Confession is Good for the Soul
Disclaimer: As much as I might wish, I do not own Stargate: SG1, Highlander: the Series, or any recognizable characters from either show. However, any characters that are not from either show are mine and I will use and abuse them as I see fit. Everyone else will be returned eventually, for I am only borrowing for a while, but they might end up a bit scuffed.
A/N: This story fits into my Immortal Spacemonkey universe, in season 8. I had a moment of insanity and thought, what if Immortal Daniel was forced to admit some of the shadier things he had done in his long life. It isn't overly long, but did help pass the time. I hope you like it.
The three members of SG-1 stepped through the event horizon of the Stargate, finding themselves on PX6-121. It was a nice planet, though a tad humid. The Stargate was located in the middle of a small village that was surrounded by plenty of towering trees that looked vaguely like the redwood trees in Muir woods.
Sam, Teal'c, and Daniel moved as one, staying alert to any possible threats, but doing their best to appear friendly and non-threatening.
The people in the village were used to people coming through the Stargate, so they said when first contact was made through the MALP. Their village elder had said that visitors would be welcome, but they were warned that they would not tolerate dishonesty or violence. Anything like that, would guarantee that trade between their people would not happen.
"Hello, I'm Daniel Jackson," Daniel started his usual meet-and-greet spiel when the apparent leader of the village pushed his way through the small crowd that was in the town square. "We spoke to Elder Atticus earlier through the Stargate using our MALP."
"Ah yes, the explorers! I have been looking forward to meeting you and your people," a short man, with semi-wild white hair, over-sized glasses, wearing a layered brown robes stepped in front of the crowd. "Welcome to Vilden. I am Elder Atticus."
To Daniel, Elder Atticus looked a lot like Arte Johnson from Laugh-In. He half expected the man to suddenly say, "veee-ry interesting." Oh if only Jack were here to appreciate the moment with him.
Suppressing a desire to laugh, Daniel continued to introduce the members of SG-1. "I would like to introduce Lieutenant-Colonel Samantha Carter and Teal'c. We come from a place called Earth, we are also known as the Tauri."
Elder Atticus's face brightened, then suddenly looked confused. "We have heard of the exploits of the Tauri from other travelers, but the one you call Teal'c is a Jaffa. Are you trying to lie to us?"
Daniel thought quickly. "Yes, Teal'c is Jaffa, but he has allied himself in our fight against the Goa'uld. Despite his birth place, he is one of us. I did not mean to give the impression that I was trying to deceive you."
"Very well, but please remember that we will not trade with those who are dishonest," Elder Atticus said slowly. "But, first, come this way," he beckoned the members of SG-1.
They moved forward, stepping onto a solid platform that appeared to be made out of a concrete-like substance.
Once they were all on the platform, a slightly milky-colored barrier formed a dome over them, cutting them off from the townspeople and the Stargate. Teal'c gently touched the barrier and was rewarded with a sharp zap of electricity. It wasn't enough to kill, but strong enough to get someone to not want to touch it again.
"What is this?" Sam called out, instinctively pointing her P-90 at the villagers. Daniel also reached for his sidearm while Teal'c hefted his staff weapon.
The villagers looked alarmed at their actions.
Elder Atticus looked slightly irritated. "All visitors must go through the Confessio so we know who we are dealing with."
"Confessio? You want us to confess? What are we supposed to confess?" Daniel asked, looking perplexed.
"Your sins," a man dressed in similar brown robes, who joined Elder Atticus, said. "Confess your transgressions and you will be freed."
"Thank you Brother Lyco," Atticus said, nodding gravely at the other man.
Sam looked slightly peeved. "You want us to confess our sins? Like in church?"
Atticus looked slightly confused himself. "I don't understand what you mean by 'church,' but our traditions require a sense of uprightness and morality. Confession is good for the soul and only with clean souls can we trade with them, otherwise we risk infection from others' deceptive ways and their deceit. Honesty, witnessed by all, leads to a stronger and healthier society. Keeping one's transgressions a secret breaks society down, leading to anger and war."
Sam looked at the other two. "What do we do? Confess or go home and tell the General we refused to do this?"
"You may not leave the Confessio. It will not permit you to breach the boundaries until you confess your failings and faults," Brother Lyco piped up, nixing their hope that they could just leave and not have to admit to anything. "Once in the Confessio, there is no way to leave it other than by confessing your faults and failing."
"And if we don't? What then?" Sam asked.
"Then you stay there until you die," Atticus said, as if it was the most logical thing in the world.
Teal'c looked troubled, while Daniel looked annoyed.
"I don't think these people are ready to hear my confessions," Daniel muttered.
Sam rolled her eyes. "Then tell them the crap you've done as Daniel Jackson. That isn't too bad."
Atticus heard their exchange. "Everything must be confessed."
"Everything?" Teal'c rumbled, looking slightly dour.
"How much time you got?" Daniel huffed, running a hand through his hair.
Sam was irritated by all of this. "So what now guys? Tell them our deep dark secrets and get it over with?"
"You're the person in charge," Daniel cheekily pointed out. "Burden of command and all that."
She glared at her friend. "Thanks a lot. Let's do it and get it over with," Sam decided. "I'll go first."
Daniel just smiled and Teal'c raised one eyebrow.
Sam relaxed her stance and pointed her weapon at the ground. "I haven't been to confession since right before my mom died," she muttered. "Okay, I've lied, been pretty arrogant at times, disobeyed orders, killed others in battle, crushed Seth to death with a hand device, said some pretty bad words, said I hated my dad, used others and manipulated others, and destroyed half of a solar system."
Once she was done, the dome that surrounded SG-1 flashed a pale green color.
Atticus looked pleased. "You may pass, but only Colonel Carter. Your friend Teal'c may begin."
Sam stepped out of the dome with some hesitation, but nothing happened. Daniel, as she was passing through touched the shield and was rewarded with an electric shock, it wasn't damaging, but it was enough to get one's attention. The zap was on the level of touching one's tongue to a 9-volt battery.
Teal'c cleared his throat. "I served as the First Prime of Apophis, knowing that he was not indeed a god. I killed others in his name, I helped to pick potential hosts for Apophis' mate Ammonet. I brought DanielJackson's wife to Apophis to serve as the host for Ammonet. Later, I killed Shar'ae, the host of Ammonet to save DanielJackson from being killed. I have lied, disobeyed orders, allowed my pride to get in the way of doing what was right. I have killed others in my time with SG-1."
The dome turned green and Teal'c was allowed to step free of the prison.
"Daniel Jackson, it is your turn. Free yourself from your dishonesty and lies. Confession is good for your soul," Atticus advised, looking vaguely to the heavens. "If you don't bare your soul, you will remain in the confessional until you tell all that you have done."
Daniel smiled tightly. "Are you ready to hear the truth? Do you think you can handle all of the stuff I've done throughout my life? My life has been a long one," he cautioned the villagers. "You might not want your children to hear everything I've done."
"Have no fears about our reaction. The truth is always better than a lie," Brother Lyco pronounced, looking slightly beatific. "You need to confess your sins."
Daniel laughed with little humor. "Don't say I didn't warn you," he smiled tightly.
"In my extremely long life I've done plenty of bad things. I've lied, I've stolen. I've had other gods before me. I've been selfish. I use some pretty foul language at times. I have been impatient and arrogant when dealing with others. I've concealed the truth from others, especially to those I'm closest to. I also don't follow the rules and don't always obey orders," he said, ignoring the snorts of laughter coming from Sam and Teal'c (well, he raised an eyebrow, which was pretty much a snort of laughter from him).
"I've lied to my Watcher. I made a promise to him years ago that if I encountered another of my kind, I would give him all of the details. I never told him about my fight with Cassandra though. I've killed many times over, sometimes in battle, sometimes because the other person got in my way. I rode with the Four Horsemen and laid waste to three continents. I pillaged and plundered my way through whoever and whatever I pleased. I slaughtered thousands of people in over five thousand years. For all intents and purposes, I am a serial killer.
I hated so many people, I was so angry. I took all of my anger out on innocent, and sometimes, not so innocent people. I hurt them in inexcusable ways, let my rage and need for revenge, send me down so many wrong paths."
~Flashback~
It was cold at night. The desert failed to trap the heat of the day in its sandy soil, therefore the nights could be bone chilling.
They had made camp, after a day of raiding near-by villages, taking what they wanted, killing whom they wanted somewhere on the modern-day border between Syria and Iraq.
One person at some no-name settlement had tried to fight back. The man, possibly somewhere between thirty and forty (who could tell really since mortals aged faster and died at a younger age in those days), rallied the other men into fighting back, throwing stones at the Horsemen, launching arrows from behind their huts. The few women and children that were there, fled into the desert, escaping the wrath of the Four Horsemen and Hades.
The Immortals managed to fight through the barrage, ending the short-lived defense. The fighters were quickly slaughtered, but their leader was nailed alive to a cross-piece on a remaining post of a home. They crucified the man that dared to defy the will of the Horsemen.
They had done this in the early afternoon, and now the moon had risen, but the man was still not dead. A kinder man would have run him through with his sword, ending his suffering, but Danil, who was keeping watch, was not a kind man.
"Please, please," was all the man could say. His face was burned by the sun, his lips split and swollen. He was dehydrated and slowly dying of hypothermic and hypovolemic shock.
Danil was by the fire, keeping himself warm, wearing a thicker cloak while their victim was stripped naked exposing himself to the elements.
"What? Mercy?" Danil asked, laughing, mocking the man's pain.
"Wife, son," was all he could say.
"Your wife and child ran off. They will be found and brought back to see your rotting corpse before they are made into our slaves," Danil said, smiling at the man.
"How? You…wife," he stuttered, trying to form words into a coherent sentence. "Protect."
At that point, the man expired, no longer able to hold onto life. His body sagged on the rough cross that he had been nailed to, his spirit having left his body.
The man, while not able to string his words together to make a complete sentence, he managed to shake loose in Danil's mind memories of his wife from a time before.
Shar'ae.
He remembered her smile, her gentle touch. He remembered fighting for her and her people's freedom from Ra. He remembered her bravery. Danil also remembered when she had been taken by Apophis to be the host for Ammonet.
He knew that Shar'ae would not approve of what he was doing. She would want him to be better than this, to protect and not terrify others; to not be something out of people's nightmares.
"If I find them, I will protect your family," Danil whispered to the spirit of his victim, pledging himself to the task.
~End Flashback~
"What then," Sam whispered, horrified that her friend could do something like that.
"I went out in the morning and looked for the survivors. I couldn't find them. Either they had perished in the night or they were well-hidden," Daniel said, feeling slightly nauseous. "Not long after my failure, I left the Horsemen behind and went back to Egypt and my home. I couldn't do it anymore. My violent ways weren't gone for good of course, but I couldn't ride with them like I had. I had run into Kronos, Caspian, and Silas again since that time, but I didn't ride with them again, but I never raised my sword against them. Also, I didn't do anything to stop them. I should have. Just another sin to add to my long list of sins."
By the time he had finished, he was shaking. The amount of honesty that was being required of him was emotionally draining. What hurt the most was that two of his best friends were hearing all of it. Yes, they knew pretty much how much of an asshole he had been, he just hated for them to hear it.
Atticus, Lyco, and the villagers looked shaken as well.
"What else have you done? That isn't all," Atticus whispered, somewhat horrified at what this off-worlder was telling them.
Daniel ground his teeth. "Do you want the details of each and every act? I don't remember all of my life. There are holes in my memory and I can't help that."
"You need to confess your sins," Lyco repeated himself.
"Son of a bitch," Daniel muttered to himself, then proceeded to announce his short comings and failures as a person. "Well then, let's go through the seven deadly sins. I am guilty of wrath, lust, greed, sloth, arrogance, and pride."
"You said seven deadly sins," Sam pointed out. "I only counted six."
Daniel thought about that one for a couple of seconds. "I've never been gluttonous. That's gross, though I have been called a hoarder a few times."
Sam laughed at that one. "Have you looked in your basement lately? You totally are one. I personally think you keep dying and going MIA just to get someone to clean out your place."
"That hurts Sam," Daniel looked at his friend with wounded eyes.
"The truth usually does," she observed.
"Also, you are definitely a glutton when it comes to caffeine DanielJackson," Teal'c reminded him. "Even the malted beverages in your refrigeration unit contains coffee. I remember O'Neill complaining about it. Loudly. It was unpleasant to hear."
"You may have a point there Teal'c," Daniel conceded.
"What about theft DanielJackson?" Teal'c questioned his friend, an odd twinkle in his eye, like he knew something that Daniel did not know.
Daniel groaned at that one, scrubbing his face with his hands. "My profession kind of makes me thief and over my many years, I have taken belongings that were not mine to take," he admitted.
"Can you recall any moments of theft in the recent past DanielJackson?" Teal'c smiled in a slightly sinister manner.
Oh jeez. "Remember the statue at the museum in Kansas City? I stole that."
"Anything else DanielJackson and more recent?"
Daniel sighed and looked slightly guilty. "Okay, I did take your sugar free gummy bears last week and let you think it was Bill Lee who did it. If it makes you feel any better, I paid for it in horrible and unspeakable ways. I'm the reason maintenance shut down the bathroom on level 16."
"I knew it was you the whole time DanielJackson," Teal'c said with an evil grin. "If you had used any sense of moderation, your digestive tract would not have failed you. So, yes, you are gluttonous and a thief."
"Thanks guys," Daniel snarked. "Any more of my failings as a person that you want to point out?"
"Well, you did give me a concussion once up in Wyoming," Sam offered.
"What about all the times the both of you shot me?" Daniel retorted.
"What about the time you killed three NID agents and put three other men in the hospital?" Teal'c asked. "Although I do not consider those to be moments of sin, but a reaction to something that was completely out of your control. And the same applies to all of the times we have been forced to incapacitate you. They were not sinful actions upon our part."
"Neither of you are helping here," Daniel said, looking annoyed. "It wasn't my fault entirely. I took that bad Quickening off world and it made me crazy. I said I was sorry and I meant it. I was a very, very bad person in the past. I made some colossally bad choices in my life, for which I will eternally regret."
"What about the time you lied to General Hammond and arranged to have Adam and his team sent to Priapus' planet?" Sam asked.
Daniel looked like Sam had just kicked his puppy. "It was funny and Adam deserved it. You helped. Both of you helped," he accused Sam.
"We merely maintained our silence. You were more than happy to send AdamPierson on an errant quest and have him touch the statue's genitals," Teal'c added, looking serene. "I am sure that also falls into the realm of sexual harassment."
"You guys are mean," Daniel muttered, turning slightly red. "Fine I shouldn't have done that either."
"What about the times you did not obey the rules of the Ascended?" Teal' questioned his friend. "They had their rules and you chose to break them."
"I had a really good reason to do it, and you weren't exactly telling me not to break them to help you guys out of a jam," Daniel shot back. "The rules were wrong and I don't regret breaking them. I got punished for it and was kicked out of the club. Why are you guys doing this to me? I thought you were my friends?" Daniel whined.
"We want you to free your soul from all of the lies you have told," Sam smiled.
"My god, you are a monster," Daniel mocked sighed, not really disappointed in his friends. He was glad that they were willing to make things light again after his heavy confession of one of his great regrets from his period of being with the Horsemen. But soon got serious again. He wanted this ever so delightful form of torture to be over.
"Look Atticus, my whole life is pretty much a lie. I keep who I am, what I am, to myself. I don't trust very many with my history. I have my reasons," Daniel ground out, frustrated.
Sam smiled, slightly enjoying herself hearing Daniel confess. There was something about it that she found hilarious, not the other horrible stuff, but the lighter things he was being forced to confess. "Did you mention your potty mouth? The amount of swearing you are capable is pretty sinful," she asked, not being overly helpful.
"I mentioned that I have a potty mouth," Daniel sighed, exasperated with the whole situation. "Thanks Sam for reminding me. Obviously you want to be here all day." Still the dome had not changed to green.
"Son of a bitch!" Daniel swore. "Okay, with the help of Silar, I put parental controls on Jack's television and blocked the Simpsons. Also, I ate the rest of the blue jello yesterday that you had asked the cafeteria workers to hold back for you."
"You jackass," Sam said, looking a bit irritated at that one. "I accused the general, respectfully, of taking it and didn't believe him when he denied it. Now I have to apologize."
"Fine," Daniel breathed out, exasperated beyond belief. "I also cheated on an algebra final and I wrote a history paper for one of the basketball players in college, and I stole a document from the Vatican once."
The dome immediately turned green.
"You cheated on an algebra test?" Sam gasped.
"Oh that is what you are focusing on? Me cheating on a pointless algebra test that held no bearing on life beyond that classroom?" Daniel asked, stepping out of the confessional. "Hello! I rode with the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse!"
Sam shrugged and smiled at her friend. "You want me to focus on your time as Hades, friend and compatriot of the Horsemen?"
"Fair point, no I don't," Daniel conceded.
"Atticus, are you still willing to talk to us now that we have confessed our transgressions?" Daniel then asked the villager. "Do you want to deal with someone like myself?" He figured that these people would want nothing to do with the people of Earth because of what he had admitted to doing in the past, not that he would blame them. The villagers looked pretty aghast when he mentioned the killing and blind rage that he had experienced.
Atticus looked slightly boggled when he was listening to Daniel's confession, but soon snapped out of it when Daniel spoke directly to him. "It is fine. We will still trade with you and your people. We do not pass judgment on what others confess. That is not for us to do. We just require honesty and a full confession before we can talk with others that are not from our world."
"Do you have many come here and refuse to confess? What happens to them?" Sam asked, curious.
Lycos nodded vigorously. "We do not have many visitors that come here and those that do, follow our customs. The few that don't, stay in the Confessio until they die. Once that has happened, we give their bodies a proper burial."
"That's nice," Daniel said with a very pained look on his face.
"We try," Atticus said modestly.
Eventually the members of SG-1 and Atticus and his people came to an agreement on friendship between their people. They even laid the ground work for a more formal treaty between their peoples. Daniel made a mental note to make sure that Methos was not a part of that trade group. These people did not need to meet the both of them. He also promised himself that he would warn whoever would visit on behalf of Earth that they were expected to confess their transgressions. He didn't like having it sprung on him and he wouldn't do that to another.
"Out of curiosity," Atticus asked as the group was walking back to the Stargate, "most visitors ask about the technology of the Confessio. Why haven't you asked about it? Wouldn't your world benefit from such a device?"
Daniel shared a quick glance with Sam who gave him a slight shrug, letting him handle the question. She did not want to have anything to do with bringing that kind of technology to the SGC. Sam could see how easily the technology would be abused by others.
"Actually Atticus, in many of the places on our planet, it is illegal to force someone to confess, even if it is something they are guilty of. There are laws against that sort of thing," Daniel explained, mentally thanking the Founding Fathers for the Constitution.
"It has been interesting visiting your people," Teal'c chimed in, "but my people have been forced into confessing transgressions to the Goa'uld, often in a brutal manner. I could see this type of technology being abused by others. I do not see the Jaffa people benefiting from this kind of technology. Free people need to not be afraid of confessing their failings and be willing to tell them freely. Coercion by any means, even ones as mild as your method is, is not how we wish to conduct themselves.
"But this is not brutal," Atticus said, puzzled.
Daniel sighed. He really didn't want to get into a deep philosophical debate with the man right then. "No, the method of getting someone to confess isn't brutal, but it can be considered coercion which is still illegal where we are from. Also, there are places on my world where they would use this kind of technology to the detriment of the people of those countries. It isn't worth it to us in the long run."
Atticus looked contemplative for a moment then asked, "Do you not feel better from confessing your failings and flaws? It is good for one's soul."
Daniel looked at the man with a wry expression. "No. In what scenario would I feel good about admitting, especially in front of two of my best friends, what a complete psycho I had been in the past? You forced me to remember what a horrible person I was and am still capable of being. I shoved a lot of those feelings into a dark corner of my mind and was happy to keep them there, locked away. Now they are back, so thanks for that one. Also, just because I confessed what I have done, doesn't make the pain that I caused go away, nor does it take away the memories of my actions. I'm still just as guilt-ridden as ever."
Atticus just stood there, silently contemplating what Daniel had told him. He didn't know how to respond to the off-worlder's words.
"Why should it feel good to know that my friends know more details about my past? I am even more ashamed of it now than I was before I came to this planet," Daniel explained, looking more and more upset with each word spoken.
"That was never the intention of the Confessio," Atticus quietly said. "It is a way for us to determine if we should deal with off-worlders and to keep those who would harm us from destroying our way of life."
Daniel smiled tiredly. "I understand, but my guilt doesn't end with admitting what I have done. It just brings up things that I was happy to put in my past. The knowledge that I have caused so many people pain will never go away. I've lived a long life and have screwed up plenty of times."
Atticus looked thoughtful, but didn't say anything. He simply nodded and walked the group to the Stargate.
"Thank you for the opportunity to talk to you and your people," Sam began. "It has been an interesting and enlightening time. Daniel, dial up home."
Daniel punched in the coordinates for home while Sam activated her GDO device.
Teal'c gave Atticus and the others a formal nod before joining the others to step through the event horizon of the Stargate to go back home to Earth.
SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1
They arrived back at the SGC, went through medical, and after a quick shower and change of clothes, sat down with General O'Neill for a customary debrief.
Once that was done, they went their separate ways to write their reports. Heavily redacted reports, since no one wanted to write or admit all what Daniel had confessed.
Jack, far from being stupid, knew something was up with his team. He could sense that they were keeping something back, something that would not find its way into any official report.
After battling half way through a mound of paperwork on his desk, he went in search of Teal'c.
Teal'c was in his quarters, having finished his paperwork long ago, and busying himself shopping on the internet, searching Yankee Candle's website. While he was not one for gossiping or tattling on others, he knew that Jack needed to know what had happened on the planet and what Daniel had been forced to admit.
"Oh jeez. Can't you guys ever have one mission where nothing goes massively wrong?" Jack groused, running his fingers through his short grey hair.
"We have had many missions where things went well," Teal'c rumbled, sitting back in his chair. "The missions where things have gone to the Underworld in a carrier held by an appendage are not as numerous as many believe."
Jack blinked. "Be that as it may, Danny is going to sit there, stew in a pot of his own misery if we let him. Team night?" Jack asked, knowing his friend well.
"If it helps DanielJackson process what he was forced to remember, then a team night would be appropriate," Teal'c proclaimed. "Do you have a movie in mind?"
Jack shook his head. "The silence wouldn't do him any good. Plus I was thinking that we should do something different."
"Jello wrestling?"
"Ha! But no. I don't think Carter would like that," Jack laughed. "I was thinking of bowling. Something says that tonight is bowling night."
Teal'c looked thoughtful for a moment. "That could be an interesting activity."
"Of course it's an interesting activity!" Jack replied, looking slightly gleeful. "It's bowling after all."
The end.
A/N: Well, what did you think? Hit the shiny review button and let me know what think. All constructive criticisms are welcome, flames are not. Thank you though for reading my story. It is appreciated.
Thank you to Lorilei for helping me out by proofing this thing and giving me ideas about what Daniel should confess. You are an excellent beta and friend.
I ended the story at bowling because otherwise it would be more of the same: guilt, wallowing, and more guilt. It gets old after a while. Ending it with Jack suggesting bowling seemed to be a good spot.