Happy New Year, everybody!
New year, new story? This is my contribution from NaNoWriMo, so this is a completed story of 20 chapters and epilogue (unless something changes, last NaNoWriMo-story "Over the Counter" ended up with a bonus-chapter after some inspiring reviews). I'm still in the process of editing and polishing, so I hope to update every Thursday - at least this is a Thursday in my part of the world :p
This story is rated M, because there will be graphic sex - I'm already hiding behind an overturned couch in embarrassment, but it was necessary for the story which my plot-bunny kept feeding me. I'm not very versed in writing that kind of material, so please forgive me in advance, I only strive to be a better writer. Oh, and in case I need to clearify that - we're talking about sex between two men, although that shouldn't be much of a surprise considering the universe I write in.
I'm not sure if it warrants an M-rating, but this story will also deal with a character's sickness - no death. I'm not working in the medical profession, but I have read a lot for research and background - but I have also indulged in author's creative liberties to fit the plot. This isn't a story to learn about medical treatment, so I hope you can forgive any conscious and accidental mistakes, and nonchalant approaches.
This is a story which follows canon up to the episode 4:04 "The Break Up" - and then it diverts. Kurt and Blaine never talked out their issues, they never reconciled. I don't think I stray far from canon, I just imagine what would have happened if Kurt didn't reach out a hand and tried to forgive Blaine and continue their friendship back then. It obviously lead to some changes. This story is set approximately some five years after Kurt's graduation.
I hope you'll enjoy this story! Please let me know what you think.
And for those who worry - I'm not abandoning my other WIPs. November and December have been awfully busy with private non-writing projects, so I had to give them less of a priority. But I will continue to write both on No Regrets and Can You Love Me Again? until they are completed.
He doesn't understand why it takes him by such a surprise, that they ended up in this position again. It's the fifth wedding they've both attended since they broke up, and at the previous four they've ended up in a bed together. It's not as if Kurt ever plans for it to happen, and he doesn't think Blaine makes a conscious decision about it in advance either. It just… sort of happens.
The first time was after the wedding that didn't end in marriage, when Emma did a runaway bride on poor Will. There were a lot of emotions in the air with all the hurt and regret, it was difficult to see Blaine again when Kurt still was so very much in love with him, everybody else around them already had someone or found someone during the reception, and it just felt so safe and easy to fall to bed with Blaine.
The second time was after the same couple finally managed to give their I do's. Kurt had been in Lima to see his dad, and the relief of seeing him so healthy had invoked a need to celebrate and truly feel. And Blaine had honoured his promise to keep an eye on Kurt's dad, which made him so grateful. It was only right of Kurt to thank him profusely for being there, when Kurt couldn't. So after the simple wedding, he asked if Blaine had time for a coffee. Blaine did him one better, and invited him home for coffee and freshly made cookies. Alone in the empty Anderson home, they had taken a trip together down the memory lane, and as the saying goes – one thing lead to the other.
The third time had been a shotgun wedding two years later. Tina and Mike found back to each other, details unclear and not important, and neither had birth control been. They found themselves seven weeks pregnant, and the thought of telling their parents that they would be grandparents to a child born outside of marriage was too scary. So they told everyone that they were madly in love and happy to finally be back together, and invited to a wedding with shortest notice possible because they supposedly knew from past experience that they were meant for forever. Kurt hadn't known about their predicament at the moment, and sometime between dessert and cutting the cake, and far down in a wine bottle, he'd grown unreasonably bitter that they got the high school-sweethearts happy ending he had assumed Blaine and he would have. Married by 21? What a joke. Further down the wine bottle, he'd started to resent mostly everyone in the room, because they got to smile and see and live and experience, while Finn was so painfully gone. It's the closest to angry sex they ever got, and it had been intense and rough. So much that Kurt woke up feeling ashamed of using Blaine, and snuck out of the room as silently as possible. That's when he decided to start dating again.
The fourth wedding was the next time Kurt saw Blaine again, having successfully managed to avoid him and any informal settings where he might show up whenever Kurt was back in Lima throughout almost the entire year it had been since the Chang-Chang wedding. Fortunately, Burt and Carole spent much time in Washington, so Kurt didn't have to go to Lima that often. He could rather see them on the Capitol. But when Santana and Brittany decided to tie the knot, he couldn't not go. It had been a wedding brimming of gay pride, with a lot of friends from the queer community, and friends from the stage and dance scene – who were also gay. Thinking about their shared Lima background, it had been emotionally overwhelming to see the two girls exchange their vows. Kurt wanted to celebrate the joyous progress, he wanted to embrace the positive changes only a decade could show. But his boyfriend through seven months had broken up with him two weeks before the wedding, and Kurt wasn't really heartbroken – you have to invest your heart for that to happen, but he was yet again finding himself in a wedding feeling bitter of how life turned out and its lousy timing. It wouldn't have hurt to finally show up at one of these things with a date. But he was painfully single, where the pain mostly came from all the pitying glances and intrusive questions about his personal life. Blaine, wonderfully Blaine, must have some sixth sense for Kurt's discomfort, and had like a gentleman asked him for a dance, and whisked him away from the investigators surrounding him. Needless to say, they ended up in a bed again. Well, technically it had been against a wall, and then in a shower, but never mind semantics. Blaine had an early flight back home to LA the next morning, so it made no sense for Kurt to stay over in the hotel room, when he could sleep in, in his own bed at home.
The fifth wedding… The invitation had been a surprise, but it had been maybe the most heartwarming of them all. If someone deserved more than any other to find their true love, it was Shannon. Or Coach Beiste, as she had been better known as back at McKinley. In the invitation, she explained how the Glee club was the first place where she truly found acceptance and started to learn how to appreciate herself. As she grew more comfortable in her own skin, she found confidence. And confidence is sexy. So within soon, she met a wonderful man who truly saw her, and came without anger issues. She was convinced it never would have happened without "Mr. Schue and the kids", so that's how they all were invited for her wedding.
The party had been fun – Will and Shannon sang together, second pregnancy looked good on Emma Schuester, Mr. Beiste had some insane dance moves, and Santana couldn't stop shoving pictures of her daughter in everybody's face. The girl was still in an orphanage in Ukraine, waiting for the bureaucratic mess to let her be taken home by them. The adoption process had been long, and when they thought it wouldn't work out, they had tried artificial insemination. It didn't work the first time, but second round was successful, and Brittany was confirmed pregnant by a doctor. Two days later, they got thumbs up for adoption. A three year-old was waiting for them. The girls cried and talked over their luck and misfortune, but in the end they couldn't let go of either, and prepares to be mothers to two children in one go. Brittany said it would almost be like having twins. Their little girl is expected to come to the States in two weeks, and Brittany's due date is around Christmas. It'll give them a little more than three months to get to know their firstborn. It's madness. But with Brittany's kindness and Santana's fierceness, they will probably pull it off.
Kurt knows he could have taken a taxi to his parents' house and sleep there, but it felt wrong to lock himself in the house when they weren't there. The blaring absence of Finn was still too much to face on his own, even after five years, so he had booked a room in the hotel where the reception was held. The room had a wonderful bed with soft sheets, thick pillows currently bundled up under his shoulders, and with a Blaine relentlessly working between his legs to get them to second round.
First round had been eager, frantic, raw and quick. He's not even sure how they ended up there, probably a result of habit, or a sense of tradition. They hadn't talked much throughout the evening, just circling each other in the periphery like a prey, until the party wound down and it was time to leave. It just happened, without any of them being particularly drunk. It was just easy and safe. They finished undressing after they both came, and it was clear that with the strongest rush out of their systems, they could take their time to explore and enjoy the journey instead of rushing to the finish line.
Blaine had flipped Kurt over to his back, kissed him ridiculously sweetly considering what they were doing, and then licked, bitten and kissed his way down Kurt's torso, followed by curious fingers covering the few patches of skin his lips might have overlooked. After what felt like a torturous eternity, he ended up between Kurt's legs, where he's currently cradling his balls so tenderly in his palm while encouraging Kurt's dick to come out to play again. It's probably embarrassing to admit how close Kurt was to come a second time, and he had to consciously think about anything else for a while to make sure it lasted long enough for Blaine to join him. Blaine might have mentioned something about riding Kurt, and that was not something he would want to miss, not even for one of Blaine's amazing blowjobs. There's something to say about Blaine's passion in bed, it makes each time such an experience.
Kurt doesn't know what porn Blaine's watched, or books he's read, or men he's been with, but each time is a surprise with him. Tonight, he's so attentive to Kurt's balls, and it's not something Kurt is used to. It would make him feel self-conscious, if it wasn't so easy to be with Blaine, like being cradled tenderly by someone near and dear. Most men he stumbles into bed with focus on his dick or their own dick, hopefully sometimes both dicks, but rarely anything else. But Blaine is paying so much attention to them, with his fingers, lips, tongue. He makes a detour to Kurt's knee, or collarbone, or sole of his foot. But he repeatedly comes back to his balls.
"Want you to fuck me," he murmurs into Kurt's perineum. "Want to feel you inside me."
"Yeah?" Kurt wheezes hoarsely.
Blaine nods, nose rubbing against Kurt's ball sack. He turns around on top of Kurt, quite clumsily considering what a coordinated dancer he is.
"Open me?" he exhales with much air, wiggling his butt closer to Kurt's head before diving back to a dick screaming for attention.
Kurt blindly reaches out for the lube he knows they dropped on the mattress earlier, and finds it wedged between two pillows. He pours a generous amount onto his fingers, making sure they're all slicked up before running the pad of one finger slowly around Blaine's rim. The boy moans loudly around Kurt's balls, as if he's trying to insert them both into his mouth. Kurt runs a hand up as far as he can along Blaine's spine, enjoying the strong muscles under the taught skin.
He should probably prepare him better, but his dick is whining impatiently, and so is Blaine.
"Kurt, Kurt, I need you…" he stutters, trying to turn around even if Kurt still has three fingers busy in him.
Kurt spreads his fingers one more time before easing out, hoping it's enough. It doesn't take long for Blaine to get in position, hovering just above Kurt for a torturously long second, until he sinks slooowly down. He scrunches his eyes closed, jaw slack, and in that moment he looks so raw, so man, so beautiful. Kurt rests a hand on his tensed, but still soft, tummy, as if the light pressure of five fingers is enough to keep Blaine balanced. They're in their twenties, but this, right this moment, still makes Kurt feel like a teenager. The premature ejaculation-kind of teenager. It's ridiculous, he knows, but sex with Blaine has always been different from sex with other guys. It gets to him on a cellular level, and maybe it's because you never forget your first, and that makes him more significant. Or maybe it's because even if Kurt has been with experienced men who has read chapters of the gay Kama Sutra which Kurt is still blushingly avoiding – Blaine brings a whole new level of passion and excitement to the metaphorical table. Kurt's had his fair share of sex, both good and bad. But more often than not, it's felt like a joint effort at reaching hopefully one orgasm each, a second might be a bonus if the erection is there. But with Blaine, the orgasm is just an apropos. How they explore each other's bodies, how Kurt feels almost worshipped, how it is room for laughter and joking without losing the mood, how Blaine touches him, looks at him, how Kurt's skin sings louder for each touch, how having Blaine over or under him is felt to the marrow of his bones. It's not making love, it can't be, because Kurt may willingly and openly give his entire body to Blaine time and time over, but he has no heart to give him. So it's just sex. But it isn't just sex.
Later, Blaine has him cradled in his arms from behind, lazily kissing him wherever he can reach without moving. His neck, his shoulder, his hair, his bicep. He doesn't say anything, which is odd. Blaine is usually such a chatterbox, unable to keep silent, talking and talking. Tonight, though, he seems thoughtful. Kurt lets him be, doesn't ask. It's easier that way. Earlier, when they've hooked up, Blaine's still been slightly tipsy (and Kurt usually not much better), talking about making art and creating something beautiful in a drab world. It always stung a little, because it reminded Kurt so much about the young Blaine who went to Scandals with him. Kurt is much more of a gay bar superstar these days. But he hasn't forgotten where he came from, he hasn't forgotten his first love, or their first fight, or how it lead to their first time. And each time he thinks, this has to be the last time. Hopefully, there aren't more weddings within the increasingly limited group of shared friends ahead of them. Hopefully, their paths don't have to cross. Ending in bed, like this, isn't healthy. It's vital, though.
Kurt lets Blaine hold him, brushing a hand along his body, leaving goose bumps in its trail. Blaine is everywhere around him, on him, in him. Kurt closes his eyes, hums a pleased noise when Blaine noses his neck, trying trying trying not to think of him as a lover, because he's just sex. Magnificent sex, but just sex. It always does something to Kurt, seeing Blaine again, and he usually needs at least a week back in New York to readjust and get him out of his system. It's so worth it, but a night with Blaine comes with a price. For the next week or more, New York will be faced with a hard-working Kurt, who's pushing himself as far as possible to erase any possibility of thinking about Blaine. Unfortunately, Kurt forgets that the rest of the city might not work as determined, restlessly and obsessively as he does, and he struggles to deal with that frustration. He sets the bar high, he expects records of himself and consequently of everyone currently involved with him.
When he was still a student at NYADA, a night with Blaine would mean he would push himself harder, further, higher, longer. He'd do exercises to increase his lung capacity, to hold the tones for longer. He'd double up on his yoga training back home, to be able to lift his legs higher. He'd push himself further, challenge his comfort zones, to take bolder decisions and roles on stage. He'd study harder, to really understand the impact of opera in modern music. He pushed himself, because it inevitably pushed the sense, sight and scent of Blaine further back in his memory, until it was merely a nostalgic and sweet experience, and not something that left him disheveled and emotionally raw.
Rachel would look worryingly at him in these periods, the few times they happened to be in the Bushwick loft at the same time, in between their respective schoolwork, jobs at the diner and Vogue. When Rachel began dating again, it left even less time together. But they continued to live together. They had grown quite fond of the apartment, it was a lot of space for a decent amount of money, and the commute was more than bearable when the alternatives were shoeboxes and higher rent.
Currently, Rachel is on tour in London with Funny Girl, which made it impossible for her to attend this wedding. But it also means that when Kurt comes home tomorrow evening, he has the place to himself, and doesn't have to face her expressive eyes and constant tea making, as if it's enough to make him feel better. He'll be alone and have all the freedom to rinse his system of anything Blaine, just how he prefers to do it. But that's tomorrow. Tonight, he has this.
He turns around in Blaine's arms, and kisses him right on the lips. Blaine looks surprised, confused, but smiles. He runs a hand through Kurt's messy, messy hair, but don't think about that. Blaine caused his bed head, so he has to stand that awful sight. Blaine's fingers trail down his temple, to his chin, where he tilts Kurt's face for a new kiss, a kiss so deep and overpowering it takes literally nothing to roll Kurt over on his back again. He's not sure if his body is up for round three, but making out is nice too. It's a hell of a lot easier than talking or thinking. As long as he doesn't fall asleep, tomorrow is still a long way away.