So far, I, Ferncloud, have had a pretty horrible life. Well first of all, two of my littermates died when we were kits. Most cats don't know about them, but yeah, they existed. Though Brindleface was devastated by the loss of half her litter, she still paid loads of attention to me. I was happy, living contently with my mother in the nursery. But those happy times ended when Cloudkit was put into Brindleface's care, and she began to completely ignore me; directing all her love and attention to that snobby little tom. Cloudkit got the spotlight, while I was pushed into the back of Brindleface's attention span.
Everybody always liked Cloudkit more than me. According to the rest of ThunderClan, Cloudkit was cuter, funnier, and a better fighter than me or any of the other kits. Brindleface forgot about me, and Cloudkit became the one and only thing on her mind. He hogged all of my mother's milk, and I was literally pushed into the back of the springy moss-lined nest.
Moons later, I was apprenticed to Darkstripe, who constantly teased me and called me names. He told me that I was too weak and little to ever become a real warrior, and called me a minuscule piece of fox-dung. My apprenticeship was a nightmare, till I met a handsome cat named Ashpaw. Ashpaw listened to my feelings, and we spent hours conversing by the RiverClan. We fell in love…..oh, I loved him so much…..till I found out that he was my brother. It's depressing, really, when you find that your soul mate is instead, actually your littermate. The remainder of my apprentice days were cruel torture, and I don't know how I would have survived if I hadn't found Tigerclaw.
Tigerclaw, he was my idol. He was such a noble deputy, and I worshiped him beyond everything. He was so kind to me, and his twinkling, amber eyes were beautiful…..I used to go to sleep dreaming of his presence, and created numerous fantasies consisting of him saving me from a great fire or something. I didn't care that he had kits, I didn't care what Bramblekit and Tawnykit thought of me. I despised Goldenflower for loving him, and I dreamed that I was in Goldenflower's position instead. But then Tigerclaw was exiled, and I was devastated by the loss of my hero .
I don't care if Tigerclaw was evil; he was still an amazing cat. He was so sweet to me; and never failed to kindly correct my mistakes in training. I think Tigerclaw loved me back; he always looked at me with a much warmer gaze than when he looked at other cats. I still can't get over the way his powerful muscles rippled under his tabby pelt or the way his eyes twinkled - he was a she-cat's dream mate.
After he was exiled, I fell in love with Dustpelt, my brother's mentor. He was also very sweet to me, and I did love him a lot, but no where as much as I loved Tigerclaw. Dustpelt and I got very close, and I was able to confess my feelings about Tigerclaw to him. Of course, Dustpelt understood, being an almost perfect mate, and told me that he used to be in love with Sandstorm. Ew, Sandstorm, seriously. Now that piece of information really lowered my image of him.
Tigerclaw became Tigerstar, leader of ShadowClan. I was so proud of him, and I knew that he would be an amazing leader. I lived contently for a little while, basking in the warm light of Dustpelt and watching my true love from afar, watching him lead a whole Clan.
But then, my life took a turn for the worse, and Tigerstar did something unthinkable: He killed my mother! I was devastated by the loss of Brindleface, but I knew that Tigerstar did it for the good of ThunderClan, and I forgave him. After all, Brindleface had liked Cloudkit better than me. Ashpaw forced me to run with him when we tried to lead the dogs away, I refused, yet Ashpaw made me. He said it was to honor our mother, but I wanted Tigerstar to succeed in his plan. I'd do anything to help Tigerstar, but Ashfur forced me to. It made me mad, that my old love Ashpaw could boss me around like this. After we led the dogs towards the gorge, Tigerstar popped up and started to battle with Fireheart. I was so scared, what if Fireheart or the dogs killed Tigerstar? Fortunately, Tigerstar got away safely, and I could breathe again.
Firestar was made leader of ThunderClan, much to my disgust. If Tigerstar were to succeed in his plans, Firestar should stay as a warrior. My mentor tried to kill Sorrelkit, and that sent me into an even deeper state of depression. If it hadn't been for Dustpelt, I don't know what I would have done. Then, Tawnypaw ran away from ThunderClan and joined ShadowClan. I wanted to follow her; I needed to be with Tigerstar. But stupid Dustpelt made me stay, and said that he'd tell Firestar about my feelings for Tigerstar if I left.
One day, I got tired of holding in my feelings for the ShadowClan leader. I snuck out of camp, past the watchful eyes of Ashpaw and Dustpelt, and charged straight into the heart of ShadowClan territory. Luckily, no one saw me, and I reached Tigerstar's den undetected. After all these moons, I'll never forget what happened after that, and it replays itself over and over in my mind, as if it happened just yesterday.
Tigerstar licks his pelt, his baby pink tongue rasps carefully over his coarse tabby fur. He doesn't see me, his amber eyes focus instead on the fresh mouse that lies in front of him. I wonder whether he'll rejoice with my appearance, but I don't think about that for too long. Instead, I boldly step out from behind the ledge of rock I was hiding behind, and pad cautiously towards the tom. He whirls around, and his amber eyes widen to the size of large pebbles as he recognizes who I am.
"Fernpaw?" His voice is not harsh, but full of unconcealed surprise. His head cocks slightly, his beautiful muscles ripple under his brown pelt. "What are you doing here?" He is guarded now, and his voice is gruff with caution.
I'm nervous now, my pelt bristles slightly. I want to run away, run past the entrance and out of the ShadowClan camp, across theis iir territory and out, and keep running, running forever into the deep unknown. My muscles freeze, and I stand there unmobilized, large eyes darting across Tigerstar's frame. The massive tom's body turns into a brown blur, and my whiskers quiver. I come to my senses at once when the tabby clears is throat impatiently. Gradually, I force my muscles to relax, and I feel my fur go down. "Tigerstar," I whisper, voice barely audible, "Oh Tigerstar, I just came to say..." I freeze, not sure how to put this.
"What is it, Fernpaw?" He pushes, intense curiosity fills his vivid eyes, "Tell me."
My mouth moves soundlessly, as I struggle for the appropriate words. "I..." I break off once more, "I love you, Tigerstar!" I finally blurt out, "I've loved you forever, ever since I first laid my eyes on you all those moons ago. I just came to say...I love you!"
His eyes widen with shock, and for a few heartbeats, the massive tom stares at me with surprise. Finally, he regains his thoughts and struggles to compose himself, his whiskers twitching. "Fernpaw," he whispers, "I...I never knew that you felt this way. I - I love you too! Forget Goldenflower..." He mumbles the last words to himself more than to me, and I realize at that moment, that he loves me genuinely.
I stayed with him for the rest of the day, we talked and shared memories. That was the happiest day of my miserable life. After those glorious moments, I reluctantly made my way back to the ThunderClan camp, to find a waiting Dustpelt and Ashpaw fretting over where I had been. I casually told them that I had been hunting, and dropped the subject.
But then, something absolutely dreadful happened. Tigerstar, being that noble cat with amazing ideas, invited BloodClan to the forest. It was a great idea, but it went all wrong! Scourge killed Tigerstar. It hurts me just to even think that. I was ever so depressed. It happened so quickly, and so suddenly! All nine lives ripped from him by one tiny cat, with the slash of a claw. I would have hunted down and killed Scourge if it hadn't been for Firestar, who did the job for me.I couldn't talk, couldn't sleep, and couldn't think after what happened. My life had ended.
I was depressed for the following moons; nothing would get me out of this stupor. Dustpelt guessed what was happening, and tried to reassure me by saying what an evil cat that Tigerstar was.. I couldn't be reassured, not after the death of my true love. It was as if I was hibernating for the next few moons, yet only Ashpaw and my mate recognized my depression.
My mind cleared a few moons later. Firestar announced that he was turning me and Ashpaw into warriors. It was as if my senses had reawakened, I realized that I may as well make Tigerstar proud, opposed to just sulk around all day. I received the warrior name of Ferncloud, though I wished that it would have been Fernclaw, in honor of Tigerstar, like Brambleclaw's warrior name. Oh well. A little bit of the depression left me, but sadness stilled weighed me down.
One fateful day, I discovered that I was pregnant, with Dustpelt's kits! My senses were recharged, and Spiderkit and Shrewkit were born. Two beautiful kits were cuddling by my downy gray belly now, squirming and mewling pitifully. It soon came to me, however, that these didn't seem like Dustpelt's kits. Shrewkit had a distinct muscular aura about him, especially in the shoulder area, and even Spiderkit seemed so….no, it couldn't be! I kept this thought to myself for about a moon, but as Spiderkit and Shrewkit grew older, I came to realized that these were in fact, definitely not Dustpelt's kits. I wondered if I should tell the Clan, but I decided it would be best kept quiet. I had seen how Brambleclaw had suffered from being called the traitor's son, and I didn't want my kits to have the same fate. So there it went, Tigerstar didn't have four children, but six.