"And there you have it, Rachel. Your ultimate dramatic ending." Finn said, sitting next to Rachel's grave. The funeral was yesterday. He didn't make a speech. He couldn't. Not when he was part of the reason she was gone. He decided to come to her grave by himself. He placed a bunch of flowers amongst the others. He looked up at her headstone.
In loving memory of
Rachel Barbra Berry
December 18th 1994 - February 15th 2011
Daughter, Friend, Star
"Nothing can bring you peace but yourself"
Finn held the envelope in his hand. It was pale blue and had 'Finn' written on it in Rachel's neat cursive handwriting. He hadn't opened it yet. He was too scared to. He had received it from her fathers the day after he found out about her death. He knew what it was. It felt like if he opened it and read it that would be the end. No more Rachel Berry. This was her last contact. What did she say? What was the last thing she wanted him to know? He turned the envelope over and looked at the seal. A gold star. He slowly peeled the sticker off, not wanting to rip it. He pulled out the fancy paper and unfolded it. A photo fell out, Finn picked it up, it was him and her at Regionals, wearing their gold and black matching outfits. Before they went on to perform. They were smiling. Finn put the picture down and picked up the paper.
Dear Finn,
First of all, I'd like to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I had to leave like this. I'm sorry that it had to end this way.
You are amazing, Finn. You really are. The most amazing guy I ever met. I know you don't see it, but I do and I know I'm not the only one. You are handsome, kind and talented. That's a rare combination. Don't ever change who you are. Because who you are is what I love.
Knowing you, you'll be feeling responsible. And I'm telling you now; Don't. It's not healthy, and it's not your fault. You didn't kill me, you saved me. You saved me time and time again. You saved me when I quit Glee Club, you saved me after Jesse and you saved me just yesterday, Valentine's day. Don't think for a moment that you could've stopped what I have done. There is a reason, but I'll get to that soon.
I want you to know that I love you. I always have and I always will. Okay, I know you know that now, but I wanted it to be here, in writing, so you'll always know. I loved you and you loved me and I loved that you loved me. Not many girls like me get a chance with a boy like you. So this is me thanking you for giving me that, even if it didn't last as long as I hoped it would. But what ever does? I forgive you for everything, like I hope you forgive me.
There is a photo in this envelope. It's my favorite photo of us. This my last request for you: Please find a frame, a nice one that you like and put it in. I'd like you to keep it somewhere. Even if it's in a drawer where you can't see it. I want you to have it. I want you to keep it forever. And if you have children one day, when they point to the picture, please tell them my name. Tell them about me. Tell them that I hope they shine. So when all that's left of me is a headstone, in some strange way I'll live on.
I have a brain tumor. It's inoperable. I found out a week ago. I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want anyone to try talking me out of doing what I'm about to do, or not talking me out of it. If I didn't end my life now, the only thing I'd have to look forward to would be pain and hospitals. That's not how I want to spend the last days of my life. I wanted the last day of my life to be a good one. And it was. It was lovely. I left Breadstix feeling so much happiness and joy. It was perfect. Ending on such a high, it was more than I could've hoped for. That's how I wanted to be remembered. Happy and alive, not sick and dying. I'm not scared of dying. I'm only scared of leaving everything behind.
Let's be honest. We both know I wasn't really well-liked. I didn't have many real friends. People will be shaken up, but it'll pass. Life will go on. People will remember that one time when they were in high school a girl committed suicide, they won't remember my name, they probably won't even remember my face. One day I'll just be a distant memory. Hopefully you and the rest of the Glee Club will remember me better. I had the time of my life in Glee. It was always the best part of my day.
It's strange writing this. There is so much I want to say, but I just can't seem to get it out in words. And I don't want to ever stop writing, because once I stop writing, that's the end. These words are the last words I get to say to you. But this has to end. Everything has to come to an end. Yes, I'll never be a star, I'll never have my name in lights and I'll never perform on Broadway. I was upset. But I came to terms with it. I had to. I read somewhere "It's hard to leave - until you leave. And then it's the easiest goddamned thing in the world." It may sound weird to you, but it's what gave me the courage to move on. I can't waste the rest of my life wishing it would slow down.
I hope you lead a good life, I hope you find happiness and love. I hope you never stop singing and smiling. I'll miss you. I love you, Finn. Please don't ever forget me.
I'm somewhere over the rainbow now.
Rachel
Finn was crying, it wasn't the first time he'd cried since her death and he knew it wouldn't be the last. He took the small solar powered star shaped lamp out of his pocket and placed it in front of her headstone, so she'd never be alone in the dark. It was corny and he knew that, but he didn't care. Finn knew he'd never forget Rachel. He didn't think he could even if he wanted to. She wasn't the kind of person someone forgets.
Author's note: I had read a couple of fics where Rachel died and in the ones I read she seemed to leave vengeful messages behind. I don't think she'd do that. No one wants to be remembered as a bitch. So I wanted to put my own version up. I'm not sure if I should just leave it or add one more followup chapter. You're thoughts would be appreciated.