"Oi Dixie, you listenin'?"

No, Sirius Black, I am not listening. Not at all.

In fact I'm thinking about why Wormtail got the privilege to be such a beautiful animal. Seriously, (no pun intended) I love rats, their one of my favourite animals; despite their red eyes and creepy as merlin's tails. I don't (and will never) understand why Peter Pettigrew is able to transform, at will, into a rat, while little miss Dixie over here is stuck as a 'red panda'. And yes, the apostrophes were needed. The so called panda doesn't even look like a panda! And I am not ginger! I am red headed; bright red, if you must know. Just because I'm not a muggle doesn't mean I don't know how to use hair dye. Oh I just owned your thoughts.

Back to Pettigrew, de doesn't deserve to be a rat! Rats are all white and fluffy and small and harmless and… well everything he's not!

I wonder how to rat feels to have peter inside the rats, rat body. Wait, that didn't make sense.

Well I don't get called Dixie for nothing.

Personally, I think Peter well should have been a Geoduck, or a Sea Pig, or a Matta Matta, or a Wrinkled Faced Bat. Oh no, that's reserved for McGonagall. Shh!

Merlin twisted beard, you don't know who I am do you?

Bad Dixie, I should slap you in the face. Okay, now the lads are looking at me weird. Maybe I should slap them for doing that… No I can't. So why is my hand moving towards James and whacking him… now Remus… And Sirius, oh, oh he looks mad. I hit Pettigrew the hardest of course, that's what you get for stealing my well-deserved rat- the blobfish.

Anyway, I'm Dixie. Obviously not my real name, but I can't tell you something I've never told the lads.

Okay I can.

Fooled you!

I bet you're sad now, please cry. Kidding!

But I'm not telling you my name.

No way.

Never.

…

It's Amber.

DIXIE!

I never could keep a secret.

Que titles…

We don't have any titles.

You can hate me now.

Actually, don't hate me before you know me. Say that in a way that all the crazy Americans do.

Back to me…

I'm Dixie!

Did I already tell you that?

Whatever. I got my name in first year when I met James, Sirius, Remus and Pettigrew. They have nicknames too, but if you don't already know them, then you know where you can shove it.

Sirius came up with the name after we all found out how incredibly limited I am at magical theory. Not that I can't cast spells and all that witchy business, I just forget those spells quite quickly. I swear I share the same DNA as a fish, even though I have never actually seen one. Strange.

I'm half Irish, half British, so I have the best of both worlds. 'Cause we are the best… in the world. Did you feel that dramatic pause?

I'm still waiting for my granddad to bring me a leprechaun back from Ireland. We'll do the Irish dance together.

One thing I am glad about not being fully Irish is I don't talk, and sound like a gypsy. Not that I have anything against them but when I was in year 5 I sat next to a gypsy and he copied my work all the time! I'm still holding that grudge 7 years later, at sixteen.

Ginger Gino.

As you can see, I'm not good with insults. His name wasn't even Gino, It was Liam.

I love gingers. Once, I bleached my hair and it went bright orange.

So, I live in England, Obviously, where else am I gonna live.

Wales? They have English and Welsh on their signs and it really annoys me, even more than English people not drinking tea. Embrace your culture.

Scotland? I don't wanna see old men's kilts flying up and showing me their doo dah and bouncy balls. I am not a voyager, thank you very much. Even though if they were young, it might just be a different story.

My minds going now.

I'm drooling.

The boys are staring again. I didn't answer Sirius' question did I? Nope. Well Sirius, despite your hunk of manliness I am speaking to my viewers through my mind. Even though my viewers don't care enough 'cause I don't have titles!

He's waving his hand in front of my face and it's making me go dizzy. He should be a hypnotize when he grows older. At least then he won't get hurt, I don't wanna have to go to his funeral unless I'm a ghost. He needs to live as long as he can with me and yes, that includes forever.

I know what you're thinking. I have eyes; not very good ones. But glasses are ugly (don't tell James I said that!) and contacts make my eyes hurt. Hold on… why would I need eyes to know what you're thinking, I can't see you! Silly Dixie.

Weren't we, I mean me, talking about my life. Yes I was.

I'm from Rochdale, In Manchester. So I know how to handle myself.

One time this girl I didn't like come close to me and I thought she was gonna hit me, so I hit her first and blood went all up the wall. Fun times.

Also these dudes came to my house with a spade so I chased them down the street in my teddy bear pyjamas and they ran off!

I must be one scary chick.

My parents are complete opposites. My dad is in a heavy metal band. They're not famous or nothing, they just sing in pubs. They shouldn't even do that really, they're awful. They can't even scream; it just comes out all girly.

One benefit though is that I feel all hard going around telling people when I was a baby I would only fall asleep listening to Slipknot. Yeah, I was even a baby rock chick.

My dad knows a lot of hippies, so you could say he lives the hippy/rocker lifestyle. Or are they the same thing?

I swear I'm so used to the smell of weed I don't even smell it anymore. Which I don't like cause I do love the smell- life's disappointments.

Smoking weed has sort of backfired on him now though. He has a brain tumour, epilepsy and paranoia. All common when smoking joints.

His family are like him, all heavy metal, weed smoking rockers.

My second cousin dad is actually one of the Costello's, a family of drug dealers.

My family is very big, which I love!

My mams family are more uptight.

There's my mam, who phrases everything with 'such fun' and basically only cares about her luncheons, or whatever there called. She's a celebrity stalker and changes her laugh every month to match a song and make it sound posh.

She has a habit of saying secret insulting sentences wrong. She whispers the part that isn't insulter and shouts the insulting part. How she doesn't know she's doing that I will never understand.

She's old, yet she still plays tennis with those up your arse dresses they wear and asks me advice on thongs. She got the thong the wrong way round and tortured me with details of how much it brought her pleasure. Disgusting I know.

I still haven't got round to testing that bit of information out yet...

I'm in my seventh year at Hogwarts and in Gryffindor, for reasons unknown. It can't be bravery 'cause I jump at shadows. It could be courage, but then again I don't like confrontation, so maybe not. Nerve? Possibly, I do come out with things nobody else would say. Doesn't chivalry mean like warriors and stuff? I'd be a great warrior and stuff. Is daring like truth or dare, 'cause I do every dare. I even slept with Sirius as a dare in sixth year, something I still think about. Though I doubt he does.

Even if I'm completely wrong about what they mean I could have been put in this house 'cause I I love lions. There up there with the rats. Stupid Pettigrew.

Does anybody else think Godric Gryffindor looks like Hagrid? And look at his face, his face looks like Lucius Malfoy. Merlin's crispy arse, imagine if them two had a kid. I'm shudderin'

Basic little facts about me.

My favourite colour is actually green- Slytherin green. Don't start.

I've had a little bit of a crush on Lucius Malfoy since fourth year. C'mon people, I bet you've imagined him in his silky green boxers too!

I hate flowers. If you send me some, they will be cursed and sent back to you.

I have a bit of an obsession with hats.

My favourite year was the sixty's. Just look at the hair.

My favourite food is Sunday dinners. But if you put any form of veg on the plate, apart from carrots and turnips, I will cut you.

I believe Britain is the best country in the world. Say it's not and once again, I will cut you.

I want to live to one hundred just so I can get a letter of the Queen.

I am a prostitute… or is that protestant?

I have to live on council estates or I don't feel like I belong.

I am the only female that will ever be in the marauders. Ever! I mean it you.

For some reason girls don't like me. I've never done anything to them. This is why I get into so many fights.

I love scissors. I never was your normal witch who uses her wand.

I'm a muggleborn, I think. I don't actually know. I've never asked.

I WANT MY ANIMAGUS FORM TO BE A RAT!

Stupid Peter. Go suck on Merlin's hairy nipples.

That's it, You might find out more as we go on. Maybe. Probably.

Can you keep a secret?

Yes you will.

"We should pour water over her hair"

I jerked my hair up and looked at James in false distaste, "My hair will run! My beautiful golden locks!"

I don't have golden hair or even blonde hair actually.

How could he. I can't believe they James would even think of pouring water over my hair. And, I bet it would be cold. He knows I hate cold water, its cold. I'll never be my own person if he does that.

I'm hyperventilating even though I don't know what it is.

I look at Remus in sadness, my eyes hopefully conjuring helplessness in an effort to make him feel sorry for me. But it doesn't work. He starts laughing. Laughing IN MY FACE! So does Pettigrew, why can't he get turned into a worm, I don't like them! He doesn't deserve to be a rat. I look over the Sirius and hear his barking laugh. It's almost too cute that I can't feel angry at him… But not that cute.

Eventually Sirius give his laughs a rest, "He's not actually gonna pour water over you Dix." He said in mock comforting-ness; I don't think that's a word.

He pulled me into his said and the girl in me squealed. In me people. That's not actually me, well it is but only inside and nobody can see in there, apart from the physco's who cut people up. I'm speaking about surgeons here.

But y'know what, I don't care. I leaned into his side and sniffed his sweaty smell (we just had quidditch practice) and decided that I liked it. And you can't- and don't, 'cause you don't know what he smells like. I do though so you can all go and weep into Merlin's left armpit 'cause you know you wanna. He's worth it.

"Did you just sniff me?" Sirius asked chuckling.

I jumped up and open my mouth in that offended way people do, "Yes, and don't you go moaning 'bout it Black 'cause you're a dog and you sniff around things all the time! You piss on trees and sniff just to you can mark your territory you dog! That's mingin'… I'd do it too though! But I can't can I hmm? I'm just a stupid red fox, who's not even red 'cause I'm a ginger! A ginger Minger! That's all my fox is and even though I'm foxy, obviously, I am not ginger! I have red hair and that is that! I was just sniffing you but you know I can't go round sniffing things like you do 'cause you're a dog and I'm not, so don't ask me am I sniffing you 'cause I can't even sniff right 'cause I'm not a dog, even though I would love to be! Dogs are there with rats and Lions and I can't even be them 'cause I aint good enough. Stop laughin'!"

My chest heaved; I think that's the word. You know up and down, up and down, like a see saw. Except I'm not on a see saw cause I'm on the ground… in the common room and I'm not outside… or in a park. Oh shut up!

James and Remus are still sat down and holding their belly's laughing while Pettigrew had ran off, he was doing that a lot these days. Sirius pulled me back down and into his chest. I heard it rumbling, he was probably laughing but I'm hungry so it's making me think of food... hmmm waffles.

"You're so confusing," He mentions, "You can sniff me all you want Dix."

"I don't want to, you stink of sweat."

"But you just did." Reminding James and mockingly began sniffing Remus' armpits.

I ticked my jaw stood back up walking towards the door. I just know the boys were looking at me walking away, so I turned round, clueless people, so thick. "It's a nice smell! C'mon then, I'm Hungry."

They mustn't respect me 'cause they started laughing again before jumping up and following me. But, they should respect me; I bring them joy, like all the time.

Stupid boys, and their stupid laughing, and stupid things that stupidly happen that they stupidly notice.

Stupid.

Stupid Merlin.

No, he's not stupid. I bet he has pink and blue spotty neon Boxers.

Ohhh My Merlin.

…

Arhhh! Yes, first chapter complete!

Sorry if there's any mix up between tenses.

This story has been inspired by my personality mixed with BBC's Miranda's personality.

First chapters quite boring I know, I just wanted you to get to know her a bit.

Sorry if anybody is out of characters!

Hope you liked it!