I'm totally blaming the following on my astrological sign. I'm a Cancer, which means that I am packed full of contradictions. It's so freaking true. I almost loathe Bade, and yet... look what I wrote. Sheesh.

This was inspired by a student who was gushing to me about the wonders of cold pizza. I happened to agree with her a hundred percent. That got me wondering... what would Jade West think of cold pizza? And this was born soon after.

Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious or any of the characters, settings, or other components of the TV series

Warning: Slight sexual innuendo. Also, for anyone Canadian out there, there is a bit of Canada bashing, but I mean no offense. I did it in the name of low humor, I guess. I honestly think your country, cosplayers, and gravy fries are freaking awesome. It's just your border patrol that gets me... *seethes silently through personal flashback* Gravy fries, gravy fries, gravy fries –

Cold Pizza

Los Angeles lay at a standstill at the current moment. Hell, the whole world might as well have stopped. All around a silver RV, there was no noise and no movement – that is, until an irritated growl broke through the dark barrier.

"Again, Beck? How did you even get this here?" Jade, currently clad in black pajama pants and a black tank top, stood across the small room over Beck's open mini-fridge. Beck hadn't looked at her yet, having been so accustomed to his girlfriend's mannerisms and such, but when he did, he found her arms loosely crossed and one of those ever-present scowls against her beautiful features – also known as the beginning of the end.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he replied as he switched on his bedside lamp. Really, it's not like he tried to unhinge her.

"This is the third time," her voice shook. "I can't believe you! After you promised not to anymore, you do it anyways!"

Beck did his best not to sigh. Still, he ended up covering an eye roll by rubbing his face briefly. Him and Jade just got back from a Friday night gathering at Tori's house. Their group had ordered a pizza, watched some movies, played some games, and had music (sometimes live, thanks to the house of musically inclined teens) humming in the background all throughout. So far throughout the night, Beck had noticed his girlfriend's stony demeanor soften into happy, but very subdued, grins. She even laughed that beautiful and rare laugh of hers once. Of course, it was when Tori had tripped down the last couple steps of the stairs and spilled an entire bag of potato chips everywhere. She was uninjured, thankfully.

Right now, at around 1am in his RV, Beck sat on his bed wondering what he could have possibly done to dampen Jade's mood.

At the lack of an immediate reply, Jade increased the intensity of her glare. He remained unfazed.

"Babe, I don't know what you're talking about. What's wrong?"

"This!" She jammed her hand into the fridge and yanked out a piece of foil shaped around something triangular. This time Beck rolled his eyes without remorse.

"Really? This is what it's all about?"

"You know I hate cold pizza!"

Well, Jade had found the two pieces of cheese pizza Tori had offered to give away as everyone started to head home. The two pieces of pizza Jade hadn't noticed because she was outside waiting in Beck's car at the time of Tori's offer. And now she was shouting about it – at one in the morning. Now, instead of settling down from a fun evening with friends, Beck knew he had to sedate his girlfriend... or else.

"Jade, it's just food."

Her right eye twitched. Wrong move.

"Jade," he hastily added, "it's okay."

"It's not okay! Why would you do this to me?"

It suddenly became really hard for him not to laugh. For his girlfriend's sake, he held it. "First of all, I didn't do this to you, I did it for my breakfast. Second, I'm sorry I forgot how much you hate cold pizza. Lastly, it's not that cold, it's only been in there for a half-hour."

"Oh, so now you're trying to be funny?"

"Honestly, yeah, I am." His lips curled into an amused grin, then.

Jade cocked her head to an almost painful angle before whipping around to where her clothes were piled. In the back of his mind, Beck already had some clue as to what she was going to do next, and began approaching her gradually.

Just as he suspected, she turned back around, pizza in her left hand, a pair of scissors in the other.

"Do you feel funny, now, punk? Huh? Do you?" She even added a male gruff to her voice while saying that. Oh, Clint Eastwood...

"You're going to cut up my pizza again." He watched her nod her head, her grin from her last statement still clinging to her lips. "You're going to cut up my pizza, that's not entirely cold, I might add, just because it bothers you that much?"

"You've caught on quickly."

Beck chuckled under his breath. She couldn't really be doing this – again. The first time he had ever seen Jade find cold pizza, she threw it at the nearest owner of the fridge, who turned out to be Cat's older brother. Later on, Beck had asked her why she did it and she just about shook with – what, rage? – as she explained how "pizza is perfectly fine hot or at room temperature, and if people don't respect it enough to eat it the way it should be eaten, then they should – " a lot expletives followed. Basically, she considered refrigerated pizza an edible form of murder.

On the other hand, Beck really loved cold pizza. Pizza's not done until it's been in the refrigerator for six hours is what he thinks. Of course, when he discovered Jade's extreme dislike towards one of his favorite foods, he made sure to coordinate when he had pizza and when he had Jade over. His planning, timing, and luck lasted well over five months into discovering Jade's cold pizza hatred, until he had Robbie and Andre over, and they ordered pizza from a nearby restaurant. Beck was very well distracted by several tests and projects coming up, and that combined with chill time with his friends only further took him off guard for when Jade would come visit later that night.

Well, the Jade from one year ago didn't take kindly to him when she reached into his fridge for a Wahoo punch and instead found foil wrapped around a pyramid of two slices of pepperoni pizza. They eventually agreed it was a fluke, Beck relunctantly agreed to throw out his leftovers, and the couple made up by making out. The second time he slipped up, Jade did what she was planning to do now, and then went home. She wouldn't reply to his texts, calls, or Slap posts for two days. Now, he wasn't sure if third time's the charm would back him up, or if Jade would once again lose herself in a frenzy of scissors and Americanized Italian food.

The worst part of all of this was that he still didn't know why she was so against him, not her, eating cold pizza.

It took Beck only a few seconds to recall all of this and realize that his girlfriend was readying his beloved leftovers between the scissor blades. For a second, he found a yin and yang perspective, viewing something Jade hates and loves together like that.

"Do you really want to get your scissors all pizza-y again?" He suppressed another chuckle when the image of her staring sadly at her tainted scissors crossed his mind's eye.

"You can always lick them off afterward," her greenish-blue eyes sparkled dangerously and she smirked.

"I'd rather lick something else."

The suggestive statement left his mouth before he could stop it. Could it be those teenaged hormones, or was it just his boldness? He didn't know. All he saw, though, was Jade's shoulders dropping along with her smug look. Beck kept his cool, standing up straight and staring into her still.

"You probably just mean you want to devour your precious cold pizza," she spat, throwing the offending food at his bare chest.

"I was talking about you," he clarified.

"Oh, you were talking aboot me?"

"Don't do the Canadian accent," he requested feebly.

"Oh, I'm Beck Oliver, and I go oot and aboot for some cold pizza, and I don't even feel sorey when it offends my girlfriend. Can't get better than cold pizza topped with Canadian bacon, eh?" In addition to pronunciation, she added her boy voice to the impression as well, leaving Beck both offended and oddly amused. "Well you know what, Beck," she began in her normal, now strained, voice, "you and your disgusting excuse for food can sleep alone tonight!"

Any other person alone with an irritated Jade West and her scissors would probably crumble away. Beck simply shrugged and sighed his shoulders down.

"If that's what you want, go ahead. I'll drive you home."

Jade's mouth twisted into what looked like a snide remark forming on her lips until she suddenly turned to put away her scissors.

"I'm tired," was all she muttered before she brushed past him and slid into his bed. Beck took the opportunity to stow away his pizza under a bag of celery sticks.

But just as he closed the fridge door, an idea, or sensation, really, crawled into his head and filled his face with realization. His dark brown eyes watched the stiffened form of his girlfriend pry herself under the sheets and do a double-take when she noticed him watching her so intently.

"What?"

Beck nodded more to himself and then took the foil pyramid out of the fridge. With his favorite food in hand, he unlocked and pulled open his trailer door, sensing Jade's eyes on him. His bare feet met with dull gravel and then the lush grass he helped his dad maintain as he set his route to the garbage bin out by the curb. Grudgingly, he spared a moment to stare and pine after hardened cheese, cool tomato sauce, and spongy crust, all wrapped around a thin sheet of silvery foil just about glowing in the moonlight. He sighed. A light breeze collided with his body and swayed his plaid pajama pants as well as cooled down his shirtless torso.

Jade was jealous of cold pizza all along. It only took him a year plus, but he now knew that for whatever rational or irrational reason (Jade never entirely elaborated about the source of her hatred) she originally despised pizza, him liking it and hoarding it gave it an entirely new entity... that of a threat after his own love for her, kind of similar to other girls looking at him in her presence. Both reasons were by all means ridiculous, but they hurt Jade nonetheless. That still didn't explain why she had pelted Cat's brother with a pizza box that one time...

It's just food. He shook his head, his black hair dancing along another short breeze. He really wanted to eat those cold leftovers for breakfast. But he knew deep inside that he wanted her more.

He lifted the lid of the plastic bin and threw in the leftovers. They didn't look as appealing when they were curled next to a blackened banana peel or leaning against an empty (and now moldy) pudding cup.

With a fateful drop of his other hand, the cause of Jade's outburst was finally put to rest, forever hiding under the lid until the garbage man came next week.

His relaxed and weary form retreated back to his silver abode, his feet back over soft green blades, colliding with dull yet bothersome little stones, and finally meeting the warmth of his home.

He found Jade sitting cross legged and staring at him curiously. He lifted his hands, revealing empty palms, and then continued forward to his bed.

He joined her on top of the covers, facing her, watching her patiently. And then his heart skipped a beat when she scooted closer and took his face into her hands. Her palms warmed his cheeks, bitten by the cold air of night, but they were nothing like her soft lips against his own. She pulled away before he could get a chance to trap her in his arms.

"So you didn't eat it outside," she said in the soft tone she reserves for him and her collection of scissors.

She was only tasting him to see if he had hastily gobbled down the food in spite of her. That fact didn't really strike him with that much surprise, nor did it necessarily offend him. He took pride in that by having proved her wrong.

"Love you," he said honestly, looking deep into her softened eyes and then pecking her lightly on the lips. He left out saying "Love you more than cold pizza," because –

"I know."

She knew.

There. The damn dirty deed is done. For anyone willing to rise to the challenge, I'd appreciate it if you could let me know how I did. Was there anything missing that could have made the story connect better? Were Beck and Jade in character? Does anyone Canadian want to lynch me? Should I write more Bade (please dear god say no to that)? And if none of those questions appeal to you, what is your opinion on cold pizza? Thanks for reading :)