A/N: Hey everyone! Thank you to everyone who read my first attempt at fanfiction and reviewed! Also, thanks for all of the Story/Author Alerts and Favorite Author/Story postings! This is another one shot stemming from an idea I just had. It is yet again staged in season 4. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters nor Castle.

OOOOOOOOO

My life's falling apart! She thought as tears welled up in her eyes. Detective Kate Beckett was sitting in her squad car watching traffic drive by, reeling after another fight with her boyfriend Josh. It had been about many a thing, but him going away again for Doctors Without Borders and her partnership with Castle were among the prominent topics. However, the topic that touched a nerve with her was the fact that he didn't seem to understand why she doesn't open up much about how she feels. Yea, you think I don't know that I have a problem opening up! My God, people, I need TIME! Leave me alone! She yelled at no one in particular in her head. They just don't understand! But she knew that wasn't true. She knew one person did, and even though he was always trying to peel away the Beckett Onion, he did it in a way that did make her want to throw him into oncoming traffic. Perhaps it's because he actually knows what happened to her in the past, but he pried that information out himself; she didn't tell him. She doesn't tell anyone, not even her boyfriend. Well, except Lanie, but that's an exception, and the guys all know because it's no secret within her team that she's always going over the case file. However, with people outside of her precinct life, she just can't tell them.

They'd be running for the hills if they knew how messed up I was, she thought. Thinking back to not only her mother's murder and her immediate reaction afterwards but also to all the times she's face death head on in the past few years – the passport shootout, her apartment blowing up, the radiation, the freezer, the dirty bomb, not to mention being shot in the chest by a sniper – she can't help but realize that she's been lucky but lived a crazy life, and he's always been there by her side. That one person who DOES know all of this and more and HASN'T run for the hills. She knows that he loves her; she heard him say it right before she passed out from getting shot. Hell, even his family knows some details, but they still love her all the same, too! Right now, though, she kind of hates him for all the strife he's put her through. He's been on her mind so much with all of his antics that he's inadvertently gotten in the way of all of her relationships. Arggh! He just SO frustrating! She mentally exclaimed. How can I be in love with TWO men? God, I HATE this! Putting her car in gear, she starts heading to Castle's loft. She's so frustrated that she just needs to get things off her chest, so why not start with the source of all of her problems?

By the time she makes it to his door, she's fuming even more. After ringing the buzzer, Castle opens the door to a very frazzled looking detective.

"Beckett! W-what are you doing here?" he asks, a mix of fear and concern in his voice.

"Is Alexis and Martha here?" she asks roughly.

"Uh, no…Alexis is out with Ashley and Mother is God-knows where…w-why?" he replies, starting to get a little worried for his life. Is she really going to shoot me? Wait! I didn't do anything! Hmmm…, he thought as he beckoned her into his living room.

"I need to talk to you, and it's better off that they aren't here," she said, her anger and frustration clearly showing in her voice.

"Uh…ok…w-what did you want to t-talk about?" he replied, worried.

They are standing in his living room now, Castle holding his laptop to his chest as protection and Beckett staring daggers at him. What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? He repeated in his head. Scary Beckett is NOT fun.

"I wanted to talk about how you keep turning my life upside down!" she yelled, causing Castle to jump. "You really like messing with me don't you? You can't just leave well enough alone and let me live my life how I want to live it, can you? No, you have to weasel your way into my mind and camp out as if you're on a field trip!"

"Kate, w-what are you talking about?" He's now clearly worried that something bad is about to go down.

"What am I talking about? Why did you have to tell me that? Huh? Why did you have to tell me that you loved me? Couldn't just leave it alone, could you? No, you have to go and make me sabotage every relationship I try to start!" she continued to yell, poking his chest with her dagger-like finger for every point.

He could tell that she was infuriated, but he wasn't going to back down when it came to this topic. "WHAT? You were shot right in front of me, bleeding out in my arms! How could I NOT profess my feelings for you when I thought I was going to lose you forever?" He yelled right back. "Kate, I'm madly in love with you, so do you know how much it pains me to see you with every other guy BUT me? I don't say anything because I want you to be happy, but I can tell that you really aren't! Have you given a thought as to how the hell I feel about this whole situation? But NO, apparently it's not good enough that I let you –"

He was cut off when he suddenly found her lips on his, her hands holding his neck close so he couldn't pull away. He was taken aback slightly at the amount of passion, desire, and anger in that kiss, his hands still out in the air from the surprise kiss. After a few seconds, she pulled back, looked him in the eye, and said, "Just shut up and kiss me already!"

Her lips came crashing down on his as he happily complied, his hands finally finding their way to her hips. She slowly started kissing down his neck. "How can I…be…in love…with…two men?" she said between kisses. At this, he took her head in his hands and pulled them apart. Staring into her eyes, he asked, "Did I just hear you right? Did you just say you love me, too?"

She leaned in to kiss him again. "Yes, Rick, I love you, too," she said against his lips. After a few more seconds, she pulled away. "But I can't do this…I'm still with Josh right now," she said sadly.

Picking up the laptop that fell on his couch and setting it on the coffee table, Castle collapsed onto the couch, running his hands over his face and exhaling slowly. "Ok, so where does this leave us?" he asked, annoyed.

Ok, hell of a night so far…, she thought. Collapsing onto the other side of the couch, she replied, her voice husky from the emotions of the night, "Can you just give me some time to figure things out for myself?"

He looked at her, clearly seeing the sorrow behind her eyes, yet he could make out a glimmer of hope there, too. "Sure…just know that I'm always here for you, Kate. Always," he replied, making her smile at the last word. Their word.

"I know, and that's more than I can say for how often Josh is around," she said. He felt his heart swell just slightly in hope at those words. "Just give me a little time," she said as a small smile fell upon her lips.

"Always," he repeated, smiling.

"I should be going," she said as she got up to head to the door. "See you at the precinct tomorrow?" she asked, hopefully.

"Yup, see you tomorrow! Good night, Kate," he replied.

"Good night, Rick," she said, as she slipped out of the loft.

For the second time that night, she was sitting in her car, going over the night's events. Two men. I'm in love with two men. What the hell do I do about this? She thought. She started drawing up pro's and con's lists for each of them. God, this is going to be interesting, she mused. However, the lists gave her a revelation. Holy crap, do I really know that much more about Castle than I do my own boyfriend? She asked herself. She kept going over the lists, and she couldn't help but notice one crucial difference between Josh and Castle: Castle was the one that she felt more relaxed with, more like her old self.

Picking up her cell phone, she realized that this night was far from over (Oh God…), but she finally knew what she had to do.

"Hey, Josh. Listen, I'm sorry I stormed out like I did, but we need to talk," she said, starting to feel relieved.