Hi there, and welcome to Selena's Guide to the Classics: Les Miserables. This is the first of a series of oneshots that will basically be abridging such classics as Aida, The Three Musketeers, and many more. By the way, this is abridging the musical. Not the book. Well, that's about it for my introduction. Remember, if you like it, REVIEW!!!
Disclaimer: I do not own Les Miserables.
Convicts: Tra la la la la, we're all really depressed.
Jean Valjean: I'm one of the convicts, but I'm still a nice guy.
Javert: Here's your yellow Get Out of Jail Free card.
Jean Valjean: Thank you.
Bishop: Here, take this silver you stole.
Jean Valjean: Hey, now I'm a mayor!
Fantine: I got fired because I have a child that I'm paying for, which is apparently illegal in this part of France or something, so I went to go work as a prostitute. Now I'm dying for some random reason that they never actually cover in the play.
Jean Valjean: Since I'm such a nice guy, I'll go get your daughter and take care of her for you!
(Fantine dies)
Javert: Hey, you're that criminal I've been following, since I apparently have no life!
Jean Valjean: Gotta go.
Cosette: I'm a sad little girl.
Eponine: I'm a spoiled brat.
Azelma: I'm also a spoiled brat, but they left me out of the story.
Thenardier: If you want Cosette, you'll have to pay fifteen hundred francs.
Jean Valjean: Whatever.
Several Years Later
Thenardier: I lost all my money somehow, so I'm living on the street. Oh, by the way, I'm also a thief.
Eponine: I'm no longer a spoiled brat, but I'm in love with this guy named Marius who doesn't love me back, so I've still got issues.
Marius: Cosette is hot!
Enjolras: Dude, you don't have time for girls! We've got a rebellion to plan!
Marius: Fine. (He pouts)
Cosette: I love you!
Marius: I love you!
Thenardier: I'm going to break into that Valjean guy's house!
Eponine: Oh, no you're not!
Thenardier: Darn.
Jean Valjean: Since there couldn't possibly be any thieves in the area, Cosette and I must run away!
Javert: Since I still have no life, I think I'm going to disguise myself as a rebel.
Enjolras: Okay, people, let's build this barricade!
Marius: Eponine, what the heck are you doing here?
Eponine: I've got a crush on you, so I must follow you everywhere you go.
Marius: Oh, okay then. Could you take this letter to Cosette, my one true love?
Eponine: Okay. (She leaves) I shall now sing a song about how depressed I am.
Javert: The soldiers won't attack tonight.
Gavroche: You liar! He's a spy!
(He dies)
Javert: Uh oh.
Marius: Eponine, you're bleeding.
Eponine: Yeah.
(She dies)
Enjolras: Well, since we're all going to die, let's do the natural thing- sing a song.
(Everyone except for a few random people- okay, the main characters- dies)
Thenardier: Hey, nice ring!
Javert: Since Jean Valjean saved my life, I'm going to drown myself in the river.
(He dies)
Marius: My friends are dead, so I'm going to sing a depressing song. (He sings) Well, now that that's done, I'm going to marry Cosette!
Thenardier: I crashed the wedding.
Azelma: I was supposed to be in this scene too! Stupid playwrights.
Jean Valjean: Hey there, Marius. Did I ever mention I was a convict? Oh, by the way Cosette, take this letter.
Cosette and Marius: Don't die!
(He dies)
Fantine and Eponine: Too bad, he's dead.
Entire Cast, Even The Dead People: Let's all sing an inspiring song!
The End
Yep, that's Les Miserables in a nutshell. Thank you for reading, and once again, review, or I'll get Javert to go after you. And you know, he never gives up.
A day without sunshine is like night.- Unknown