He's doesn't think he's ever wanted something more than the time he wanted to tell Morgana about his magic. It had been like a constant itch he had whenever he caught sight of her, bags under her eyes, blotchy from crying, and still ignorant of her powers. And no matter how many times Gaius tells him it's not his fault, he knows he is the one responsible for what she has become. A cold shell of the once kind-hearted girl she used to be, now consumed with hatred. Not Uther with his continuous persecution of those with magic, not Arthur for constantly having more on his mind than Morgana's concerns, nor Gaius for constantly refusing to guide her. The blame lies entirely on his shoulders.

His mind wanders constantly to when she had grabbed him in one of the alcoves of the corridor, and threatened to tell Uther about him. Her eyes were cold, and her hair pulled away from her face only served to make her look even more menacing. He's shocked, not even daring to respond to any of her threats, simply watching as she walked away.

He can see her now, sitting across from Arthur, every inch of her looking like the beloved ward of Uther Pendragon. She looks the same as she ever did, but he can detect the differences, the slight tightening of her fingers around her goblet every few seconds, the twist of her lips as she tries to hide her smirk. It irks him that nobody else can see it. She catches his gaze suddenly, and her eyes narrow before turning back to whatever Uther is saying.

"MERLIN," he hears Arthur bellow suddenly and he jumps almost dropping his jug. He reaches to fill the empty goblet that was just shoved in his face, and catches sight of Morgana's smirk as she drinks from her own. The sight makes him feel nothing but dread.

xxx

He's never regretted saving Uther's life, no matter how much Killgarrah had warned him against it. Even though he has faith in king Arthur will become, he knows he's not ready, not yet. He feels grief as he watches Arthur say goodbye to his father, assuring him of how he will not let him down.

Later, he can't help the grin on his face as Arthur calls his words wisdom. It fades as Arthur leaves the room. Can't Morgana see this? How great Arthur will become? How it would be better to wait for him to inherit the throne, instead of all this murder and mayhem. How he wished their destinies lay on the same path instead of completely opposite sides.

xxx

The war has started. The enemy keep coming, but the knights are doing a good job at holding them off. For how long can this continue? He barely has time to breathe, trying to hurry to Arthur's side and at the same time keep an eye on Morgana. This is the perfect time for her to help her sister destroy Camelot from within. He sprints across the citadel, trying to do anything to help Arthur's men from being cut down.

He freezes as he notices a skeleton holding a sword, moving towards Arthur. His hand raises as he points and Arthur finally turns around. This is one of those times he just wished Arthur knew about his magic. How easy it would be to simply hold out his hand, mutter a spell. All he can do is pretend to cower, like the coward Arthur believes him to be. All those thoughts are forgotten when he no longer finds Morgana in the hospital, instantly knowing it is her behind this.

xxx

"You of all people could change Uther's mind," he advises moving a step closer to her. "But doing this, using magic like this would only hard his heart."

"You don't have magic, Merlin," she scoffs as if the thought so ludicrous. She had no idea. "How could you hope to understand?"

"I do understand, believe me!" he feels like he's about to burst with his secret. Her head rises defiantly as he says that and he stops himself from saying anymore. Perhaps there is no way to save her. Morgana is the most stubborn, defiant person he has ever met and he senses nothing he says tonight will change her mind.

He tries once more. "We can find another way."

Her lips tremble slightly, her hands shaking, and for a moment he thinks he's gotten through to her. His heart sinks as watches her face harden. "There is no other way."

He erupts. "I have magic."

xxx

He's imagined this in his head a thousand times. And there is always a different reaction from Morgana. None of the different scenarios he's seen are like the reality. He never thought of her not even believing him.

She laughs bitterly as if this is all a joke. "Is that the best you have Merlin?"

He smiles as he moves forward his palm open toward her. He mutters the words under his breath, watches the shock settle on her face, her eyes widening, jaw dropping as she stares at the fire in the palm of his hand. He takes another step towards her, his arm falling to his side as she moves back, her mouth hanging open slightly.

"Morgana.." he pleads, trying once more to approach her but her hand comes up and he stops. He can see the tears filling her eyes. He always wondered how it would feel, sharing his secret with someone else other than Giaus. So far, nothing has convinced him that this was a good idea. She's still watching him, keeping her eyes on his form.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I'm so sorry."

Another laugh escapes her throat, sounding even bitterer than the first. "You're sorry? What kind of friend were you? All those times I came to you asking for you help?" her voice trembling when she says "How could you simply ignore my fears?"

And suddenly Morgana lungs at him, the sword in her hand aimed at his heart. He barely has time to duck before she's swinging at his head again. He tries his hardest to evade her blows. He knows she doesn't want to kill him. Seeing the anger on her face, maybe that's not a true assumption but she needs a clear head and he doesn't want to hurt her. He mutters another spell, and the rocks above collapse on her. The staff is his concern now.

Merlin rushes to it, cuts it in half, and hopes he's not too late.

xxx

He carries her up to her chambers and calls Gaius.

"It's simply a head wound Merlin." Gaius assures him, placing a wet cloth on her head. "She'll be fine in the morning."

Merlin's on his knees by the side of the bed and he sighs gratefully before looking at him and choking out "I told her. She knows I have magic."

He's seen Gaius speechless a thousand times, heard his speeches of how he must keep his secret hidden from all and has no desire to hear them again. He avoids his gaze and says "I know what you're going to say. Please don't."

He feels Gaius come up behind him, placing his arm around his shoulder and squeezes him tight. "Whatever your reasons Merlin, I'm sure it was the only way."

"What do I do, Giaus?" he mutters, his gaze never leaving Morgana.

Gauis sighs. He had loved Morgana like his own, and perhaps he too is to blame for how she turned out. He's constantly thankful that Merlin has someone for guidance, how could he have deprived Morgana of the same? Maybe there is still time to right this wrong.

"I fear we must confess everything. Before she has time to go to Uther and offer your head."

xxx

He's been pacing for hours. Not that there was much room to pace in Morgana's chambers. He's surprised she hasn't woken up yet; he's already tripped more than once. There still an hour before sunrise but he can see the light, looking outside the window. He doesn't have much time before Arthur will expect him.

Merlin hears murmuring coming from the bed and turns around. Morgana's sitting up, it looks like she's shaking herself awake but then she freezes and catches his gaze across the room. Both his mind and body are telling him to get as far away from her as possible but Merlin's determined not to be a coward this time. This is his second chance.

"We need to talk, Morgana."