
"Were the hell do you get off on preaching to me about relationships, as far as I'm aware the only one you have had is with Puck, and the only word that describes that fiasco is joke."
Again my eyebrows crawled up my forehead, and while her words stung I knew the reason behind them. Santana was scared, I could see it in her eyes, and it made me hurt for her. "You know what Santana?"
"What's that Shamu?" Santana spat at me and I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the insult. It's hardly original. She had called me worse.
"It's OK." I told her calmly with a flick of my wrist.
"What?" Santana asked with a glare.
"It's OK if you insult me to make yourself feel better, or to try and make me leave."
"Whatever." Santana shrugged and looked away.
"It's OK if you're gay." I knew the moment the words left to lips to expect an explosion. However it didn't happen. Instead Santana eyes widened at my words, and her back went impossibly straight.
"I'm not..." She turned her wide eyes towards me as she took in several deep breaths, and wet her lips before she tried to speak again.
"Oh hell no, do you dare say that!" I boomed loudly in anger before I managed to get a hold of myself, "It's OK if you love Brittany Santana. It's also OK if you're scared of that fact." I finish softly as I cut her off what I am sure was about denial of her sexuality. I couldn't bear to hear her deny something so important about herself. Being around Kurt had taught me that it was OK to be who you were, and not to hide it. There would always be people who didn't like you. Who would insult and ridicule you for different facets of your being, and it was OK. It was their problem not yours. There was nothing wrong with what she felt for Brittany, and vice versa. Love was natural.
Santana looked away before she replied, "I never said that I love Brittany."
I shook my head in response; she didn't have to say it. It was there in her eyes for everyone to see.
"Yeah, I know. That's why we are having this conversation, and the girl who you say you don't love and just confessed to loving you, ran off in tears, when you laughed in her face."
"You have no idea what you're talking about." Santana growled at me through gritted teeth.
I shook my head again. God what a mess, who was she trying to kid? I knew exactly what she was talking about.
"I never thought you were a coward, an angry sarcastic bitch, yeah, but never figured you for a coward Santana." As the words left my mouth I knew I had pissed her off, but it was true. If there was one person in this town who I thought would own being gay, it was Santana Lopez. Hell, after the whole 'sex isn't dating' fiasco Kurt was always saying how he couldn't wait for them to just own up to their feelings. Apparently Brittany had come to terms with what she felt. Santana it appeared wasn't as comfortable with herself as everyone else through.
"You better watch what you're saying Mercedes." Santana warned me as she clenched her fists tightly.
I lifted a hand and held it up, "Oh please, just stop denying it. We both know that everything I just said is true."
She looked away because I was right, Brittany just told the whole Glee club that she loves her, and it was bound to get round the entire school before the end of the week. Even if they didn't believe that she reciprocated those feelings, (which she wholly doubted, it was common knowledge amongst certain circles that Santana and Brittany had hooked up on numerous occasions) she would still be closely associated with another girl who professed to openly love her. Look at what had happened to Kurt. Being out in Lima was considered a crime by some, and social suicide by others.
"I'm not a coward." Santana responded weakly.
"Well you're not doing such a great job of proving me wrong on that point Santana." I huffed; she had just proved to me and ten other people that she was a coward.
"I can't." Santana said as she looked me dead in the eye.
"You're afraid." I sighed softly; I could see it and I really felt for the girl in front of me. It was pretty obvious that her bad girl image was just a front. It was a wall, a way to keep everyone from getting close and discovering the one thing she just couldn't quite accept about herself.
"I didn't mean to hurt her." Santana whispered her confession and looked away when she saw my eyes soften with a nod of understanding. I knew she didn't mean to hurt her. In her fear she had just done the first thing she could think of, and that as the laugh off Brittany's profession of love.
"Maybe you should tell her that, tell her how hard it is for you. Brittany's not stupid Santana, she will understand that this is difficult for you." I was certain of this and reached out and claimed Santana's hands from her lap.
I watched on as Santana's eyes filled with tears as she looked down at the floor. "It's too late; I've already fucked everything up."
"Oh don't you dare give me that lame excuse; of course it's not too late." I said vehemently squeezing both of Santana's hands to emphasise each word I had spoken.
"It is, Jesus Mercedes I laughed in her face, did you see what I did to her. I broke her fucking heart; she's not going to forgive me that. Not that I deserve her forgiveness."
I had to agree with her. What she did was unforgivable, but I understood why she did it. She just had to explain her reaction to Brittany, and make her understand.
"No you probably don't deserve her forgiveness, but Brittany loves you, and you love her, and I'm not gonna sit here and let you talk about how your just gonna give up because you're afraid."
Santana shook her head and pulled her hands away from mine. "It's more complicated than that."
"No its not." I paused and waited till Santana looked at me again. "Look at Kurt, he's out and proud."
Santana laughed harshly and allowed her face to adopt a superior look, "Yeah look at Kurt, Karofsky makes his life a living hell every day, and I can't go through that. More than that, I can't see Brittany go through that. I'm protecting her."
I frowned at her twisted logic but before I couldn't reply someone beat me to the punch.
"You don't have the right to make that choice for me Santana." I looked away from Santana as I heard Brittany's soft but determined voice speak.
"Britt?" Santana whispered softly and I felt my heart ache for them both. Brittany looked just as devastated as Santana.
Their relationship had once been giddy and fun. We had all seen them dancing together, holding hands as they walked down the corridors of McKinley, or with their pinkies hooked as they sat at the back of practise. Now it had evolved into something more. Brittany had crossed the line from adolescent love to something deeper, while Santana had floundered and ended up wounding them both deeply.
"I forgot my bag." Brittany mumbled as she kept her head bowed and retrieved her backpack.
"Britt, I'm sorry." Santana apologised as she jumped to her feet and rushed towards Brittany her arms outstretched only to stop short when the blonde flinched away.
"It doesn't matter." Brittany said quietly as twisted the straps of her backpack.
Santana shook her head to dismiss Brittany's comment and took a hesitant step closer to the girl she loved. "But it does matter. I shouldn't have laughed, I was just..."
Brittany interrupted as she shouldered her back pack, "I said I don't matter. I have to go I'll be late for Spanish class."
"Britt, please wait." Santana begged as she reached out towards Brittany again.
Brittany avoided her touch once again and just fled the room for a second time.
Santana just dropped like a rock to the ground and broke down. I moved as quickly as I could and I folded her in my arms and just held her as she sobbed her heart out uncontrollably. I don't know how long we sat there, but I just gently stroked her hair as I offered her what little comfort I could.
"It will be OK, she just needs some time." I winced as the words left my lips. I didn't know if it would be OK, or if Brittany would forgive her, but it was the only thing I could say at that moment. As Santana's tears soak my t-shirt, I couldn't only hope for both their sakes I was right, and that everything would be OK.