"Solas?"
I look away from the window of the carriage transporting us to Crestwood, her gentle voice rousing me from my thoughts.
"Yes, vhenan?" I turn to look at her seated beside me, her large eyes looking up at me in concern.
"Is something wrong?"
I smile and cup the side of her face with my palm.
"No," I reply softly, stroking her cheekbone with my thumb.
She smiles and kisses my hand before nestling her head against my shoulder.
"It's quite a lengthy journey," she remarks sleepily as the carriage lightly rocks us back and forth.
"Sleep, vhenan," I whisper, closing my eyes as I softly kiss the top of her head. "We have time yet."
I watch her eyelids droop as she gradually slips into unconsciousness.
I am tempted to follow suit and meet her in a dream, but my thoughts keep me from falling asleep.
I lightly rest my head atop hers, taking her limp hand in mine, closing my eyes at the feel of her warmth as I curl my fingers around hers.
All is silent in the carriage, save for the sound of trotting hooves by the horses drawing us to our destination.
She does not know where we are going. She asked, but I refrained from telling her.
"Patience, vhenan," was my response. She raised a curious eyebrow but said nothing more.
She stirs in her sleep, squeezing my hand tight in what must be a reflexive response to a dream. I kiss the top of her head again, breathing in her scent, desperate to commit it to memory.
A few hours pass before I signal the carriage driver to stop.
"Vhenan," I whisper, gently stroking her hair. "Wake up."
Her eyes fly open instantly, and she sits up, curiously peeking out the carriage window.
"Have we arrived?" she asks, her voice slightly hoarse from her slumber.
"Yes," I smile, and I open the door for us to descend.
I jump down first and stretch out my hand for her to take. I feel the familiar thrill that surges through me whenever I feel her touch against my skin, and I can't help but smile as I help her down.
"What?" she asks playfully when she catches my expression.
"Nothing," I reply, a smile still playing across my lips.
I tell the driver to return in an hour. He nods and departs to a nearby tavern.
"Wait," she says, her large eyes sweeping our surroundings. "We're in Crestwood, aren't we?"
"Indeed we are," I nod, taking her hand in mine and slowly walking to the entrance of a cave. I carefully observe her face as we approach a large statue of a wolf, solemnly looking ahead at the direction from whence we arrived.
"What's a statue of Fen'Harel doing in Crestwood?" she asks curiously, her brow furrowing slightly as she surveys the statue.
"Elvhenan was an empire that spanned the entirety of Thedas," I answer calmly; a calmness that masks the anxiety I feel growing within me with each step I take.
She continues to stare up at it, not looking away until we enter the cave beside it.
"So… are you planning to kill me here and take my position as Inquisitor, then?" she smiles up at me as we walk through the dark cave, lit only by the moonlight shining through the exit a short distance away.
I smile down at her, enthralled.
"I suspect all of Thedas would demand my head if that were so."
She laughs and snakes both arms around mine, clinging closer to me.
Finally, we step out into a clearing, guarded by two large halla statues gazing up at the clear night sky.
I see the moon reflected in her eyes and steel my resolve.
I love her.
Therefore, I must tell her.
"The Veil is thin here," I remark as we arrive at a lake. "Can you feel it on your skin, tingling?"
She smiles up at me, and I am struck speechless by her beauty under the illuminating moonlight.
I lift my hand and cup the side of her face, satisfying my constant need to feel her against my skin.
"I was trying to determine some way to show you what you mean to me," I begin.
"I'm listening," she smiles up seductively. "And I can offer a few suggestions."
A potent warmth overcomes me, overshadowing the anxiety gnawing at me for the briefest moment.
"I shall bear that in mind," I smile back. "For now, the best gift I can offer… is the truth."
I tell her of her uniqueness. I tell her she enthralls me, that she alone has managed to capture my attention from the fade.
I tell her she is important to me.
More important than I could have imagined.
She responds in kind, filling me with a happiness that I know I do not deserve.
The truth is on my lips, ready to be spoken.
But in an instant, I feel it slip away.
And I know at that moment that I can't.
I love her, this rare and marvelous creature, but I cannot have her.
She changes everything, but everything can't be changed.
She alone has the power to steer me away from my path— a path that I vowed to never veer away from not that long ago.
I kiss her, desperate to feel her lips against mine, to taste her tongue and feel her shape pressed close against me. My trembling hand slides down to her lower back of its own volition, conveying my overwhelming desire to spend the rest of my existence by her side.
And for a moment, for a terrifying, brief moment, I nearly give in.
I nearly cast away everything I had set out to do, if it meant I would have her instead.
But I don't.
I step away, struggling to find my voice.
"Solas," her voice is gripped with panic, yet I feel her grip on me relax.
Hold me, vhenan.
Don't let me go.
She tells me she loves me.
I stop backing away, fighting against an impossibly overpowering impulse to take her in my arms and tell her the truth about who I am.
To tell her how much she means to me.
That love can barely begin to convey the depth of my feelings for her.
That she is all that matters.
That she is all that will ever matter.
But I shake my head, backing away once again.
"In another world—" I say, my eyes pleading for her to stop.
"Why not this one?" she begs, stepping closer to me.
I shake my head, raising my hands up in defeat.
One more word from her…
One more step…
And I won't be able to leave.
"I can't," I tell her helplessly, my voice breaking with emotion. "I'm sorry."
I turn around and walk away, my entire body trembling as a potent numbness spreads through me like wildfire.
I don't know for how long I kept walking.
Part of me was hoping she would follow.
That she would stop me and cover me in hot, angry tears, slamming her fists against my chest as she demands an explanation.
But she doesn't.
I knew she wouldn't.
I know her only too well.
Blinded by tears, and with a mind as numb as my limbs, I walk aimlessly, deeper and deeper into the dark forest.
I do not stop until my knees buckle beneath me and give way, sending me to the ground, where I remain, my cries echoing my pain throughout the silent forest, like a lone wolf howling at the moon.
I see her face, hurt and confused, still breathtaking and beautiful in the moonlight, and I grip at the grass, tearing it from the ground.
In another world, vhenan.
In another world.