Hello! I would like to say that looking back on this story nearly killed me with how utterly awful it was so I'm rewriting it! Hopefully it will be better …or at least not worse. I hope you enjoy~

Chapter 1: Too Personal

In a modest house on a quiet street in a cozy neighborhood a teenage boy was hunched over a messy desk placed in an even messier bedroom. The boy picked up an orange pen with cute little green frogs on it, he ran his hands through his sunshine blond hair, with a tired sigh he looked done at the lengthy questionnaire he had to fill out for the high school he would be attending in fall.

I don't see why I have to answer so many dumb questions Iruka and Kakashi both work at the school. The blond sighed again and focused his tired blue eyes on the stack of papers in front of him. He had put off the questionnaire until the last possible minute in hopes that he could convince his parents to let him skip the entire question process… He had had no suck luck. Iruka in all his rule bidding glory would not stand for his recently adopted son taking any short cuts and would not even listen to Naruto's arguments about how the whole thing was pointless because the two adults worked at the school. And of course Kakashi was no help, he gleefully agreed with his lover and enjoyed the fact that for once he wasn't on the receiving end of the brunette's lectures. Naruto rolled his eyes at the wasted effort and finally started reading the paper. It was all pretty standard and boring… until the fourth question.

Konoha Private Academy Entrance Form

1. Name: Uzumaki Naruto

2. Age: 14

3. Gender: Male

4. Sexual Orientation (Please Choose One): Straight Bi Gay…

Thinking he had read it wrong Naruto looked up and blinked a few times then looked back and read the question again, unsurprisingly it was still the same. Realizing that he had read it correctly he screamed.

"WHAT!"

Hearing the scream Hatake Iruka came running in. His shoulder length chocolate brown hair was halfway out of its usually high ponytail, his shirt was missing showing more of his lean mocha body, his olive green pajama pants where pulled low on his hips and showed the bulge of forming arousal, his cheeks were flushed, and his lips looked wet and kiss swollen. Being that he was the more maternal of the blond's fathers it was no surprise that he had rushed into to see if his son was in danger… even though he and his lover were obviously in the middle of … well… loving.

"What's wrong Naruto? Are you okay!" Iruka asked in a breathless voice.

Shaken out of his stupor Naruto looked to his new mother figure, ignoring the twenty-seven year old's appearance, with a horrified expression and pointed to the paper like it would bite him.

"What kind of questionnaire is this! Aren't Schools not allowed to ask stuff like that! Where are you sending me to!" Naruto ranted.

Following behind Iruka at a much slower pace Hatake Kakashi came strolling in feeling annoyed that his Iruka-sexy time had been disturbed. His sliver hair that was usually spiked off to the left of his head in a gravity defying swoop was now styled in a way that made it very clear that a pair of hands had been eagerly pulling it not gently. He had his usual eye patch over his left eye and his skin tight mask covered the lower half of his handsome face. He had wrapped his pale muscled body in a light silk robe that did almost nothing to hide the product of what he and his husband had been doing before they were, in his opinion, rudely interrupted.

"Finally started the questionnaire?" the thirty year old asked.

Naruto practically threw the packet at his new father figure and screeched, "you knew what was on here and you still made me do it? What kind of parenting is that?"

"Stop being such a drama queen. These are the same questions Iruka and I had to answer when we went to the Academy." he drawled.

Naruto just sputtered in shock.

"Oh, stop being ridiculous and just answer the questions! They are about you it shouldn't be that hard!" Iruka huffed in annoyance science he really had thought something might have been wrong with his son. "Also we still need to take your picture to submit with the questionnaire. I was planning on doing it in the morning when you would have hopefully looked presentable, but since you decided that waiting until the last minute and being over dramatic were both good ideas I think it's a good idea to take it now. At least I will know you have one thing done," he lectured with hands on his hips in a classic "mommy-means-bussiness" pose.

Naruto's face flushed and he looked away from his parents. No matter how much he wanted to argue he didn't, after all the strongest argument he had was that he was in his pajamas and even he knew that was weak. So, red faced and pouting he stood in front of his desk wearing bright orange pajama pants and a long sleeved white T-shirt with a cartoon frog on it with sun glasses that said 'Toad-ally Cool'.

Kakashi snickered at how ridiculous his son looked while Iruka rolled his eyes at how immature his husband and son were. Iruka pulled his phone out of his pajama pants' pocket and took a few quick photos of Naruto.

"There, now I expect that questionnaire to be done in the morning and if we hear one more peep out of you tonight I swear you wont have any ramen for a year!" Iruka threatened before he turned on his heel and dragged a very gear Kakashi behind him.

Naruto was left looking at their retreating backs in horror, both at the threat and because he knew what they were going to do. A few minutes he was snapped out of his daze by sensual music coming from his parents room. He quickly slammed his door and went back to his desk before his mind could go to the Evil Place.

4. Sexual Orientation (Please Choose One): Straight Bi Gay…

Blushing furiously Naruto circled Bi.

The rest of the questions on this page ranged from less spaz worthy things:

5. Hair Color: Blond

6. Eye Color: Blue

7. Skin Color: Tan

8. Height: 4'9

9. Weight: 90lbs…rude

10. Are you left or right handed? Right handed

11. How would you describe your body type? Slim?

12. Any tattoos, scars, or other distinguishing marks? Uh, I have whisker like scars on my cheeks.

From there they went into slightly weird territory:

13. How do you feel about school? It's stupid teachers never like me and the kids laugh at me.

14. Do you like sports? Yeah! Well I would if I had anyone to play with.

15. How would you describe your energy levels? Hyper? Is that a level?

16. Do you scare easily? No… I just don't like ghosts and stuff… what kind of question is this anyway?

17. How would you describe your personality? Awesome.

Then they got creepy:

18. Would you consider yourself submissive or dominate? Why in the name of the gods do you need to know that?

19. Do you want children? Of course, just you know not now cuz I'm like 14.

20. If female… Naruto skipped the question

21. If male would you be willing to under go a procedure to allow you to have children? Yes, if I'm with a guy and he wants me to.

22. Do you masturbate? … What?

23. Do you touch your happy place? … sometimes.

24. How often? … maybe 5 times a week.

25. Would you consider yourself kinky? Uh… I don't know?

So much blood had rushed to Naruto's face he thought he was actually going to explode. He considered going to the freezer and stuffing his face in, but he knew if he left he would never finish this devil paper… and he would hear what his parents were doing. So he gathered all his will power and went to the next page.

He regretted it immediately.

26. If your sexual orientation is anything other than gay or straight which gender do your prefer?

It took all of Naruto's will power to not start screaming again, but he took threats about ramen very seriously and therefore would sooner die then make a sound.

Guys… I guess.

27. Do you care about your partners sexual preference? Nope.

28. Do you care about your partner's age? The same age or older I guess.

29. Do you have a preference of hair color for a lover? If yes please state your preference. No

30. Do you have a preference of eye color for a lover? If yes please state your preference.

With a groan Naruto answered.

Yes, I like green or really dark colored eyes.

31. Do you have a preference in skin color? I guess I kind of lean toward paler skin.

32. Do you have a preference in height? Not really.

33. Do you have a preference in weight? Rude.

34. Do you have a preference in body type? Rude.

35. Do you have a preference for hand dominance? Does that even matter?

36. Do you find tattoos, scars, or other distinguishing marks attractive in a partner? I guess.

37. Do you care how your partner feels about school? Is it that really something you need to know?

38. Do you care if your partner likes sports? I would like if they did… I would finally have someone to play with.

39. Do you prefer a high energy partner? Well they have to keep up with me don't they?

40. Do you mind if your partner scares easily? Totally, no one wants to date a scaredy cat right? ahaha haha…ha.

41. What kind of personality do you want in a partner? Supportive with a sense of humor!

42. Does it matter if your partner is talkative or not? Nope! I talk enough for two!

43. Does the financial standing of your partner matter? Money isn't that important, I just care if they waste money or not… unless it's on ramen, but that's not really a waste!

At this point in what Naruto had deemed the "Lover Section" he just wanted to curl up and go to sleep, but he continued and added to his regret.

44. Do you prefer a dominate or submissive partner? Uhhhhhhhh.

45. Do you care if your partner wants children or not? Of course they should want children!

46. If female… Skip!

47. If male in a homosexual relationship would you want your partner to under go a proceeder to be able to carry your child? Only if they would want to, but I think I should do it.

48. Does your partner's sex-drive matter? I don't know?

49. If your partner wanted to engage in intercourse and you did not what would you do? Say no… but give in if they keep asking.

50. What if you want to engage in intercourse and your partner did not? I would pout, but I wouldn't pressure them.

Finally he reacted the last page and by this time he was quite convinced that his parents had created a fake questionnaire just to fuck with him. Thankfully the last page only had one question.

51. If you saw a stranded bunny in the road what would you do?

Naruto let his head fall to his desk with a solid thump and a pain filled groan. With great strength he sat back up and continued his obviously pointless quest.

I would befriend the bunny and help him find his way home. Once we find his heartless former owner I would totally kick their ass and then me and the bunny would go home and become a totally awesome team and fight crime together. We would be called RamenMan and Bunny and villains would tremble at the mention of us.

Finally finished with the questionnaire from hell Naruto crawled into his bed and collapsed into an exhausted lump.

The next morning Naruto was woken by his living mother figure slamming his door open at seven o'clock in the morning… on a Saturday… during summer.

"That questionnaire better be finished young man!" Iruka sure knew how to start a morning.

Naruto lifted his head from his pillow and glared at the brunette.

"I finished it! I finished it and it violated me! But in the name of ramen I did it!"

Iruka rolled his eyes and picked the questionnaire up and put it in a large envelope with the picture of Naruto he took.

"Stop being so over dramatic and go back to sleep."

That was all Naruto needed to hear and went back to sleep blissfully unaware of how messed up his life was about to get.