When you're younger, you're so sure of yourself it hurts, when you're older you're so indecisive, it hurts. Yaya felt like that's all she learned over the years, what did someone like Tamao take from her heartbreak? She certainly didn't run away and learn barely a thing. Things moved slowly, nothing significant happened, no major change was felt and yet when you look back, nothing's the same, but it hurt to look back and school felt the same everywhere, even if she missed the strawberry dorms everyday and forgot what it felt like to be so happy, before her world was turned upside down and she was left hanging from it because of a certain angelic creature.
But even Spica, they fill you up with rules and treat you like a child, no matter what your level of maturity. If she was going to continue with school, she'd rather make the most of being so sheltered. What taste she got of the new world seemed to encourage her to make the most of this phase of her life, like one would their baby teeth before they shed for a permanent pair. And so she returned, excited but scared to death, both feelings almost foreign compared to the emptiness and boredom she was so accustomed to these days.
She thought she'd never be able to look at another girl again, but she could and enjoyed it, too. Time heals, but as cliché as it is true; wounds never heal. But Yaya found her love and appetite for girls. Yaya dabbed makeup on her chin, nose and cheeks carelessly. Brushing her hair, she found herself facing her mirror, in her uniform. She didn't look much different, maybe her face wasn't as chubby or cute as it had been, maybe she'd grown a tad, couldn't go anywhere without wearing makeup now, which she was sure to get in trouble for. She wanted to make an entrance somehow, but instead, cleared her mind and went in and did whatever she had to do as she went.
Her heart was caught in her throat; she was even slightly shaking, slightly. When she entered the school that morning, she felt everyone's eyes on her, nobody she knew. She tried to ignore it. Every time she thought she saw a hint of blonde, she got dizzy, her legs, wonky, her swag completely wrecked. She didn't see her even when she entered Spica, she didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed. The nostalgia was overwhelming, and yet everything felt new. Feeling desperately disconnected from it all, a cold, worrying feeling for the dark-haired girl, she approached any random girl.
"Hey" She greeted blankly, the girl's eyes lit up and she blinked, surprised.
"Hey" the girl mimicked. Yaya caught a glimpse of blonde behind the girl's head, she braced herself, then quickly realised it wasn't her.
"Is anything wrong?" the girl asked kindly.
"I saw 5th years just had assembly, down at the office they told me the principle would be there, are you in 5th year?" The girl opened her mouth to talk, narrowed her eyes and smiled.
"Wait...are you new?" This girl knew well that she wasn't, Yaya had seen the girl before, but maybe the girl thought it that would be weird if she admitted she remember her after all this time.
"I used to go here." Yaya 'explained'. The 'curious girl' smiled.
"It's the 3rd years in there now."
"Thanks" Yaya tried her best smile and took off towards Spica's assembly hall.
"Wait..." She turned around to the younger girl.
"I remember you now...you were in 3rd year and you left, you used to be friends with the old Etoiles, right?"
"Right..." great, already thought Yaya.
"Well, welcome. Just a warning though, a lot has changed, there's a new building being built, most teachers seem to be retiring and, as you already know, there's a new principle. You probably know this but not even the Etoile are together any more, that's the second time this has happened-" a friend approached the girl, which distracted the girl from Yaya's reaction. She heard it already, but it still shocked her every time.
"Anyway, see you later." She said, smiling sweetly. Yaya's heart gave a quick pounce but she waved and left, her mind focused on more important things. She entered the assembly hall, filled with the bustling, once noisy first years she loathed before. How odd they were in her place now. The new principle, one she only had the pleasure of meeting once for an interview to re-enter the school, was standing quietly, smiling at her, her head turned on its side. The woman blinked a few times.
"Oh, I forgot. Everyone, this is our new student Nanto Yaya. She'll be joining in on our classes, make her feel at home again." The loathed former 1st years (who didn't deserve to be called 3rd years) laughed heartily. The principle, amused, furrowed her eyebrows and blinked some more.
"She doesn't even go here!" some girl shouted.
"Yaya Nanto's a 5th year now" A girl in the front of her class's line explained with a clear voice. It all happened before Yaya had a chance to explain herself, herself. She gave up and scanned the former 1st years. She guessed even this principle might have them lined up class-by-class, alphabetically, in single file. She looked among where 'O' might be...nothing...another disappointment.
"Well, why do you want me so urgently, Yaya?" the principle asked, ducking her head in a peculiar way. The raven-haired girl, clearing her throat, took a step toward the woman.
"About my room, Ms." She said quietly.
"Ahhh, yes." The principle closed her eyes and nodded as if the world around her finally made sense.
"Do we have any 'onsies' here?" Yaya almost rolled her eyes involuntarily at the terminology. About five girls but their hands up. How come there were so many? It was a choice, yes, but not many would choose it, and suddenly, she remembered who did, just as her eyes set on her, raising her hand hesitantly. She was standing at the back of her classroom's line, a chart in her hand. Yaya felt her jaw unhinge, the room get brighter, a smile spread across her face. She was never so glad to see the little brat, one thing she was oddly looking forward to. Tsubomi looked angry and didn't smile back; she looked at the principle and blanked Yaya out. Before breathlessly noting what had changed about the girl, Yaya pulled her eyes away and decided Tsubomi's behaviour wasn't worth being confused about yet.
"Can I pick?" Yaya asked as the principle seemed to be waiting for something.
"No." She replied bluntly before Yaya could hardly finish.
"You." She said to the girl in front of Tsubomi.
"There are no onsies in 5th year, I'm glad that's over and done with, I hope you don't mind sharing with a 3rd year." For a minute, Yaya regretted her decision coming back here. She wasn't even going to attempt to hide her disappointment. She looked at her new roommate, a dark-haired, plain, blue-eyed girl who looked bland and serious, then her eyes travelled back to her old...friend? The pink-haired girl had a mischievous look on her face, peering at Yaya through slit eyes. Did she know something?
"Go to the office and get your time table" the principle said, still smiling. Yaya walked out without another word. She already wanted to go home and just sleep, but not even home sounded appealing now, since she'd have to share with some stiff-looking stranger. How come it wasn't as flexible as before? She easily became roommates with Hikari after she requested it. Yaya rushed straight to the only place she could find comfort: the gym's roof. She placed her bag in an empty locker and took some bread from her sandwiches for the birds. On her way, though, without being in anyway prepared, she saw her angel. She froze, for a second, but a second was too long. Hikari was walking with some girl, her eyes rolled over to Yaya, then back to her friend. She continued talking to her friend again.
Yaya swore her heart broke then and there. Hikari had just ignored her. A lump in her throat was a safe indication of tears, the raven-haired Spican took off a little quicker towards her only haven and when she got there, the morning's events crept up on her and a few hot tears spilled, choking her and she didn't know whether to regret having taken off then or regret coming back now.